The Emmy's Giganto-post

Ahhhh, is there any better way to come back than an awards show? I think not friends. Did you miss me?

Since Blogger posts backward, this is actually my last post of the evening. I have caught you up on some inane details of my life below.

Happy to be back! Enjoy the Emmy's fashion breakdown, and let me know if I missed anyone you'd like me the shred to pieces!

Samaire Armstrong
I forget what it is, but I read the pronounciation of this girl's name once, and it's total shit. It's SUM-AIRE, and she says something like SAM-AY-REEE. Look, I speak French, and that is NOT how they would say that.

Either way, she's hot. I loved her on the OC. I mean, uh... I did NOT watch that show. Ok, but only for the first season, when it was edgy and shit. Oh god, I'm such a loser.

Jennifer Morrison
I like her! I like her more without the thick, paint-brush esque bangs, but I don't hate her now. She's really cute and has nice hair. Also, her pant-suits on 'House' are always nice.

Yah, really not sure about that thick bang. It's a bit much for her tiny frame. The dress is a little gross too. Hmm, rethinking my liking of her. I'll get back to you on this.

Felicity Huffman
I hate to say it, but Mrs William H Macy looks too good for him. He's quite dorky looking and she's pulling off hot. Wow, he's lucky. Mind you, he's brilliant and shit, so I guess it's ok.

Is it just me, or would this be a beautiful wedding dress? If not a little too full at the bottom? And I don't care for the lettuce edge. Ok, fine, I'd change the whole thing. God, this is going to be hard.

Elizabeth Perkins
I totally only took this picture for the Andrea Bocelli look-alike guy in the background. That is one hefty beard my friend.

Ya, ya, she's hot.

Debra Messing
I love this lady. She laughs at her own jokes, has great hair and small boobs. Also, she's funny. I loved Will & Grace. It is a pity it's gone.
Let's all cry now.
I meant for the dress. What are you crying for?!?!?! Seriously, where is that from? Winsor fashions???

Paula Abdul
Or, for a not-so-clever play on words, Paula AbFOOL. Oh, hardy-har-har. God, this woman is a train-wreck. Someone needs to get her into rehab and off whatever pills she's on.

PS - whoever gets those pills, I will take them off their hands

Lisa Edelstein
She's good on house. She wears a few too many busty tops, but I'm over it. I like her on that show. I like that show. And I love this dress even more. Who made it. It would make a lovely wedding gown for me (minues the weird sash thingy)

Julia Louis Dreyfus
Yay!! She won! Good for her! And for her age, she is super fucking hot. That dress was awesome.

At the beginning of Seinfeld, I never found her that attractive. I think it had a lot to do with that wall of hair she had. But now, wow! She just looks great. Good for her. Although, I have seen that show and it kind of sucks.

Vanessa Minillo
I do not care for this dress. Her curvy body is super hot, but the dress is several notches over the top, no?

Ahh, who cares, there are much worse...or are there?

Jamie Pressly
Oh my god she's skanky. She's fucking hilarious, and I kind of wish she had won the 'Best Supporting Actress' award, but she didn't. And I can't remember who did. Oh well. Is there something wrong with her face, or is it just me? I get the impression that she sleeps with Saran wrap on it or something. It looks so stretched.



Ellen Pompeo
I totally fell in love with this woman in 'Old School'. She is so cute. Bitch needs to hit a Quizno's, but she's really cute.
Please, can someone help me with the brows and the cleavage? I don't get it. It's rotten.



Eva Longoria
Oh my fuck this woman grates on my nerves. I won't even talk about that fuck up of a dress. It was part Bjork's swan dress, part prom '90 disaster. Hey, look at that. I just talked about it.
I hate this bitch. I hate her voice, I hate her face, I hate her ghetto tan, I hate that fucking hairdo, I hate hate hate her. Gahhh!



Seal & Heidi Klum
How can you not love these two? I almost have nothing to say about them. Her hair looks fake. That will do.



Evangeline Lilly
This woman is hot. She is so fresh faced and freckly. I love that Sawyer calls her 'Freckles' on 'Lost', I find that so cute. I wish someone called me 'Freckles.' Instead my mother came up with the hilarious monicker, 'Pickle' because I love pickles...unlike that whiny bitch on Maury.

She is really beautiful, and she's fit, and has great hair. I don't care for her choice in men, but I don't know that many people who do like hobbits.

Cameron Diaz - still guf

Who is this bitch trying to fool???

I don't give a shit if her hair is blonde, black or fucking covered in puke. She's still the fucking nastiest whore bitch out there. Well, the puke would make me smile a bit. Before I puked. I am a contagious barfer.

Get your nasty face off my computer, whore!

(Yes, I know I downloaded the picture, stop making valid points)

Fergie's face is rough, but bod is hot

Let's be honest, she's still hot in the body. Fergie may look like a gang of prisoners just beat her face to shit, but her body is the hotness. Mind you, some transsexuals have hot bodies like this too. Anyway, her body is hot, even when her face is not.

We have to at least give her that, no?

Fuck, this diamond is making me all generous and shit. Make me stop!!!

You want celebrities???

I've got a Canadian porn star! It's really the best I could achieve...we were so excited about being engaged (milking it) that we couldn't make it to the celebrity hot spots.

We did however, on our 2nd night there, meet Malezia, a native Quebecer. I first heard of her on this Canadian show, 'Kink'. She was going to LA to do her first double penetration and her bitch girlfriend dumped her on the phone. I felt so bad for her.

So my sister and I spotted her across the bar that night and we freaked out (my sister is an obsessive fan of 'Kink'). She saw us looking at her, but she wasn't a loser about it. Then my sister and my new sister-in-law dared me to go talk to her. How could I refuse??

It took me a chugging of a drink, but once I was done, I went over and told her I recognized her from the show. She was very cute about it, and agreed to take a picture with me...only after she asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom to do some coke with her. Hot.

I am so pissed because there was a second pic where she was totally all over me, but my sister's boyfriend accidentally erased it. A lesbian porn star hit on me!!!

Ha ha

I am back bitches!!!

I suck. I'm sorry. I have been back for a bit and I couldn't get to the computer. Work has been nutso, the house has been crazy.

But I have good news, which will be used as an excuse from now on: My boyfriend and I are engaged!!! We're going to get married!!!

It was an amazing week, there was a diamond ring on a beach, some sentimental stuff I prefer to keep to myself and a LOT of celebrating. We drank so much my liver hurt. I feel bad for it. I have been on detox all week so far.

Anyway, I am back, and I promise not to neglect you anymore,
XOXOX,
S

Vacation time y'all

So, this is it for me for a week+. I'm going on vacation for the first time in more than 2½ years!

I'm really excited. Hopefully I'll see some celebrities, because I'm going to the Canadian filming capital in Vancouver to visit my sister and my boyfriend's brother. So far, they have seen Robin Williams wasted in a liquor store (pre-rehab), Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn, Hugh Jackman (ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh), Kristen Kreuk (Lana from Smallville), and more.

Not that I'll be stalking anyone, but if I see them, you can be damn sure I will take a picture and show all of you!

Wish me luck, I'll see you in about a week!

Lord Lohan post of the day - August 17

It has been a while since I've worshipped. She's done and said some pretty silly things in the past week, but it hasn't really bugged me that much. I have to admit.

Here are some pics of her. Let's discuss.

To start it off rich: Here's her crotch. It's nice to know she's not like some skanks out there and that she wears panties. It's even nicer to see that they're clean, white panties. Way to go girl.

Here is a pic of her walking out of somewhere in what can easily be described as the worst sandals I have ever seen in my entire existence. Grecian trends are fine, but hideous grecian sandals that don't fit your feet properly. NOT FINE. Still love her though. Can't help it.

Here's a pic of her in some pretty hot skinny jeans. I have to admit (and those of you who want to hit me, have a free hit for a later date), they are starting to grow on me.

Maybe it's because I'm now the assistant buyer of the denim division of a clothing store (I finally figured out a way to mention it in my blog!), but I've been so inundated with the images, that I've started to love them. And you have to admit, bitch is rocking that shit.

The proportions are right, the shoe is right, she has the body for it. And she's wearing that blue sweater I love so much. Fine, I agree, points off for the hat, but it's still hot.

This week, the side-boob shot came out. Thank goodness for X17 and TMZ. They have recently emerged as behemoths of the gossip world. They're on the ball all the time and they don't miss a beat. AND! TMZ always has hilarious videos of people acting like morons. Perfection.

That boob is BEAUTIFUL. I would kill for that boob. And I don't want to hear any shit about it being fake. It's perfect and original.

Personally, I would have thrown on a bra with that outfit, but she's daring and doesn't care. I love it. In fact, if I had those boobs, maybe I wouldn't either.

Let's say it together: Ohhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Lohan

Do we like her red hair?

What do you think of her red hair? I kind of like it, because it's DIFFERENT. she's been carbon copying herself for years. I find this refreshing!

Also, it kind of looks like my hair when I had it red.

Beyonce

I love this fucking outfit. She looks hot.

That is all.

[Photos: Popsugar]

Heath 'n' Michelle

I cannot say that I dig her onesie. In fact, I don't think onesies should be worn by anyone older than 12 unless they are:
a) pregnant
b) fat
c) old
or
d) sporting some hot-ass chic lowcut onesie

But I do dig their coordinated middle fingers. That's awesome.

Although, with her in that bathing suit and him with that facial hair, he totally looks like a child molester.

Now I'm begging

Please, SOMEONE, please! KILL TOM CRUISE. He is too terrible.

I can't say much more, because it makes me mad and then I go on a rampage through my house, but oh my fuck.

What is with these glasses? Who does he thnk he is? Nicole Richie?

Actually, knowing his state of mind, he probably does think he's her, and he's involved in a torrid lesbian affair with Katie Holmes!

I repeat: SOMEONE PLEASE KILL TOM CRUISE!

Ha, ha, that man in the full facial make-up looks more masculine than Tom.

Hey! You there!

Fergie!!

I know you're trying to rock a solo career, and I must admit that London Bridges gets in my head after a bit, but oh my sweet fuck, please go back to the blonde highlights. This black hair is a mad disaster.

Gross.

It makes her look even MORE manly...and I didn't think that was possible.

How cute!

As you may already know, I love Jennifer Aniston. Above all the goddesses, she is the primo, the amazing, perfect woman I aspire to be.

I happened upon these pictures the other day, and I just found her and her dogs SO CUTE. She can do no wrong in my eyes...although I would love for her to wear a stunning coloured gown to something...the black is a bit tired.
She bought a new puppy and look how cute her old dog, Norman, is. He's showing the puppy around! Hee hee! That's cute!

My god she's hot.

[Photos: JustJared]

Hi!

"I'm Ciara, formerly known as Kyle."

Come on! I know she's hot, but don't tell me she wasn't a man before!

Courtney Cox and David Arquette

I have always found these two to be a weird-ass couple. I don't get his appeal, AT ALL, or any of the Arquettes, now that I think of it.

They're just odd, but I read something recently where she said they just enjoy each other's company, and that's pretty sweet. I really enjoy my boyfriend's company. Still, David Arquette is weird.

They're cute though. No?

Is she for real?

Kimberly Stewart is a scab on society's underarm. She is gross, ugly, and skanky. That's a trio of unwanted characteristics if I've ever heard one.

Here she is in a dress that looks like it may have come from the bargain bin at StripperZone.com...go ahead, check the link, you know you want to.

How can a person WHO IS THE DAUGHTER OF ROD STEWART, MULTI-GILLIONAIRE dress like such a down-low-ho?

Unbelievable.

PS - doesn't that totally look like John Stamos in the background?

PPS - OH MY GOD SHE ALSO ISN'T WEARING SHOES. Kill me now. No wait, kill her.

Nothing says...

...Bring back the 80's like watching some of our favourite 80's icons go down the tubes:

Today's example:

Boy George
Arrested for posession of cocaine recently when he called in a fake burglary report. Police arrived at his house to find several piles of the Colombian powder around his apartment. Hmm, fake call to the police? Yes, retarded. Calling the police when your home has drugs all over the place? Agreed, retarded. And I believe, correct me if I'm wrong, that retarded + retarded = EXTRA retarded.

Boy George, my friend, you deserve to be picking the trash off the highway, because you are E.R.

Further proof that celebrity does not equal intelligence.

Next time: George Michael

Stephen Baldwin is a moron

I can't believe I've never talked about this fuckwad before.

I have always thought he was the worst of the Baldwins. He is the ugliest, the least funny, and the most irritating. His sole, saving grace is the fact that he was in 'The Usual Suspects.' But even in that movie, he was fucking annoying.

Listen to the hogwash that's been coming out of his piehole lately:

"I like to ask friends of mine, happy couples who seem to have a pretty good marriage, I will ask them, 'How's your sex life?' They will say something like pretty good or okay or no complaints here. Here's what I tell them: Imagine taking a healthy sex life and inviting the power of God into that exchange."

Is this guy for fucking real? Seriously? That is fucking retarded! Why do some religious people feel it's necessary to shove their beliefs down your throat? Just last week, this jewish girl I know was telling me that I should convert because it is the only pure religion, bla bla bla. You know how it came up? I said it smelled like bacon. Seriously? These people need a hobby. Other than irritating me.

Here's another asinine thing he said:
"I'd always imagined Jesus was the sweet, cuddly, loving dude, and suddenly I find out he makes Conan the Barbarian look like Conan the wimp. He didn't come with a guitar singing Kum Ba Yah. Jesus brought a sword to the earth, and he is still swinging it."

Yah, yah, Jesus was a badass. We know. For the love of all things unholy and right, why must these people make religion seem so unbelievably lame?

Oy. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs of course, and I don't mean to offend anyone, but FUCK OFF.

Um, nice beach outfit dude

Keanu Reeves. I have almost no comment. Only a request. Please never act again unless it is in the form of another Matrix movie. Those were ok.

Here he is, on the beach, dressed up nice and dapper for the, uh, crabs. I don't know. Who the fuck wears a blazer on the beach?

He's weird.

THIS is why...

...I never found Leonardo DiCaprio hot. I think Tobey Maguire is a given. No one thinks he's hot. Except Jennifer Meyer (jewelry designer extraordinaire). And even that could be for the money. Or not, I think her dad is wicked loaded.

These two on a beach is like one of my nightmares. The kind that make you have sweaty neck curls in your hair.

Gahhh.

Tia Carrere is evil

I only say this because she has obviously been rooting through those clothing donation bins for her wardrobe.

This girl was HOT. Ballroom Blitz! I loved the soundtrack to Wayne's World. Oh my god, what did she do?

She has a serious case of '90's babe' going on. You all know what it is. You know girls who do it. They still have straight, thick bangs, they wear chokers - they refuse to adapt. They dance with their purse at their feet and slosh around their drinks. You know them.

I loathe them.

[Thanks to the Fug girls for the pic]

SO hardcore

Does it piss anyone else off that Hilary Duff acts all 'rocker' and 'hardcore' with her black outfits and her puffy boyfriend.

I hate them. I know there are a lot of Duffsters out there, and I have to admit, I used to like her. But this is just out of control. The teeth, the tough chick shit, the outfits, the ridiculously gross boyfriend. Eyuh. GROSS.

I hope they get hit by a truck.

Ha ha, I used to say that to my mom when I was mad at her as a kid.

To make up for that scary bitch below

I want to apologize for posting such a large photo of Rachel Zoe's driveway of a face. Here are some hot men to make up for it.

Matthew in Miami:


Hugh in 'Esquire':


Mmmmmmmmmmm.

Scary Biatch of the day

As some of you may know, Rachel Zoe is the bane of my existence. She was the celebrity stylist a short while ago, the self-proclaimed pioneer of the renewed boho look. I fucking hate her. More than Mischa, more than Cam (GUF), more than Nicole, more than Renée...I can't even begin to describe.

I think the worst thing about this whore, is that she refuses to reveal her actual age. She claims to be 31. I don't care, if she sleeps in her tanning bed, there is no logical reason for anyone to have skin like that at 31.

She is a fucking beast. She should stop imposing herself on Nicole Richie and my goddess Lohan and fuck off. Let the next person come up with a trend. Go to a spa and get some Botox. Monster.

Also, get your nasty, bony chest away from cameras.

Tom and Katie make me want to

Barf. Wretch. Puke. Vomit. Etc, etc, etc.

Fuck they are gross. SHOW US YOUR BABY OR FUCK OFF!!!

Ok, so apparently Suri is going to be in Vanity Fair. That is ridiculous. A BABY in vanity fair. AN ALIEN BABY WITH HYPNO-EYES.

This world is fucked up y'all.

Rachel Bilson - incredibly hot

This girl deserves a lot more praise than she gets. Check out her hotness! She is totally gorge!

Wow. She also has amazing fashion sense.

Someone give her an award. She manages to be friends with Mischa Barton without killing her AND she's incredibly gorgeous.

Wow.

Wow!!

Jaime Pressley is a genius...or something

Jaime Pressley is a skanky lingerie design genius! This woman can sure whip up some skanky fashions. Goddam.

I love the copious amounts of body glitter. That's so not hot. God, it's like I'm in a time warp back to 1999. I think my favourite is the 2-piece with the floral nipple shade. Mmmm, or maybe the 2 piece lace top/pant combo. Gah.

Seriously, this is another level of slut. Thank god she is brilliantly hilarious on 'My Name Is Earl'. Yikes.