Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The 2016 Grammy's Red Carpet

Hello, I'm awkward. I love this picture. The dress is ok. Her performance dress was WAY better though. Here's a pic. But her waist. OMG! So tiny. She doesn't seem to be managing the shorter hair very well. Like she can't figure out what to do with it...

Alessandra Ambrosio:
Oh. Why is she there? Why does everyone have to be either naked or wearing something hideous? Or both, in this case. It's just a LOT of panels and different shine, etc. And those shoes are a lot.

Why is she there?

Andra Day:
I fast-forwarded through her performance, because obviously, but I am really looking forward to watching her on red carpets for the next few years if THIS was her debut.

Ellie Goulding:
I love her hair, because it's basically mine, but this dress is doing her a great injustice. It's SO big on the waist. Like, so big. WTF? She has a tiny waist and a beautiful big bum. Why hide it?

Faith Evans:
Beauty Writer saw her and thought it was Rihanna. So, if I may say so: EXCELLENT ageing Faith. Plus she sings one of my favouritest songs ever (shut up). If you haven't heard it, listen to it here. And Love it. Or I hate you.

Like I hate that weird animal tail penis thing happening above.

Florence Welch:
I mean, this is exactly what you expect her to wear, no? That or something David Bowie esque. I'm a little sad she didn't go Ziggy Stardust, but it's ok.

I mean, I hate this. But ew.

Anna Kendrick:
This is pretty. But super boring.

Ariana Grande:
And when she had the mic. Ugh more. Just UGH. GO AWAY NOW.

Jane Seymour:
STILL GOT IT LADY. Except those granny shoes. Those are for skirts, not gowns. But oh my god. Everyone in Hollywood should go to her surgeon.

Janelle Monae:
Is this going to be her new look that she wears for 2 years straight? I don't know. I feel like that skirt is not quite as versatile as that cute little waiter outfit she had before.

Selena Gomez:
YASSS. I love everything about this. I wish she hadn't changed to that boring red thing that she was squeezing out of while she sat. She's SO pretty. Too bad she sounded so bored during her part of the show.

Taylor Swift:
I mean, the color is fantastic. But why do I need to see everyone's underwear? Also, her hair. Ugh. I wasn't particularly into her performance either. The jumpsuit was kind of fun, but her song was kind of lack luster for the opening act. Ugh. This show.

Oh my.
The internet exploded about her mullet last night.
With reason.

Dave Grohl & Jordyn Blum:
Like, how cute?
Is she pregnant again? #4?!?! Jesus. If she's just Stevie Nicks-ing it, yay.

Bella Hadid:
I always mix these 2 up. But now I know that I find Gigi prettier. She's very pretty, obviously, and she has glorious breasts (trust me, I saw her boogieing in the audience) but this dress is a little intense for The Weeknd's girlfriend, no?

Kaley Cuoco:
Wow, I'm very glad that her hair is growing out. But that is no excuse for this outfit. It's really bad. It wouldn't be so bad, except that it doesn't fit her very well at all. Oh, and then she talks. Oh my god. It is such a shame that she is so highly paid. What's wrong with society?

Carrie Underwood:
Someone has been hitting the gym HARD. She looked JACKED. And like she had no body fat at all. This dress is classic CU, really weird and ball gowny. She's such a dork.

Chrissy Teigen:
I was starting to thing that she was never going to get face pregnant. It has finally happened.  This is a really pretty gown. It could have been really lovely during the Oscars too.

Oh. Look. There is her bathing suit area. Like, why is this necessary? Why can't she just have a slit? She's crazy hot though. Imagine this as a regular DVF-style wrap dress? Imagine how nice? I find it looks like a bathing suit cover up right now.

Lady Gaga:
We have a tenuous relationship. At best. I adored her first album. I thought it was really fun. And then I feel like she kind of went off the rails. And she's stayed off the rails.

The audience has been divided on her David Bowie tribute. I am not. I hated it. He was such a wonderful, talented artist and they mashed way too many songs into that medley, and she overdid it. The crying Instagram video, the thrashing around. I feel like she lost sight of what it was.  It seems like maybe his son thought so too...

Meagen Trainor:
I don't know if that's how we spell her name. I also kind of don't care. She won best new artist, which I kind of don't get. Wasn't that dumb song 2 years ago? And she basically had this exact same dress in a mini version during the Lionel Ritchie tribute, which why? Why was she there? I don't know...

Why is she still invited to stuff?
This dress is nice and classy. And whatever

Demi Lovato:
I love her and stuff, but MOTHER OF THE BRIDE.
No, missy. Do better

Nicole Trunfio:
I don't know who this girl is, except that Google tells me she's an Australian model. So I assume she is Leonardo DiCaprio's current girlfriend. But this OUTFIT. This is kind of what I wish Florence had worn.

This is a David Bowie tribute that I appreciate way more than Gaga's weirdo medley. I love this. She wins.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Zipper Problems - Not Just For You

Guys, do your jeans also do this?

I thought it was because of my FUPA (lol, not really, more my love handles)

but it turns out - and seriously, we should have realized this - that it's because of terrible workmanship because it happens to models too!

Phew. We're not fatties.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Saying Goodbye to David Bowie

Monday was a difficult day. On Sunday, I had stayed up kind of late for the Golden Globes, and then woke up to news of David Bowie's passing.

It was a struggle to lift myself out of bed that morning. Now, like most, I did not know David Bowie. But he meant a lot to me, nonetheless. I was devastated.

I was lucky enough to be born into a family with a very serious love for music. My father spent a good portion of my young life taking me through his extensive record collection, educating me on the beginning of rock and roll, and taking me on a musical journey through the years.

Bowie was a big part of my musical learnings. And once I heard him, I was entranced. Every note was so unique, every song had so much depth. Every album was a story. I love Bowie's music very intensely. I loved how his lyrics flowed, how he wrote his songs. And then, I saw photos of him. I fell even deeper in love.

I can credit David Bowie for sparking what became my life-long love affair with fashion. Fashion eventually became what I "did" with my life. I have spent my career in the fashion world and the first inklings of my obsession are because of David Bowie.

Later, I read biographies. Anything I could get my hands on. I obsessed over him. Knew as many details as I could. Some of those details have since faded from my mind, but one thing remained true: I loved David Bowie for everything he gave me.

David Bowie did a lot for the world. A lot more than many people even realize. He was an artist in the truest form. He broke boundaries in the music world, the fashion world, for gender bias, for so many things. He influenced so many of our favourite artists. Without him, there would be so much less.

It's been hard to express why I was so crushed when I found out that he died, and I still find it difficult to put words to this feeling I have. I have been able to verbalize this: I don't think we will see another man quite like him in our lives. His passing is a tragic loss for our world. It seems silly to elevate someone to such heights - after all, he was still a man - but he was a man like no other. He was courageous, talented, bold and so generous with his art.

We are very lucky to have lived in a time where we got to experience David Bowie.

Rest in Peace.

Monday, January 11, 2016

The 2016 Golden Globes Red Carpet Post

So that was an adventure, to say the least...it was really fast paced, there were a lot of new people. We were a man down...it was dramatic.

And there was a lot going on. Let's get to it

Alicia Vikander
Who? Exactly. Photos don't really do this dress justice. It had an interesting apron-cut on the side, so there was a ton of side boob...and the drapes look black in the photo, but they were actually metallic. I hated it a lot more in photo than I did in person...but LIFE ISN'T IN MOVIES LITTLE LADY. So thumbs down.

Amanda Peet:
Why EVERY time is she wearing something so frumpy and ugly? Like, fine, maybe no one is giving her free dresses anymore, but Bryce Dallas Howard said that she bought her dress herself. Maybe you should too. Instead of taking the rejects. It's not working out for you.

Amber Heard:

We agree she looks like she is probably a bitch. And man was she sweaty and seemed kind of coked up when she was on stage. That dress is not good. Blech. It's the year of FRUMP.

America Ferrera:
THIS IS TERRIBLE. It looks chokey and blech. ARRGGG.

Amy Adams:
While I have never been a big fan, I have to say that she looks GREAT. Her hair looks fantastic. This dress is just meh, but it fits her like a dream and she looks very healthy. I think I would have liked it a lot more in blue...

Amy Schumer:
Well, this is tragic. It's not flattering at all, and she didn't seem comfortable in it. She kept yanking at the shoulders. Yah...not feeling it.

Angela Basset:
She looks effing fantastic. This dress is just a little too tight, but her hair looks so good. Wow. She looks amazing.

Brie Larson:
I'm slightly annoyed that everyone is pretending like she just came out of nowhere. I've been enjoying her since 'United States of Tara'. Now, this dress almost won, but her posture killed it. I'll give it #2 of the night, because it's EPIC. It's Calvin Klein. Francisco Costa is a genius. It's too bad she couldn't pull the shoulders back though...

Bryce Dallas Howard:
She bought this. She said it was because there weren't a lot of options in size 6 for her. She's a 6?? I sincerely doubt she's bigger than a 4. But, the real question is, do they not make nice dresses in size 6? Because that is fugly.

Calista Flockhart:
Oh my god. Just because you're married to a septuagenarian doesn't mean you need to dress like one.

Cate Blanchett:
Just, like, why? I hate the hair, I hate the dress. She's so glorious, and then she does this. i don't get it. Maybe I'll get it in 2 years, but for now, I don't get it.

Channing Tatum & Jenna Dewan:
His hair is not good. Her dress is not good. They should have Costanza'd after that lip sync battle last week.

Emilia Clarke:
She's so pretty. I wish I liked this more. But i don't. It's spot on, trend-wise, the cape, the see through, the velvet, etc. But it's too much. It's really dramatic. I'm voting no.

Emmy Rossum:
A lot of people are very excited about this. I think it's pretty boring. I mean, it fits well and it's nice and all, but it's not exciting at all.And am I seeing the line of Spanx at her left side/back knee? I don't like that necklace either

All these girls in red should thank the GG's for putting that decal down, it helped their dresses stand out from the carpet.

Eva Longoria:
I didn't like this at all. This picture does it a service because you can't see the dopey neckline. There was this weird cut out situation that looked like it came from Charlotte Russe or something. I don't hate the skirt, honestly, but the top ruined it for me.

Felicity Huffman:
Jewelry Judge made a comment last night that she has never really 'left' the role she had in 'Transmerica' or whatever it was called. Yes, I could agree with that. Something about her overly fit physique and the square jaw...not a good mix. She could use some more body fat, some more curves...

Gina Rodriguez:
We started the night with her. You know, it's ok. The color is very lovely, but it's a lot of dress. I'm not that excited by it. I especially hate the hem. WTF is going on there? It looks like that blanket we all had with that satin border.

Giuliana Rancic:
She needs to quit. Or E! needs to fire her. She's HORRIFIC. She's a blathering idiot, for one thing. She is dangerously thin, for another. Her skin is the color of that dress when you're watching online. No exaggeration. It is the first thing JewelryJudge said to me when I arrived last night. Nightmare. and Giuliana - you can't pull off cape sleeves. SIT DOWN.

Heidi Klum:
Wearing what can only be described as Marchesa's impression of the discount shag rugs at Wal-Mart, Heidi dissapoints yet again, even though she has that insane body and a huge team of stylists. Get it together Klum. This is not acceptable.

Helen Mirren:
Everyone else please kneel and praise her. She looks amazing.

Jada Pinkett Smith:
Her new cheekbones are doing weird things to her face. She can't close her mouth properly and it makes her make weird faces in interviews. This dress is slightly too much. The cape was unnecessary, and I even wonder if it was a late add-on, because it doesn't really make sense, stylistically. The color is gorge on her, but it's a fail overall.

Jamie Alexander:
2nd show in a row where she is a surprise delight. She makes ballsy selections and they work for her. She looks great in this. And while the pattern is maybe a bit too graphic for my taste on the bottom portion, it's different, it's sexy and it's exciting. I love this.

Jamie Lee Curtis:
If you want to SEE pain, watch her interview with Giuliana Rancic, the idiot of all idiots. It was so bad. This dress is also bad. And is growing a bacteria. I wish there was something more exciting at the bust to counteract that sleeve.

Jane Fonda:
She was in NO MOOD for anyone's tomfoolery last night. See below. She wasn't enjoying anyone's jokes and she was kind of cranky at everything, but I would be too if I was wearing that confection of a dress. And don't get me wrong. I love me some Hedi Slimane and Saint Laurent, but this was a nightmare. And this comes after an amazing 2015 for her.


Jane Wu:
This is Jane Wu. I don't know who she is, but I know that I DIE for that dress. It's gorgeous and she looks amazing.

Jennifer Lawrence:
Oh jesus, what an EPIC disappointment. What is Dior doing? This dress is SO weird. She wears it about as well as possible, but that is really not well. It's awkward and not attractive. Mind you, she seemed pretty comfortable in it, unlike previous things.

To make things worse, her hair was terrible. Overly bleached in the front and really severe. Aged her like crazy.  And the necklace. Just not right.

Jennifer Lopez:
How can she continue to embarrass herself by going around with this guy? The past few Golden Globes she has KILLED IT. And then she puts this mustard mess on. It's bold, I'll give her thatn, but the cape is so extreme and the necklace is overkill.

Fine, she doesn't age, but that doesn't make this acceptable.

Joanne Froggat:
This dress is gorgeous. Brad Goreski did it. This is the 2nd time she comes out of nowhere and wears something amazing. I'd like to flag her and Jamie Alexander as future fashion leaders. Keep our eyes on them.

I love this. Imagine how great it would have been on Amy Adams?

John Krasinksi:
Brief male hotness break.

For additional excitement, please click here. Trust me.

Judith Light:
EPIC. I love this.
I would have liked a more detailed hair, but I can't complain. This is great.

Julia Louis Dreyfus:
She looks great, but when doesn't she? I really like this though. I love the lace, how it's un-fixed and gives texture. I love the touches of navy.

I love her.

Julianne Moore:
I mean, she arrived with Tom Ford, wearing Tom Ford. I have nothing bad to say. Only love to share. The color looks amazing on her. The choker is perfect. Her date, SWOON.

Kate Bosworth:
Hi Kate, PLEASE STOP, YOU ARE NOT THIS. And by this, I mean you are not worthy of wearing something this spectacular. You don't DO anything anymore expect go to festivals. Stop.

Just stop.

Kate Hudson:
There are a lot of mixed reviews about this one. I like it. Look, Kate Hudson doesn't hide that she makes her money by being in shape. She sells athletic clothes. If anyone was going to wear a sequined tube top it was going to be her. The choker is good. It keeps it from being too MTV awards.

I like this.

Kate Winslett:
Is this mindblowing? Nope. Is it safe? Yup. Is it beautiful though? Yes. But yawn.

Katy Perry:
This was on a lot of people's worsts lists. I don't get why. Is it obnoxiously Pepto pink? Yes, but let's also consider the wearer. It's Katy Perry. She wears cupcakes on her boobs during concerts. Yes, shes going to be girly. And honestly, she was SO delightful when she was interviewed that I fell in love with her a bit. I love it. It's very her and she clearly loved it.

Kirsten Dunst:
You (obviously) missed the near-meltdown I had when she got out of the car wearing this. It was the most difficult inner struggle I've had in a while (watching an awards show).  I loathe her SO much, but this dress is really just SO good. And her boobs! My god they look fantastic.

It's really great. I love it.

Lady Gaga:
The make-up is really not good. It was super severe but also really pale, and it made her cheeks look weird. Her brows were way too severe and the rest was kind of washed out. I don't know.

The dress was what it was. Her new thing. Glamorous and sleek. I don't hate it, but Leonardo DiCaprio didn't care for getting jabbed by one of her hips. He's such an ass. I love him.

Laverne Cox:
I mean, beautiful, obviously. I have EYES. But again, kind of boring. Oh, I know, shut up. She looks fucking amazing.

Leslie Mann:
What in the hell is this mess? Jesus. What the hell was she thinking? This is terrible. If it was a bustier, maybe. But this weird baggy blouse in a fabric that doesn't coordinate with the bottom.

Lily James:
Who is this? I'm too old and tired to get used to new people. But I like this and I feel I need to get to know her. By 'this', I mean the dress. not that weird ass hair.

Oh, I just Googled it (life is HARD). She's from Downton Abbey. We need to keep an eye on these girls. They got steeze.

Lily Tomlin:
We decided we don't want to get on an oldie hating bend, but at the same time, it doesn't mean you can just wear a full length painting smock and think it's ok. Agreed?

Maggie Gyllenhaal:
I can't with this one. And this dress is not good. That pattern is a fancy sofa at a cigar club. And it probably smells like that. To go along with Bob's theory. If you don't get it, then you need to follow our live blog next time. Do it.

Malin Akerman:
I thought, from far, that I could have liked this. But I don't. It looks too prissy up close. I thought it might have been a cool guipure  lace, but instead it looks like pearled/beaded grossness. It had potential.

Maura Tierney:
I feel like this red carpet is one good, one bad. And it alternates. Oh no, wait. I didn't like the previous one either. Shut up. I'm sad. David Bowie died.

The dress is fine. It's just fine. But then her make-up and jewelry comes into play and ew. It's very unpleasant.

Melissa McCarthy:
Wow. Just hands down wow. I had a near-stroke when she got out of the car. The disco-enthusiast in me knew as soon as I saw gunmetal lame that this was epic. And I was right. And her hair! Her make-up and her hair were SO good. This was a major win.

Natalie Dormer:
This is much less horrific than it was on film. Video. Whatever. Shut up. it doesn't make it good. Also, this pose is an amazing moment caught on film. Look at her face. She doesn't look like that. But she kept getting caught in these horrific faces. It's almost like the camera kept catching how horrified even she was by her weird dress.

Olivia Wilde:
We agreed, she wins the Golden Globes. This is THE dress. She KILLED it. And she was fun and sassy with Seacrest. This is great. The only part I didn't love was the little ponytail in the back, but I seem to be overruled by the internet as a whole, so whatever.

Here it is though..

Olivia Palermo:
Noted fashion 'it girl' (yes, I know, I hate myself too) face planted at the Golden Globes. This dress is weird. Her make-up is weirder.

This sucks, hard.

Patricia Arquette:
This is shockingly understated and elegant for her. Yay!

Queen Latifah:
Ok FINE. She looks really good. I'm not giving anything more than that.

Rachel McAdams:
Jewelry Judge said it best. This looks like a Christmas Tree. The fit is lovely and her face is beautiful, but this dress is blech.

Regina King:
What in sweet jesus? She looks like a gladiator on an acid trip. This is a disaster. Yuck

Rooney Mara:
The dress is ethereal, the make-up SUPER SEVERE, the hair: actually kind of interesting. But what is wrong with her? Why does she always seem so upset? I prefer her sister.

Rosie Huntington-Whitely:
I am still divided on this. I don't know if it's the colour or the weird beading at the thighs..something. I mean, she looks amazing. But she would look amazing in a curtain. That's not a fair point.

Saoirse Ronan:
Lovely? I'm over the cape. They killed the cape at the Golden Globes.

Sophia Bush:

I looked at it again. Still yawn.

Taraji P. Henson:
Look, whereas this could have been boring on someone else, she ROCKED IT hard and owned it. And was sassy, and probably pretty drunk and it was great.

Taylor Schilling:
This is ill-fitting. I don't like it. And her hair is darker than i remember, so I don't like it. And her foundation is too dark.

I don't like this.

Uzo Aduba:
I really like this. I think she looks really comfortable and happy. I don't fully understand what is going on with those sleeves in the back, but I still like it. And i really like her hair. I like it.

Viola Davis:
EW! WHAT THE HELL? InStyle just did a feature on her and she got cocky or something. She went the wrong way.

Oh my god I hate it more every time I see it.

No, i don't like it. But I like her guts. Or Chutzpah. I am going with Yiddish. It's more definative. She's so young, and so pretty. And she tries some interesting stuff.

Guys, I apologize for the delay in posting. The death of David Bowie really threw all of us for a loop today. He was a big influence on all of us and we all had a really hard day.