Happy New Year!

I know I'm early, but I'm planning to get sauced later, so I have to send this before I lose the ability to form sentences! Woo!

I wish all of you a happy and healthy new year with lots of ham cookies! Gross. I hope that doesn't really exist.

Does Zahara have a five-head or what???

She's a baby, I know, but I'm pretty sure she has a five-head. I know it's mean, but I really want to laugh.

Hee hee, five head! Oh, and Angie makes me want to barf.

Josh Duhamel Proposed to Fergie's Abs

Well, I'm sure that's the only part of her he can look at. It's not like he's looking into her meth face while he's doing it. Give me a break.

Either way, those 2 dillholes got engaged. I would have shown a picture of her ring, but then it's a close-up near her smiling meth face, so I instead opted for a far away picture of her wearing a dress I like.

It's slightly muu-muu ish, but I like it. Definitely more than I like her face.

Britney's year

I really feel like it was Britney's year this year. Unless she ups the antics quite a bit there's no way she's going to top last year. Here are some suggestions from me to top last year:

• Chop off a limb
• Bestiality porn
• Become a nun
• Sex change!

If she wanted to go against the grain she could just show up to her deposition scheduled in early January, stop driving like a tard, stop drinking so many frappucino's, wear pants, and be a good mother. Also, hiring me as an image consultant would be a good move.

Anyhoo, here's a pic of Britney this past weekend buying up her CD from the Virgin Megastore. Enjoy y'all and have a Cheeto 2008 (that's from her)

X-tina's pregnancy

I don't really care about Christina Aguilera being preggo but it gives me something to write about because her make-up is so heinous.

What color is that lipstick? It's vile. Also, I'm so fucking over people wearing baby pink. It drives me insane. Anyway, I hope she learns that she's a beautiful girl and stops wearing so much face spackle...it's annoying to me. I'm sure she cares if she annoys me. Right?

Mischa Barton is apparently stupider than she looks

As I'm sure you all know, I hate Mischa Barton. She is on my bane list. I hate her like I hate asparagus. Did you know I didn't like asparagus? Well, you do now.

This is why I was able to delight in the news that Mischa was arrested for DUI (I'm seeing a trend here) this past weekend. To my utter excitement she was also found with weed and prescription pills not meant for her! Bwa ha ha! Brilliant.

Bitch has done shit all since being on the OC and I'm loving that her chosen publicity stunt is this. Brilliant. For me, I mean.

Was 2007 the year of the DUI? It looks to me like it might have been, although I maintain that the Skank Extraordinaire Lindsay Lohan's was the best one. The tree really topped it all.

Anyway, enjoy a photo of Mischa smoking a joint for your new year's gift. FanTAStic.

Oh Topenga! Danielle Fishel gets in trouble!

Remember 'Boy Meets World'? I loved that show. I had such a crush on the guy who played Shawn...his name was RIDER STRONG! Ha ha ha ha. Oh my god. I feel like more of an idiot than when I found out that my boyfriend in grade 6 wore his mother's shoes because they fit. God.

Anyhoo, Topenga (actual name Danielle Fishel) got arrested last week for a DUI! How could she! I don't want to type-cast her - actually I don't care -but I totally pictured her as a little prude, like she was on the show.

If this photo is any indication, she may actually be a linebacker. Holy crap. Look at that upper body!

DUI's are funny. To me, the celebrities deserve to get arrested and put in jail because they can totally afford to either take a cab or hire a driver. While saving for a wedding I may have some problems paying for a cab, but I still do it, because A) cab drivers are generally hilarious conversationalists and B) I'm not a total moron.

Chuck & Georges - My guys!

So this is super random, but I happen to enjoy watching UFC and there was an amazing Pay Per View on Saturday night.

My two very favorite fighters won their fights:

Chuck Liddell vs Wanderlei Silva My part-time boyfriend (oh my god I wish) Chuck won this match, and it was super exciting because he had lost his last 2 matches and some people were starting to lose their faith in him. Idiots. As I knew he would, he triumphed over his long-time rival from Pride FC. He is wonderful and dead sexy, as you can see.

Georges St-Pierre vs Matt Hughes

Matt Hughes is one of those guys you know what a total stuck up jock prick in high school. He was an all American wrestler and Georges (who is from Montreal) kicked his pale white ass. Georges is an incredible athlete and he blew everyone away despite only having a month to train for this fight. I am proud to be a Montrealer this week because of him! As an added bonus, he's not too bad to look at either!

Um, excuse me but... I think Tara Reid might look acceptable

Slap me silly! Bitch looks ok! I don't know if she got her lipo job fixed or something, but she looks a hell of a lot better than she used to.

She's insanely (probably dangerously) skinny, but I don't hate it. She's pulling it off, and to be honest, I wouldn't complain if I looked like that.

I feel drunk. Did someone spike my coffee? I think I just complimented Tara Reid. Ohh, so dizzy...

Wait! I feel better - LOOK AT HER HAIR! It's straw-like and ugly!

Um, Hugh Jackman?

So, I USED to think that Hugh Jackman was the hotness, then I saw this photo.

What in the hell is this man wearing? It amazes me that he still allows himself to be seen in outfits like this when so many people say he's gay. Actually, now that I think of it, maybe this is his defense mechanism...dress like a stupid hetero to get the bloodhounds off the trail. Hmm, smart AND ripped?

Oh my god. That is rough. You may have cut off the sleeves, but that shirt is clearly from the Sears ladies section.

Oh Mariah, your cheese is so plentiful

It doesn't surprise me that I find this lovely picture of Mariah Carey sucking it in the week of Christmas...it's one of jesus' miracles that this woman isn't dead yet from one of her 'help' killing her.

Or from that too-small dress strangling her. Yikes.

GET HER!

You know I don't like to post about this whore, but I wanted so badly for the parrot to peck out her eyes and kill her that I couldn't help it.

I would also like the parrot to take that bathing suit back to hell where it belongs, but not in a way that would show us her naked body. He could take her with it.

God this woman burns my soul.

Oh Spears Family...

I don't want to waste time recapping Britney's madness over the past few months I've been gone, I will however refer you to DListed for a reading of MK's Britney posts over the past months:

I do want to talk about Jamie Lynn though. WTF? If their mother hasn't already started to drink heavily, I suggest she start now. Things are only going to get worse. Those two hillbilly daughters are going to drive that woman to the end, quickly.

Enjoy this video:

Lindsay Lohan: Skank Extraordinaire

Can we PLEASE with the leggings? I haven't seen this girl in pants since Mean Girls. Seriously, didn't she get the memo about wide leg jeans?

Faaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccck!

Pamela Anderson - the worst

I wasn't around for the wedding, where she wore shorts (I'm going to see a dressmaker today, don't worry, I won't wear formal shorts to my wedding)...or to comment on the fact that she and that douche Rick Soloman apparently live apart...or to talk about the fact that she filed for divorce last week, only to snatch the filing back because of some apparently love triangle with Criss Angel.

If I may, I LOATHE Criss Angel. I hate that he spells his name 'Criss', I hate that he calls himself 'Mindfreak' and I hate his flat-ironed hair. It blows my mind that this man has been in the middle of so many Hollywood relationships...well, really that he's reportedly slept with so many not-so-ugly startlets (Cam the man, Britney, etc).

WHO FINDS HIM ATTRACTIVE? Is this one of his illusions? Does he trick the person into picturing someone hot? Gahh!

PS Pammy - marriage doesn't mean living in separate houses...and AS USZH (short for usual) you look like you just got rode hard by an entire football team. Hot.

Merry Christmas Bitches!

So I'm a day late. Shoot me. I believe being late for everything was part of my charm, wasn't it?

I was drinking up a storm the other day and I thought of something. I miss you bitches!

I think that I need you to survive. So in the spirit of Christmas, I'm going to start posting again. It might not be plentiful at the beginning, but I'll get back into it...

Merry Christmas y'all, let's kick it!

Brit's sadder than sad pole ride

For serious. Is this not the most depressing pole dance you've ever seen? I think I could do a better one with amputated legs and three bottles of tequila in me. COME ON!

Taking a break...

It is with great sadness that I tell you all that I need to take a break from this blogging thing. Too many personal and professional obligations have come up recently. I just can't find the time. It's taken me over a month just to find a moment to post this!

So please tell Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love, Tara Reid and all the other unfavorables that they're safe for now. Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel and the other goddesses are going to have to find another source for their ego boosting.

I will be back, I'm just not sure when,
'Till next time,
Sara

My birthday celebration

Ok, I'm just going to drop a quick note because I'm on vacation and painfully hung over, but I couldn't wait to tell you what happened last night.

We are visiting family in Vancouver and we went out to dinner to celebrate my 27th birthday yesterday. After dinner we headed to a club called BarNone and I went immediately to the washroom to break the seal.

When I came back up I went to meet my family and friends at the bar and this guy was standing in my spot. I was a little annoyed until he turned around...it was Nick Lachey! He's REALLY short in person. He went back to his table (about 5 feet from ours) to sit with Vanessa Minnillo, Drew Lachey, Cheryl Burke (from Dancing with the Stars) and a couple of other people.

I had several more drinks and then went over to talk to them. They were very nice considering they had a drunk stranger attacking them (and had many more prior to that). Strangely, they left immediately after I talked to them. Ha ha, I was so drunk.

Later, on the dance floor Joey Fatone was right behind me. He's also pretty short. I talked to him for a bit (suavely pretended that I didn't know who he was - really was not suave though). Then HE walked away too. Wow. I rock.

Anyhoo, that was my night. Unfortunately, they didn't allow anyone to take pictures and the bouncers were throwing out anyone who did from afar.

My cat's hot-ass claws

Isn't she fabulous???

Britney, Britney, Britney

Physically, looking great. Fashion-wise. Yikes-o-rama.

Woman, call a stylist, because a knotted shirt is not acceptable and you can't walk around with all those cheap-ass wigs. Where is she getting them? K-Mart? Holy god they're bad.

Body's looking great though. Keep it up Brit.

Stylist.

Tara Reid makes me barf

I'm sure she makes you barf too, I'm not trying to be selfish. Sorry!

Ew! This picture makes me want to go to the gym.

If only she hadn't gotten that lipo...she would look pretty great.

Today's 'who cares?' news: Jerry & Rebecca get married

Um, but really, who cares?

Remember 'My Secret Identity'? That Jerry starred in? That was a great show. Actually, it was terrible, but I remember the 80's with fondness occaisionally.

Congrats Jerry & Rebecca. Jerry, cut your hair.

Gerard Butler is nice to look at

Have you seen '300'? You should. It's good. Ok, yes, it's a bit gory and more of a boy-flick, but it's pretty darn good.

I will also let you know that there are many fit boys in it, so if you were having a ladies night, you might play it in the background. I'm sure your friends would enjoy their glisteny upper bodies.

He's cute. I like the powder blue polo. Nice against the tan.

Michelle Pfeiffer is an android

And a hot one at that!

Seriously, this woman hasn't aged since 'The Fabulous Baker Boys' in 1989. My god she is gorgeous.

She is elegant and beautiful. All Hollywood actresses should aspire to age like her. Wow. Wow. Wow.

That's a fabu dress too.

Carmen Electra is back!

Love the dark hair. Hated the blonde. I'm really happy.

I am also a little sad that she and Joan Jett, who were reportedly (I love that word - you can say ANYTHING) a couple have not reportedly (yahhhh) broken up because of Carmen's demanding schedule.

Um. I personally think if they did go out and break up it had to be about something else, because what the hell does Carmen Electra do? I know she goes to a lot of stuff, but she doesn't HAVE to. I don't even think she has a job...

Rose O'Donnell gives me cancer

I know it's not funny to joke about stuff like that, but I really think that she might give me cancer!

I mean, is she really wearing lace-trimmed bike shorts (obviously stolen from my drawer back in 1991), with a lace blouse and yellow Crocs?

Have I mentioned how much I hate Crocs? I won't get into it too intensely right now, because it takes a lot of energy out of me and I have a full day ahead, but I really hate them.

I will admit, begrudgingly, that they are ridiculously comfortable. I had to go outside at my hubby-to-be's family cottage recently and I slipped on my father in law's for the 30 second event and WOWEEE, like a cloud.

But ugly. Really ugly.

Vanessa Minnillo - not so hot without make-up

Ok fine, she's still below-the-neck hot, but that face is nothing to write home about, unless you're writing a mean letter about a plain faced girl you'd date, but only if she wore a paper bag. I don't know where that came from. I mean, I don't even date girls.

It's kind of all squished into the middle of her head...I've always maintained that with enough make-up anyone can be stunningly gorgeous.

That bathing suit is cute! There. I said something positive.

Ooh, if anyone can find those hot tub pics of them, send them, because no authorities EVER check this site and I could probably get away with posting them.

That is unless, of course, authorities are reading this right now. Ahem.

Sarah Jessica Parker and one of the reasons I hate her

I don't know what it is about this woman that I hate so much...but for the rest of my life I will list reasons as to why I think I might.

For instance, this outfit!

BITCH! Are you for real???

PS - Bonus hate fact: I also think Bitten is a piece of shit collection that my cat could have designed better...but my cat is seriously chic...her acrylic claw covers match her collar! Oh my god, I am lame.

Hilary Swank's boyfriend looks like a pig

And I don't mean the kind of pig that's grabbing other women's asses when she's not looking. I mean an actual pig. The mammal. From the farm. Where bacon comes from.

I know this isn't nice, because they look um, vaguely happy (uh, is it just me or do they look miserable?) and I'm sure he's a really nice guy, but come on! He looks like he should star in Charlotte's Web!

Oh my - Harry Potter wearing a leather vest

This poor guy. He's totally going to suffer from Haley Joel Osment/Jonathan Lipniki syndrome. He's never going to be able to outgrow his character. You can't play someone in SEVEN movies and think you'll be able to move on seamlessly...it doesn't matter how many nude plays you do in London's theatre district.

It also apparently doesn't matter how many gay bars you're a waiter at...that really would be the only excuse for wearing a vest like that.

Nice eyes though, I bet he gets good tips because of those peepers.

Lindsay Lohan - rocking the drug bloat

So, our friend Lindsay, the Skank Extraordinaire, has been in rehab for a while now...probably just short of 2 months. That's fantastic, because the stuff she was pulling before she went in was wacko x10.

Last weekend, or even the weekend before (sorry, I'm on summer time and I'm not caring that much anymore) was her birthday and she was celebrating at a rented malibu home. Is it just me or is she looking a little like Brandon Davis?

That's definitely some drug bloat she's rocking there...and I hope that's not Samantha Ronson, her rumoured girlfriend, because I think it's quite clear she's the one selling the info to the tabloids...DJ'ing can't pay that much.

Um, I also hate these shoes:

Although there is much less bloat in this photo (1 week before the above photo)

Val Kilmer ate his former self

Seriously. What's with his physique? That's the best way I could put it, but let's be frank, this isn't quite what I would normally call a physique.

Yikes Val.

How funny would it be to see him try to squeeze into the Batman suit now?

Suri Cruise is actually kinda cute

I don't know why I'm being so nice to babies today, normally I kick them and point. Just kidding. That would be really evil, and I am too lazy to be that way.

Here is a picture of Tom Cruise holding onto the last strand of why America may still consider liking him. She's pretty cute. Thank god she looks more like Stroke Face than Tom.

I can't even imagine what kind of weirdo she's going to become when she's an adult.

Jayden James is revealed!

Someone finally caught a photo of JJ Spears/Federline the other day. He's pretty dumpling-esque, but I do see a clear likeliness to KFed, which disgusts me. I know, I know, ALL babies are beautiful, but SOME look like their douchebag fathers. That's not MY fault.

Ok, fine. He's cute. She looks horrible though...but surprise, surprise.

Renee Zellwegger makes me vomit. Violently.

She's just so disgusting. What is so wrong with her that her bones are trying so hard to get away from her and pierce through her skin? And what is she made of? Latex? Gahh. She's so gross.

I hate that prissy look on her face, I want to wipe it off with a brick.

Kate Beckinsale is perfection

She's back from hiding! I think hubby Len directed a couple of movies recently because she's been popping up at premieres. Thank god. I've really missed her.

Look how beautiful she is in two different looks.



Shall we?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm, Beckinsale.

Jessica Biel is hotness

I just want to chop off her head and put on mine. That's all. I would still have my brain and thoughts...just her body. I think that's ok, no?

I will also take the tan. I am now eschewing my former sun ban because I need to build up a tan for my wedding.

Why can't Mystic Tan be wider spread in Montreal!?!?!

Claire Danes is canoodling with ANOTHER co-star?

I used to really, really like Claire Danes. Not as much as one of my girlfriends did, but quite a bit.

Although most of the time I do approve of her red carpet attire, I do not care for her 'disposable men' way of thinking. Didn't Mary Louise Parker and Billy Crudup break up (when MLP was ~7 months preggo) because Claire & Billy hooked up on set?

I don't remember hearing anything about Claire and Bill breaking up...and now she's dating this new guy she's in a movie with. Hmm. If I were that guy, I'd pull a Tom Cruise and accompany her to the set of her next movie.

Wow, getting wet is really unflattering to some people.

[Thanks to JustJared for the pic]

Jessica Simpson and her time machine

Um, is it just me, or did Jessica Simpson's face go through a time warp to her teens? She looks so young and fresh here.

I don't know if it's because she's much less tanned and made-up than usual, but I'm really liking it.

I don't understand this photo of Kate Moss

Some British gossip rag put out this photo of Kate Moss jogging somewhere (in a hideous outfit if I do say so myself). It's supposed to be a really jarring display of what drugs and alcohol can do to a body.

What I don't get is how only ONE of her legs is like that. And seriously, that looks like a really gross geriatric leg, so how could it only be her left one?

Riddle me that.

What the hell is wrong with Bai Ling?

I don't get this woman!! What is with her? She's so weird. She's not even dancing to
the rhythm in this video...I'm sure she's on something.




She is so classy though...I love how you can totally see her breasts from the side view and the grinding with the little person. Hot.

Cameron & JT: Shrek premiere 1 million

Seriously, how many goddam premieres can they have? It's enough, already. I'm tired of seeing this fool's legs all over the place. And she needs to stop leaning on him all the time too, it's just sad.

Stupid face. Regrettably, those are some damn nice legs. Why the hell is she blessed with that body???

PS - Why does he dress like such a dork?

Rumor: Is Nicole preggo?

Rumor has it that Nicole is pregnant...I could say that she looks a little more bulbous than usual, but she is drinking a Jamba Juice. Those are like bloat in a glass.

Also, the new baby doll silhouettes don't help shit in that department.

People are saying that she's preggo and keeping it just to stay out of jail. Imagine explaining that one to your child in 10 years? Brutal.

Beyonce's hot ass

To be honest, I wasn't expecting her to have that good a body. She looks awesome possum.

Way to go lady.

Pam Anderson is gross

So, when I first looked at this pic, I asked myself, 'why is Owen Wilson helping Pammy blow out her birthday candles?' Then I realized that wasn't Owen Wilson. It was an honest mistake. Don't tell me you don't see it.

Pamela Anderson makes me itchy.

Posh is wearing platform sneakers

Hmph. I must admit that I thought better of her. I thought she'd throw on a hot pair of vintage Adidas or something, not these Payless platform sneakers.

These look like the kind of shoes you'd find in one of those sketchy strip malls in a bad part of town.

I can't believe I'm concentrating so much on the shoes when she's throwing like that. How embarrassing.

[Thanks to Dlisted for the pic]

Council of Fashion Designers of America Awards

I love fashion. I just love it. Ever since I was little I have been dreaming about doing something with fashion.

Last week the CFDA Awards were presented in NY. It's always fun to look at the red carpet pictures afterward because you can see everyone trying to one-up each other. And, most importantly, you see the people who fail miserably.

Speaking of which:

This is Erin Fetherston, in her own design. Um, Erin, you might want to stick to your day job. If this is the outfit you decided to wear to the CFDA awards, you might have your priorities a little messed up. The wings, the really poorly matched shoes...it's all bad.


This is Fransisco Costa from Calvin Klein and Eva Mendes, in Calvin Klein. Although I don't care for the colour of her dress, you can't deny that the lines are so beautiful and simple. It's so CK. It's as if everything they cut is with a laser. Beautiful.


Jane Krakowski of Ally McBeal fame. God. Just thinking of that show gives me a rash. I really hate Calista Flockhart. Also, what the hell kind of name is that?

Anyhoo, Jane looks quite lovely, although I'm not loving the side pony. It seems like she really likes that do.


Michael Kors with Heidi Klum and Debra Messing, both in Michael Kors. You can't see it, but Heidi's gown has only one arm. I don't care for one-armed dresses. They're so ridiculous. I shudder with horror at the fact that I had at least 2 one-armed shirts back in 2001. Yikes. Anyway, aside from that , both gowns are beautiful. I love the colour of Debra Messing's.


Mary Kate Olsen looks really good! I am expressing shock here. Normally she looks like such a transient. I love the dress, the bracelet. I'll stop there because her hair still looks wretched and her purse is totally inappropriate, but nice work on the dress, missy.


Monique L'Huillier in one of her own designs. Stunning. I didn't realize she was so young. She has so much talent and her dresses are so beautiful. Imagine how long it took just to make this dress. I love it.


Phillip Lim is a genius. He has finally gained recognition in the past 3 years with his line 3.1 Phillip Lim and I can't say anything bad about him. I'm kind of crossing my fingers and hoping he starts to design bridal, because he has this way with gathering and knots that is born for bridal.


Rachel Zoe, also known as the devil. Seriously. Look at her hideous xylophone chest. I think it's blasphemy that she was even invited to attend this shin dig (or, as my BF would say, shing ding). Skinny bitch.

Tory Burch is amazing. I am currently in love with her line of shoes. I can't say I'm so into her dress, the colours are a bit too much for me, but she can't do wrong in my eyes lately. Love her. Check out her website for loads of unaffordable, gorgeous clothing and shoes.


Vera Wang is a bit of a weirdo. She's not super dressed up, but I kind of like it. Even though I think she's wearing a boot cut legging, I'm ok. She manages to pull it off with the rest of the look. I like the necklace too...very bold.