The 2012 SAG Awards

You guys, this week has sucked.

First, I was in LA without my damn phone. It was the worst. Try to think of how you would feel half way across the world without your smart phone. It was horrible. Then, I got sick on my damn flight and now I have some gross cold/flu. Ugh.

Anyway, I was in LA during the SAG awards and didn't see any celebs! Sucks.

Let's see them now that I'm back!

Amber Heard:
I never have any idea who this girl is, so I thought I'd IMDB her. Um. Then I laughed and laughed. Her last credit is the cancelled 'Playboy Club' TV show and her claim to fame (in brackets when you search her) is Zombieland, from 2009. Um.

Why do we care?

I actually do not detest this dress, but I hate that it looks like it would make a lot of noise and that if she raised her arms it would do weird things.

I also do not care for her make-up.

Ashlee Simpson:
There's a general consensus that skin 'n' bones here looks hot. I have to begrudgingly agree. But I will not do it without the word 'begrudgingly'. I maintain that she is too thin, but the dress is quite lovely and her neck looks fab in it. My only complaint would be that the bodice falls a little too low. No?

Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt:
She bores me. As does this MaxStudio gown. COME ON. I say that only because I have a short dress that looks quite like this and it is by Max Studio. My hubs always tells me it looks like a garbage bag. Guess why I've never worn it.

Dianna Agron:
Wellllllllll, I am pleasantly surprised!

This is just plain lovely. And perfectly styled with the braided hair. I loves it. Though I am slightly weirded out that she has no clutch. Where is it?

Emily Blunt:
You know when you struggle to find something nice to say? It's not that I hate it, it's just that the color is really quite alarming. It's the same color as everyone's jewelry at the Golden Globes...

It is, however, very 70's...so you know how I feel.

DISCO!

 Emma Stone:
God she's cute.

God I hate tea length dresses.

And those shoes.

George Clooney & Stacy Keibler:
Awww. Cute. Or something.

Is it wrong that I like how awkward he looks in this photo? Like maybe he's farting or something? There's something weird about that stance and that face. Hee hee. Fart.

Jayma Mays:
Yay! She's back! And not only on a red carpet, but in something stunning! I love her. I think she's so adorable and I love this dress. It's the right level of sophisticated and sparkle and she makes it cute with that hair decision.

Love.

Kaley Cuoco:
Oh honey. You did so well at the Golden Globes.

And then you arrived like a melon sorbet Barbie cake.

Ugh. I had so much hope.

And, like, would it have been that hard to get a braided head band that matched your hair color?

Katrina Bowden:
She's so cute, but really, it's not fair how great she looks. I love that she's laughing and that her hair is blowing around and that she's kind of stepping on her hem and that she clearly has no clue what to do. It's cute and innocent and the dress reflects that.

Kelly Osbourne:
I want to hate this so I can be angry at her, but I love the shoulders and I love the white on the pale skin. I still hate her hair though, and it makes me really angry.

And that belt needs to go. It almost ruins the dress.

Kristen Wiig:
Is it just me or does she make strange choices? Like, why that necklace with that dress?  And why always so neutral and clean. Why not fun? I don't know. She has a model's frame, why not try something a little more adventurous...and less Kleenex-colored?

Lea Michele:
This picture makes me stabby.

Why does she need to dial up the sex so much? We get it. You're young and foxy, can you not ooze it onto my laptop screen all the time. Dial it down hormones.

Also, that slit is too high.

Ugh, I want to punch her. A lot.

Maya Rudolph:
Her magnificent chi-chis almost distracted me from how hideous this is.

Almost.

Melissa McCarthy:
Aww, why you wearing the same thing again? I know it's not really the same thing, but it is a little too similar for comfort.

Try something new. We've seen the fondue party hostess look. BTW, how much would her sleeve catch on fire at a fondue party? Ha ha. That's so me.

Meryl Streep:
How can you not love this woman? Look how amazing she is.

I love this blue, I love the belt, I love the flowing fabric. I love the folds, I love the sleeves and the pockets and the ease.

I love her. I wish she was my mom.

Michelle Williams:
Um, what's going on with her hair color? Is she eating a lot of carrots? Bathing in them? She's so pretty that I want to like this dress, but I don't. It don't like the hem, I loathe the shoes and I don't like the sleeves. It's all too matchy-matchy and too mature. She can do better.

Natalie Portman:
Oh! This is so much better! I like her 2nd foray much better than her first. I love the color, I love the neckline and I love the flow of that floral piece at the bust. It's very pretty. I wish she didn't look like she had a stick up her ass so much though, it's kind of annoying.

Naya Rivera:
This girl is SO pretty, but she keeps getting injections and implants that she doesn't need and it's starting to drive me bonkers.

I mean, look at that face! She doesn't need anything. In the past year she's gotten implants, lip injections and she's obviously put some fillers in her face. It's not good.

I do like the dress though...it's quite wintery and ice queen-ish, but it's pretty and it's less overtly whorish than Lea Michele's. So better.

Rose Byrne:
Um, Rose. What's going on here?

First of all, what did you do to your hair? Yes, you have lovely thick hair and it looks great in this bob, but it's a little schoolgirl.

And more importantly, what is this Star Trek Formal jumpsuit you're wearing? It's really not good. What on Earth made you choose this above all the other options available?

Aww. I'm sad now.

Sarah Hyland:
Speaking of sad, why do young girls insist upon looking so old?

Here, this super young girl looks almost matronly. Like, why not show your shoulders? Why not wear some color? Why not be fun like your co-star below? Ugh.

Wasted youth!

Sofia Vergara:
Though I feel that I have seen her wear this color before, I cannot fault her for looking this amazing. Yay! I love it. My god, if only my body looked like that. Not normal.

Also, is she so hot that she blurred the faces behind her? What's going on there?

Zoe Saldana:
I'm a little saddned by how boring this is, because she normally brings it to the red carpet, but it's still chic and it's still different. She will never fit in a mold.

I like her for that.