Teen Choice Awards - Let's make fun!

I say that mainly because I really have no clue who half these people are or what they do with their lives. I miss the days of 'Matlock' and 'Murder, She Wrote'. Ha ha. Imagine?

Just kidding of course. Let's look at the children and what they're wearing:


Blake Lively:
For a show that has pretty terrible ratings, it is really popular. I smell Arrested Development-style cancellation coming...a long drag-em-down, shoot-em-out war not to be cancelled.

Oh yah, we are discussing the clothes. Love it. Seriously. A lot. It's hot. If my husband didn't have this thing against one-shouldered clothing (the same 'thing' I have for mock neck anything) then I would totally buy it for the Vegas wedding I have coming up. Instead I had to buy a more lady-like silk thing from ShopBop.com. It's lovely. But it has 2 straps. On either shoulder. Boo.


David Beckham:
Mmm. He's cute and stuff. I like the intentionally tacky outfit, the quasi-ugly shirt with the vest. Love a slim, good-bodied guy in a vest. It's hot. Too bad he talks like a woman.


Fergie:
Holy hell this is fugly. The colors are terrible, the cut does nothing for her, volume-wise and neckline-wise. Oy. The hair do is weird, it gives her cocker-spaniel face...oh the horrors. Why would you were something so dreadful to a teen show? Have fun. Stupid.


Hayden Panettiere:
Speaking of stupid...No, to be fair, I actually like this dress. It's pretty. Again though, it's no fun and that sucks for such a supposed-to-be-fun event. Put on a mini and rock it! Not only are you 19, but you're supposed to be cool. I know maxi's are in, but not for midgets. Hee hee.


The Jonas Brothers:
I had to choose to say a LOT or a little about these guys. I decided to shut my trap, since I pretty much have no clue who they are, and just let the (douchey) picture speak for itself. Oh my. Oh my oh my oh my.


Kim Kardashian:
Does no one get the point of this event? This dumb ass is dressed like it's her sister's sweet 16 from 1987. And is it just me or did she powder her entire upper body and face, but not her shoulders or arms? Weird. All weird. I am glad though that she's not showing off her fat ass for once.


Kristen Bell:
Ok, whatever. This is boring. Formula: too much eye make-up, bad roots, high-waisted skirt, long beads, nude shoes. I'm too lazy to look up the occasion when Rachel Bilson did it originally, but I'm sure she did. Oy. It is not helping this girl that I loathe her character on 'Heroes'. I would prefer the irritating South American crying girl to this girl.


Lauren Conrad:
For some reason I don't hate this attempt at a maxi dress...even if it is a bit too long. At least it's not overbearing, the pattern is 'fun' and she is working it. Unlike the other two doofuses. Doofi?


Miley Cyrus:
Fresh off another leaked photo scandal, here is our oh-so-wholesome (COUGH!) hostess on the red carpet. I'm not saying that I don't want her hair or her dress, but I will say this: WHY BOOTS IN F&*#ING SUMMER? Come on!

Also, stop taking pictures of yourself in your unders on your damn phone. People keep hacking into it and taking them. Lord. Come on!

We didn't have those problems back in my day, with the morse code machines...


Rachel Bilson:
If I was able to redo my closet, for the most part I'd redo it with her clothes. Not with those fug ass boot-sandals she wore the other day, but most of it. This dress, for sure. I would brush my hair though. I think she forgot to do that...


Scarlett Johanssen:
Looking matronly, non? Again, kind of boring considering the event. So blah. Makes me sleepy. Where's her sexy-ab'd boyfriend/fiancé?


Sofia Bush:
Too elegant. FAIL. Love the dress, just really not for the occasion. It's too 'my-sister's-wedding-where-I'm-not-a-bridesmaid-and-slightly-pissed-about-it-so-I'm-going-to-look better-than-that-bitch'. Ha ha. That's funny in itself.


Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens:
So far I like her business best. Cute, fun, and age-appropriate. The shoes are very cute. He is also looking appropriate, although should be embarrassed he's wearing more make-up than his "girlfriend". Who is this guy and why do people think he's straight? My gaydar is going off mega on him...

I think the men won this round...with Miley and Vanessa right behind them...

Oy. What a nightmare.