The 2011 Billboard Awards Were On

So, the Billboard Awards were on last night. I didn't watch them because my husband and I got drunk together and I fell asleep REALLY early, but I did see pictures this morning. And isn't that all that really matters?

Beyonce:

She performed in my old Payless sandals from 1992, I loved those sandals. I remember going to a Payless in Florida with my dad and picking them out. When I grew out of them, I was really sad.

Beyonce's hair looks kind of sad that she is wearing that outfit. Imagine all the weird marks on your body after? I get marks all over me just from sleeping on sheets, I can't imagine wearing a body suit made of plastic shoe straps. Yikes.

Britney & Rihanna:

These two performed S&M together. How cute is Rihanna in this pic below? I love her hair. And Britney looks pretty good too. Look at her arms. She looks cut!

Plus, above, they look like they're having fun. It's cute.

Destiny's Child:

RETRO! I bet Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams regret their decisions in life. Why are they even there? Also, Beyonce's eye make-up is running because it's sad about her outfit.

Fergie:

I think I might still be drunk because Fergie actually looks pretty. Like, she kind of looks like Heather Locklear here...I think it must be the blonde hair, because she's never looked like this before.

And if you look REALLY closely you can see that she's rocking the new nail trend - long, pointed ovals. Scary.

I don't want to discuss her dress. It's too stupid. I'm sure Will.I.Am designed it.

Justin Bieber:

Selena Gomez better watch her ass. JB kissed her after winning (OMG, his blazer makes me feel murdery) something and the audience clearly likes it. That means the Bieber fans are not going to like it and will most likely try to kill her.

Ke$ha:

Is it weird that I feel she looks kind of classy? Not to be mean, but is she pregnant? What is going on in the lower panel there? It's not pleasant. No seriously, I think there must be some kind of toxic fumes in my apartment, because I think she might actually look pretty.

Kelly Rowland:

3 decisions Kelly is not regretting?

1. Breast Implant (left)
2. Breast Implant (right)
3. Buying that Herve Leger bandage dress on Neiman Marcus last call

Nicki Minaj:

She should lend me at least SOME of that butt. I need some. Some claim it's all implant. Can you imagine doing that for a career? I don't think I could. To be perfectly honest I don't think there's enough skin on my body to do that, but to each his own.

In other news, I want her shoes. But just to look at.

Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban:

It looks like it is hurting her to smile. Or maybe it's the fact that she's wearing that winter dress in Las Vegas in summer. I was just there a few weeks ago and it was murderously hot. Like, I wanted to run around nude, it was so hot. I doubt she's comfortable.

She's probably also worried that her face is going to melt off though.

Rihanna:

So chic. Her suit blends in perfectly with the background, her shoes are the exact same color as he skin. Her hair is so cute. Love her. I really do. I think I might be obsessed with her a little.

Selena Gomez:

Errrr...This is really trashy. Or, too Jennifer Aniston cougar-y for her and her young age. No? And those shoes? They should be burned. Maybe the Bieber fans can take care of the shoes when they murder her. I'd really appreciate it.

Taylor Swift:

Oh look. Taylor Swift is wearing the SAME F%#KING THING SHE WEARS TO EVERYTHING WITH THE SAME F%#KING MAKE-UP AND HAIR. I will slap her!

You have that much money and you don't do stuff with it? When your body looks like that!? And you're 18 and you can get away with anything?

Pisses me offf......

Have a lovely day everyone!