Daily "makes my day": Mischa bawling

I realize that I'm an evil bitch, but this series of pictures really makes me happy.

Ha ha, bawl stupid bitch. Maybe use that rag holder you're wearing as a bracelet to wipe the tears from your weird juvi-face.

I love it!

Ok, I am totally going to hell. Oh well.

Adam Brody & Rachel Bilson

These two are so cute! Yes, they're definitely overreacting to the chilly Canadian fall, but they're cute doing it, so who cares.

I am an oldschool (god I'm retarded) Seth fan, Captain Oats-style, but he's looking a little effeminate here, no?

Still cute though.

Wicked Halloween Costume!

Oh shit. That's her REAL clothes!

Joanie Laurer, aka Chyna, former wrestler is one fucked up biatch. A choker! COME ON. PS- that belt isn't really throwing the outfit together, I must be honest.

Chyna was gross when she was in WWE, and when she was on The Surreal Life, but this outfit might be the grossest.

This woman needs to lay off the roids for a bit and not dress like a weird, 14 year-old, Japanese hooker.

If you really want to be grossed out, check out this synopsis of her porn with her ex boyfriend, X-Pac (also a former wrestler).

You've been warned.

If you're really yearning for gross, afterall it is halloween, click on all the underlined parts for screencaps!

Seriously though, I warned you. Highlight here for a hint: 3 inch long clit!

Reese 'n' Ryan: breakin' up is hard to do

Aww, so sad! Although I never liked this guy, thought he was a no-talent body bringing her down, I am sad to hear of their break-up. Divorce is never good, especially when there are nauseatingly cute children involved.

He's a tool though. Go Reese!

"Feelipay" Give me a fucking break. I speak fucking French. It's pronounced "Fileep"

Tool.

Go Reese!

Lord Lohan post of the day - October 31

Guys, I thought it was over, I really did, but it's not. It can't be. I was die-hard for so long when everyone called her 'firecrotch', when she had blonde hair, I always loved her. Why would I be so petty as to think that it would go away so quickly?

Please see below. Bitch is back.

She is the bloody hotness in this sweater dress/boots combination. Ohmyfuckinggod. This is one of those things that only someone with style (or a stylist) can pull off. Oh, it's gorgeous. It was this photo that put me BACK in love. Yum!

I'm not in love with the super dark hair, or the super-straight look, or the numerous elastic bands around her wrist, but I am in love with that face. Look how gorge she is!!! I don't care what people are saying about her lips. Yes, they do look a little plumper, but so can mine if I hold them just right in the split second that a photo is taken. Loves it.

Fabu look. Love the boots. So much in fact, I could see myself hugging them while I slept. Gorgeous. She's back ya'll. Don't try to deny it.

Who's this handsome chap? He's MUCH better looking than that needle nose Harry Morton. He was only after her pink taco anyway. This guy is mysterious, cute, and he's letting her drive. That's nice. And brave.

Last but not least, one of her halloween costumes from this weekend. Her ass looks not so great here, and I love her for it. I'm in love again!

Yipeeee!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm, Lohan!!!!

Jessica Simpson - back to gross

Obviously this girl has no clue what's right for her. She lets her dad take sexy pictures of her (god, even typing that makes my soul hurt) and she insists on wearing her natural hair length. As a helmet.

And I'm not understanding this, is it bad eyeliner day (see Duff sisters below)? Oh lord. This girl needs some serious help.

Jess, call me. I will style you and make everything better. Promise.

Duff sisters: Fug reversal?

I happened upon this photo yesterday and noticed that Haylie actually looks more attractive than Hilary. This perplexes me, because we all know she is a definite horse face.

I really think Hil needs to break up with her wanna-be punk boyfriend because she's following his eyeliner tips and it's really not doing anything good for her.

Oy.

Skankopolis Anniversary

I am such a space cadet lately that I missed the anniversary of the blog!!!

It was yesterday! Wow, I cannot believe it's been a year!

Check out some stuff from last year!

What good times we've had!

Thank you to everyone! This is a pic of me on the beach! Enjoy!

Lord Lohan post of the day - October 24

I am not feeling this people. Really not. But I feel like I owe it to her as one of her die-hard fans. I don't know. Scroll down for some more of my doubt. It's saddening.

MMOTW commented on the last post of the day that there are pics of her with Parasite with underwear on their heads. I just don't know if I can be with someone like that. God. I think we're going to break up, this is really depressing.

I have a couple of pics...let's check 'em out:

Lilo and Kate Bosworth? Please no. She's only now looking healthy again. If Skeletor starts influencing her and making her lose weight again, it really will be the last straw. I am not crazy about the make-up trend going on lately. There's way too much intense, 80's colour.

At Calvin Klein in an odd, slightly disappointing outfit: I must say, I don't care for the shoes. It looks like mini cobras are going to jump off them and attack me. The dress is hot, but combined with the lace fingerless gloves, the weirdo mom-nylons and those cobra shoes it's a mess. And not a hot mess.

The hair is also bad. God. It's so bad.

What do I do?

Toby Keith Ford Commercial

This commercial makes me want to jump off the roof of a very tall building. I fucking hate it. I am sorry for those of you who like it, but country music makes me want to die. Oh my fuck this is bad. I'm sure you know it, the lyrics go a little like this:

Music and Lyrics by Toby Keith

I gotta get up early
I gotta be on time
I've got to go bust it
Man, I got to go get mine,
I am that kinda guy.....
And I want a piece of that American pie

I put a lot of sweat
Into the job at hand
You can count on me
I am a .... workin' man!!!!

So when it's quitting time
And you've had enough
I'm still good to go, baby
Cuz I'm Built Ford Tough

If you haven't already seen it, please go see the ad on YouTube (it's not working on my blog at the moment, sorry!) so you can share in my pain. Good god.

GUF: Cameron and JT

Don't even try to deny it anymore, these two are fugging each other up. BADLY.

Look at how nasty.

Ew. She looks like she's going to eat your children and then run to hide in her gingerbread house.

The pic of him is obviously Photoshopped, but he has been looking really rough since hooking up with this wretch.

Ew.

Kate Hudson - itsy bitsy

Ok, I know, this picture has been floating around for days, but still. I had to show.

I think she's too skinny. It's gross. Also, I find that bikini kind of scant, don't you? It's one less triangle short of being her first double penetration film (go Malezia!)

Her abs look great though. Am jealous. I wish my gym wasn't moving locations and hadn't put us into a temporary dust-bunny haven location.

Still love her though. Maybe she should be on the below list...

The New Lord? Kate Beckinsale

In light of some of the horrible things that Lindsay Lohan has been doing lately, I feel that she may be in jeopardy of losing her coveted spot as queen bee in my eyes.

Someone who has never wrong us is Kate Beckinsale. Sure, she does some crappy movies, but I can deal with that. At least people go to SEE her movies (Ahem, 'Prairie Home Companion'). Yes, she did an interview last year where she discussed squirting her breast milk across the room, but she doesn't hang out with Parasite!

Look how lovely she is here with her daughter. That's how the Lord should be. What do you guys thinks? Help me, I am a lost fawn in need of my Bambi. That didn't make sense, but you know what I mean.

Did anyone else once think Bambi was a girl?

Tori Spelling - Puke-a-tronic

I think fuggo is pregnant, no? I can't remember. There were so many rumours involving this idiot this year that I can't keep up. Mostly because I really couldn't care less.

What I do care about...is the fact that this child is going to have to be near these implant monsters. Obviously the woman cannot breast feed, unless it digs silicon milk shakes or some grossness, but it's still going to be resting there. Oh god.

This is the nastiest. She should put those away. They are almost as gross as her face.

Suzanne Sommers: Good from far, but far from good

I want to kick myself for using one of my mother's weirdo expressions, but that is all I can say about this photo. If you look at it small, like this

it doesn't scare you or give you nightmares. But, if you happen to decide to look at it like this

you may lose your shit. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH HER FACE??? THAT IS PURE HORROR.

Is that Botox gone bad? Can someone clear this up for me? Oh my god. I'm so scared.

Just in time for Halloween kids. Holy fuck. I'm not going to sleep tonight.

Minnie Driver hurt my feelings

I don't think it was intentional, but it could have been. Why on earth do people think ankle boots are flattering.

This picture of Minnie Driver is proof that it is not nice. On ANYONE. This woman is very svelte, too much so if you ask me. Mind you, she's apparently lost extra weight for a role, but it's still quite g with a ross. Gross.

Oy. Ankle boots suck. Unless under pants.

Jakey G's penie

Well, well, someone decided not to wear their panties today!

Seriously, not to be a prude, but I find this mildly offensive. Don't be telling me that you didn't know your trouser snake was going to make an appearance through your chino's on this blustery day. Shit.

This post is for all the Jake lovers. Please explain the appeal, because I am not sure I get it.

Lord Lohan is on the brink

Apparently, this past Saturday in Vegas, my lord and the skankiest, dirtiest, no-talent slut out there reunited and it felt SO good.

The two walked into Tao for Michelle Trachtenberg's 21st birthday together, ARM IN ARM!

First Nicole, now Lord Lohan.

I don't know guys. What's going on? I don't think I can handle this! I feel like my world is falling apart.

KFed is a loser, even to wrestling fans!

There are a rare few fans of WWE wrestling who are normal people. I would count myself (formerly), my best friend, my hubby-to-be (formerly), his brother and his best friend as the majority of the group.

Most wrestling fans are smelly, weird, zit-faced, loud-mouthed yokels with no social lives and certainly no romantic prospects.

That is why I find it greatly hilarious that KFed went on WWE 'Raw' on Monday night and got his ass boo'd to high hell by the largest weekly gathering of unnatractive nerds ever assembled. I also love that the hotness, John Cena, F-U'd him (slammed him down from his shoulders).

Ha! Take that, 'Pig'!

Mmmm, John Cena

Scary Spice & Eddie Murphy are with child

I like saying 'with child'. It's stupid but I love it.

Eddie Murphy and Mel Brown (aka Scary Spice) have been dating for quite a while, and apparently, they're expecting a child. I like to say apparently because this news comes 3rd hand from an employee in a lingerie store. I mean, come on!

The employee heard that Mel was 4 months a long and "really tired."

Congrats Eddie & Mel, I hope the child doesn't look like either of you, because, quite frankly, I find you both a bit frightening.

The Daily Kudos: Britney Spears

Britney went on an outing this week, after being inside since the birth of her second son: Cheeto Big Mac Federline. No, seriously, according to Lainey, they haven't even confirmed the name yet. That's silly. Just send an email. I knew firing her publicist was going to be a bad idea...she'll never do it. She's too busy trying to fabricate Kevin a career.

Shit, I could have a more lucrative career with my Mop Top Hair Shop.

One thing I will say though, she looks REALLY good (compared to recently). She looks like she's been working out, she looks like she may have showered recently, and she looks happy. Those ever famous boobies are looking a little saggy, but eh, she's had 2 kids and she's 25, what do we want?

Congrats Brit, you're looking gooooooood. Now dump 'Pig', seriously.

You know you loved it.

Ew. They changed the name of the 'Mop Top Hair Shop' to the 'Fuzzy Pumper Barber Beauty Shop'. Does anyone else find that a little inuendo-y? "Fuzzy Pumper"? It sounds like slang for a hand job!

Jennifer Aniston, I'm a little disappointed

I love this woman. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have tried to be her for years. I have failed. It's sad, a bit.

One thing I will never copy her on is this dress. I am disappointed. I really must say. One sleeve? Oy. Although my love for her is untouchable, I can't help but sigh when I see this dress. She's done better.

I mean, come on. Do it for me.

She's still unbelievably tan and pretty though. Wow.

Lord Lohan post of the day - October 17

My girl is looking rough kids. What do we do?

I don't know what to do...lately, the make-up is too much...especially in the 80's blush region. She looks like my mom when she's getting ready for Christmas dinner or something.

I read that it is a trend because of Diane Von Furstenburgs Spring runway, but still. Yuck.

I heard she's been corrupting, ahem, hanging out with Rumer Willis. Isn't that kind of gross? Didn't she make out with Bruce Willis?

Would you chill with anyone who had made out with your dad (aside from your mom)?

Still, we gotta say it:

Ohhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm, Lohan

Jessica - CLIMBING BACK UP BITCHES!!!

I know that they're Ken Paves Extensions, but she LOOKS GODDAM HOT! She's not wearing the sweatshirt or plaid shirt with a dressy below waist combo, she has make-up on and her hair is done!

The lord has heard my prayers!

Thank you Jessica. You're back in contention!

Daily Yum: Matthew McConaughey

I don't care how much he looks like a bushman. He's still the hotness.

Yum.

I don't even care that he's wearing socks with his flip-flops. Wow. That's a big thing for me.

I hope he comes to my wedding.

Fergie - almost there...

She's so close to being cute, but almost all the time she takes it 1 or 2 steps too far.

I would lose the fedora and the suspenders. I mean, COME ON, who are you? Chaplin?

She's looking good though. Must admit.

Madonna, PLEASE!

Can someone call her and ask her to please stop wearing the trucker caps? I had so many of those fuckers shoved down my throat 3 years ago that if I see another one on her, I'm going to go there and throw up on her.

Great. Now I'm going to get arrested for internet threats. Is throwing up on someone considered assault?

I'll risk it.

BLAAAAAAARRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! (That's a barfing noise, in case you didn't get it)

Nicole, what have you done?

Remember when Nicole Richie wasn't friends with Parasite anymore? Remember what a delightful time that was? They were constantly at each other throats in the press, talking about how the other was a terrible person.


Remember how pretty she was?

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Ohh, those were the days.

NOW, Nicole is red-headed, which I hate. Not that she cares, but she should, because I am very influential (to my cat). Also, she's sporting some weirdo Cleopatra eyeliner that I feel is a bit too extreme for daytime.

Oh, and did I mention she's been seen with the Parasite all over town? Yah. That is the last straw. So much for that. She's on the 'DO NOT POST' list, unless she earns her way off of it.

[Pic Source: Just Jared]

Ugly outfit post

Initially I was going to do separate posts for these pictures, because I saved them all on different days, but the similarities are too strong to ignore.

Commence the fun-making:

Jennifer Love Hewitt:
She seemingly did not get the memo that A) Everyone hates her, B) Peasant skirts should be used for rags and C) that it isn't the 1950's and cone boobs are not hot.

I wish the fucking paparazzi would stop taking pictures of her reading fucking tabloids. Stop perpetuating her! She's almost as fucking bad as P~Hil.

This girl needs to die a really brutal death.

Kirsten Dunst:
I honestly don't know what is worse, the white knee-socks, the weird-ass brown leather golf shoes, her crusty denim shorts, her Salvation Army grandpa sweater or her fucking sick-ass weave. I REFUSE to go see 'Marie-Antoinette' and also change the channel as soon as the commercial comes on. Here's another one I hope burns to death.

Jennifer Lopez:
I am sorely disappointed here. It's almost as bad as that weird Wet'n'Wild make-up job from last week. That dress is the ugliest daycare foil-art contest winner I have ever seen. And her face is especially puppet-like and frightening. Ew.

Ew. Ew. Ew.

Now THIS is a woman!

Monica Belluci is a hot, hot lady.

She's really looking fabulous in that dress.

Take that Paris, Nicole, Kate (Bosworth), Asslee, Mischa, Posh, Teri, etc, etc, etc.

THIS is a woman. You're all pipecleaners.

PS - Posh, Nicole, I still love you, I just need you to get a little curvier.

Normally...

...I love me some Rosario Dawson. Normally.

In this case, I am going to have to request that someone buy her some glue-on bangs, because I can't look at this.

That is the worst mo-fo'ing haircut I have EVER seen. It's vile. Even a woman of her stature and beauty can't pull this off.

Natalie Portman on the other hand...probably.

Oh god it's bad.

Patricia Arquette & Thomas Jayne

Ha ha, just typing his name makes me think of the 'Arrested Development' episode where Lindsay tries to date this 'homeless' guy she meets, but as it turns out it's TJ researching a role. Then Tobias covers himself in Diamond cream and almost dies. Ohh, I will miss that show.

What the shit was I saying?

Oh yah. How could I forget?

I realize that she recently (was it that recently?) had a baby, but those breasts are out of control insane! They should be illegal. They're the kind where you're kind of dodging your head around scared that they're going to spill over.

Gah. I'm sickened. When they got married they totally fugged each other.

[Pic source: Lainey]

Katie Holmes

Katie Holmes has been in Paris the past little bit, enjoying fashion week with the goddess who is Posh Beckham. I have some comments about that.

1) Posh is really embarrassing me this week. Hanging out with KATIE HOLMES? I think she should check up on her tabloids. Tom Cruise isn't exactly the ticket to breaking into the Americas right now.



2) That black too-short ballgown is not exactly a day outfit. Not to mention the fugly closed-toe flats she chunked that thing up with

3) That white pantsuit perfectly explains why Tom picked her. She can totally play that Victor/Victoria shit and be the man. Ew. I just pictured Tom Cruise in a sparkly red Jessica Rabbit gown. Blech.

4) Posh, seriously. Disappointed.

5) This ridiculous skirt (although I'm sure it cost more than all my posessions) is a little too ballerina on someone of her stature. I wouldn't exactly call it shopping attire. It's pretty clear to me that she has no GD clue what she's doing when she gets dressed and it irritates me as someone who loves clothes.

6) Are those Palazzo pants? Oh god.

Stroke faced bitch. Go home and leave my Posh alone.