Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Skankopolis Musings: Sweatpants & Leggings

I thought we might start a new feature, since we're branching out here at Skankopolis and I thought musings might be something we could try out...and by we I mean myself and the Beauty Writer...but also you guys, the readers!

So, I'm going to inaugurate this new feature with the below musing/rant but send us an email at skankopolis@gmail.com and we'll post yours too!

So, today my thing is about sweatpants.

I have a thing about sweatpants in public. They bother me. I don't understand why people cannot put the effort into slipping on a pair of jeans. It's not like we're in the 80's when there was no spandex in denim, it's the year 2011 and jeans are quite comfortable.

All I'm asking is that people put a little more effort into getting dressed in the morning. I get it, you're comfy in your sweats, but um, you're also in society and I can see the outline of your vaginal lips, so, you know, please put that away.

And while we're on the subject, leggings need to go. When they came back years ago, I said that I knew it was going to go back to the problem we had in the late 90's where people did not want to get rid of their leggings and wore them all the time. This is happening again. Except it might actually be worse this time because there are no roomy t-shirt and cat-painted sweatshirts to cover what we don't want to see.

Now we have slutty young women flouncing around acting as if leggings are pants.

And I don't know how many times I have to say this, LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS.

Thank you!

Send your musings/rants to skankopolis@gmail.com and give the world a piece of your mind!

Lady Gaga: Hair and Makeup Genius

Let me just begin by stating, I'm a really big Gaga fan. Like, really big. I follow everything she does, I've seen her live 3 times, I get and appreciate everything she does. I feel sorry for people who don't get her. They must have sad lives.
This girl is a genius. Not only musically, and not only as an artist and performer, but really knows how to use makeup and hair to sell herself to all types of people from many walks of life. The most recent example of this is from Lady Gaga: A Very Gaga Thanksgiving. This special aired on a network during prime time! She sang a Christmas song,  did a duet with Tony Bennett, cooked with a world famous chef and did arts and crafts with school children, and looked like this:

She looks like a debutant from the 50's. That makeup! So beautiful! So soft and sophisticated, and her hair.......my God! She has fantastic people working for her and clearly knows how to manipulate fashion, makeup and hair.
All you haters take note: She does not need to wear a meat dress to get attention. She has mad skills and you're falling in love with her as you read this.

Product Review: Herbal Essences Body Envy Hairspray

So I'm a bit of a product snob........and when I say "bit" I mean really massive, huge, skank-faced, "get that cheap shit away form me!" kinda snob. However, every now and then I find pharmacy brand products that I really like. This hair spray being one of them.

I was in a bit of a bind and really needed hair spray, so I picked this up at my local drug store. It was on sale for $2.79, so if it was crap I could easily throw it out with no regrets. Now, I love hairspray......LOVE. My hair absorbs everything so I use more product than the average person. This stuff really did the job. Not only does it smell fantastic, it has great hold which is usually my big beef with non-professional products. Final verdict: Herbal Essences Body Envy Hairspray is awesome. Really good hold, shine and smell. Great for doing curls and chignons. However if you want something light and brushable, it may not be for you.

Sara: I can attest to her using a lot of product. Before leaving my home on Friday night she emptied a can of hairspray on her head. The only product I've ever been able to suggest to her was one that I'm pretty sure is part made of cement and traumatized my hair into a corner for 4 days. 

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Reese Witherspoon Had Various Crotch Errors This Week


You guys, Reese's crotch had a really bad week. It was ALL over the place.

First, she left her fly open and we all got a glimpse of how tight she likes to wear her jeans and then, she appeared not to have worn panties and gone for a workout. I don't think this is the kind of photo Adidas will be using in their company newsletter to show celebs wearing their stuff.

"Look! Our workout pants give camel toe!"

That's more of a Reebok thing, no?



Thursday, November 24, 2011

This Bitch Is Dumb - Also, Happy US Thanksgiving

I Thought you guys might like to watch a 3 minute long video of some very shocked woman finding her kids have dumped a 5 lb bag of flour all over her house. While she had diarrhea or something, per her comment.


She says "oh my gosh" about 16 million times. She also loses it at one point, claiming that she's gonig to throw up.

Bitch obviously doesn't own a Dyson. I think she's overreacting. I think the kids did her a favor, that house is fugly. There's Ikea stuff, old grandma's rocking chair and a really impractically small carpet in that room. All of them deserved to be floured off the face of this Earth. Those kids are just interior designers to be.

Ha ha, I'm an ass.

I hope you are spending lots of time shopping and/or with your families this US Thanksgiving. I'm very thankful that there are people out there who are actually interested in reading my maniac ramblings.

Thank you Skanks. You make me happier than a 3 year old in a 5lb bag of flour/Lindsay Lohan with an 8-ball.


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Olivia Wilde Never Takes a Break From Being Pretty

 She looks f-ing divine here. I love it.

The kitten liner (beauty writer - comment!: she clearly has good people working for her. Really nice, even application of the liner. Tip: this look only works on the under 40 crowd, otherwise, you look like a housewife from the 60's trying to be "hip". Also, when you apply a liquid liner start from the inside corner and draw a "smile" to the outside of your eye. Don't follow the shape of your eye...you'll end up looking like Cleopatra), the cut-out which would look vulgar on anyone else, the little side swept bangs.

Very cute.

My only complaint would be that her foundation is a little too pale compared to her neck down. It's very pale and smooth and then she's a little bronzed.

Still. She looks great.

Who What Wear - REALLY??


I work in fashion/jewelry so I subscribe to a lot of fashion updates and trend services that talk about the latest trends. Some are dumb. Like, really dumb.

For instance, today I woke up to find this trend sitting in my inbox. Like, really?

Without a word of a lie, if I EVER see any bitch in Montreal walking around with that hat in the 2nd runway photo, I will stab her. OUTRIGHT. And I think I'm justified. No?

Here's another one that drove me crazy because I don't think looking like you just woke up should be considered fashion. I hate topknots. HATE THEM. And that picture below is WAY too high. Ugh. It's so Whitney Port.

Maybe our beauty writer has comments on the below hairdo....


Monday, November 21, 2011

The AMA's Red Carpet

As I mentioned in the below post, the AMA's kind of suck. They are the kind of award show where pretty much anyone can get in...so the pictures worth posting are kind of few and far between. Hence:

Heidi Klum:
Spot on trends with a metallic leather laser cut out dress. I mean, she's friends with Tim Gunn, how can she go wrong?


Jennifer Hudson:
Did she get breast implants after that last awards show dress appearance? Because her boobs have never looked so round and plump...

I want to like this girl, but there are so many blind items about her weight loss being fake and due to lap band surgery, and that makes me bitter.


Jennifer Lopez:
Her first nearly nude outfit.

This is the kind of dress that only a few women could pull off. She can. Kate Hudson could. I'm thinking Keira Knightly too. That doesn't make it good though.

Ugh, she's in my awareness too much lately. I need her to go away.


Katy Perry:
This outfit makes me stabby. It's too themey. And those shoes. With the pink hair. I feel like everything she does is an attempt to prove or be something. Am I too mean?


Taylor Swift:
I don't even have words.

WEAR SOMETHING ELSE.

Oh, there they are.

Jennifer Lopez Wore This Last Night. Yikes.


Jennifer Lopez wants everyone to know that she is single, so she strapped on a Band-Aid colored glitter body stocking last night at the AMA's.

I mean, the AMA's? It's the most budget of all the music award shows.

I guess that's why she wore the costume that didn't quite match her skintone and had a fringe beard on the front. She looks like one of those talking trees from 'Lord of the Rings' with that beard/fringe.

The behind shot is interesting too...not sure why they felt a need to leave that crack seam nude...

Kind of emphasizes some stuff.

Oh my.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Joe Manganiello Looks Nice. Real Nice.

I do not get excited when this guy drops trou on 'True Blood' because I think I'm becoming immune to the nudity on that show.

But this guy is wearing the hell out of these clothes.

Like, I'm a little faint.

I NEVER look this good when I'm in the airport. I am always rushing and thirsty and shoeless. Well, ok, I'm only shoeless through the security line, but you get what I'm saying.

He looks dead sexy in these photos and I've never really found him attractive because I remember the terrible character he played on 'How I Met Your Mother'.

No seriously. The lower photo is bordering on romance novel cover.

Woah.


Oh Paz, Part Two

Ya...this girl is a hot mess.......all the time! Now, I do watch Boardwalk Empire (religiously) and she's even a hot mess on that show, which is very challenging considering it takes place in the 20's and they have incredible stylists who go out of their way to make everyone look super classy. This doesn't look like concealer or self-tanner, to me this looks more like eye shadow. Paz tried to be creative or something and it did not work. I don't get this girl.....why don't you ever wear eye makeup? Why do you want to look like a pair of floating lips? I do agree, it's a great color, but how 'bout some mascara? As for her hair, she's been doing this look for a lifetime:








Exhibit B, C and D:



She clearly has never heard of the following: shampoo, conditioner, a blow dryer, flat iron, curling iron, mousse, hairspray or a round brush. I also think she cuts her own hair with craft scissors, but whatever.....to each their own I guess.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Oh Paz de la Huerta

Oh Paz.

You are so delightfully weird.

And I am saying this as purely a photo spectator, I've never even watched 'Boardwalk Empire'.

What I'm curious about is her undereye concealer. Is that self tanner by accident?

And what is going on with her hair. Oh my god!

Beauty Writer! Get on this!

I will say this though...I love her lipstick. So natural and her lips look great.

Thems some low lookin' boobies though. Yick.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Demi Moore Finally Announced She's Divorcing Ashton Kutcher

FINALLY.

Seriously. Took her long enough.

Here's her statement:
"It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation."
How do you like this photo I found? Amazing, right?

This marriage never made sense to me, and it seems like it never made sense to him either. Thank god it's over.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Another Snow White Movie - Mirror Mirror...Oh But This One Looks Like It's Gonna Suck

I mean, watch it if you feel you have to, but you can pretty much take my word that this one is going to suck.

After Charlize and the trailer from 'Snow White and the Huntsman' last week this just looks so campy and bad.

Ugh.

Julia Roberts looks awful. Also, Snow White's eyebrows are a little too Brooke Shields for me.

Wow. I'm actually shocked at how bad this looks.

Um, BTW, is the bottom left dwarf (I'm allowed to use that term in this instance, it's Snow White and the 7 Dwarves) Mickey from 'Seinfeld'?

Ashley Greene's Dress is Tragically Ugly

OMG. This dress is so hideous. WTF?

This girl drives me mildly crazy. She is not that famous, yet she constantly speaks of being so famous and so burdened by her life plagued by paparazzi

And then she has this totally insane body and she wears this hot mess of a dress.

This dress is so gross.

Whoever is responsible for this should just go hide in a cave somewhere and linger in their shame.

Ugh.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Elizabeth Hasselback is a Meany to Bill Maher

I love this picture.

Bill looks so bored and intolerant of her being a total idiot and loudmouth.

Bill is so much smarter than this stupid bitch and she's so annoying and persistent about being annoying.

I mean she's SO annoying that even Barbara Walters, who signs her cheques cannot stand to listen to her attack Bill over something completely dumb.

Bill made a joke. Bill is a comedian. It was about this dumb ho, and she was offended. Instead of admitting that she was offended that he joked to trade her for POW's in the middle East, she pretended it was a women's issue.

Like, really? Just say you're mad that he made a joke about sending you overseas because you're so annoying.

And then she just keeps nagging at him the whole time...and everyone else on the panel just wants her to shut the hell up.

Watch it. He's so smart and so controlled that it makes her look even stupider.

Ke$ha: Exhibit A in my New Series: Famous for Bad Decisions, The Beauty Edition

This chick drives me crazy. I can't even listen to her knife-on-a-chalkboard voice, let alone, look at her. Maybe I'm old, (I'm not) or out of touch (not a chance) or lame (hahahahahaha) but I don't get her. I don't understand wanting to look ugly.....all the time. Take this troll hair-caterpillar brow combo. There's not even a theme! There looks to be some ill placed glitter on her cheekbone....I dunno.


And this? I think this is suppose to be her interpretation of "tribal meets spacelord" makeup. I like the sparkle, that's it. The eyebrows, the crazy liner, the football paint on her cheeks. It's also not even. If you're going to do this kind of look at least get a makeup artist to do it and not your 3 year old niece.



More tribal lines!? We get it! You're trying to be "creative". Now she's added feathers (which are really hot for hair, but not done like this). I'm sure I've seen this in a nightmare.



Gah. More face paint.......she looks like a ghetto Lady Gaga meets the Statue of Liberty.


Ya know, the thing is, she's not that good looking. I mean it's nice to see someone who isn't a classic Hollywood beauty make it big. If she looked more like this, beach-y hair and soft makeup she would get a lot more respect from her peers and the public. It goes to show you that most of the time, less is more.

I Find Robert Pattinson Ugly


You guys know me, I don't tend to shy away from controversy. Hee hee.

This is one subject I've been avoiding for a while though.

I legit find this guy ugly.

He does not fit into what I consider to be attractive. hi find his eyebrows overly full and the facial hair gives me a George Michael / Wham vibe I am unable to shake.

When I read the Twilight books it was after the movies were cast and I was REALLY disappointed at this choice. I mean. WTF?

Ugh, I wonder if my house is going to get firebombed because of this post...

Monday, November 14, 2011

Nicole Kidman Looks Like the Joker

If this is not an advertisement for NOT jamming injectables in your face, I don't know what is.

For a beautiful woman who was iconic in her look (seriously, click here, it will freak you out), to a generic LA Face'd mess with inflated, freakish features.

I mean, she just looks so scary here.

Imagine this tucking you in at night? No thanks.

Anyhoo, this is what she looked like and wore at the Country Music Awards last week.

How frightening.

Does she have no friends who could do an intervention?


Hunger Games Trailer Is Out


The trailer is out.

EEEEEEEK! So far I'm very happy with how they've put the book into real life. It's not exactly what I pictured, but it's not a bad version of what I saw. Yay!

Also, I'm already sad about Lenny/Cinna after seeing that scene.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Chelsea Handler Shouldn't Stand Next to Jennifer Aniston in This Outfit

So for a while now we've heard that Chelsea Handler and Jennifer Aniston are the bestest of friends.

This has brought up a few rumours since they've emerged as besties...several of those involving cocaine use.

Anyhoo, that was just gossipy...duh.

This post is really about Chelsea Handler wearing a severely unflattering jumpsuit around her best friend who will be eternally hot and could probably pull that jumpsuit off.

I mean, look at it. It's so lumpy. It's really bad. Aren't cokeheads supposed to be thin?

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Demi Lovato Tries to JLo

Soooo, someone tried to be provocative while still rocking the baby fat.

It's ok, we were all there, in the 90's.

Beauty Writer insert:
I just don't feel like her lipstick matches her dress. Nothing is working here. MAKE IT GO AWAY!

That's legit what she just said.

And she's not wrong.

The hair color, the lipstick and the dress are all clashing in a major way.

And then there's the fit of the dress. As in, it doesn't fit. As in, it's bunching at her waist, it's wrinkly at her groin and the sleeves are too long.

And then there's the subject of her chest. And her (shut up!) penis chin.

It's all quite bad. I don't care for it. This girl needs to stop pushing the boundaries of her Disney upbringing. It's not cool.

This dress IS NOT COOL. This look is NOT COOL.

Snow White & The Huntsman Looks AWESOME

Sometimes I forget that Charlize is not just beautiful, but also a talented actress.

The trailer for the new live action (1 of 2) movie based on the fairy tale of Snow White called "Snow White and the Huntsmen" came out this week and OH MY GOD.

I cannot wait to see this movie. It looks amazing.

Snow White was my very fave movie as a child and I'm so excited to see it turn into real people cool-ass battle stuff! Yay!

Kate Hudson Takes a Perfect Facebook Profile Pic

You know what I mean. Every once in a while that photo is taken of you where you look so frigging fabulous that it's one you'll put and keep as your Facebook pic.

This is one of those photos.

I mean, look at her. Her hair is stunning, there's a little casual piece in her face making it less perfect and posed. She's not actually looking at the camera so it seems candid, and not like it was posed for.

Her skin looks amazing, her make-up is perfect and the rest of her is glowing.

Amazing. I need this photo. Can someone please take this photo of me? I need a new profile pic.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Brad Pitt Is Rocking That Look, But That Doesn't Make it Ok


Soooo, if anyone is going to look good in this hairdo / glasses / facial hair combo, it's him. And he does.

But that doesn't make it ok.

I don't want to see any men thinking that they can grow their hair to this length.

It's not ok men, NOT OK.

Think about it seriously. Because if your hair is this long it means you're going to be poking it behind your ears all the time and that's creepy and very 'the-kid-from-3rd-Rock-From-The-Sun'. Ew.

And Angie is pulling off some Joan Collins shit that I'm loving. She looks a little healthier than normal and less drawn and gross.

I approve.

Though, now that I'm typing lower down because of all my heavy ranting above, what's going on with the thighs of his jeans? Weird, no?

Ugh. AND I saw her shoes.

Gross.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Um, Jonathan Lipnicki is Super Creepy Now


You know, I was getting all ready to rant about how creepy this guy is and then I remembered that he starred in a major motion picture with Tom Cruise.

As a child.

So...we already think Tom Cruise is secretly gay...could this be his boy toy on the side? That would explain the creeptastically (TM) ripped physique and the douchey hair.

I'm getting really creeped out by this post. I'm weirding myself out. I didn't think that I was capable of that.

I just find this photo shoot so weird. So strangely timed, so weird with all the breath holding and flexing and hard posing...though that could easily be explained by the fact that Renee Zellwegger played his mother... no one poses harder than her.

Ugh. I'm freaked out. Great. Guarateed I'm going to have nightmares about Tom Cruise chasing around Jonathan Lipnicki in a sauna in West Hollywood while Renee screams at him from the corner to flex harder! I mean, she's there to eat. One can't survive on coffee alone. She has to have some steam soup!

CREEPY!

Oh, and my nightmare will be something like this...Tom being the giggling fool, duh.

Guess Who Didn't Use Doll Lashes.....



Ick. Gross. What's with this clown? She needs to cool it on the airbrush. Seriously, this is all wrong. ALL WRONG.

My New Favorite: Lancome Hypnose Doll Lashes

I hate spending money on mascara. HATE. I remember years ago a friend told me she only used Definicils from Lancome. I bought it, used it and tossed in the garbage 2 weeks later. It made my lashes stick together, it was hard to get off and it cost me $31! Not cool. So since then I have stayed away from Lancome makeup. All that to say, I recently did my makeup (entire face) with Lancome and was pleasantly surprised. The shadows were nice, (although I didn't use any bright or deep colors), the foundation was light and covered very well, but most of all I fell in love with their new mascara, Hypnose Doll Lashes. It seriously gave that false lash look; tons of volume, super long and curly and feathery. It also has a great brush that comes to a point at one end so you can get at those little, baby lashes. Best of all, it never got hard. It stayed soft and fluffy all day and I easily removed it with my face wash. I highly recommend it, even though it will set you back $31. Just think, that's about 4 sets of false lashes. I definitely think it's money well spent.


Sunday, November 06, 2011

Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake Back Together


I am in love with the expression on Justin Timberlake's face right now: There is fear, happiness, elderly bewilderment, and I'm pretty sure teary eyes, no?

I mean, if anyone should be sad it's Jessica Biel because she looks like a doormat now that they've confirmed by being seen in public together that they're back together.

I mean, it's kind of shameful, no?

However, if that was my face and I had her body (and bank account), I don't think I'd be super sad either.

LOOK AT HER CHEEKBONES! RIDONC!