Dear Jess,
Look, you've gone and presented yourself as this super-hot bombshell blonde for the past while, so I've come to expect it. Yes, I know you've just gone through a divorce and you want everyone to think that you've gotten the shit end of the stick, but still...
I mean, come on! You are supposedly best friends with your hairdresser, yet you've been seen around with some burned out shitty hair lately. Hook that shit up. If he can't handle both positions, hire someone else to be the best friend (ahem, me).
I also don't appreciate your ugly outfit. I don't want to see you in sweats. I just don't. Deal with it. Here is what I would like: Coiffed hair 24-7, couture 24-7 (if you INSIST you can have Sunday's off), and light make-up ALL the time. It's just not appropriate to pretend you're human after shoving your hotness down our throats for a year.
Got it?
Good.
XOXO,
Sara
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