See 'Country Strong'. Seriously.

I avoided this movie like the plague for the longest time because it contained 3 of my most hated things:

1. Gwyneth Paltrow
2. Songs in a movie
3. Worse than that - they're country music songs

Let me speak to the above points:

1. As you know lately she's been growing on me, against my better judgment
2. I can sometimes stomach movies with singing (see: any movie with Muppets in it, animated movies, 'Across The Universe', Mary Poppins, anything Christopher Guest touches, etc)
3. While I really hate country music, there is ONE song in this movie that will make you drool. I seriously finished the movie an hour ago and have already returned home from my friend's house to download it from iTunes. I know. But it's really good.

It's hard to enjoy without the context, but this song kills me as of now.

One thing I will say, for a skinny girl, Leighton Meester has a double chin effect going on. It's weird.

I am going to hug a pillow with a cowboy hat.

Blake Lively Went Ginge, Has Pointy Nails

So our little Blakey went ginge. I am sure it's for a role, because why else would someone cover up perfect beachy blonde like that? She looks good, though the dress is kind of tacky, no? For someone who is considered a fashion icon?

Anyhoo - I want to discuss something else. I can't remember where I saw it, but apparently it is a trend to start filing your nails into rounded points like Blake has below. It elongates your fingers and makes your hands look longer and slimmer.

OR, does it make you look like THIS? I can't decide. Opinions?

The Royal Weddings Is Today!

Kate Middleton and Prince William got married today at Westminster Abbey in London, England. The ceremony was long and pretty boring, but everyone wore fascinators (awesome hats) and her dress was GORGE.

Also, look who was invited along with Elton John and David Furnish:

Harry is so cute. I like his outfit better than William's.

Kate Hudson Is Engaged

So, Kate Hudson is engaged...she announced it on a morning show the other day. Well, actually she said she'd been engaged for a while and waiting for someone to notice...

It's a little weird because if you read this month's InStyle magazine she talks about how she doesn't really believe in marriage anymore and doesn't think it's necessary. Kind of weird, no?

Anyhoo, congrats to her and Matt Bellamy of 'Muse'.

Beyonce & Swizz Beatz Want Us To Get Our Fat Asses Off The Couch!

Yes, ALL of us.

Mostly kids though. Michelle Obama rocks.

Megan Fox's Face Frightens Me

Seriously though, it's like she can't even move it.

For such a pretty girl, she sure has pumped a whole lot of shit into it. Very gross.

In other news, David Silver looks HAWT!

Hey now.

But really, looks at her face again. Yuck.

Beyonce Wears Something Gorge, Shows Sideboob

Beyonce was shooting something for Vanity Fair last week and flashed a lot of side boob.

That dress is fucking fabulous though. Excuse my French but some dresses deserve that kind of cursing.

Charlie Sheen's "Goddess" Quit

Is this what is passing for a goddess now? Um...

Really?

Anyhoo, Bree Olson, former pornographic film 'actress' has quit hanging with Charlie Sheen...details are sketchy, but she never really seemed as into it as the other girl and one cannot fault her logic.

Seriously though, she looks HORRIBLE in this picture.

Snooki Is Skinny Now or Something...And Angelina is Pregnant

Snooki released some photos of herself this week and is talking about having lost weight. Knowing how brilliant most people are and how quickly she seems to have lost it, I'm sure it wasn't properly...like, with exercise and lifestyle change.

I will say this though, if you stand at certain angles far away from a camera, you can look skinny too.

I'm just saying...

Oh, and Angelina confirmed (really? who's asking?) that she is pregnant. She's engaged since February. Gross. They're procreating now.

Canadian Treasure Ken Kostick Dies

Ken Kostick, co-host of 'What's For Dinner' has passed away from complications related to acute pancreatitis.

Very sad. He was 57.

Check out how adorbs he was:

Hugh Hefner is Even Creepier Now

So Hugh Hefner is gross, we know that. He insists on keeping around really young girls - often sisters - as his lovers and then there was that whole bacterial infection thing at the Playboy mansion...

They found out the 'source' of the infections - the hot tub. Um, DUH.

If you owned the Playboy mansion, wouldn't you be draining and bleaching the hell out of that thing daily? Gross.

Anyhoo, here is a very creepy picture of Hugh and his "girlfriends" at Disney World all riding his old man scooter.

Ugh, I have shivers from disgust.

Leann Rimes Is GROSS

Also, it seems that her new boobs are teaming up with the rest of North America and the media and trying to escape her body...out her wrists.

Ew.

Also, I hate Eddie Cibrian now. He just seems creepy.

Rose McGowan Needs To Stop F-ing With Her Face

She is pretty unrecognizable, no?

Also, since when is her head so tiny?

Nicole Richie's Kids Are So Cute!

I tend to think that the Madden brothers are kind of douchey. However, it seems that they make cute babies. I mean, look at Joel and Nicole's kids. They are so frigging adorable.

Now, it helps that they dress like bad asses, courtesy of their mom, for sure, but look how adorable they are! The curls, the cute little noses. So cute.

I can't remember last time I saw Sparrow (ugh, I know) but look how cute he is. He is ADORABLE. I want to eat him!
Thanks to JustJared.com for the pics

It's Official, I'm in Love With Helen Mirren

I'm not fooling around here. How am I NOT in love with this? Look how amazing she is.

This outfit is PERFECTION. This outfit would be lovely for me, but look at her at 60+ ROCKING the hell out of it.

I definitely love her.

Jersey Shore Season 4 Update! No ALCOHOL.

Um, they're joking with this shit, right?

In an effort not to embarrass the city of Florence, Italy, the mayor has laid down some pretty serious rules for the filming of Season 4 of Jersey Shore"

• The cast will not be filmed in bars and clubs that serve alcohol.
• The cast will not be filmed drinking in public.
• The show will not be filmed to promote Florence as a drinking town.
• The show should be filmed in a manner to promote Italy (not Americans visiting Italy) and feature its culture and good food.

I hope this is a just rumours, because if anyone plans to make this true, what's the point in watching the show? The only good thing these people do is drink.

However, to be fair, I'm sure this would help to limit the spread of herpes in Florence. They're all disgusting Valtrex-addicted herpes machines...they need booze in their system like we need to allow them back into the US after filming.

Seriously, Obama - make this your next campaign platform, you'll get voters. Trust.

I WILL NOT LET THE JERSEY SHORE HOUSEMATES BACK INTO THE US!

Or at least just the Situation, right?

Tiffany & Debbie Gibson Are Going On Tour!

OMG! I am SO not going to this! Do you like how I acted SUPER excited but really am not?

Ok, in truth, I am a little excited for this. It's kind of awesome. But it would have been awesomer (shut up!) if it was in 1990, no?

Also, I have some bad memories related to "I Think We're Alone Now." My high school friends thought it would be hilarious to request that song at a sweet 16 when I was getting to know* my soon-to-be boyfriend away from the clique.

TRAUMA.

Ok, really, it wasn't a big deal, but I can't think of that many songs from either of theses bitches.

Also, nice trashy tattoos Tiffany.

*Seriously, we were just talking. Our awkward kiss came weeks after.

Coachella - Shenanigans

So Coachella was this past weekend and of course every starlet out there had to run around half dressed and drunk/high because Chromeo was playing...

Here is Lindsay Lohan not exactly looking like a picture of sobriety while running around with her 17 year old sister, Ali.

What mother whose eldest child has had sobriety issues let's their 17 year old go to a drug/alcohol filled music fest WITH said sobriety challenged child? Dina Lohan, that's who. At what point is child protective services going to be brought in to relieve her of her duties as a terrible mother?
Here is a picture of Vanessa Hudgens taking something white out of her purse and then shoving it in her mouth...then looking REALLY happy right after. There are zoomed in versions available all over the web, if it is coke, she just shoved half a gram onto her tongue...I honestly can't figure out what it could be though...anyone out there more savvy than me?

You know that rule to take one accessory off before you leave the house? It also applies to when you leave your Coachella tent. Yikes.

Happy Birthday Conan O'Brien!

I love Conan. A LOT. I insist you also love him and celebrate his birthday as if it were your own.

Happy Birthday Conan! I love you an uncomfortable amount for someone who is a stranger.

Something To Wake You Up - Michael Jackson

Sometimes on Monday mornings, after I've had way too much wine the night before - SHUT UP!, I need a little pick me up. I hope this gets your ass up like it does mine.

Britney & Rihanna Like S&M

Seriously though, sometimes Britney's singing voice is highly irritating. I mean, I wouldn't be super shocked if I learned that a toddler was singing instead of her.

Anyhoo, I like this song, so it's fun to think that these two are friends and sing together.

I know they don't. Please don't burst my bubble just now.

Barf. A Charlie Sheen Sex Doll.

Even barfier is that it's sold out everywhere. Who the hell wants to f--k on a cracked out coke dick? Ugh, just got nauseous picturing 'Two and a Half Men' fans with perms in crew neck sweatshirts with cats on them grinding on this.

OMG. I'm sorry.

Courtney Cox Doesn't Age, Is Too Tan

Two women: neither have aged very much in the years since the release of 'Scream', but one seems to have done it naturally and the other seems to be stretching her face and pumping crap into it non stop.

Guess which is which.

No, you know how I feel about Courtney Cox's face. It's not natural. And though she has finally admit to using Botox, I think she's being a little dishonest because it's clear she's doing all sort of stuff to her mug.

And then there's her tan. Remember when MysticTan first came out and it was Jennifer Aniston who was the face of it? And then they did that hilarious 'Friends' episode where Ross got super tan on his front half? Good times.

Courtney's legs look insane here. And not in an 'I'm-Mediterranean-so-my-skin-gets-really-tan-easily' kind of way. Her legs are tan in a 'I-used-way-too-much-self-tanner' kind of way...because it's excessivly orange and REALLY intense. And pretty uneven.

Yikes.

In all seriousness though, she needs to take it down a notch on the anti-ageing injections and the self tanner. It's creepy now.

Angelina and Brad Look Strung Out

Some people need make-up and hair people and Photoshop.

I wouldn't think Angelina Jolie was one of those people but OH MY GOD they look terrible here. Well, actually, he just looks a little sweaty or greasy but she looks like she will eat your babies.

And you never know with her, she might actually eat your babies. But for real though, if this isn't an indication that she's too thin and really scary.

Also, can we agree her hair is too long? She can't get any volume on the top of her head. It's creepy. Very 90's.

Cute Kid Dances Awesomely In His Sleep

This kid is a MUCH better dancer than me. In. His. Sleep.

Oh gross, Scarjo is one of those people who wears those stupid toe shoes. Creepy. Also, she must be exhaling majorly or something because her stomach looks weird.

It looks much better in the below pics.

What a weird couple.

Fergie Looks Skinny

So Fergie has been looking thin lately.

Now, some of it is the fringe on the dress, it's making her look tiny, but still, she looks GOOD.

Her hair looks weird though. And wet. And greasy.

John Travolta Was Bald, Now Isn't.

So, here is a picture of John Travolta a couple of months ago.

Lounging at the beach with his head sticking out.

And HERE is John Travolta in NYC earlier this week. Can YOU spot the difference?

Also, really, why does he go auburn? Like, come on.

Britney Dancing - Before & After

If you've seen Britney Spears perform lately, you've noticed that she's not the same as she used to be. It's like watching her old videos in slow motion...and steps removed.

Now someone has put together a before shaved head mental breakdown vs after shaved head mental breakdown compilation of Britney's dance moves.

Interesting:

Tori Spelling's Breasts Terrorize My Eyeballs

So, Tori Spelling is pregnant.

I don't know if that's her excuse for her boobs looking the way they do, but I cannot believe she wore this outside of her house, or doctor's office.

While I actually quite like the dress/color/sash/etc, her breasts are so freakishly disgusting that I am huddled in a corner with my laptop crying like a small child.

Oh my god.

If you have a weak stomach DO NOT scroll down.

But really though, why not get those fixed?

WTF Is With Kim Kardashian's Face/Hair?

Why is Cosmo f-ing with Kim this month?

This cover comes out, where her face is PhotoShopped almost beyond recognition and her head is doubled in size by hair only, and then they put her on the cover of Cosmo Turkey...one of the countries that is most open about not really loving on Armenians...um.

I will say this though, I'm happy it's not some other anorexic bitch on the cover. I'm so over anorexic bitches.

Gaga Went Boom!

She is really lucky she didn't break her leg there. That must have hurt like hell.

Kudos to her for just crawling out and continuing. I would have been all like this:

Maybe don't torture yourself by watching the entire thing.

Jersey Shore News - Spin Off Style!

Ok, so after the SUPER sad news that Jersey Shore Season 4 in Italy filming was being delayed due to contract negotiations, news has surfaced that there will be 2 Jersey Shore spin-off shows.

One will be around Snooki & JWoww and their living together, etc. Untitled so far.

The second will be about DJ Pauly D and his travels around the world DJ'ing and general levels of hilarity.

Um, I'm going to watch them.

And yes, to answer your question, I AM embarrassed to admit that.

Crazy, Stupid Love Trailer...Am I A Rom Com Fool?

Is it weird that I totally want to see this?

Am I turning into one of those people who watches movies like 'Serendipity' and 'Must Love Dogs'?

Jersey Shore Season 4 Filming Delayed - Contract Negotiations!

The most exciting thing that many of us had heard in years has now been delayed.

Apparently Snooki, Pauly D and the Situation are holding out for more money. Um.

Really?

They should be happy to get the money they're getting now for being gassy, talentless idiots (save for Pauly, he's a good DJ).

But nope, things are not going smoothly for season 4 - they're having trouble finding party locations and the locals are not ecstatic...and now the contract negotiations.

Yikes.

Leann Rimes Defends Her Disgusting Body

Leann Rimes has gotten really thin lately.

REALLY THIN.

Gross thin. I mean, look at her legs. It's not ok.

She has looked really gross like that for a little bit and while it's evident she is definitely working out, it is also really clear that she's not eating anything.

I don't know why, but I really love this picture.

Anyhoo, she's been on Twitter in recent days fighting the haters and telling them she eats pizza and thin mint cookies. SURE you do. Give me a break. And then what? Barf it up and spend 7 hours on the elliptical?

Not fooling anyone honey. Get help. It's gross.

Helen Mirren Is A Hot Old Bitch

(That was meant in the nicest way possible)

Seriously, though, she is hot. Look at her.

These promos are kind of awful, so let's cross our fingers that the show is better.

Did you see Elton John last weekend? It was essentially Elton John featuring Tom Hanks. Brilliant.

Tom Hanks is the best.

Reese Witherspoon Wore a Pink Wedding Dress

This picture nauseates me. No, of course we don't really care about him, but did People magazine really have to photograph him TURNING away from the camera and burying his face in her hair?

She's just so sweet and cute, it's kind of annoying. Even more annoying is the fact that she wore a pink wedding dress. I mean, UGH. Could you be girlier and more irritating?

Wow, I don't think I should blog before 7am, I am highly irritable. But come on, it's not just me, is it? She's SO irritatingly cute.

It's such an Elle move to wear a pink wedding dress.

Ellen Pompeo Wears Interesting Work-Out Clothes

I don't get how some people work out in the clothes that they do. Like last week, I was in Miami and for this one particular workout, they suggest that everyone wears booty shorts. Um. I don't want to see everyone I know in booty shorts. That is way too close to a labia flash for my taste.

And then there's Ellen Pompeo. It appears she is wearing really old, dirty shoes and then an oddly slutty polyester netted bodysuit. Go ahead, check your eyes. I did say BODYSUIT.

I mean, what about all these holes in necessary? Did she purchase this from one of those "shoe stores" that caters to "exotic dancers"? Who the hell would wear this to work out? I realize she is one of the most obnoxiously thin people in Hollywood, but come on. This is just weird.