Sunday, January 12, 2014

The 2014 Golden Globes Red Carpet Report

It was a big one, and a long one. So lets do it:

Allison Williams:
The top of this is questionable. It looks like those pedicure socks you can buy at Wal-Mart. I am actually delighted by the neckline, but not really by a furry stripe.

Amber Heard:
Um, just because you stole Vanessa Paradis' husband doesn't mean you can dress like this Any hemline that goes above the lowest part of your labia means wrong. Everything else about this is great. The color is great, the neckline is really good, and she's rocking that hairdo. But the hem. OMG.


AmyAdams:
You know, after seeing 'American Hustle', Amy Adams can almost do no wrong. But then she did. With this. While the deep V means more to me than anything else, this is still not up to par with anything she wore in that movie. If she had worn only one of the costumes from that movie, she would have won the red carpet to me

Angela Bassett:
You know, this photo popped up after the ceremony started and I think that she might have won the night without even arriving early enough to be part of it. She looks crazy hot. It's not normal.

Anna Gunn:
She's worn this before. So annoying. TRY SOMETHING ELSE.

Ariel Winter:
You are 18 years old. Or less. Stop with this ageing look. And the wrinkles on her skirt. Oh man. The color is great, but everything else about it is so severe for her age Come on.

Aubrey Plaza:
I don't know. What do I say? It's ok. It's not really exceptional, or seasonally appropriate, or anything that really is notable. It's Disney Princess color story.

Camilla Alves:
Stun bomb. It's really simple and also really effective. It's like that classic dress or shoe that you have in your closet that looks great no matter what the event or what the weather. Perfect. Very lovely.

Cate Blanchett:
We went back and forth on this one, but just based on the fact that Cate Blanchett is who she is, she won. It's elegant, classy and very ladylike.

Drew Barrymore:
Oh what a hot, hot mess. Llike, no one is looking good in this, especially when they have a baby bump. Come on Drew. You can do better.

Edie Falco:
Just. So . Fantastic.

Elisabeth Moss:
Jewelry Judge kept calling this a scuba suit/wet suit, but I'm kind of in love with this. Please be reminded that this is a single person vote, but I LOVE IT.

Emilia Clarke:
Just, she's very beautiful, and this is so well done. The hem is perfect, the jewelry is perfect, the hair is perfect. She is great.

Emma Robert:
She just got engaged to Evan what's-his-face. But this is one of her best looks ever. She looks fresh and showered and really clean. She looks really good. For once.

Emma Thompson:
She can do no wrong in my mind. I mean, there is this, that is HORRIBLE, but I can't hate her. She's too much perfection as a human. This outfit is horrific, but she is so wonderful that she is ok with it.

 

Emma Roberts:
For someone who has made very few fashion missteps, this is kind of epic. No one CAN PULL THIS OFF. No one needs to wear a painting smock gown. Ever. It's just not good.

I'm so sad today.


Gabourey Sidibe:
I like this, it's kind of slick. She also looks like she's going to punch the next person who speaks to her.

Hayden Pannettiere:
The dress is cutting her really badly, her corsage pin is too much, and the hair. Oh my god, the hair is not ok. There were so many short hair looks tonight, and she's going with this look? She makes me question what I believe with that hair.

Heidi Klum:
You know, for someone who CAN wear anyhing, this is not the choice I would go with. The choker is very 90's, thought I want you to brace yourselves that it's coming back, and soon. I think it might be her hair, but we can't place it. We've been discussing it.

We've decided it's a trifecta of bad. Each element would be great on it's own, but together they're a mess.

Helen Mirren:
Don't tell me it's wrong. She doesn't do wrong.


Jemima Kirke:
I feel like she doesn't really act that much on 'Girls'. Because she kind of looks like a terrible execution of a hippie at an awards show. This is essentially a dress made of mud.

Jenna Dewan:
We mean, of course, Mrs Channing Tatum.

YOU ARE NOT THIS EPIC. I'm done. (drops mic)

Jennifer Lawrence:
While I really hope that she is not going to keep this haircut, but she looks adorable. I'm just so glad she didn't trip on the way up the stairs again. It really is lovely, but she deserves more.


Jessica Chastain:
You didn't see the detail on the dress when she walked the carpet, but these pictures. OMG. The detail is amazing. I can only assume this is McQueen, because no one else can do this on black. It's gorgeous and she looks timeless.






Jessica Lange:
I don't want to be the one to tell Jessica Lange that crushed velvet is the wrong fabric, but it seems that I've already started this sentence...so...you do not look good in that. At all. Please don't turn me into a witch.

Julia Roberts:
None of us can compute what is happening here. We keep wanting it to be as great as Sharon Stone's improvisation...but it's not. It's just a dress over a gown, and it's just a really big chignon that fell apart HARD. It's not good.

Juliana Marguiles:
She normally goes off the mark, and it works. This time, I'm not on board. While it IS really lovely, I think she could have done something more interesting. Something less blah. It's just kinda sleepy.

Julie Bowen:
Why exercise maniacally (as she obviously does) if you're not going to show it off? This dress is really a mess, and her hair. I don't like this. And I find it really awkward. The sleeves are a little too 'Snow White' for me.

Julie Delpy:
This is good. It is elegant, timeless and very lovely. It doesn't look good on her, really, though. Like, it's not super flattering.

Like, her arms.

Kaley Cuoco:
The more I look at this dress and hair combo, the more I like it. The eye-make-up is a little harsh, but the rest of it is pretty darn good for someone with so many epic fails.

Kerry Washington:
We all decided a maternity formal gown could have been done better. Please see Olivia Wilde for inspiration.

Kristen Chenowith:
No. Just no. What happened to her face?

 Kristen Connolly:
I don't know who this is, but I kid of love this. It's simple, elegant, looks good no matter when. Her toes look obnoxiously/disgustingly long. Oh my god. The toes are all I can see now. I can't now.

Laura Dern:
'Enlightened' was one of those shows that I only saw on the plane and never really liked...those thoughts also extend to her. Though, I really like this dress. It moved REALLY well, the color is lovely and dusty, not typical. Her hair color is really kind of epic too. No?

Lena Dunham:
I don't really get the hair. It's not great. Nor is the yellow color. It seems to be too bight for January. I could totally see this in January. I don't know. I'm never happy with what she wears, I don't know why I'm surprised...

Lizzy Caplan:
I super hate her hair, but the rest of that. Drool. So fantastic.

Leslie Mann:
This is your face? Ugh. She needs to pick a better red carpet face.

Lupita Nyong'o:
Just out of control EPIC. She SHUT everyone else down with this dress. And her skin, and her crazy amazing face. And she doesn't even have extra ammunition with hair! She killed it.
Margot Robbie:
I just watched 'Wolf of Wall Street' and while she was pretty great, but like, I don't know. She seemed more like a face and body than an actress. Even though her accent was great.

This dress is kind of amazing, but when you pair it with her shoe choice, it's epic. She looked great.

Maria Menounos:
Listen,  I feel like she's hitting this trend a year late. If this was black it would be so crazy, but she does this annoying pigeon-hole thing by wearing a neon hue.

Although, I feel like I should give her an award simply for not baring teeth.

 Megan Mullaly:
Though I'm mady in love with her, I can't with this hair. Or the dress. This sleeve is not good. So many times, I wonder how people leave their homes looking the way they do, and this one is a time when I'm really sad about it, because I want her to look amazing. But she doesn't she looks weird.

Melissa McCarthy:
You know...just for once, I wanted her to wear something clingy and fitted to show OFF her figure. Again she has showed up wearing a muu muu and I find it really upsetting to life.

On NO ONE would this neckline look good. NO ONE.

Melissa Rauch:
Again this yellow, again wrong. It actually fits her really well. but this just isn't working.

Michelle Dockery:
Lovely? I don't know. I'm so bored with this. Is she dressing for the period of her show? I don't know. I kind of can't with this.

Mila Kunis:
Luckily for you, the worst part of her dress is not visible in this pic. The rosettes on the collar of this dress made it so dowdy, but from this angle, so good. From the front, so terrible.

Naomi Watts:
Um, I don't know. This is boring to me, but it's not awful. This could be a huge prom dress from ABS this spring. I feel like her shoes are platform sandals. There's something weird going on there.


Olivia Wilde:
Ladies, THIS is how you do pregnancy. That is all.

Paula Patton:
Ladies, THIS is not how you do anything. Except wanting to look like a really fancy napkin. This bitch needs to go away. Her forehead gives me stomach pains.

Rashida Jones:
This one snuck up on me. While I don't love the palm print, the cut, her make-up and her hair are amazing. Like, her skin. OMG. And that lipstick looks really great on her.

And she's wearing something people can't necessarily pull off, but she's got it, and it looks so good. I'm very excited about this.

Reese Witherspoon:
She looks REALLY good. Like, really good. Oh shit. I said that too fast, she can't walk in it AT ALL. She's really cute and stuff, but this could have been sexier no? I don't know. You know what? I'm going to let it go. It's good.

Sandra Bullock:
I've never hated anything she's worn more. This is so bad. And it's just the skirt, because the top fits her perfectly, but the bottom is so weird. I really don't like it.

There's a lot of fabric for nothing and its so shiny and wrinkly.

Sarah Hyland:
Did she forget her mascara? Why so naked faced? The whole look, while adorable, is a little austere for me. She looks too severe for someone that young. Like, have some fun. 

Sarah Paulson:
I feel like I shouldn't hate her because Aaron Sorkin likes her. But then I really don't like her. I tried. Albeit, not very hard. But I did.

Her hair looks good, but there is something about the 'try' of the way she's standing that is upsetting me

Sofia Vergara:
It's gorgeous. It really is. Except for the actual zoom of the necklace, it's really gorgeous. She looks great. Her tailor deserves an award.

Taylor Schilling:
She looks like she's really elated to be there, which is really cute. That dress is really pretty and soft and she looks really good in it. I mean, I wouldn't wear it, but she looks lovely.

Taylor Swift:
I had such high hopes after her last couple of events she had gone to. And it's not that this doesn't fit or look good, but I could see something a bit more ambitious coming from her. This is really, really formal.

Tina Fey & Amy Poehler:
While I am REALLY disappointed that Tina Fey is wearing almost the same dress that Kat Dennings wore on the People's Choice Awards they both look amazing. They are the best of all friends. Amy Poehler looks soo good.

Zosia Mamet:
This is the MOST normal she's ever looked. Ever. She looks really lovely.

Zooey Deschanel:
I just can't with this. She was one of the first people we saw in the night and it really burned in my brain. It's not good.


Zoe Saldana:
Because she is who she is, Everyone is going to say what she's wearing is visionary....I don't see it. And normally I'm really into what she wears, but this one missed the mark for me. There is too much going on here, and it's confusing.

Well, that's a wrap! Have a wonderful night! We had fun!

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