[UPDATED and finished (I'M SORRY!!!) Wednesday morning]
This show was something else. The red carpet is EPIC boring and Ellen was the only redeeming portion of
the broadcast. The goup pic (below) was really, really great.
Alfre Woodard:
This is meh. Like, I find it kind of swoops below my radar. It's just kind of there. But like, not doing much for me.
Amy Adams:
I said a lot about boob flaps. A LOT. She looks good and everything, but as JewelryJudge said, if you knew you looked
THIS good in 70's style fashion/deep v's, why would you EVER wear a dress like this? Deep v's only. Ever. And her hair. It's not her best showing.
Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt:
This dress caused a real problem in my living room. There was some distaste about the breastal region. Like her implants are not sitting in a relaxed-enough place, and they're making her look like a Barbie. It's not pleasing to my eye. As someone said, "If she sneezes, we're seeing a lot of nipple". If she gained 15 lbs she would be Marilyn Monroe amazing.
Anna Kendrick:
I decided to post the back of her dress, because it is the best part. The front was something else, with that terrible midriff covering. Like, it is so unnecessary. It's an extra detail that is so unneeded. Blurf.
Anne Hathaway:
She was pulling some serious bitch face the whole time. Like, obviously making fun of everyone in her wake. And though I hate her, this dress is great. The mirror bits are fantastic. And as much as I want to hate her hair, it looks really good. Damn you Anne.
Bette Midler:
The only thing I could think was "been a long journey from Milan to Minsk..."
Awesome.
Bill Murray:
Amazing.
Calista Flockhart:
I actually like this, but she's such a sourpuss that I can't. There was a great time on the red carpet when it was obvious that Harrison Ford was SO annoyed with her. It was great. Also, I referred to her as, "Calista Frick Face". Gold, Jerry. Gold.
Camilla Alves:
This is something. It's a little too much...and it was kind of too close to Penelope Cruz's dress. Without the playful part. I don't know. She's so beautiful that I feel she could have done something better. Maybe white. Whatever.
Cate Blanchett:
I feel like I like this, but only because it's her. On anyone else, this would have been awful. BUT, I really must say that I totally hate how nude fabric gathering away from skin, because it normally looks like used pantyhose.
On a positive, her hair and jewelry is amazing.
Charlize Theron:
I really hate the straps of the dress. I really, really, hate it. I feel like Sean Penn is sucking the sense out of her. Like, how much does that couple not make sense at all?
Cristin Milioti:
I don't like her lipstick, but I do like the rest. The blush-y color is really good, and the pleating is very nice on the bodice. And I don't hate her hair, but it's a little piecey.
Elsa Pataky:
There are so many better ways to dress a pregnant body. And she has done some really great dresses. This is not one of them.
While beautiful, it's not really that flattering and I'm not really happy with her hair.
Emma Watson:
I don't hate this, but I don't especially love it either. The sleeve situation reminds me of a rocker tee...like, I would LOVE this top with some skinny black leather pants. So now that I say that, I think I might love it.
Now I need that top.
Gabourey Sidibe:
I hate this like poison.
I have no words for the cheesiness of this mess. It looks like those crappy throw pillows that every low end retailer has in 5 colors. Blech. Hate.
Giuliana Rancic:
My husband said it best: "She looks like Maya Rudolph has been peeled away to almost a skeleton." Awful. She needs to gain some weight. And also shut the hell up.
Glenn Close:
I really love this. She looks really appropriate and glowy and textury and wonderful. I really love this.
Goldie Hawn:
We all agreed she has clearly done something to her face, but that it is good, nonetheless. She really looks very lovely. Like, this would be a great mom to have. How proud would you be if this was your mom?
Idina Menzel:
She was suffering from a really terrible case of man face...and then her song was kind of off...But the green was great. It was really lovely.
Ireland Baldwin:
This dress is not great. While I am refreshed by the color, it is totally the wrong color for the season. And what is with those little flutter sleeves? They're so utterly useless. And right between her hands there is a weird diamond shaped piece of fabric which looks very vag-y. And then there is her hair. Which is really bad. Like, way too light.
Also, I can't with her creepy long toes. Gahhhh!
Jada Pinkett-Smith:
This is nice. A little too Pepto for my tastes. And the bodice is really too structured, but her skin is really flawless and her hair is very lovely. I just don't like this color very much. I don't know.
Jordan Catalano:
His hair won the Oscar. Don't even argue with me.
Jennifer Lawrence:
We agreed this dress needed work. The top was way too square and the fringe started either too high or not high enough. Just needs work. Also, why no Ben?
Jennifer Lawrence:
I feel like Dior disappointed us all season with her. This is not an exception. It's really nice. Nice. Not stunning, not gorgeous, just nice.
And then she fell on the red carpet. That was pretty great. You know, when Daft Punk helped her up. That was really nice.
Jessica Biel:
It was hard to see, but this dress had a weird multi-color spotting on the liner. It wasn't good. The top edge also had a weird fringey raw edge to it. So not good.
Julia Roberts:
I think from now on I'll be happy if she just doesn't ever wear a pink pantsuit. And I will say that her hair and make-up are really great. I just don't get the dress.That weird tuxedo detail on the front. It's weird.
Julie Delpy:
Guess who wins the Oscar for saggiest boobs. Guess!
Kate Hudson:
Just really beautiful and stunning. Partially Gwyneth cape, part just fabulous. Everything about this works.
Kelly Osbourne:
If only she didn't speak and only wore this. And had no head. If only.
Kelly Ripa:
She needs to ease up on the training. She's so tight and tense looking. I can't get past the tense/tan in order to even look at the dress. And that white thing makes me think she's a crab leg.
Kerry Washington:
Aside from the terrible wrinkling, this is my favourite of the night. Just really pretty and flowy, and I love that dusty tone. And her lipstick. Joy!
Kristen Bell:
She really irks me...especially with this pedorazzi thing she and Dax are doing. Something about her seems so uptight and bitchy. Like I kind of want to stab her a bit. This dress is also a lot for her, no? Like, who exactly do you think you are Veronica Mars?
Kristen Chenowith:
This one, with the bobble head. Yikes. This dress is great though. Really regal and lovely. While I'm appalled to learn that she's playing Dolly Parton (because she needs to gain about 40 lbs to do it properly), she does have serious pipes and won't shame anyone on that vein.
Lady Gaga:
Similar dresses, no? Very art deco styling. Gaga looks really elegant and fierce, although there's something happening in her eye region that is scaring me a bit. Like, why you look so sleepy, miss? Or, like Botoxy?
I have run into a scheduling conflict...
Sorry for the delay kids, but the rest will come on Tuesday night!
Love you!!
Laura Dern:
I've never seen someone look so much like their body is revolting against itself. She has such terrible posture and even though that dress was really actually quite lovely, she held it so terribly. On a positive note, I really liked her hair color.
Liza Minelli:
Just don't even. This is magic.
Louise Roe:
While I find the color is a little out of season, this dress is really pretty. I'm not normally a fan of one shoulder items, but this is really nice. Doesn't have that obnoxious Grecian feel to it.
Lupita Nyong'o:
Just really beautiful. And while we argued for a while about the headband, I think it's all pretty great. We had some chats about the toothpaste adjacent coloring of this, but nothing bad. She looked really beautiful and lovely. And her speech was both those too.
Margot Robbie:
She doesn't look great...this dress is making her look really thick, and the hair color is something else. Especially with her dark lip. I'm not impressed with this look. Also, is there a bow in the back or something? What's that weird thing sticking out on the sides? Ugh. I hate this more now.
Meryl Streep:
Just so very lovely. She looks really beautiful and elegant and I wish she was my mom.
Naomi Watts:
Just like, we've seen this before, no? Like, this is not really exciting for her. I kind of adore the necklace, but, the rest of it kind of leaves me wanting something more. And the hair. Is it greasy?
Olga Kurylenko:
Wow. She has looked better.Like, what is going on with her hair? And why is there a weird floral mold trying to kill her from her shoulder inward? Ugh. this dress is a mess. And her hair looks terrible. She looks like she should be grocery shopping after yoga class, not at the Oscars.
Olivia Wilde & Jason Sudeikis:
We agreed that he has never looked better and she looks awesome too. Like, really glowy and perfect. And there was a really pretty detail on the back of the dress with a white waterfall-esque insert of fabric. They're really cute.
Penelope Cruz:
I mean, I can say that at least it's not a ball gown. And I really do love the very, very light pink color of this, but aside from that, it's pretty yawn.
Pharrell's Shorts:
Now, second only to his hat. Like, dude. WhyÉ
Portia de Rossi:
I really love this dress for the detail. And while I'm never going to love a turtleneck on a gown, she's making it work. But her hair. So bad. Not to mention that the obviously did something unfortunately irreversible to her face. I was hoping it would settle..but no.
Sally Hawkins:
And here is why I hate turtleneck gowns. Ugh.
Sandra Bullock:
Just. To die for. Dramatic, gorgeous and very stunning. Look at her crazy body in that dress. She is so beautiful. I wish George Clooney wasn't a tool and they could be be married.
Sarah Paulson:
While we didn't like her dress, there was some amazingness happening in her hair. Not the style, per se, but the color. My god. There was a rich base and then highlights and low lights. Just great. I don't want to talk about the dress. This woman's style makes me nauseated.
Viola Davis:
She was the first one we saw when we logged on, and while we agreed the color was great, there is something about the wrinkles and set up in her abdominal area that was not working for us. SHE is radiant though. Look at her skin. She looks really happy. It's just too bad about that midriff.
