So, Um, Jessica Simpson Is In Shape Again

Remember 'Dukes Of Hazzards' the movie? Remember how Jessica Simpson looked during that movie? She was in crazy shape. Like, she worked out 3 times a day for months.

She got in a lot of crap a couple of years ago when she signed on to be the face of Weight Watchers and then seemed to drop almost no weight after her first baby. They did a lot of weird shots of her legs, forearms and other random body parts that we don't normally associate to weight gain to cover it. It was awkward.

Lately, she's been looking thinner and thinner, and this week she posted this picture...which is quite odd. Like, why are you wearing those shoes? Why are you holding a driver? Is it for scale? Why does it look like you haven't exhaled in 4 minutes?

All that to say, she does at least look muscular and fit. Not bony and thin.

But weird.

Random Fashion Wrap-Up

If you read this site often you'll know that I often end up with a bunch of pictures that have no real association except most of them make my heart hurt. And my eyes. So much my eyes. There are some gems in there...but most of them deserve Prince's ultra eyes.

Here is my new icon of eye hurt:

Shall we?

Here's Ellie Goulding at Coachella, wearing the most unfortunate shorts I feel like I've ever seen. I think it should be a rule, if you can't zip up your vag zipper, don't wear shorts with a vag zipper.

Our favourite mess, Lindsay Lohan looking like she escaped a big and tall hospital and got a lift home with her local viper gang. What a disaster she is. And that's without knowing that she thinks drinking a glass of wine isn't a threat to her sobriety and it's a good idea to announce a miscarriage to everyone to boost ratings.

This is Cheryl Cole looking like perfection in this amazing midi length dress and those great shoes. Just great. I mean, the shoes remind me a little of Nemo, but it's not really terrible. She makes my heart hurt because there isn't more of her.

Here's these two, my biggest couple crush, laughing at a Nets game in New York. I don't know if this is before or after the elevator brawl, but the whole aftermath of that thing has made me question them and it makes me question love. Oh my god. When did I go back into puberty? Please! Beyoncé and JayZ, please be real!!

Jennifer Connolly is an underrated beauty. Look at how amazing she looks. Ok, so I'm not crazy about her weird female parts pattern below the waist, but the rest of her is sublime.

Jennifer Garner is wearing a jumpsuit, therefore I am blinded to any faults this outfit might have. Like her belt looking like garden edging. It's a jumpsuit. SQUEEEE! Her hair also looks amazing.

Just. I can't. She looks so good. It's not normal.

I really need butt implants so that I can look as good as Jennifer Lopez does in everything.

K, I'm kind of hating on this faux wait thing that Chanel has done this season. It's a really creepy trick of the eye that makes already obnoxiously thin Keira Knightly look even more sickly than normal. Yuck.

Can someone please lock Miley Cyrus away? I really can't take this horrifically aggressive redux of 90's fashion. It's too many 90's trends at once. My eyes can't take it.

Ok, admittedly, I can't with that top, or her cokey stare, but those pants. Oh my god. I would wear the hell out of those pants. And to be fair, if I had Naya Rivera's abs. I would probably try that top too. Who am I trying to fool?

You know what I like about Olivia Palermo? She seems like a regular person. She rewears things, and wears flats because she's walking around NYC. I mean, she's not a normal person. She's really wealthy and has a cramazing wardrobe, but still. I like it.

Nicole Kidman's Face is a Disaster

Enjoy your nightmares. OH MY GOD.

Remember what she used to look like? 

This should be a warning for any woman considering dating Tom Cruise. This is what can happen to you. You might think looking like this is normal.

The worst part for me, is that she looks like her skin is lumpy now. And imagine, this is someone who can afford the absolute best plastic surgeons in the world.

Jesus.

Drama Alert! Solange Loses it on JayZ in an Elevator at the Met Gala

So a video surfaced today of Solange losing her s--t on JayZ in an elevator at the Met Gala.

Like. This girl needs to calm down. Bey is cool. Why SoLa gotta be so crazy?

Check it out.

The pic is after the elevator incident.