Big week: Giveaway time!!!

I've been gifted with this wonderful new tool called the 'Energi To Go' portable power for iPod thingy! It's quite fantastic. Check out the website here!

Do you ever have that experience where you're on the way out the door to the gym and you realize your iPod is on it's last dredges of power? This thing is awesome because with just 2 lithium batteries it is either powered for 32-46 hours (depending on which iPod you have*) or it charges it 2-3 times faster than your USB connection.

Anyhoo, the point of all this drivel being that I have one to give away, courtesy of a fabulous marketing program I've been chosen to take part in.

The first 10 (Canadian**) people to contact me will get $3.00 off the purchase of an Energi To Go and on Sunday, May 4th I will draw randomly and select someone*** to win an Energi To Go! Just send me an email with 'Energi To Go' in the subject with your name and that's it!

Good luck and thanks for reading!

*Works with iPod (4th & 5th-video), iPod nano (1st & 2nd) & iPod mini
**Sorry, the coupon only works in Canada
***You can be from anywhere in the world!

Speaking of Mama's: Preggo - Will Arnett & Amy Poehler

I love these two. Love. Love. Love.

I loved Arrested Development and am still deeply offended that people were too stupid to get it so it's canceled. It was so good! Will Arnett was classic in it as GOB Bluth...oh that Segway. Fantastic.

Amy Poehler is hilarious on SNL and in every movie she does (and was awesome on AD). I remember the joy I experienced when I found out these two were a couple. It's even richer now that I realize they are with baby.

Who wants to take bets on the baby being funny?

Nicole Richie - MAMA

Although I'm not mad about the hooker heels, I do think that motherhood has made Nicole Richie a little softer and prettier, non? I love, love, love the dress and her hair looks quite excellent.

Now, if only they would bring out the baby. Come on! Harlow! Oh Harlow!!! That's a good name for shouting. Ask my upstairs neighbours...they heard me.

Amy Smart Topless...kind of

So, this is not her best look ever, but since I prefer not to look at other women's nipples, this makes me happy. Ish. Or something.

I've never understood the appeal of Amy Smart. I remember watching 'Road Trip' and thinking, 'really? Her?' (In an Anne/Egg kind of way).

She's filming something right now and is clearly not self conscious about her tata's because she's hanging out (with 'tude, might I add) with some bedazzled panties and some electrical tape.

I think this might be one of the weirdest photos I've ever posted.

The Hogans are very, very disturbing!

So, let's all be honest, we let our dad's smear sunscreen on our bare asses, right?

WRONG. Totally disgusting. Really vile.

It's like when you hear about those families who are "so close" that they all walk around the house naked well into teendom. Um. Dr Phil...wanna help me out here?

Anyhoo, Brooke and Hulk Hogan are clearly gross and should not be allowed to touch each other's bums. Seriously.

Especially not with that close attention put to the task. Yucka.

Shia LeBoeuf is um, a bit yummy

Surprisingly yummy. Right?

I was not expecting this! He's sunbathing at Coachella (which probably means he's been partaking in some salad)...not too shabby.

Mischa Barton makes me want to go blind

I think being blind would be the only way I could tolerate this woman. And deaf. That would be good too, because her voice sucks. All that whining on 'The OC' totally ruined me for life. That and the wailing crying. That was the worst.

Anyhoo, here she is dressed like an extra in 'Priscilla: Queen of the Desert" (Ha ha, almost wrote dessert). It's really not good.

I hope this was a costume party or something. What's with the extra chunky face-framing layers, btw? Yucka.

Bad lighting & Pamela Anderson

You know those times where you look at Pamela Anderson and you go, 'heyyyyyyy, she looks really good considering her age and all the weird boat-sex she's been up to in the past 20 years...' and then you see this picture:

And you go, 'HEY! AIEEEEEEEE!' and run for the hills. Damn. Are they using my bathroom lighting to light her there? Hiya! She looks pretty terrible.

I'm scared. This is the monster my children will see in their nightmares. You know, or me before I put on my make-up and fix my hair. Either or.

Wyclef got his head stuck in an ice bucket

Oy. It's been a rough few days. Some people...

Anyhoo, I stumbled across this picture earlier today and thought it really vanguard of Wyclef to go out with that ice bucket on his head. He doesn't seem very happy people are taking pictures of him wearing it, but there he is. A trooper nonetheless.

Ahem

Sooooo....below I posted about Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel's daughter and it was mean. I pissed someone off, because there are quite a few comments on the post about how I'm not a very nice person. At first I was going to delete the comments, and I started with one, but then I decided to leave them.

I think we all know I'm not a very nice person, so I'm not going to address that. What I will address is the fact that someone referred to me to an antisemitic link comparing my post to the post on the link. That pisses me off, but then also leads me to these questions:

1. What the hell did I say that referred at all to anyone's religion?
2. How does said commenter know about the antisemitic site?

Anyhoo, just wanted to vent, because someone is jamming my email with comments that I'm basically racist, when it's quite clear I'm pretty much just an unpleasant, evil bitch who hides behind the blog so I can make snarky comments about stuff. What I am not is antisemitic or racist. Really not.

Wishful thinking: Heather Locklear

This woman is 47!

Seriously.

She is beautiful. That's some excellent up-keep.

I can only pray I might be able to look somewhere near that good at that age. I don't even look that good now, and I'm 20 years younger.

Damn.

Amy Winehouse's downward spiral

So, this talented young woman is dragging her career with her down the drain...She's been pushed into rehab several times, caught on video and in photos doing drugs, but it doesn't seem to do anything to her.

She was still voted Britain's top female heroine last week...um. When the HELL was that poll taken, because she's been f-ing up royally since last summer. Her husband is in jail for drugs, and she's on her way...she head-butted some guy last week because she thought he was trying to grab her.

I hate to be the one to break it to her, but no one wants to touch that girl except the colony of lice that is probably already inhabiting her hair. Gahh.

The cops eventually had to release her because she was so incredibly messed up that they were unable to question her. I love Britain, but it seems like they let their celebrity drug addicts get away with a little too much (George Michael, Pete Doherty, this babushka)

Her parents need to smarten up and shove her into rehab. Jamie Spears needs to write a book. He can send the draft to them 1st though...hopefully ASAP before this girl dies.

Poor Billy Joel Jr.

Aww. Imagine your mom was Christie Brinkley and you ended up developing into the female version of Billy Joel instead? Wow. That's a pity.

Billy's genes were obviously on some '300' type rampage to continue themselves, because this poor girl, who will now be known as 'Little Billy' to me, looks a lot like her daddy, and not like mommy...which would have been a better move for her.

Oh well. At least she can afford plastic surgery.

Seriously, I apologize, that is probably one of the meanest things I've ever posted. I feel a bit bad. I'm going to shut up now.

Mariah Carey's quick-thin program

I don't know what she's up to, but all of a sudden I see muscle definition on her arms and she's looking really thin. I don't know if she's corseted up the ying-yang or what, but there's something going on...do you agree?

Tom Cruise and his wedge sneakers...not that I'm really that surprised

This man is an abomination. He is a fool and should be embarrassed by his comportment. I like that sentence because it sounds like something my grandmother would have said.

Either way. I have zero tolerance for this guy. His stupid, piecey hair; his forced, freakish smile; the whole couch-jumping thing - that I still cannot get over and now he is wearing wedge sneakers.

As Lainey so brilliantly pointed out, he's clearly wearing the same ones Victoria Beckham wore while throwing out the pitch at the opening Dodger's game, as seen here. They are tight, he must have borrowed them. It would not shock me at all if they wore the same size shoe.

I'm so offended as a human being that he's wearing wedge sneakers with such a high heel. Be a MAN! Come on!

Oma Rosa - throw back

Um, since when does Oma Rosa have incredibly large breasts? Like, incredibly? They are totally out of control here. Wow.

I always check my outfits with someone before going into public. If I don't have that chance, because I'm alone or something, I'll leave a room and go back into it and see if I am shocked by reflection upon re-entering. I find it to be an effective tool.

Had this been me, I would have burst out laughing and immediately began gossiping with my cat about what a slut that girl in the mirror was.

Wow, pantsuits are back? No Rihanna! No!!!!!

I don't even know what to say. This is so offensive to me.

If I see anyone wearing this on the street, can you guys give me permission to punch them right in the face? Or clothesline them?

If I can't do that I think my brain might leak from my ears.

What is wrong with Rihanna? She is young, pretty darn hot and yet she often dresses really horribly. Oh the errors of youth.

Ugh - the douchiness is just so extreme

I don't understand why people in new relationships get matching tattoos all the time. What are they thinking?

There is NO way these two are going to be together in 3 years, but they'll have those dorky matching tattoos for years.

Further evidence to back-up my decision to think they're hateful morons.

Oh my god, this picture makes me want to eschew photography.

Nicole Kidman minus Botox = gross(er)

Seriously, someone's not looking so good without their daily toxin push.

What's with her seriously dark eyebrows?

And is it just me, or is her face collapsing on the right side (her left)?

Al Pacino looks like a fluffy bird

So I'm sitting at my computer last evening browsing the blogs and I run across this picture on DListed:
If you will bear with me, I'd like to break it down from top to bottom:

1. That is some tall, but undeniably airy hair. Seriously, it's all fluffy like a toilet paper commercial. It's also a beautiful chestnut brown, and considering Al is almost 400 years old, that is a surprising hair choice
   
2. His tan is quite offensive. It's so there and browny orange. It's concentrated at weird parts, which leads me to believe it's either spray or cream, applied too vehemently.
3. The only thing on his face that I can actually identify as him is his eyes. The rest of his face seems to have descended quite rapidly toward his neck, including his nose which has become extremely hookish and witch-like.
4. No, but, his hair is blowing my mind. If you put a ruler into the top of the pile, it would probably hit the 4 inch mark. Crazy.
5. He seems to be wearing rosary beads along with a black t-shirt and a black leather blazer. Um, did he get that outfit in the 90's? Not the rosary beads part, do what you must to keep the devil from getting you, but that outfit!
6. Also, I just wanted to discuss his HAIR. Oh my god.

Is it possible this is not Al Pacino? This is blowing my mind right now, I can hardly explain.

Mary Kate leaves me speechless

I'm just guessing this is Mary Kate, I honestly don't care enough to look it up. 'Cause I mean, who really cares who it is when they're wearing this???

It really looks like a 7 ft 9 inch lady who weighed 104 lbs gave her her sweater and that's what she's wearing.

Now, the headband. I have to say, although the headband is what's making most other bloggers freak out about, I don't really find it that bad compared to the outfit as a whole. Haven't these two worn flapper headbands in the past? I don't feel like this is a shocking new accessory. It is a little plumper than I've ever seen, but it's the whole thing together that's worse.

But that skinny giant sweater AND the headband? Yeesh.

Brit looking surprisingly good

You know, this bitch is starting to bore my ass. I'm not saying it's a bad thing that she's mentally healthy, but come on! Give me something. Ok, that was really not nice. I actually feel bad I said it.

Here she is leaving Bally's the other day dressed like a normal person. She still insists on that wretched hair-do, but clothes-wise, this is the best she's looked in years.

She's rumoured to be in talks with Bally's to be the new face and bod of the business. Better get her on that treadmill just a bit longer before.

Hugh Jackman is large, but still a little effeminate

GD! There is something wrong with my mouse and it's driving me batty!

I find Hugh Jackman sexy, as many of you may already be aware...but there is something a little girly, a little effeminate and fruity about him that I just can't get over. I think it might have been his stint in that musical. I don't know.

Here is a pic of him on break from filming 'Wolverine' (which my hubby-to-be will be VERY excited to see). He is huge! That is some bod. But like I said, there's something about him...

Heidi Montag gives me cancer

I think that's this ho's name...not 100% sure.

I know she's new to the entertainment world and all, but I think I might have to add her to the bane list. I really can't stand her fame-whore tackiness. It's too in your face.

This pic is from the premiere of her "clothing" line. I swear, if one more celebrity puts out a clothing line I'm going to end up smacking someone.

I put "clothing" in quotations because I would find it more appropriate to call this "hooking wear". Seriously, that outfit is really, really slutty. Oh my god. You'd think it was high summer in the middle of a heat wave. Nope. We're at the beginning of spring.

Wow, what a ho. What do you think?

My Favourite Pics: 6th edition

I don't know why Mario Lopez is walking down the street holding hands with what is probably a man in a female-cow suit, but I love it. This is going in the archives.

Fantastic.

Britney - yawn and stuff

It's not that she's been boring, but she's been really boring since her dad showed up. Of course it's good for her mental health and everything, but it's really boring for me.

Here are some updates about our friend Britney:

• Her father has requested a restraining order against Adnan (no more Britnan???)
• She has been rumored to be seeking a reconciliation with KFed (oh the horrors)
• She has had a cameo on 'How I Met Your Mother' and nailed it
• She has changed her weave a couple of times
• Her father allowed her to donate $15-20k to the American Idol Malaria fund thingy
• She is planning a t-shirt line with Christian Audigier of 'Ed Hardy'
  
• She apparently got a wicked chest burn. Gross.

My main question is, why does she still have 2 chins? Seriously?

Anyhoo - here she is walking around yesterday. She looks like she rode the whole way there with her head out the window.

Kate Hudson looked weird

Kate Hudson showed up to the London premiere of 'Fool's Gold' wearing this weird-ass green satin caftan dress thingy.

Um. I know she's a hippy and stuff, but I have a few questions:

• Did she get this at a thrift store for blind people?
• Could it be tighter on her ass?
• Did she forget she had the event and get ready in the car on the way there?
• Did she use green crayon to do her eye make-up?
  
• Did Britney Spears do her hair?

So many questions, such an ugly look. My favorite part is the expression on her face, because it looks like she is also confused as to why she's dressed like that also.

Douchebag Engagement Alert!

My douchebag alert went off on this one more than it did for Avril Lavigne and that dude she married...These two are the worst. Asslee Simpson & Pete Wentz announced the other day that they're going to get married!

They'll soon become Mr & Mrs Flat Iron. Gross.

Rumor has it that they're tying the knot because she's preggo. When her publicist was asked, she answered "no comment". Who says that? If she wasn't, you would just say she wasnt'. No?

Fergie ruins my entrance song

I have always said that if I was in professional wrestling or the UFC or something that required an entrance song, I would choose 'Barracuda' by Heart.

Mostly because they're obviously bad-ass bitches, but also because the guitar at the beginning is awesome.

Fergie went on American idol and ruined that for me yesterday, attempting to be as bad ass as Heart when we all know she was in that shitty girl band. Thanks Ferg.

Also, thanks for the pleather pants and moto boots. Very not sexy.

[Thanks to DListed for the movie link]

Jessica Simpson shaves her face

Someone is going to need to explain to me why this is sexy...

I am aware that she's redoing a Virna Lisi cover (see pic below) for their anniversary or something...but I don't get the appeal of a woman shaving her face.

They put me in a training last week at my office and one of the ladies running it had bleached her facial hair...I kid you not it was a full, fluffy beard and mustache. Now that I see this I wonder if that woman was, in fact, Virna Lisi, or pulled a Virna Lisi in an attempt to be sexy.

Uhhh, it makes me shudder to think of her bleach blonde beard wisping away as she spoke to me. Yucka.

Mischa Barton is not so hot

If I was on that beach I would have yelled, "PUT IT AWAY MARISSA! YOU ARE SICKENING US"


That's all.

Natalie Portman LOOKS happy...

Um.

Uhhh.

I think someone has finally shut me up. I think I'm finally out of words. Ha ha, obviously I'm kidding, that would take a tracheotomy.

No, but, um, THIS is her boyfriend.

She's one of those smart girls who dates a guy for the conversation (yah, cause I know her), so I guess this guy is a pretty good conversationalist, because he's no looker.

I have zero respect for a man who wears sunglasses like that and carries a murse while walking around with the perfection that is Natalie Portman...

This is so weird. It makes my brain hurt.

File this under 'Apparently': Jay-Z & Beyoncé got married

"Sources" claim that Beyoncé and Jay-Z got hitched Friday night...very secretly, very intimately, not lots of people.

I'm sure that was the tackiest wedding of all time. All bling and House of Dereon nasty-ass clothing. Barf city.

Anyhoo, good for them and stuff. They've been together a long time.

I like weddings, but am jealous of anyone who can spend more money on theirs than I can. Basically everyone. So, this leads me to be bitter.

"Sources"...come on.

Also not fair: Tom Ford

Tom Ford is a hot, hot man. He is also gay, he may hit it into bisexual park sometimes, but he's primarily here for the boys. It seems the world is not fair to me today.

How can a lovely beast such as Tom Ford, in his gorge white shirt and suit (classic Tom) not be here for me? I love a stylish man...and he epitomizes it.

Alas, he likes the boys.

A sad, sad day for me.

[Pic source: LaineyGossip]

Cam 'The Man' Diaz has a hot body

Damn this girl. DAMN HER. I hate her so and she has to go on magazine covers and flaunt how unbelievably hot her body is. That is really annoying to me. Good tuck on her peen though, you can barely see it.

It's really not fair though.

Mena Suvari needs a new bathing suit

Congrats to her on having a nice ass, really. But there's no reason everyone needs to look at it. And why is her head shaped exactly like one of her ass cheeks? Gahh! I really don't like her. She grosses me out.

Her body looks so imbalanced to me. It's icky. Yuchh!

Katie Holmes' reverse mullett

Um, reverse mullet much?

I don't get it when people have short hair...they constantly cut it into different shapes.

I guess growing it out is tough, but that's no excuse for this reverse mullet Katie is rocking here.

I want to be rich like her though...goddam I love her clothes, jewelry, accessories, etc.

Tracey Ullman as Dina Lohan

BRILLIANT! Enjoy everyone!