Justin Bieber Needs To Stop: The Complex Magazine Article Edition

Could someone please buy a muzzle for this dummy?

As you may have heard, Justin Bieber is trying to make up for being a douchey bitch earlier in his life and is being mature and shit. But then he says stuff and oh god.

Enjoy some particularly dumb excerpts from this article:

On the creation of the universe: 

“Science makes a lot of sense. Then I start thinking—wait, the “big bang.” For a “big bang” to create all this is more wild to think about than thinking about there being a God. Imagine putting a bunch of gold into a box, shaking up the box, and out comes a Rolex. It’s so preposterous once people start saying it.”

On attempting to be like Jesus, but not...

"I think that people, as soon as they start hearing me saying I’m a Christian, they’re like, “Whoa Justin, back up, take a step back.” Also, I do not want to shove this down anyone’s throat. I just wanna honestly live like Jesus. Not be Jesus—I could never—I don’t want that to come across weird. He created a pretty awesome template of how to love people and how to be gracious and kind. If you believe it, he died for our sins. Sometimes when I don’t feel like doing something, but I know it’s right, I remember, I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t feel like going to the cross and dying so that we don’t have to feel what we should have to feel."

On what it means to be a Christian: 

“I think that going to church is fellowship, it’s relationship, it’s what we’re here on the earth to do, to have this connection that you feel there’s no insecurities. I think that’s where we need to be…you don’t need to go to church to be a Christian. If you go to Taco Bell, that doesn’t make you a taco.”

I'm no church-goer, but I can honestly tell you that I do not think this asshole is living like Jesus. I think there will be a lot of Christians up in arms about this Taco.

 

 

 

2015 Emmy's Red Carpet Post - Part 2

Please take a look at the original post here, it's MUCH bigger.

Here are a few of the people I missed the other night

Elizabeth Moss:

It is what it is. There is nothing inherently bad about it, but it sure is boring. The black piping really makes it better, but there is something about that blonde hair with all this that is not working for me. A little too Barbie cake for me.

Gaby Hoffman & Judith Light:

Because I am an idiot, with the memory of a goldfish, I could not figure out why the 2 of them were together. Then I remembered 'Transparent' (which if you haven't watched - DO IT, it's SO good). Gaby was one of a handful of women who wore pants. I think she could have put a little more effort into her shoes, to make it dressier.

Judith on the other hand...yikes. That is some pattern. But hot damn does she look good.

January Jones:

If not for that drapey ruffle and starfish brooch, I'd be all over this. And maybe that overly structured bustline. But I love the idea of a jumpsuit, I love this color on her, she looks great. It could have been better though. 

Joanna Newsom:

OMG Andy Samberg. Can you not afford a nicer dress for your wife? This is a mess. It's way too risky and it would be hard to accept on even the most avant-garde of people. Yeesh.

Julianne Hough:

Does anyone else get a Flowers In the Attic vibe from her and her brother? Like, they're a bit too close. Anyway. This is what it is. It's wicked tacky. It's Marchesa, who is surprised? She has a crazy body, she should be wearing this. But it doesn't make it nice.

Kathryn Hahn:

Because I adore her, I wanted to like this. I don't. It is a tapestry nightmare. And she looks pretty wilted from the neck up. I feel like she could have done better.

Maggie Gyllenhal:

This one. Why can't you ever smile? Why did you have to ruin Batman? I mean, I recognize that if I were wearing that mess I wouldn't smile either, but stop being such a whiny, miserable little bitch. Ugh. This dress. That color HORRIFIES me.

Mindy Kaling:

How do you not love her? She's endearing. And she tries a lot of stuff that most people wouldn't. I like this on her. The color is very nice and it fits really well. It's ballsier than a lot of the moves on the carpet, and I think she deserves credit for that.

Naomi Watts:

Yuck. Too thick, too structured, too tea length (we're over that length, FYI). She should do better.

Taylor Schilling:

In a photo, and with her glowy sweaty skin, this looks really pretty. When it moved, it was a horror show. The hem is wired to look like that, and she looked like a lampshade or something walking around. It's pretty. But, it could have done without that wiring.

Teyonah Parris:

Who is this and WHY?

I hate it.

Tina Fey:

She is really hot, and normally has great taste (see what she wore last year, here)...but this is a tragedy. Her hair was SO matronly, and then she wore this weird-ass bib dress. It was all just so awful. When we saw her walking in the background on the red carpet we all shouted. It was so bad.

Tracee Ellis Ross:

Speaking of bad...WTF? This is really awful. From the color, the fact that it really didn't fit her at the bust, to the weird lattice effect at the seams. Just bad, bad, bad. She is really doing her mother a disservice by wearing this and tainting their family name. I mean, THIS. And this. And this. And this. 

SHAME!

The 2015 Emmy's Red Carpet Post

So, the Emmy's were kind of a drag. 

It was 100°F and everyone was sweaty and miserable. Also, everyone seemed vaguely high.

Anyhoo, let's do this.

Amanda Peet:

This one. Always with the horrible dresses. Why can't she just wear something normal? Quilted? Just. Ugh.

Amy Poehler:

This red hair is AMAZING.  She is winning. She looks super hot. The dress is great, the braclets are amazing. I love her.

Anna Chlumsky:

So, this dress...is...terrible. It looks like "Brick-oh-Lage" as #JewelryJudge wrote. Like, it looks like a fresh halloween costume. Like, later she is going to throw it in the washing machine with some dye packets and it will be black so she can be the bride of halloween. It's terrible.

Ariel Winter:

She looks wonderful. And so much more comfortable than she used to. Good for her. She's had a rough little time for her, and I'm happy she's on track for young adulthood.

Aubrey Plaza:

This is fantastic, and maybe the best she's ever looked. I love it.

Brienne of Tarth (Gwendoline Christie):

My only word of advice would be: don't buy a dress that is the actual same color as your flesh. It's not a good look.

Carrie Brownstein:

I like this look. I hate her A LOT. Like, I don't think this is a great outfit for tonight, but I do love it nonetheless because it's well tailored and she looks really tight.

Cat Deeley:

She's pregnant and her interview was so annoying. It makes me hate this dress and her hair despite both of them looking pretty fantastic.

Chelsea Perretti:

Well, this is tragic. Her shoes are so good, I really want them a lot. But we were really not into this 2 part dress.

Christina Hendricks:

This is GLORIOUS. She looks amazing, if not a bit like the Great Gatsby poster (tell me I'm wrong), She also seemed really happy. And her hair was amazing and soft despite the insane heat they were dealing with yesterday.

Christine Baranski:

Today my jeans are too long. Just by an inch, but enough that it upsets me. I would think Christine felt the same way about her dress last night, which is pooling by the extra wide hem at her feet. You can see where the hem is. It's not good. And her hair is mega mom hair. 

This is too bad, she's normally pretty spot on.

Claire Danes:

Prada. Only Prada could do this shape. And Claire Danes' body is so odd. And her posture. We really liked the chains, especially at the sides/back. But her posture, combined with the odd cut and everything else kind of made this dress crazy. 

Danielle Brooks:

This got 67% love from us. Beauty Writer and I LOVED it. Because it's epic. But every picture of her has her holding out the pleated parts as wings and that was not the way to look at this amazing dress. It should be looked at like this, with color blocking and glorious pleats. We love it. Imagine it in other colors. It's gorge.

Dascha Polanco:

Meh.

It looks like a package of something, I just can't place it. Maybe corn meal? I don't know. The yellow with the navy is just meh. 

Edie Falco:

Beauty-wise, this is a hands down win for her. Her skin and face looked amazing, her hair was stunning. But this dress is...odd. It's very matronly and then the bottom looks like a little girl's summer dress. I don't know. I feel like she does better in something sleeker.

Ellie Kemper:

This is really beautiful, but I almost wish that the colors went the other way. Like the deeper blues were happening toward the top, which I think would flatter her more. I like it though. It's outside the box and it's better than she normally looks.

Emma Roberts:

I can't with this one. Like, why you dress like a ghost? And she's just so insufferable. That giant mouth and she doesn't have any of her aunt's charm or beauty. Blech. Hate her.

Felicity Huffman:

Seen here looking like I assume Mandy Moore will look in 20 years. I mean, it's good. I kind of wish Edie Falco wore this, actually.The dress is great. I just really hate her hair and it ruins it all for me,

Gina Rodriguez:

Yah. I mean, I get it. But it doesn't mean I have to like it. Cause I don't. You know, there's nothing wrong with it, it is just making very little impact on me. Except those cotton balls. Those are a lot. Fine. There is something wrong with it. The rest of her looks great though. Skin, hair, jewelrty.. All on point.

Heidi Klum:

Jesus woman. For someone with the ability to wear basically anything, she sure dresses like a weirdo. This is gross. The half jacket thing, with the ruffles and the frayed edges, it's just not right. And the other part is tacky. Is anyone else sick of these illusion/sheer things?

Jamie Lee Curtis:

JewelryJudge was made angry by the cuff over sleeve situation. But it's Jamie Lee, so I'm giving her a pass. Look how goddam fabulous she looks. I love this. 

Jamie Alexander:

There was a lot of this hair last year, and it reared it's ugly head again last night. I mean, probably due to the heat, but it's still a weird move. This dress is kind of great. I vaguely remember her telling Seacrest that it was given to her before hitting the runways, so it might change once you see it during (I have to assume) Paris fashion week.

Jane Krakowski:

This looks better in photos than it did on film. Here, the color blocking on the torso is not as obvious as it was during the red carpet. It looked really piecey and not elegant. It's better here. Though I still don't love it. It's not artful, it's just kind of there. Like patches on jeans or something.

Jane Lynch:

This is standard for her. And it's fine. 

Jessica Lange:

Well, if anyone was going to wear 70's nana glasses it was going to be Jessica Lange, no? And you have to kind of love it, no? I love her. She can do no wrong. And this color is great on her. And her shoulders look amazing. She should always wear this neckline.

Jessica Paré:

Oh look. Teeth and Pepto Bismol. I can't with her. Also, if you have this giant rosette/pleat situation happening all down the center front of your dress, wouldn't you do a side part or something? There are too many things happening at the center of her body.

Joanne Froggatt:

Initially, there was mockery of this dress. Mostly because of her hair choice. Like, if you're going to wear something that kind of looks like it comes from the Nasty Gal lingerie department, you should likely try something a little bit more formal with your hair. But the back won it for me. It had more criss crossing straps and I don't know, I liked it.

Hair game is bad though. 

Julia Louis Dreyfus:

She can do no wrong. And in this case, she didn't. This looks great and it was beautiful on her. And she looks amazing. If she has had work done (likely) she has an AMAZING surgeon.

Julie Bowen:

I like her hair like this. It's kicky and fun.And I like this dress. It's clean, it fits her really well and she looks happy. 

Kate McKinnon:

I like her better when she's impersonating Justin Bieber.This is standard. This is a dress she can keep for years and her hair is meh. It's her first nomination for SNL, you'd think she'd want to step it up a notch, or at least be a little bit more noticeable.

Kiernan Shipka:

She has a lot of time to make up for this mess. 

She better.

Kristen Schaal:

Who needs Google Sky Maps anymore? Kristen Schaal is here, wearing the sky! It's pretty, you know, but it seems like a lot of dress for her. 

Laura Prepon:

Her eyebrows were INSANE. Like, I'm quite certain she has shaved hers off and is basically only paint now. They were perfect, painted on trans brows. And then there was how alarmingly thin she looked. Very. Her waist was tiny, her neck seemed long and bird-like. 

And the dress. Jesus. Is she a Russian mail-order bride? This is not ok. That bolero should be burned.

Lady Gaga:

One of a few black gowns. One of the best. She looked GORGEOUS. She killed this. She was one of the last arrivals and she stole the night. 

Lauren Lapkus:

Nice. Whatever. 

Laverne Cox:

I was really proud of myself that I called this was CK when she was walking the carpet. It has the clean lines that Fransisco Costa has been known for since taking over the design. The color was lovely on her and she looked great. Her hair looked AMAZING. 

Lena Headey:

I was so excited about this as they panned from her head downwards. And it's not that it's bad, I just kind of wish it was a fishtail or something. Or mayb that would have been too much with that fish net on it. But the skirt is REALLY full. 

She has a unique style. If nothing, she looks really great in the color. I'm just not sure about the dress. 

Louise Row:

Um. When did she stop eating? This is frightening. 

Maisie Williams:

My whole life, I always wanted those marabou mule slippers that you wear with lingerie. I think my style icon is Miss Piggy. 

I don't know. I can't fault her for this. It's too adorable.

Morena Baccarin:

She really likes an empire waist. Or is she pregnant? Because there is something off about this. I don't like that she's jammed her delicate frame into the top of this dress. And then there is her tiny little head, with bangs on the top of that. Something is very off about the proportions here.

Naomi Grossman:

She's from American Horror Story. I have no words. 

Natasha Lyonne:

This is GREAT. She looks great. I love it.

Nazanin Boniadi:

OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL? This woman is really beautiful. But apparently has terrible taste in Celine Dion's rejected costumes. And drapes. Yeesh.

Niecey Nash:

Well, this is really red. And big. It's nice, but it's A LOT.

Padma Lakshmi:

My hubs and I tried to watch Top Chef recently. We got through 20 minutes of an episode before we gave up. I found her very fatiguing. Last night, I found her interview very fatiguing. She said some pretty stuck up, gross stuff about herself. And this dress did not look that good on her. She looked mega bloated and gunty in it.

Penelope Ann Miller:

Did she do something to her face? Like, Nicole Kidman-it? She looks really happy and this is pretty. But it's a little mother of the bride at the top...and I think she could have gone a bit sexier at the top.

Retta:

This looks like a little girl's canopy bed was made into a dress. I hate it a lot.

Samira Wiley:

This color is killer on her. And despite her SERIOUS sweatiness, she looks really great. 

Sarah Hyland:

This little one, she's got steeze. Or a good stylist. Or both. I think she's going to end of up being a player in hollywood, style-wise. Look at the back of this dress. It was really great. And the color is seasonal, and her hair looks great. I really like this.

Sarah Paulson:

We really wanted to like this. But we didn't. The bands are too wide. Plus she's doing that hair thing that everyone has been doing and isn't really that flattering.  Plus she's really annoying.

Sofia Vergara:

Like, how? How does she look like this? I like that she chose a column instead of her standard princess gown, and this color is just beautiful on her. And it was tailored perfectly, and she seemed to be having a lot of fun last night. It was really great. 

Sophie Turner:

The necklace is heinous. But I like this. She has balls. And she looks really good. And I don't even hate the slicked back hair, because she has LONG hair, and there is a contrast to it. When it's too short, it looks weird. Like a dude who put a baseball cap on after a shower.

Taraji P Henson:

Is 'P' her middle name? Or her first last name? Someone tell me! Does she need the P to stand out, when her first name is Taraji? She was fun last night. She seemed a little drunk in her interview, she's rocking similar chains to Claire Danes and she was just in a good mood. I like her. I need to start watching 'Empire'.

 

Tarryn Manning:

It's a bit "sexy halloween" but it is nice. I hate her hair though. A lot.

Tatiana Maslany:

From the waist up, I was like, "is that Tom Ford?" Then I saw the poor ass tailoring on the bottom and knew there was no way. Just because you're Canadian doesn't mean you can't tailor your pants, missy. Don't shame us!

She looked really cute, but those pants are a horror show in the crotchal region.

Uzo Aduba:

I hate this dress so much. And her make-up. But she's just so damn delightful, you can't stay mad.

Yael Stone:

Yeesh. That front situation is not pretty. I wish she would wear black. How stunning would she look in something sleek and sexy AF?

Zoe Kazan:

Like, I need to understand the thought process on this. It's pretty - in CUT, in DRAPE. But that pattern. I mean. WTF?! If you don't immediately think of a candy cane, then you think of that thing in the Coyote's eyes when the RoadRunner would nail him with an anvil or something. Yikes!