Lindsay Lohan is wasted...falls in some cactus

Can we please?

This barely needs words.

For the rest of the series of photos, click here.

What a hot mess.

And by hot, I mean disgusting.

Did Jennifer Aniston get Plastic Surgery?

I don't ever want to believe anything bad about Jennifer Aniston, but I read this article this morning and I am now traumatized that my best friend would do something like this.

I wouldn't even look at the top two, except to say that she is so very pretty in the 2002 picture. The other one is pre baby-fat loss, pre pilates obsessions, pre hair dye and tan, so I don't think it's fair to look at.

but the bottom two...there is definitely a big difference in her cheeks...they're fuller. And the writer of the above post (also a plastic surgeon) makes an excellent point that her hair is blonder than it's ever been and people often use that as a distraction method.

I don't know.

What do you think?

People I Hate: Kat von D - and I'm not the only one!

For many reasons, I hate Twitter. Like, really, who cares that you're doing blah at blah o'clock? But, we do get some interesting information from Twitter...For instance, that Samantha Ronson agrees that Kat von D is a moron.

I will let the tweets speak for themselves...like my previous post, I'm sure this will ignite some anger.

Tina Fey is HOTNESS

I don't need Tina Fey to get gussied up for me to love her. In fact, I prefer her in sweats and a plaid shirt shovelling 'Sabor de Soledad' into her mouth.

But one cannot deny that she is the incredible epitome of hotness here. Not only because she's styled impeccably (the make-up could be a notch less, but whatever) but because she is not some young twat with nothing on her mind. She's an intelligent, fiercely funny woman.

Yessir!

Shia LeBoeuf looking yummy

As some of you may know, I like me some Shia LeBoeuf.

It happens to work out, dirtily, that LeBoeuf means 'the beef'.

He did an interview and took some pics for GQ recently...and if I may, 'yum.'



PS - Does anyone else only hear Imogen Heap's 'Dear Sister' when they see him? If you haven't seen it, go to NBC.com (American readers only) and look for his classic skit from SNL.

Jennifer Aniston's body is not fair

Seriously. Her body is not fair.

Those legs?

Gahhhh!

Carby Mark Wahlberg

Apparently it's for some role. But still. That's some carby-ness going on there.

I do not care for it.

I know I'm dwelling, but for real - GO BACK TO THIS AND TELL ME YOU DON'T LOVE IT.

I DARE YOU.

Sorry, I am not into doughy. Conversely, I love bread.

Lauren Conrad's saggy boobs and weird combover hair

While that dress is very lovely, it really doesn't fit her...it's so saggy around the bust.

And her hair! What is going on there? She looks like she is a man with a combover who then added some Sammi Sweetheart hair extensions.

It's really not good.

Blake Lively can wear anything.

This is a pic of Blake Lively wearing a shearling capelet while filming a movie with Billy Baldwin (or his doppelganger).

I cannot believe she's pulling that off.

Hilary Swank has implants?

So while perusing some pictures of H Swank from Oscar night, I fell upon these with some really unflattering boob pics, and what looks like an implant scar:



If those are implants, they're the nicest ones I've ever seen...but have been revealed by squishing!

The Vanity Fair Party

Let's take a look at what happened at the Vanity Fair party, which is one of the biggest and most star-studded!

I love that Alec Baldwin looks ecstatic to be sandwiched between so much boob. And stoned to be between so much boob. What's with his eyes?!


I have decided that Bar Rafaeli is annoyingly hot. But hot, nonetheless.

This is what Diane Kruger should look like - well-dressed and accompanied by Joshua Jackson. Not that hot mess from the Oscars show. I don't love the exposed bra though.

Heidi Klum rocking a 60's mod vibe. Very cute. I wish I had her hair (body, money, etc)
OH MY GOD THE NUDITY! You can't really see it, but there's a mesh panel under her boobs. While it is super naked, she wears it well. She has a crazy body. Good for her.

Could Russel Brand look more coked out? Yikes. Katy's breasts are definitely the reason all those men are surrounding her. Look at those things, seriously, they deserve respect. They're marvelous.

I don't hate or love her dress. It's kind of icky, but it's quirky and that's what she goes for. I don't like the preview of the lining though.


Macaulay Culkin and Natalie Portman are friends? Or were they grouped by height? I always find the candid pics from party so odd because you see people together who surprise you. Mind you, she looks a lot like Mila Kunis (his long-time girlf) so maybe he's just thinking of Mila.


Michael Sheen and Kate Beckinsale have clearly kept in touch since 'Underworld'...how cute. I like her dress/hair/skin/make-up/life. God she's pretty.


Is this anyone else's dream gay couple? Imagine their commitment ceremony/wedding (yes, Emilie, we will be invited)? All the fabulous singing and dancing?! I know Matthew Morrison has denied he is gay, but I don't care. They would be the most fab couple. I need it to happen.


Another man looking wasted while hanging out around Hilary Swanks boobs. And again Maria Bello looking like Rachel Zoe. It's weird and I don't like it. It's not that she's too thin, but her hair is too similar.

Ha ha, Sean Penn looks so drunk/high. Fantastic. Maybe that necklace of Hilary's has a spy-like toxic gas emitter. Hee hee.


One of these things is not like the other...one of these things just doesn't belong...

How do I say this nicely? Old, HOT, cute/hot.

Tom Hanks, while I respect your acting, I need you to stop ruining this picture of Tom Ford and Don Draper talking. Sorry. Jon Hamm. Still. There is an overload of attractiveness at the right side of this photo and the left side is really icking me out.

Oscar's 2010 Aftermath - The fashion, the awards and the parties

I can't do it all in one post. I just can't! Wow, that was overly dramatic. I am going for 'most ridiculous overreaction to blogging' at next year's Oscars. I think I'm a shoo-in.

Ok, here are some pictures from the red carpet that I couldn't get my grubby hands on last night...later I'll post more about parties, etc. The biggest ones being Vanity Fair and Elton John.

Shall we? (PS - I drank 2 glasses of wine while searching for pics, so excuse the mild drunkenness)

Ben Affl(funniest drunk typo ever) Stiller:
I didn't watch the show, it bores me. But I did read many people's reviews of the show and everyone said that Ben Stiller has lost his touch and wasn't really funny. It's hard to be funny at the Oscars. Everyone is wearing Spanx and cranky because they need to check their hair or lipstick every 15 seconds...either way - Avatar sucked and wearing all that make-up for nothing must have sucked slightly less.

Cameron Diaz:
Those who know this blog well know that I loathe Cam 'The Man' Diaz. I really, really do. But bitch rocked that red carpet last night. I was pretending to watch a movie with my husband while watching AP's live feed of the carpet in a tiny window on my laptop and I saw her posing and she looked FAB.

Not everyone can pull off that much ease on the red carpet. She was just on last night. I didn't even know it was her at first (meaning I was actually objective) and I thought, 'whoever that is is totally rocking it.' Then I was bitter.

While I'm not totally in love with the dress, her hair was gorge and she looks like she showered, which is really important to me on Oscar night.

Very, very well done Cam. I'm shocked.


Charlize Theron:
Apparently everyone is all up in her face about the front of this dress. I saw only the back last night and loved it. I love the soft color, I love the 2-tone, I love it all. And, to be frank, I'm not offended by the front. I get the criticism, but come on, it's not like she taped hands to her boobs...they're rosettes.

It's not that big a deal, people. Please kindly remove sticks from asses.

Demi Moore:
She looks a little over thinnified, but gorge nonetheless. She is pulling off the blush like no blonde ever could, it looks amazing. I don't know who it is, but the bottom is stunning. Probably Atelier Versace or Marchesa. They always do beautiful well...Anyhoo, she looks good, and I'm even happier that she didn't bring that young buck she's into.

I give her: Best Blush


Diane Kruger:
I had several issues with her last night:

1. Didn't show with Pacey (Joshua Jackson)
2. Didn't wear anything nice

No - for reals! This dress is a hot mess! As I mentioned on Twitter last night, it looks like a Kleenex box vomited on her.

She has done so much better, and is capable of so much more. I even love what she wore at Vanity Fair more...


Elisabetta Canalis and some old man (George Clooney):
Rumour has it that George Clooney was sipping from a flask all night...especially on the red carpet. I have to assume it is because he realized 'Up In The Air' should not have been nominated and also that flat-ironing his hair makes him look old. That is enough to drive anyone to drink.

Anyhoo - let's talk about this Italian woman he brought with him. I think this is the first girlfriend he's brought to the Oscars, but I'm drunk, so who knows?! Either way, it's quite an honour and she wastes it on crumply satin and underwear lines (VPL for those who like lingo).

For serious - if you're hot (which she is) and you have money (which she does) don't you get a pair of perfect, seamless undies that wouldn't show under an angel's whisper (don't know what that is, again - drunk)?

Not impressed. Also - please don't bring your dad to the Oscars. He looks bummed and his hair is silly.


Gabourey Sidibe:
Due to all the coverage of the Oscars I now know how to spell this girl's name. Hurray!!! That makes me happy.

I am very glad she is a celebrity, because she seems like a genuine human being and not some Jennifer Lopez/Posh Spice alien who values only the approval of US Magazine. She showed genuine emotion and that is great. I hear she also called her dress 'the money shot' if fashion was porn. FAN-F$%^ing-TASTIC!


Helen Mirren & Captain von Trapp:
On an interesting (remember - drunk) side note - I played Brigitta von Trapp in a high school version of 'The Sound of Music'. Wow. I just fell asleep. Apologies.

Speaking of falling asleep, though I hope I look this amazing when I'm her age, hasn't she worn this exact dress before?

Kate Winslet:
While I will forever find Kate Winslet fabulous, because I am a human polygraph, I did slip up last night and say she looked anorexically skinny. I take it back. While she does look slim and lithe, I wouldn't call the eating disorder bug.

I really, really don't care for the dress, but her hair and make-up are stunning and I can't say enough about that necklace. It's blowing my mind with it's shininess. I love it.


Kathryn Bigelow:
Major girl-power fist pumps to be had for the first female director win, but KB made an excellent point when she said that she wished the modifiers could be abolished. Why does it matter that she's a woman? Until last night, it did. Now, it's just a talented director winning.

I have been meaning to watch this movie...maybe Wednesday night.


Kristen Stewart:
I don't know if she has a stylist...if she does, I love said stylist. This girl has been 99% on for the entire past year. And this dress is no exception. It is fabulous.

Yes, she's young and could have gone 'funner', but this dress is so stunningly rich and beautiful and so...elite. Wow. I love it. Seriously.

I give her: Best Not-Black

Zoe and Lenny Kravitz:
Could this girl be more beautiful? I want to barf. Seriously. She is totally stunning. The dress is a little amateur, but she's young and she's allowed to make mistakes.

Lenny, looks sextastic as always. My friend Tania met him. He is petite.

He has a sense of humour though...check out this video (fast forward to 5:36). Love Jimmy Kimmel - he's underrated.

Maggie Gyllenhall:
I thought this dress deserved a 2nd look. I change my mind. I still wish it was what it was from the breasts up. Then the bottom happened and it turned out it was a Hawaiian shirt as a dress.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Mariah Carey:
Lainey said that she took one step every 5 minutes and hogged the carpet the way Mimi should. I mean, they should have known that when they invited her. What is she going to do? NOT hog the carpet? COME ON!

In other news, that dress sucks.

Michelle Pfeiffer:
My god she is stunning. That color is beautiful (if not a little too fall-ish in that light) and her face is so well maintained. God I wish I was rich. I already look older than her!


Neil Patrick Harris:
Why didn't anyone tell me NPH was going to be on? I LOVE him. I'm sure he was fabulous and that everyone wished he was hosting. Not that I don't love Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin, but damn NPH is maximum awesomeness.


Penelope Cruz:
I detest the asymmetrical neckline of this dress. It looks like it's attempting to crawl up her neck and off her body. And isn't this the SAME DRESS SHE WEARS TO EVERYTHING? Seriously. I'm so tired of this fitted bodice, full skirt crap she wears to everything.

MIX IT UP.

You're pretty though.

Robert Downey Jr & Lady friend:
I really like her dress, but I like him so much more. I would wear him. Look! he's wearing silly blue tinted glasses and sneakers to the Oscars. God, how does one not love him? I ask because I don't understand how anyone could not see how wonderful and brilliant he is.

Signourney Weaver:
This seems like that same dark green dress she wore to something else. I'm lazy (wine!) so I won't link to it, but you know what I mean. Not that she isn't stunning and it isn't great on her, it's just boring. Classy though...she looks so good. Love her.

Oscar's Red Carpet Post #3

This one is a big one!
Cameron Diaz:
I normally hate her. You know that. You all know that well. But goddamn she looks good. And she is rocking the red carpet. I first saw her from behind and was totally wowed. She looks great.

Charlize Theron:
Could this woman be more stunning? The colors are so hard to wear and she looks so great. Her hair is perfect, the train has the perfect amount of drama. I love it. The 2-tone is blowing my mind.

Elizabeth Banks:
I don't know what's going on with her skin tone and that hair color, but she looks really washed out...the dress is also super dramatic considering who she is...and what's she's in (Hello Zack and Miri Make a Porno?)

Not loving it.

Gaboury Sidibe:
I really hope she wins. And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the amount of blue the ladies are wearing this year. She's so cute!

George Clooney:
He seems to have blow dried his hair into an old man haircut.

'Nuff said.

Jennifer Lopez:
Wow. That is a big bum! That's the only thing I can ssee now.

Is that dress made of bubble wrap? Quilted Pepto Bismol? Hate it.

Meryl Streep:
Could she be more stunning? That dress is dramatic and suitable for her. She IS an Oscar winning actress and she looks fantastic. This is so 'Death Becomes Her'. LOVE IT.

Queen Latifah:
Is she shrinking? She looks beautiful. The same beautiful lavender that Charlize is wearing and as always she looks stunningly beautiful and could in anything.

Rachel McAdams:
BEST DRESS EVER. Not even just of tonight. Ever.

Gorgeous. She's wonderful.


Sarah Jessica Parker:
I'm hating loving this, because it's her, but I really do love it. It's GORGEOUS. I love the color and the neckline and she's wearing a satin that isn't wrinkling! And the hair! It's perfect!

Tina Fey:
Except for the mom shoes, I love this. The faux animal print burnout, the hair, her scar. I love her. She can do no wrong. Well, except the Golden Globes.

Vera Farmiga:
She wore color! And it's glorious ruffles! It's beautiful like a Barbie Peaches 'n' Cream dress. I love it.

Her eyes still freak me out though.

Woo. Ok, watch it up kids.