The Critics' Choice Movie Awards were earing this week and a lot of the contenders for the Oscars were there. Let's take a look at them and critique them as if we are perfect.
Amanda Seyfried:
I don't like this dress. There is too much going on. The skirt is aggressive and I don't like the pleats which look like fringe at the edges. Then there is the top. I'm really not into that. The shading really looks odd at the shoulders. And why is she standing like that? Does she have a spinal injury?
Then there is her hair. I've never thought that 'lumpy' was a good characteristic for hair. I still don't.
Amy Adams:
I really like this. Like, more than I think I've ever liked anything she has worn. That blue color is so rich, so beautiful, and the way the top is draping with her hair and the skirt. Wow. Love. I hear it was fugly from other angles though...if I don't see those photos then I can ignore that.
Anne won for best actress for her ugly crying in 'Les Mis'. Turns out they spelled her name wrong on the screen or the trophy itself or something, and she pointed it out as she accepted the award. She also said she didn't mean to be gauche. Ugh. Stop being the worst.
Her hair and her slip dress here remind me of Winona Ryder back in the day. Only Anne's mouth is no Winona's beautiful Cupid's bow lips.
Saddest face ever. How much do you want to slap the sullen off her face? Excuse me, Clea? Yah, you're at an AWARDS SHOW where you are given high end gifts and get to hobknob with celebrities and people who seem to have much less of a stick up their asses. Um, how about you try to enjoy yourself and smile?
Cow.
Elle Fanning:
This one with the clunky shoes all the time. Ugh. And that dress. In theory it's ok and then the dress ends in that ugly grid print and it's too short. Also, why does she look so...lank? She realizes she's going to an award show, so she can't get her hair done?
Hipsters are the worst.
See Elle? This is how you dress at an awards show. Like a grown-up, beautiful woman. How cute is she? And perfect? Her hair is done, her dress is gorge, her jewelry is sparkly. I feel like her dress is much too short, but it seems to be a thing. I guess when we spend so much on our footwear we should want people to see them.
As much as I hate her and never want to like what she wears, I love this. The skirt is like a night sky seen from a beach. No, I'm not drunk while I'm watching this. I'm not as deeply in love with the sheerness of the top, but I think she's done the right thing with her hair and earrings, it's soft, it's pretty and it goes well with the dress.
Why do we still care about her? Her show isn't on any more, she isn't married to anyone famous anymore. Why is she there? Does she EVER do anything different with her hair? It's ALWAYS the same pomp. This dress is also a bit meh. I don't dig the cross-body ruffles.
Has anyone ever looked more ill at an event? She looks terrible. Like she just threw up behind the backdrop. And for someone who is gorgeous and is not at all in bad shape, that dress is doing nothing for her mid-section. There is a love-handle-esque lump happening under the mesh...it's not good.
And I don't like that 'Y' ruffle, it's not good. This looks like she bought it on sale and her face in the photo is because she just saw what she looks like in it. Oy.
FOREHEAD! That's all I've got.
No, not really. Holy shit her body looks amazing. And this color on her. Wow. And her skin. Why does she look so young? Oh, it's the forehead. Haha, just kidding. It's really not that.
I really love this on her. She looks really, REALLY good.
Though she is hideously annoying, this dress is amazing and I love it. It's black, which can be super boring, but this isn't because of the sheerness and the shimmer and the belt. That belt. I love it!
This has not been her week. First it was the 'Dynasty' dress at the People's Choice Awards and then it's boob window. Neither are bad necessarily, but neither are the Calvin Klein from the Oscars. She has done and deserves better. Likely saving it for the bigger games...
Ummmm, not loving it. Who hemmed it? Why that inch off the ground? Weird! I don't like it! The neckline is nice, but her hair looks greasy and kind of flat. I feel like she is missing jewelry. That might be it. I don't know, I can't put my finger on it, but I'm feeling meh about it.
Oh wait. I didn't know bad. I had no litmus test. Nevermind. This is worse. It's a bulbous egg shaped hideon. New word. Copyright.
Blech. In other news, watched 'The Change Up' the other day and she has great boobs.
Look, she's Talia Al Ghul. She can do no wrong. Except those shoes. I love them, with medium wash jeans and a white top, but with that dress? Oy.
Honestly, this dress is so ornate and on anyone else it would be horrible, but she looks so pretty in it.
I saw pictures of her on vacation two weeks ago and she was wearing a 1 piece Speedo bathing suit. How does she not have tan lines?
Also, how did she not get in trouble for stealing Jennifer Aniston's dress? This is so Jenn Aniston.
She looks great though. I don't want to take that away from her.
So many people are SO mixed about this dress. It's so pretty, it really is, and so is she, but it's so overwhelming too. Imagine if it had a chiffon skirt instead of that sculpted one?
I think my biggest issue with it is that it looks a touch too big. It just looks like it doesn't necessarily fit her, and that's too bad...because it's crazy pretty.
I'm flabbergasted. HOW GOOD DOES SHE LOOK? She's in her mid sixties (guessing, too lazy to look it up). Like, look AT HER! It's amazing.
I need her doctors. Or to drink more water.
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