Best Film: CRASH
Best Director: ANG LEE for BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Best Actor: PHILLIP SEYMOUR-HOFFMAN for CAPITA
Best Actress: REESE WITHERSPOON for WALK THE LINE
Best Supporting Actor: GEORGE CLOONEY for SYRIANA
Best Supporting Actress: RACHEL WEISZ for THE CONSTANT GARDENER
Now onto more important things: who looked hot and who looked gross
Charlize Theron: This woman is almost always flawless. She almost always looks gorge, but I think tonight might have been the exception. I didn't see her on the red carpet b/c I was folding laundry but when I did get a glimpse of her in the audience, I felt terrible for the person behind her! Imagine sitting behind that bow? I'd be PISSED! It would be like sitting behind Marge Simpson at the movies.
Reese Witherspoon: The epitome of adorable. Hopefully her 'vintage' dress was actually vintage this time. She should totally sue Chanel. It was boring, but so is she, and that's part of her charm. Cute speech, if not a little rambly, but good for her. She's cute.
Jessica Alba: I am so jealous of this girl. She is gorgeous, but not in that conventional way, so no one else really looks like her, which makes her stand out even more. Then she has this fabu ass that makes men fall over. But I must say, my boyfriend saw her and said "Jesus she's thin!" She looked a little Ethiopian Bobble-head last night. And that is NOT HOT.
Jennifer Aniston: I am a huge Aniston fan. I have been for a looooooooong time. She is classy, has gorgeous hair and a fucking fabulous body, if not a little thin. The woman had a really shitty year, even if she wasn't a celebrity. But she is, so every little detail about her split with her husband was EVERYWHERE. I don't envy her for that.
I love her, but I cannot give her props for last night. She walked on stage and I fucking FELL ASLEEP! Seriously, I think the designer of her dress was Narcolepsy. Bitch, please! Put on a colour. The dress was hot, but motherfucker! I would even settle for a dark blue. YAWNNNNNNNNN!
Felicity Huffman: Chickita plays a convincing man. Like, alarmingly so. Although I loved the dress, and she is totally hot for her age, etc, her chest was NAST-AY! Gross! But I would look totally wicked in that dress, so I still love it. But again, how about a colour?
On an aside, could William H Macy be cuter? I heard a quote of him saying that he was "pleased as punch" about her success! That is damn cute!
Jennifer Garner: She almost bailed! Come on! That would have been brilliant. Looking quite lovely after the baby, though not all muscled up yet. I wonder if Ben feels emasculated b/c his wife is tougher and has a much more muscled body than him - he should, b/c he's a doughy homo.
George Clooney: Charming! He could charm my pants off! Very cute acceptance speech, very cute man. Love him.
Keira Knightly: This girl annoys me. My best friend (god love her) made me watch Bend it Like Beckham a while back and it started me on hating Keira. I just don't like her. She's on her way to joining the rest of the whores in the axis of evil. If I met her, I would try to trip her down a flight of stairs.
Naomi Watts: What the shit was that mess? Remember when they used to make coloured Kleenex and toilet paper? My grandmother had a beige-themed washroom and she had matching TP, etc. Naomi Watts obviously ransacked my grandmother's washroom and made a dress out of it. Let's just all thank god that she didn't go in the powder blue bathroom.
PS - Is she preggo?
Nicole Kidman: Just shut up and die. I hate you. Also, stop w/ the botox, you're not fooling anyone.
Jake Gylenhall: Could he be any cuter? (Make sure to read that in a Chandler-style speech) He was all bum loving and homo-riffic in Brokeback, and he dated Kirsten Dunst, the dirtiest whore in Ho-wood, but he's still so cute!
Hilary Swank: It's a pity about this lady's horse face, b/c she has a seriously kick ass bod. Must admit though, once again, she was looking mighty thin tonight. What a lovely trend. She has an excuse though...but they're staying together, so not really. Anyway, bla bla bla, hot bod, horse face.
Uma Thurman: Everyone is all over her for looking gross, but considering some of her previous red carpet blunders, I think she looked beautiful. Ethereal even. Very nice Um! 
J-Lo and Skeletor: Although she seemed to have OD'd on Mystic Tan before jumping into the dress, I was really happy to see her looking hot. Among a sea of tanorexic bobble-heads she looked really juicy and nice. Her husband still reminds me of a meth addict crossed with a vampire. Creep.
The Please-Eat-More club: Zhang Ziyi, Jessica Alba, Hilary Swank, Naomi Watts, Nicole Kidman (actually, you can starve)
Funniest Moment: Ben Stiller in the Green Unitard. Too funny
Ok, that'll do pig.
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