The 2011 SAG Awards

Uh oh you guys! I had too much wine. I'm feeling boozy and sleepy and kind of mean.

I'll try to keep it together.

Let's take a look...ok, zero down, sixty to go...

Amber Riley:

Gorge again. She was gorge at the GG's and she's gorge again. I love that she's not hiding anything. She is gorgeous and curvy and she is not being brainwashed by Hollywood. I still feel like the bangs are too blunt, but with the lip color, her whole face is opened up and she looks great.

Amy Poehler:

Seriously? Is this wardrobe from Parks & Recreation? I know you're not nominated or anything, but COME ON. Can we put a little more effort into it? She looks like she's going to a job interview.

Amy Adams:

Nothing hidden here. She looks great, and very tall. Wow. I love that she doesn't have those super disgusto bony collar bone/shoulders. I would have loved her hair down, because it's so beautiful and would juxtapose (yah, that's right) the severity of the dress, but it's lovely as is, very retro.
Angela Kinsey:

Why do I bother?

Terrible hair, terrible dress, terrible posture, terrible stance.

Terrible.

Angie Harmon:

Really? Who exactly do you think you are? What exactly do you think you're nominated for? That's a lot of marabou for someone who hasn't done much in a while. And I feel like she did nothing above the neck except put on pearl earrings. Ponytail? Drab. Make-up, too simple. Dress? Belongs in a toilet paper commercial.

All of a sudden I want to sit on the train, I feel like I could take a nap on it. Damn wine.

Cara Buono:

I have not clue who this is, but I give her the award for best matched eye make-up and dress. Also, closest to a nip slip.

Yikes.

Christina Hendricks:

How fitting that someone has cut off her feet in this photo. Those shoes were heinous. Like, they looked like some my mom has in her closet and that are probably 1½" heels. That weird height that is awkward.

The dress is great though, very va-va-va-voom. Her hair suits the nightgown/dressing gown look very well. And she, as always, is mega gorge.

Too bad about those mom shoes.

Claire Danes:

I find the belt really awkward. Something about the buckle. It stands out so much. Also, it kind of looks like she didn't get it tailored in time, or switched to sneakers in the limo or something...too long.

It's gorgeous though. The colors are beautiful, they suit her hair and skin very well. I don't love her hair, it's sleepy, but it's not terrible.

Darren Aronofsky:

Really with that mustache? He looks like David Arquette. He also looks pretty pompous and it makes me want to slap him around a little. Ugh.

Dianna Agron:

I just said aloud, "Oh. It's tea length." Yuck. I don't like that at all. Those are some nutbag high heels too. I like her hair that more honey blonde tone, it's less fake.

Her make-up is a bit much and because I'm typing directly under the photo and didn't really look at them while I was downloading, only now, I'm obsessing about that hem. I hate it. It makes me want to cut off her feet and slap those heels on her knees. Creepy.

Ed Helms:

Brought his lunch?

Edie Falco:

Edie Falco got ripped to shreds for her GG dress that I quite liked. It was red. Her hair looked like this. Why did she wear this color again? Weird choice.

I hate this one. Still like the other one more. Am I deranged?

poll by twiigs.com

Eva Longoria:

Guess whose divorce is finalized? Yup, Skin McGee here. While I do not care for her helmet hair do, I don't hate the dress, it just doesn't look like it fits her all that well...Like it's at risk in the boobal region. Ha ha, boobal. I can't top that.
Giuliana Rancic:

I am seriously frightened for my life. Who the hell let this woman into media? VIDEO media? She is scary looking.

Hailee Steinfield:

I ruv this dress. She's 14. It's cute. I love the candy stripe trend. I can't wait for it to reach me. H&M, I'm talking to you. I need at least one top and a dress for this summer so I can look adorable and really really old. Ugh, I just came to that realization. Will look old.

Still, this little girl is cute and I'm going to allow her candy striped gown to make me happy. Thank you Prada.
Heather Morris:

I'm not sure it was the best pick ever, just because of how much she, kind of, blends into the whole thing, but she does look kind of ethereal and beautiful. Like an apparition come from a really bright light.

Her make-up is also really well done because it's shimmery, but it's not over shimmery with white eyeliner (1997 yo!). I don't know, while it's a little too close to her skin color, it's really too pretty to dislike. It makes me feel calm.

Helena Bonham Carter:

I don't get her obsession with those rattail hairdo's. They're creepy. This look, aside from the rattail, is really quite demure for her. Someone must have yelled at her for the GG outfit. Like, really? Mismatched satin pumps? This is much better. Hopefully she stays on this vein for the Oscars.
Hilary Swank:

You know, for such a handsome woman, she sure has an amazing f-ing body. I get that she works really hard on it, but I don't think it's fair. Again, it's one of those blend-in dresses, but this works. The beading on the neckline is delicate and draws the eye up. Her hair is gently curled and her make-up is soft. The whole thing softens her hard edges, it's pretty.

Jane Krakowski:

Ohhhh, I like the length on her. It's lovely. It's kind of sassy and cute. And unlike Amy Poehler, she doesn't look like she's going to a lunch with a client.

I adore those shoes. I want them.

Jane Lynch:

Why? It's quite clear to me that she's not happy in these dresses. Why does she wear them? They always look like some formal curtains from a Sears Catalog vomited on her. It's not good. I mean, wear something sleek, black. I don't know. Just not that.

January Jones:

Hey now! That's quite a difference from the 5th Element gown she wore at the GG's. This is downright demure for her.

I love the gown. I am conditioned to love all things Carolina Herrera because I have working eyes, so of course I love the gown, but her weird bang/wing hair do? No. I do not accept. no one should ever have that hair do. Ever.

Jayma Mays:

This is better than that thing she wore at the Globes that made her look like she hadn't eaten in 3 months. But what's going on with those shoes? How do those fit in? I don't know. I can't dislike her because she's too cute, but I don't like those shoes.

Jenna Fischer:

Why does she go to these events? She clearly doesn't want to be there. I mean, look at her face. And look at the dress she chose. That is the dress of a mother of the bride in 1968 who is not happy with the groom her daughter has chosen.

That is also the face of that mother of the bride. Who realizes, 'oops. I'm not a MOTB, I'm a young woman who should not dress like this. Ew.'

Jenna Ushkowitz:

I keep just convulsing when I look at this picture. She definitely did better at the Globes. I hate the transparency of this fabric, I hate the sheen. I HATE that necklace with it. I hate that her boobs look so saggy and she's a kid. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

Yuck. Am I crazy?

poll by twiigs.com

Jennifer Lawrence:

What is 'Winter's Bone'? Someone tell me about it please. This girl was in it. Every event I've seen her at, she wears WAY too much eyeliner. This is not an exception.

I don't care for that dress. It's not flattering in the boobal region (ref #2), but I can't fault her too much because she looks kind of happy. And genuine. And I'm a sucker for that. Someone who doesn't look fake...who hasn't been broken yet...

And she wore fluo pink on a red carpet. Bold!

Jesse Eisenberg:

I love how perpetually unamused he looks. Especially anytime Justin Timberlake gets near him. Hilarious.

Julia Stiles:

The best she's ever looked. EVER. Her hair is gorge, the dip dye is gorge - like GORGE. I love the dip dye. I am a sucker for dip dye. I'm impressed.

Still, she's a Dexter breaker upper. Should we hate her?

Juliana Marguiles:

Boobs too close together! Boobs too close together! Awkward! That fabric is lovely and I want to make pillow cases out of it (so I can ruin them with drool) and sleep on it. It's really a gorge fabric and I love that it's matte. The color is rich and gorge, but the boobs look weird. No?

Julie Bowen:

A jumpsuit?! I have a weakness for jumpsuits and I don't like this. She looks like she's bartending at a cheap bar. Or a cheap wedding. And you can't eve see her feet. Yikes. Rumor has it she talked about how she was nervous about wearing a jumpsuit. She sound have been. bad call.

Justin Timberlake:

When did he turn so weird? And why isn't Jessica Biel there? Ooooooohhhhhh. Gossip.

He looks like a weasel.

Kate Mara:

I love this girl. I think she is the most beautiful thing since sliced bread. Yah, that's right. I mixed those. It SO didn't work.

Anyhoo. I love her and everything, but I can't accept that she would wear this disgusting dress. She is not pulling it off at all. You know who would? Someone more important. Someone more famous. And it's like she got caught an hour behind schedule and still left, but with her make-up headband on, and then she applied eyeliner in the limo.

Altogether it is not a good look. I'm disappointed.

Katrina Bowden:

I'm making the call right now: Mini Denise Richards.

That dress also looks like it's from Winsor fashions.

What's going on with her face? She's all stretched out like the joker? I don't like it!

Kim Kardashian:

Um. While the color is beautiful, the dress isn't doing anything for me. I don't like the jewels everywhere, I don't like the cut outs...I don't know.

Also, what's going on with her eye make-up? Is there some kind of foundation as eyeliner thing going on? Why is she even there? Isn't that kind of insulting to real actors?

Kyra Sedgewick:

Gorge. GORGE. I love that detail at the neckline, it's so saucy. And for once I actually like velvet.

OMG. She looks good.

Lea Michelle:

How did she get her body to warp like that?

I love this dress. I love that she isn't dressed like a princess and that she looks a little more grown up. I love that this is something I could have because I am also small in the boobal region (ref #3).

Lovely. I love it.

Mariska Hargitay:

Shouldn't she be wearing cowboy boots to be standing like that? It looks creepy, no?

That dress bores me. I hate the column-ness about it, I hate the way the top goes into the column, I hate the color. Grrrrr! Hate it.

Matthew Morrison:

Foxy. I like an all black. And I like that there's no tie. Chic. Cute.

Melissa Leo:

Not a good pose. She looks dumpy. She looks so much younger than she did in 'the Fighter'. It looks nice on her.

I love the shine and the slinkiness...I don't like that shoe peeking out, but she's not so experienced. Let's give her a break...
Michael C. Hall:

Why did I pick this picture? Why didn't he brush his hair?

Mila Kunis:

Hands down my favorite dress of the night. Stunningly gorgeous. Claire Danes, here is a belt done right.

OMG, it's just so perfect. The floral print and the chiffon folds, her hair, her eye make-up. McQueen. It's gorgeous. I love her.

Nancy O'Dell:

She must have heard my cries about her not posing right at the GG's. She did not, however, hear my call about not wearing ugly dresses. Ha ha, didn't make that one, but THOUGHT it was obvious. Come on. There's too much texture, the color is too bright, and those flowers look like rolls of crepe paper shoved on the skirt.

Yuck.

Natalie Portman:

Stunning. I have little else to say. Some said that it was a little too tight on her and the fabric pulled across her butt. I have yet to find a picture to validate that, so I'm going to ignore it and continue loving it.

She really popped though, no? She looks bigger than 4 months...

Naya Riviera:

Um, what's with her hair? And her cheap ass dress? She looks like she got rowdy in the limo. I know you can't see the front, but I've seen the front and it doesn't look good. Very cheap and implantly. Trust me.

Nicole Kidman:

A little too severe and black and turtleneck-y for my taste, but (unlike Kate Mara), this is a woman who is pulling it off. She has the stature, the grace and the fame to pull it off. She looks pretty darn good considering the turtleneck-y-ness. Maybe I don't hate it.

What do you think?

poll by twiigs.com

Paz de la Huerta:

I can't wait to watch 'Boardwalk Empire' knowing that this hot mess is on it. She got so drunk at the Globes that she couldn't get into an after party, then stumbled away with her boobs hanging out and then fell down. A couple of times. Hot.

Guess who wore a high neck to avoid the double nip slips again? She looks emaciated and weird around the hips though...And weird in the face.

Rosario Dawson:

Turquoise earrings. Love them. Need some. The dress isn't great. It's not super flattering on her, considering how great a body she has. And the shoes don't exacly go...I don't know. She's always hit or miss and I would call this a miss.
Sarah Hyland:

Do you watch 'Modern Family'? Watch it, it's hilarious. This girl is on it. She's not SO great, but she's on it. The color of her dress is quite lovely.

I'm getting obsessed. What is going on at her right hand? Is she carrying a boomerang?

Sofia Vergara:

Hot damn. HOT DAMN. She looks so amazing. I LOVE the color. I love the cut on her. I love her hair. I love her. HOT. DAMN.

Steven Cojocaru:

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

That is all.

Susan Sarandon:

How did Tim Robbins let this slip away? Look how elegant and gorgeous she is. I wish she was my mom.

Tina Fey:

Tina in red! I love it. And I love her facial expression in that picture. She looks super wonderful in that dress. It hits her curves in amazing places, makes her look better than she ever has. Wow. Very nice Tina. VERY Niiiiiiice.

Winona Ryder:

Why does she look so scared? Why does she insist on dressing so terribly? Why is she wearing her hair in the same updo I wore the other morning after my hummus-related food poisoning incident? That is not ok.

Why the wedding dress? Why does she insist on depressing me so?

Well, that's it kids! We did it. Sorry it was so late. I was forced to do my job all day and then exercise. God. People never understand our priorities.