The Carousel of Hope Gala

Yay! People got dressed up.

Unfortunately, though, these outfits are kind of frightening. What the hell am I saying 'unfortunately'? I mean fantastically (for us).

Brandi:

So this looks like she dragged her train through a muddy puddle or something. OR it's one of her costumes from Dancing with the Stars. It's just very prom, and not awesome. What's with that weird draping at the bottom front.

Daisy Fuentes:

So, um, Daisy seems to have decided to wear a shortie bathrobe with some heels from 1994. Wow. Actually, when you think of it, she's kind of from 1994, so it's almost ok. Almost. Not.

Garcelle Beauvais:

She looks quite lovely, actually. I love this dress. It seems to be a bit big on her though...or, is she pregnant? I don't know. I like it, a lot, but it seems like it doesn't fit her at all.

Halle Berry:

This woman makes me embarrassed to share her sex. She is so goddam beautiful. And her hair looks bloody fantastic. The only thing I will say that is negative is that she really really needs a sandwich. She's too thin. It's kind of icky.

Jennifer Lopez:

A lot of people hate this dress. I don't. I don't love the tulle at the bottom. Actually, I kind of hate it, but I love the beading. It's really gorgeous. Without that nasty tulle bottom this could have been a really wonderful wedding dress.

I don't know. I don't dislike it. Aside from the tulle.

Keri Lynn Pratt:

I totally only took this picture because this dress is so ridiculous. Because really, who the hell is this?

It looks like she's wearing aluminum pie plates on her sides. Or 2 sharks with grills bit her on each side. Really, fantastically fugly.

Leah Remini:

Did you ever watch 'King of Queens'? This woman was such a wicked bitch on that show. I find her quite beautiful, but I hate her because her character was such a raging witch. I also don't love her because she's a Scientologist, and everyone knows Scientologists are scary.

In other news, her dress is REALLY big. Though not ugly.

Lisa Rinna:

I think it's a really scary thing when Lisa Rinna is one of the classiest, most understated guests at an event. Obviously the apocalypse is coming. I'm really glad that we bought a lot of canned goods last week.

Her smaller lip looks better though, non?

Mira Sorvino:

Is she still relevant? Because her outfit isn't! Badum-ching! Ha ha!

No, really, where did she get that? Winners/TJMaxx? And the shoes. Oh heavens, the shoes!

Nancy O'Dell:

As you might know, I am obsessed with how Nancy O'Dell stands. This woman manages to stand almost sideways and looks so much thinner than she is. She should teach courses.

One thing I wonder about this look is if that is her real hair, because it is insanely thick and lustrous. I want that hair. But I don't want extensions because then I'd have to maintain them and I'm very lazy.

I don't like the dress, but I have barely liked one in this bunch, are we really surprised?

Nicky Hilton:

Wow. This is unflattering. Normally Nicky wears cute things, but she is definitely not tonight. That dress is ultra fugly. So heavy and it's almost, like, drapery fabric. I feel like her face almost says that she knows it's stupid and making her head look tiny.

Parasite Hilton:

This moron is apparently trying to shed her party girl image and going to be a grown up now that she got busted with coke in Vegas. I guess the first step of this is to wear a chenille blanket as the skirt of her evening gown.

Of course this twat would wear pink. But really, there had to be better options in pink. This is disgusting and again, very prom-y.

Raquel Welch:

GOD DAMN! I hope I look this hot one day. She is HOT. The dress is lovely and while it is too tight, she is rocking it. Let's consider her age here, because she gets automatic points for looking better than most 20 year olds today. Muffin Tops are an EPIDEMIC!

Sela Ward:

Underdressed much? I know we always say that you can't go wrong with a little black dress but considering the obnoxious hot messes that everyone else is wearing, doesn't she seem a little more like she's going to an office happy hour than to a gala?

Susan Lucci & Her Implants:

Um, these are conspicuous. And wonky. I love that she's wearing lame. Again, she gets automatic points for her age, but immediate deductions for the dress and the wonky boobs. And the 90's hair. Yikes.