So the Teen Choice happened this week and there was some general stupidity...let's talk about it, because, really, it's what we're best at.
Alexis Biedel:
Hey, here's a thing: mismatch your shoes and it looks like you have style. Um, WRONG. Those shoes are fug city and that dress looks like it's too big and is a 1997 prom reject. I say that only because one of my girlfriends went to prom in essentially that dress, just full length.
She's lucky she's devastatingly cute, because that outfit is fug.
Amanda Bynes:
"Hi, I have the same dress in 95 different colors! Oh, and in case you didn't know, I use Lindsay Lohan's tanning products! So hot! What? My fake hair sucks? I suck? You guys are mean."
Truth hurts, honey.
Ashley Greene:
First of all, too many people are named Ashley. Enough already world. Change your name if you haven't already. Secondly, people have already ripped this girl to shreds for this outfit, and while I totally agree that it's fug, all she needs to do is change the color of the corset and the belt to navy (say) and it's cute as she is. Like a button.
Plus, Alice is my favorite character in 'Twilight' (you're a loser!), so I can't not like her.
Ashley Tisdale:
I always like what this girl is sporting and this is no exception. It's not quite as fun as it could be, considering the event, but she looks good, and well put together, and I have never seen her cooch or her tata's (ahem Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Greene, Britney, Megan Fox, etc, etc, etc) so I have to give her props.
Black Eyed Peas:
You know, for old people, they're really putting in a lot of obnoxious effort to stay relevant. Ha ha. So mean. Seriously though, I feel like their album is basically a track list of them clinging to their former youth: it's all about partying and being awesome. At 40. Seriously. I'm not saying that life ends at 30, at all, but maybe they should act their age.
Oh, and stop dressing like total douche bags. I'm just saying. Though, I'm deeply in love with Fergie's shoes. 'I wrote a sonnet for them' love.
Britney Spears:
Looks awesome. Cheesy, yes, but awesome. Considering the past few years, it's nice to see her like this. She looks young, pretty, and her body looks very, very awesome. Yay Britney!
Cameron 'Pit Stains' Diaz:
I'm adding the nickname because this is the 2nd award show in a row she's had wicked pit stains. I mean COME ON! I am going to Botox my pits and I have ridiculous debt and no sign of making $10 million a movie anytime soon. Why can't she?
Ugh, she grosses me out. CPSD. Niiiice. It's a lot of letters, but I think it works. Wish I could say I hate her dress, but I really, really don't. I love it.
Ed Westwick:
If I had to guess at an inner monologue, this is what it would be: 'I am fierce! FIEEEERCE! Look how awesome I look in this James Dean t-shirt (my idol, of course) my rolled up jeans and sockless feet jammed into loafers. I am rocking this look. Rock. Ing. It. Damn!'
Now, here would be my reponse if I enjoyed telepathy and was nearby: "Ed! Ed! To quote an old classic: If you look up douchebag in the dictionary, you are there, in THIS outfit. DOUCHE." And then I would push him over, take one of his loafers and beat him with it.
Then steal his wallet. I mean, duh!
Fergie with her older sister, oh no wait, that's a skeezy 16 (holy shit) year old:
Just wanted to point out that they appear to be of similar ages here, and Fergie is almost 20 years older than Miley.
Awesome parenting Cyruses. Awesome.
Hayden Pannettiere:
In yet again, another totally age and event inappropriate outfit. This girl blows my mind. It's like she's itching to be a cougar.
DRESS YOUR AGE! Gahhh! She looks like she could be Hugh Jackmans' mother! And at that age you should not ever want or have to wear tha much make-up. Ugh. 19! She's 19!
Hugh Jackman:
This man is very delighted to be him, and I find that refreshing.
That is all.
Jordana Brewster:
I don't know why we're pretending this girl is still relevant, but her hair and body look good at this event, so good for her. The only thing I would say is her head looks completely round, like Fisher Price Little People. Now I'm giggling uncontrolably picturing her in the farm with the cow.
I wish it was ok for me to play with toys.
The Kardashian Family:
Does the entire family look bitter like that because Kim looks like a completely different person? She's SO tanned and blonde. It's ridiculous.
She is also extremely bodacious. Yikes.
Kristen Bell:
I love her jumpsuit (in a sing-song voice) and I don't care what anyone says! I also think she's cute! I give her 2 (count 'em), 2 thumbs up!
Kristen Stewart:
There is something very refreshing about this girl's 'devil may care' attitude about publicity and Hollywood in general. She really doesn't seem to give a crap and that's nice. Almost as nice as Hugh Jackman's enthusiastic enjoyment of everything, ever.
I am in love with her shoes, to the point that I dumped Fergie's shoes and am now asking KStew's shoes on a canoe ride in a pond and then a picnic where I will play with the shoes' hair. Wow. Lovely.
I don't even hate the outfit, because I feel like it's her way of telling everyone to kiss her ass, and I am a huge fan of telling people to kiss my ass.
Leighton Meister:
Adorable! All of it. the shoes are magically slutty/cute, the dress is very fantastic against that sea of nauseating Teen Choice color and her hair is wonderful (and dark again)! It's almost enough to make me watch Gossip Girl. But it's not.
Megan Fox:
Literally the first time I've seen her with her mouth closed in months. If she's not making a flirtatious motion with her tongue, then her mouth is Jessica Simpson wide and a huge grin is pasted across her face.
I am also happy to see her in something that I am unable to count her ribs in, nor mesure her bum's diameter.
I always love her hair though. I want better hair. Damn hair.
Mike Tyson:
Ha ha! He's cutting one of the Jonas Brothers' hair! How f-ing scary would it be if Mike Tyson came at you with a blade of any kind? Thousands of people watching, cameras, doesn't matter, he's scary! And I saw 'Tyson' the documentary. Sure, he's soft spoken and stuff, but he still feels he was justified in everything he did. Including cutting the throat of the Jonas Brother look-alike doll in dress rehearsal!
Miley Cyrus & a pole:
Just wanted everyone to see what great parents she has. Letting a 16 year old pole dance. Awesome. I agree with that girl on the right. Yeesh.
Vanessa Hudgens:
This girl got embarassed! During the show Dane Cook called her out and then told her to keep her clothes on. Smart. Seriously, stop sending topless photos of yourself with your phone. But how strange that they keep surfacing days before an event of some kind she's involved with. Anyhoo.
I love her dress and her hair.
Ok, now I'm spent. That was fun. Join us next time for Red Carpet Redux.
Alexis Biedel:Hey, here's a thing: mismatch your shoes and it looks like you have style. Um, WRONG. Those shoes are fug city and that dress looks like it's too big and is a 1997 prom reject. I say that only because one of my girlfriends went to prom in essentially that dress, just full length.
She's lucky she's devastatingly cute, because that outfit is fug.
Amanda Bynes:"Hi, I have the same dress in 95 different colors! Oh, and in case you didn't know, I use Lindsay Lohan's tanning products! So hot! What? My fake hair sucks? I suck? You guys are mean."
Truth hurts, honey.
Ashley Greene:First of all, too many people are named Ashley. Enough already world. Change your name if you haven't already. Secondly, people have already ripped this girl to shreds for this outfit, and while I totally agree that it's fug, all she needs to do is change the color of the corset and the belt to navy (say) and it's cute as she is. Like a button.
Plus, Alice is my favorite character in 'Twilight' (you're a loser!), so I can't not like her.
Ashley Tisdale:I always like what this girl is sporting and this is no exception. It's not quite as fun as it could be, considering the event, but she looks good, and well put together, and I have never seen her cooch or her tata's (ahem Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Greene, Britney, Megan Fox, etc, etc, etc) so I have to give her props.
Black Eyed Peas:You know, for old people, they're really putting in a lot of obnoxious effort to stay relevant. Ha ha. So mean. Seriously though, I feel like their album is basically a track list of them clinging to their former youth: it's all about partying and being awesome. At 40. Seriously. I'm not saying that life ends at 30, at all, but maybe they should act their age.
Oh, and stop dressing like total douche bags. I'm just saying. Though, I'm deeply in love with Fergie's shoes. 'I wrote a sonnet for them' love.
Britney Spears:Looks awesome. Cheesy, yes, but awesome. Considering the past few years, it's nice to see her like this. She looks young, pretty, and her body looks very, very awesome. Yay Britney!
Cameron 'Pit Stains' Diaz:I'm adding the nickname because this is the 2nd award show in a row she's had wicked pit stains. I mean COME ON! I am going to Botox my pits and I have ridiculous debt and no sign of making $10 million a movie anytime soon. Why can't she?
Ugh, she grosses me out. CPSD. Niiiice. It's a lot of letters, but I think it works. Wish I could say I hate her dress, but I really, really don't. I love it.
Ed Westwick:If I had to guess at an inner monologue, this is what it would be: 'I am fierce! FIEEEERCE! Look how awesome I look in this James Dean t-shirt (my idol, of course) my rolled up jeans and sockless feet jammed into loafers. I am rocking this look. Rock. Ing. It. Damn!'
Now, here would be my reponse if I enjoyed telepathy and was nearby: "Ed! Ed! To quote an old classic: If you look up douchebag in the dictionary, you are there, in THIS outfit. DOUCHE." And then I would push him over, take one of his loafers and beat him with it.
Then steal his wallet. I mean, duh!
Fergie with her older sister, oh no wait, that's a skeezy 16 (holy shit) year old:Just wanted to point out that they appear to be of similar ages here, and Fergie is almost 20 years older than Miley.
Awesome parenting Cyruses. Awesome.
Hayden Pannettiere:In yet again, another totally age and event inappropriate outfit. This girl blows my mind. It's like she's itching to be a cougar.
DRESS YOUR AGE! Gahhh! She looks like she could be Hugh Jackmans' mother! And at that age you should not ever want or have to wear tha much make-up. Ugh. 19! She's 19!
Hugh Jackman:This man is very delighted to be him, and I find that refreshing.
That is all.
Jordana Brewster:I don't know why we're pretending this girl is still relevant, but her hair and body look good at this event, so good for her. The only thing I would say is her head looks completely round, like Fisher Price Little People. Now I'm giggling uncontrolably picturing her in the farm with the cow.
I wish it was ok for me to play with toys.
The Kardashian Family:Does the entire family look bitter like that because Kim looks like a completely different person? She's SO tanned and blonde. It's ridiculous.
She is also extremely bodacious. Yikes.
Kristen Bell:I love her jumpsuit (in a sing-song voice) and I don't care what anyone says! I also think she's cute! I give her 2 (count 'em), 2 thumbs up!
Kristen Stewart:There is something very refreshing about this girl's 'devil may care' attitude about publicity and Hollywood in general. She really doesn't seem to give a crap and that's nice. Almost as nice as Hugh Jackman's enthusiastic enjoyment of everything, ever.
I am in love with her shoes, to the point that I dumped Fergie's shoes and am now asking KStew's shoes on a canoe ride in a pond and then a picnic where I will play with the shoes' hair. Wow. Lovely.
I don't even hate the outfit, because I feel like it's her way of telling everyone to kiss her ass, and I am a huge fan of telling people to kiss my ass.
Leighton Meister:Adorable! All of it. the shoes are magically slutty/cute, the dress is very fantastic against that sea of nauseating Teen Choice color and her hair is wonderful (and dark again)! It's almost enough to make me watch Gossip Girl. But it's not.
Megan Fox:Literally the first time I've seen her with her mouth closed in months. If she's not making a flirtatious motion with her tongue, then her mouth is Jessica Simpson wide and a huge grin is pasted across her face.
I am also happy to see her in something that I am unable to count her ribs in, nor mesure her bum's diameter.
I always love her hair though. I want better hair. Damn hair.
Mike Tyson:Ha ha! He's cutting one of the Jonas Brothers' hair! How f-ing scary would it be if Mike Tyson came at you with a blade of any kind? Thousands of people watching, cameras, doesn't matter, he's scary! And I saw 'Tyson' the documentary. Sure, he's soft spoken and stuff, but he still feels he was justified in everything he did. Including cutting the throat of the Jonas Brother look-alike doll in dress rehearsal!
Miley Cyrus & a pole:Just wanted everyone to see what great parents she has. Letting a 16 year old pole dance. Awesome. I agree with that girl on the right. Yeesh.
Vanessa Hudgens:This girl got embarassed! During the show Dane Cook called her out and then told her to keep her clothes on. Smart. Seriously, stop sending topless photos of yourself with your phone. But how strange that they keep surfacing days before an event of some kind she's involved with. Anyhoo.
I love her dress and her hair.
Ok, now I'm spent. That was fun. Join us next time for Red Carpet Redux.
No comments:
Post a Comment