The 2011 Teen Choice Awards

For the record, I'm getting old.

Yes, we're all ageing, but I'm starting to get to the point where I can no longer tolerate the music I hear on the radio, and I'm not really sure what's on TV (I PVR or download) or who people are.

Yikes. Like really? Bruno Mars? Why is Demi Lovato in my face, aside from her rehab stinted and rumoured sex and cocaine addiction since?

Ok, off my (old) soap box and now I'm going to apply my elderly opinions to a show designed for youngun's.

Ashley Greene:

This is NOT flattering. Seriously. What was she thinking? Because of how incredibly in shape and thin she is, this looks as good as it will ever look. But she still looks wide and thick and stumpy. This is a lesson in color blocking and proportions people. DRINK it in. And don't do it. This is a NO lesson.

Avril Lavigne:

(Directed at her, not you) TAKE OFF THOSE SHOES YOU DUMB SLUT! YOU'RE CANADIAN.

That will be all.

Blake Lively:

So pretty, but ever since the whole nude photos (not her but totally her) thing she has been dressing kind of demurely at events and it's a bit boring. Sure, it's clingy, but it's not the Boobs Legsly of old...so pretty though. I love her a bit (a lot).

Cameron Diaz:

You're 500 years old. Go home. I also don't like that dress at all. What color is that? Sack 'O' Potatoes beige?

But really, it's all made better by the fact that she allowed herself to stand next to Blake Lively. A HAHAHAHAHA, She should never do that again. Just like I don't stand next to anyone in their young 20's in photos. Duh. It's vanity logic.

Demi Lovato:

Freshish from rehab and the suspected subject of so many blind items...I still don't know why else I'm supposed to care about this girl. She seems like one of so many that are the same age, have the same look and don't really do anything. Hmm.

That's some ugly dress though.

Emma Stone:

That's some face. I love that she's not a radioactive shade of orange, it's really nice that she's pale and has beautiful porcelain skin...I don't love that dress on said skin though...it's a little too stark, and the sleeve/belt thing is bothersome...especially that it kind of matches her hair color. It's not her best look ever.

Fergie:

I am pretty sure I've asked this before, but does anyone else just want Fergie to shut up? Just stop singing for a bit. With this new album, it seems like she's developed a new, more strained way of singing that I find especially harsh on my eardrums. Also, I'm super insulted that they remade that song from 'Dirty Dancing'. WTF?

That dress is not terrible...but as i was saying before, I'm old, and it reminds me of the late 80's/early 90's and it scares me a bit.

In other news, her face in this photo is magnificent. All cross eyed and glorious

She pulled some serious bitch face during the show too, when Josh Duhamel didn't win. If you can find a clip watch it, it's great.

Justin Bieber:

Just ugh. That's all.

Kaley Cuoco:

She hosted the show, because. Um, well, I don't really know. But she looks pretty good, and she rarely ever dresses well for her body. So let's give her this one as a victory even if she looks like she should be lying in a field and/or promoting her new cookbook about vegetarianism and placentas coming together in harmonious recipes for chutneys and stews.

Kourtney Kardashian:

She legit frightens me. But I'm loving the 70's vibe of this look. Ohhhh, the 70's....come get me. I can't wait for fall when I can wear my platform heels and bell botom jeans with my tie neck blouses. FANTASTIC!

Lucy Hale: Who?

All I see is an insanely CUTE face and a slutty dress.

Someone tell me what she is. I'm too lazy to Google. PLEEEEAAAAASSSE.

Rachel Bilson:

She will forever be cute. Bold choice of pairing those booties with that dress...I'm not 100% sure I like it. Like, I mean I think I might hate it. I like them apart, but I don't feel them together at all. Thoughts?

Sean Kingston:

Applause for the guy who almost died a very short while ago. He looks good and happy and he apparently has a new outlook on life. Wow. Good for him!

Selena Gomez aka Princess Bieber:

Not sure I love how the youth are interpreting the sheer skirt trend. The weird curtain train. First Demi Lovato and now this one. That dress is so prom, the only thing I like on her is her shoes. Those are fun. I am going to tax her...

Taylor Swift:

I'm over her. The only time she ever impressed me was when she sassed up and straightened her hair. Aside from that, she's always the same. Same cute, same curls, same sparkly pretty dress, same same same.

Tyra Banks:

Welll! Someone is excited for Batman to come out!