The Kids Choice Awards

So, the Kids Choice Awards were the other night. People like going to those things because they get to mold their new fans into liking them.

I hope the kids are not convinced by this hot mess:

The Black Eyed Peas:

They really need to get out of my face. I'm overexposed. Fergie looks crazy thin, it's kind of creepy. Or maybe it's her orange eye make-up that's freaking me out. For some weird reason I like the necklace Apl is wearing. I wish I had a graphic representation of myself to wear.

Heidi Klum:

This is not super flattering. I don't know why...is it the hips? It seems really wide around her hips. She's not pregnant again is she? I don't know, I expect more from her...

Josh Duhamel:

Bieber Fever?

Kim Kardashian:

Why do those shoes look so awkward? Are the heels too low? Ugh, I hate this whole look. She looks like she put on the first Milkmaid costume she could find. It's just ugly. Come on!

Miley Cyrus:

Ugh, she reminds me of Sheryl Crow. 'Look everyone! I'm a hippie! Love me!'

I want to slap her a little bit.

Also, I totally like that dress and it really pisses me off.

Rosario Dawson:

She's so gangly and pretty. How does one not love her? Also, for once, I'm all over what she's wearing. I love the dark ruffles, I love the clutch, it's altogether something I would wear. Also, I wish I had her body.

Russell Brand:

I love that he somehow found my papa's casual grocery shopping jacket. I swear. My 88 year old papa had that exact jacket. He wore it with some pale blue dungarees, so not as slick as these creased sateen skinny pants, but still, he was stylin'.

Something about Russell here is giving me the guessies. Like, why are his hands in his pockets? Why is his hair SO shiny? Where is Katy Perry? Did they get married too quickly? So many questions...

Selena Gomez:

Um, what is going on here? She looks like how I assume Eva Longoria dresses on a yacht on Sundays. It's too old for her. And those shoes are quite horrendous. I know that crop tops are back, but that doesn't mean we should wear them people. Just think it through, that's all I ask.
Snoop Dogg & Family:

Is there anything better than this?

Sofia Vergara:

She's just so hot. I mean, look at her. It looks like she cut her hair a bit, it looks really fresh. I also really like her outfit choice for the event. It's not totally overdone like some people, it's just fun.

Taylor Momsen:

Stop being so whiny (yes, I can tell from a photo) and shut up. Also, wash your face/hair/clothes and go back to school. You are quickly becoming extremely annoying.

Victoria Justice:

I don't know who this is or what she is in but she's very pretty and I really like her dress. In my small mind that is more than enough. Ahhh. How soothing.

Willow Smith:

This child is working too hard. Look how thin she is. Enough Will & Jada, we get it, you create superstars together. Let them have childhoods too.

Also, I don't think that 9 year olds should wear gold rompers. Just saying.