Kelly Osbourne DID NOT Listen

Dear Kelly,

Last week you were advised to stop matching your dress to your hair. Cease and desist.

Thanks,

L & S at Skankopolis

Skankopolis Product Review: Rimmel Vinyl Max Lip Gloss

Because it's January and work is almost at a stand still, I have nothing else to do but feed my lip product addiction. Rimmel has introduced a new gloss to their line called, Vinyl Max. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......this stuff is magical. Super glossy, not sticky, light taste and only $7.99! At that price you can buy every color. It also features an extra large applicator that I'm in love with. Go and get it now.

Cameron Diaz 2.0 - Plastic Surgery and Still Gross

As many of you know, I find Cameron Diaz disgusting. REPULSIVE. Like, I find her so gross that I would probably throw something at her if I saw her in public.

Last month, there was much talk about her bosom seeming larger than before...then she went into hiding for a bit. Then this week she came out for some events in Europe and lo and behold she has some kind of new skin situation going on.

What was previously testicle-like in texture (you love it), is now smooth and almost crease-free. I'm not sure if that's a chemical peel, or injections, but she's definitely done something and everyone is talking about it today.

See below for a side by side comparison of her in 2009 and today.

 It's somewhat amusing that even though her face looks smoother, she is not at all more attractive. Still pukeatronic.

Demi Moore Going Into Rehab

Update: TMZ reported today that several tanks of nitrous oxide were found at Demi's home and she had huffed a little too much, had a seizure and then passed out, which is why an ambulance was called.

Woah. Whip-its?!

Monday night an ambulance was called to Demi Moore's home for a "drug related issue" and she was brought to the hospital.

Not long after, Demi's team announced that she was going to rehab:

"Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends."

 No talk of the drugs.

Drugs would explain a lot. She's sad because of her divorce, she goes a little too far, she gets rushed to the hospital for an OD and then goes to rehab.

Poor her. It's a bit sad.

I hope Bruce Willis goes on some type of Die Hard rampage now to protect her.

Kristin Cavallari is Pregnant. Yawn.

Perhaps spawning is how she thought she'd remain relevant now that 'the Hills' is over and people aren't constantly gossiping about her coke addiction.

Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler announced they're expecting a child today. Yipee!

Considering they got engaged, then broke up...I'm guessing this might have been someone's get-back-together-with-the-pro-athlete strategy.

Whatever.

I legitimately lost interest before I started typing.

Last Week's Leftovers: The Kelly Osbourne Edition

We here at Skankopolis called an emergency staff meeting, (we ate salty chicken and drank wine while giggling at nothing) to discuss this situation. This is a SITUATION. Everything about these two pictures hurts me. Here are my concerns:

• Why is your hair that color?
• Why does it match your dress?   
• Who is your hairstylist?    
• Why do you look like an orange corpse?
• Who is your makeup artist?  
• Aren't you one of those bitchy red carpet/reality show "fashion experts"?

Oy. Change everything about your makeup and hair. Please.

What? Heidi Klum & Seal Are Getting Divorced?

Update 2: They finally released a statement:


"While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy years of marriage, after much soul-searching we have decided to separate. 


We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart. 


This is an amicable process and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition."


Update: This'll learn me (deal with it) to not trust TMZ as a source sometimes. 


Apparently they've been fighting a lot lately because they've been working a lot. This happens with normal couples too, so let's be sad for them

Halloween is my favourite "holiday". I love it. LOVE it. It's fun and I enjoy watching people attempt to be serious while dressed as cops or gypsies or smurfs. I just like it.

I have always had a lot of respect for Heidi Klum because she also seems REALLY into Halloween. To be honest, if I had that much money, I'd likely be really into Halloween too. I mean, costumes are fun when you can go crazy. You either have to be young with a lot of energy so you can take weeks to make it / sew it / paint it or be really rich so you can send out you assistant Eva to go get it.

Anyhoo, news came out today that Heidi and Seal are splitting up after 6ish years of marriage (I'm too lazy to look it up, leave me alone).

So sad!

Who is going to be Halloween's greatest ambassador now?

Here are some photos of them over the past few years for nostalgia...

Ugh, Ashton Kutcher Cut His Hair

Dear Ashton,

This haircut does not make us forget that you had disgusting skanky hacky sack hair for years prior to this.

It also does not make '2 and a Half Men' less terrible.

It does, however, make your cheekbones look fantastic.

Still, you're gross,

S

2012 Golden Globes Fail: Piper Perabo...or was it?

At first, I was like, this is awful. She's essentially naked in a shower curtain. And then I hallucinated what I think could have happened for her to arrive wearing this.

Publicist: That dress lining is really ugly, what does the actual dress look like?

Piper: This is the dress.

Publicist: Piper. I can count your freckles.

Piper: Ugh. WTF! They have nothing here that's Golden Globes appropriate!

Publicist: Piper, we're at Bed Bath and Beyond...

Piper: Still! I'm so irrelevant that no one is sending me anything anymore and it's not like I can afford an actual gown...WTF am I going to do?

Publcist: Oh. My. God. I just had the most brilliant idea of my career!

Piper: Coyote Ugly 2?

Publicist: No, no. God no. WEAR that. Wear THAT. No one has cared about anything you've done in years. Trust me. I can't sell a story about you unless I throw in a gum job too.


Wear that dress and everyone will be talking about you. EVERYONE. They'll have no choice, you're going to expose yourself to them.

Piper: I refuse. I am an actress with talent.

*LAUGHING*

Piper: Ok, ok, sometimes I'm hilarious. Ok, I'll wear it. But I'm going to have to sell this Sharon Stone-style.

Publicist: You mean be sexy?

Piper: No, not Sharon Stone 90's, Sharon Stone 00's. Crazy. I'm going to have to pull off crazy.

Publicist: You need to pay me more after this.

The 2012 Golden Globes...Skankopolis Beauty Edition

The Golden Globes are usually the best award show of the season, personally I found this year's to be a bit boring. So here's the beauty rundown of the night:



Hair Trend #1 Headbands:

I usually only wear headbands to workout or when I'm hungover and don't have time to do my hair. But after many glasses of wine and a lengthily conversation with my television, I say "yes" to the headband. It works especially well in short hair. The big disadvantage to short hair is it always looks the same. Adding a headband gives some versatility to how you look and how you style your hair. Bravo ladies! You all look great.



Hair Trend #2 Retro:

These were the most dramatic retro looks of the night, and to be fair I think Zooey's wearing a wig, but I love retro hair. I have massive respect for stylist who can actually do these looks well. It takes a lot of practice and finishing skills. It also take s a lot of confidence to wear these looks, I think Julie and Zooey pulled it off. Congratulations.



Most Beautiful Lady of the Night: Salma Hayek:

Everything about this lady is sexy. EVERYTHING. From head to toe; hair, makeup, jewelry, boobs, dress, shoes...all of it. I'd actually disfigure someone to look like this.



Best Hair: Tilda Swinton:

I totally respect this woman's sense of style. She misses the mark about 50% of the time and she doesn't give a shit. I absolutely love her hair. I've been bitching for the last 6 months about how hard it is to grow out an undercut like this, (mine never looked this good) and I'm ready to cut and bleach my hair tomorrow. Fantastic.