Britney Picking Her Nose. HOT.

People do pick their noses. I've see them. Like, for some reason they think their car windows are made of 4" steel or something. Anyhoo, here's a lovely photo of Britney going for a dig in her nose...and she is NOT fooling around.

Angelina's Bum from Wanted

Recently, some still surfaced of Angie walking out of a bath in Wanted or Lara Croft or something..

Below is the scene from the movie, with a lovely looking lady and a nice round bum.

Here is Angie's real bum. Um. That is not the same person. No one changes that much...COME ON.
It's so thin. SO thin. I want to make her a sandwich.

poll by twiigs.com

Rumer Willis and High Waisted Shorts

I have a personal rule about shorts:

The amount of fabric below the crotch must be equal to or longer than the amount of fabric above the crotch.

To be fair, I made this rule after I developed a bit of cellulite on the back of my legs, but still. I maintain both. Ha ha. Ew.

No, while I don't hate Rumer's outfit, I do hate those shorts. They're pretty much just denim high waisted underwear. I mean, the inseam is not even really there.

The rest is fun though. I would totally wear the rest with some 70's-esque jeans.

Hmm, that gives me ideas.

WTF is Jessica Simpson's Fiance Wearing?

So I'm reading a post about Jessica Simpson in Aspen this week and there's some comment about her boyfriend, Eric Johnson's coat.

I don't think much of it and then I actually look at the pictures.

Um. Really?


I love her expression in the below photo because it's almost like she can't believe he's wearing it either. I mean, really? With a backward baseball cap? That doesn't make it better.
Does it remind anyone else of that scene in Dumb & Dumber when they get all dressed up in Aspen?

Oh my.

Another F-ing Engagement - Reese Witherspoon & Jim Toth

Really, people, it's enough. For several reasons:

1. Proposing to people on major holidays/events is cheesy
2. Proposing while most gossip writers are trying to get a little time off is annoying
3. Proposing out of sequence with the other 4 couples who got engaged is REALLY annoying

Anyhoo, I'm super happy for Reese and Jim, or whatever.

Lindsay Lohan Mock-Biopic in the Works...and of Course the Lohans are Suing

Because clearly no one in the Lohan family has a sense of humour...or can let an opportunity to make money from doing nothing pass by...they're considering suing the makers/writers/producers of an upcoming film called "Dogs In Pocketbooks" because the story is based on Lindsay.

ACTUALLY, the story is based on a starlet who has drinking and drug problems and goes in and out of rehab, wracking up driving violations, etc. Similar? Sure. Exclusively Lohan? Nope. Think of all the dumb twits out there who do dumb sh-t all the time. She just stupid enough to get caught all the time.

Anyhoo - the Lohan's lawyer is saying they will sue the filmmakers unless Lindsay gets benefits for using her likeness. Ahhh, here we go. They just want money because it's similar to her life. So, so lazy.

The starring role is going to Lydia Hearst, daughter of Patricia Hearst and heir to the entire Hearst magazine fortune...also, girlfriend of Jeff Goldblum. She doesn't look un-like Lindsay though...a LOT like Ali Lohan.

Ohh the drama.

Lindsay Lohan Mock-Biopic in the Workds

Olsen Twins - Fashion Weirdos Sometimes

I'm not saying I don't covet 80% of the Elizabeth & James clothing line, but this outfit is just a little...odd, no?

I realize it's been raining a lot in LA recently, but what is the logic behind the other pieces of clothing?

Elton John & David Furnish had a Baby!

Elton John and his partner David Furnish announced that they had a baby who was born through a surrogate on December 25th.

Yay!

They also named the baby something pretty normal: Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John. That's right. LEVON. Awesome.

Here is their statement:

"We are overwhelmed with happiness and joy at this very special moment. Zachary is healthy and doing really well, and we are very proud and happy parents."

Hermione Has GREAT Taste

I don't watch the Harry Potter movies. I just can't. I don't know what's wrong with me, or why I can't, it just doesn't work for me.

I do, however, know of the phenomenon that is the movies and of course, the metamorphosis of Emma Watson here.

Emma was kind of a puffy haired youth, and now she has blossomed into this very lovely English woman with impeccable taste. IMPECCABLE. Now, it helps when you're the spokesperson for Burberry so you get to wear all things Burberry, including this HOT ASS trench coat that I desperately want.

I love that coat. I want to add it to my list of celebrities I can sleep with in replacement of a human being. I love that coat. I want to marry that coat.

Uhhhnnnhhh.

Pregnancies, Births and Engagements - Oh My! The Natalie Portman and Alanis Morissette Edition (Etc)

Not many people were expecting this one/two: Natalie Portman's rep has confirmed to People Magazine that she is pregnant and engaged to the father to be, Benjamin Millepied, the choreographer from 'Black Swan'.

And Alanis Morissette gave birth to a baby boy, Ever Imre Morissette-Treadway on Christmas day. That would have bummed me out because I would have missed the Christmas turkey.

In other (annoying and less nice) news:

- Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn (I'm super Annoyinh) Rimes are now officially engaged and really commiting to their disgusting relationship

- Ginnifer Goodwin, of 'The Good Wife' is engaged to her boyfriend of 2 years

- And last but certainly not least, Hugh Hefner is engaged to one of those naked blonde girls he keeps around. Blurg.

Photoshop Phuckery! Sex & The City

Caught this pic in a slideshow of bad Photoshopping...take a look:

- Sarah Jessica Parker's eyes are practically touching over the bridge of her nose...

- Kristen Davis and Cynthia Nixon have much bigger breasts than they ever did in real life...

- Kim Cattrall's face looks positively feline

- And last, but not least, the case of the disappearing leg..

People need to stop fudging with things.

If they want to be helpful, they should go erase all the existing films and discs with that movie on it.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Well, I'm likely to be taking a few days off...you know...all this bloody baking, etc. I'm doing. As well as cooking my very first Tofurkey for my veggie hubby. Yum?

I would like to leave you this holiday season with a few of my favourite holiday clips.

Enjoy responsibly (meaning with a large alcoholic beverage in your hand - except you M'Lady!):

Remember Laurie from That 70's Show?

Remember how she was kind of pretty, but kind of not?

Uh, look at her now.

Nice.

Mug shots for DUI's are always so hot.

For real though, she looks mega sad. Or drunk. I can't decide.

The SpiderMan Musical Needs To Close

Sorry all you morons who invested lots of money in this show, but it's time to close now.

This is just the most recent of many, many mishaps that have occured on the musical. Many injuries, broken limbs, they've delayed the opening night several times. It's just a hot mess.

At what point do you admit that if you keep going people are going to start to die?

The stunt man who fell during this scene is in serious condition.

SHUT IT DOWN

Lindsay Lohan Got In TROUBLE in Rehab Part 3

Wow, this is blowing up fast. For reals. Lindsay is claiming she was the victim, but wrist brace Dawn Holland is also claiming the whole thing, it's really something else.

The tech who claims to have been battered by Lindsay Lohan has now done the following:
- Been paid by TMZ $10-15k to give her story
- Paid by RadarOnline to admit she was paid by TMZ
- Been exposed for previous battery charges pressed by her husband
- Been fired from Betty Ford for discussing patients outside of the facility

Wow.

Also, here's a link to the email she wrote after the event...to be honest, I'm super confused by the use of "Lindsay" and "Bella G."...are they the same person? And can we please? How about a paragraph here and there? Some punctuation?

Hey Zeus!

Lindsay Lohan Got In TROUBLE in Rehab Part 2

Ooooh! The controversy heats up. Not really, it's just a really slow week in gossip.

So, turns out after the party I mentioned below, Lindsay got in trouble and one staffer asked that she perform a drug test.

Lindsay got lippy and talked back and the staff member allegedly grabbed Lindsay and Lindsay reacted by pushing her.

The staffer wants to press charges and if she does, Judge Fox has the right to send Lindsay to jail for 6 months for violating her probation.

Interesting....

Heidi Montag is an IDIOT

This IDIOT is in the most recent issue of Life & Style complaining about all the plastic surgery she got last year.

She's acting like she was forced to do it. Granted, she's intelligently admitting that it was a mistake, but at the same time she is maligning the name of her former plastic surgeon, after his death. Before his death, he was an angel whom she loved...nice.

Nothing says the holidays like slandering a dead man.

She's complaining a lot about all the scars she has...to be fair, everyone who gets plastic surgery has scars, they take time to go away and she's only been the human Barbie for a year, so she needs to relax.

AND AGAIN - SHE WANTED THESE SURGERIES.

Why does everyone insist on being so stupid?

Lindsay Lohan Got In TROUBLE in Rehab

So our good friend Lilo is still newsworthy - thank god, things have been boring without her. Seriously.

Recently, Linds was moved to a secluded location of the Betty Ford clinic because she has allegedly been getting harrassed by none other than Sam Lufti (the same guy who was ever present during Britney's now famous breakdown).

However, turns out that this location has rules that are a little more lax than the main location...so much so that a bunch of the patients had a party the other night AND went to a bar.

Now, no one saw Lindsay drinking (no drugs), never saw a drink in her hand and apparently she behaved, but all of the patients got in trouble for this.

Lindsay will not be allowed to leave the Betty Ford facility during the holidays because of this indiscretion, and she's most likely back in the main building under tighter security.

Thank god she's misbehaving, what else would we care about?

Angelina Jolie's Reign of Terror Continues

I don't have much more to say, but really, SATIN PANTS?

This woman is obsessed with holiday fabrics.

And her hair. Oh my god that hair.

Look how Brad even looks a little sad having to be seen with her.

Yuck.

Megan Fox in a Bikini

Bitch makes me think twice about all this 'taste testing' I'm doing while I'm baking for the holidays.

I'm pretty sure I've gained 5 lbs just this past weekend. Damn cheesecake, so delicious.

Anyhoo, here's Megan Fox in a bikini

this past weekend. So thin. Like, sick thin. This is a commitment I only had once in my life. When I got married I was in the best shape of my life, and I looked nowhere near this...

She is so thin her implants look like they're having trouble looking natural.

Seriously, should I send her some of my holiday baking so she looks less freaky?

Also, why is she standing like this?

The Eternal (Though Recent) Debate: iPhone vs Blackberry

I was going to start this post by complaining about the 2 smart phones I have, and then I realized it makes me sound like such a spoiled brat that I should probably go jump off a bridge for considering it...

I'm going to go donate $ to a charitable cause after this post. I suggest you do too. Here are a couple of my faves:

- Children's Hospital

- Make A Wish

- Smile Train

Ok, back to the reason for the post - I am spoiled.

I have a work phone, it is a Blackberry. I have long been into the Blackberry. I love BBM'ing, I am big on having my email there for me when I want/need it. When I first got it, I really did personify the Crackberry addict. I still love it, but I'm not quite as tied to it as I used to be.

Recently, a friend said he thought his iPhone was radiating his brain. Not being frightened (enough) of things like that, I said I'd buy it from him for my personal phone. I was so damn excited that I downloaded apps a week before I got it.

So I got it last night and I plug it in, and my friend, being not so tech savvy, had never plugged his iPhone into a computer...so it had never been updated. So I plug it in, update it, bla bla bla. The one thing I forgot to get is a SIM card, so it wouldn't work as a phone.

So I got the SIM card today and I plug it back into my computer and it's frozen. Frozen on the iTunes upload page. And it won't go away. No matter what I do. I eventually went on an Apple help forum and there is some super long, complicated thing I have to do to fix it.

So far, I'm still loving my problem free Blackberry and not so impressed with the iPhone. Not impresed at all. I'll keep you updated on the progress.

What You're Missing If You're Not Watching Conan

Just watch it. You know you want to.

He's brilliant.

Christina Aguilera is Wearing Pink Hair Extensions

I wish you could all see my face right now. I'm legitimately so upset about this.

I mean, what else is there to say?

It's like she's living a text book post-breakup...gaining weight, very fast; dating weird people and clinging to them like they're going to save her from the sadness she feels; doing weird things to her hair; letting out the girls (boobs) and dressing like a ho bag.

But really? Pink extensions? In Heidi braids?

And here, the boobs, the negligee, the make-up that is roughly 6 shades lighter than her actual skin tone...

Oh my. Doesn't she have any girlfriends to help her?

Angelina Jolie Should be Tried For Her Fashion Crimes

I almost put something else as the title, but I got scared that it was a bit too harsh. It may have referred to a certain cave-dwelling Afghani with a long beard...a bit much, right?

Seriously, I don't think I even have any more words for how much Angelina Jolie is disgusting me on this recent fashion terrorism trip she's taking for 'The Tourist'...it's just so bad.

I mean, at least we expect silly fashion moment from Johnny Depp...but her, she has the frame and boobs to pull of ANYTHING.

Yet she wears angora boleros. Gah.

I've died a little inside every time I've seen one of her outfits on this press tour.

Julia Stiles Claims She Has Nothing To Do With Dexter's Divorce

Look, I don't mean to be insensitive, but before he was Dexter to me, he was David (from Six Feet Under)...I just don't like having to say a middle initial. I'm against it. I just decided that.

Anyhoo, as I mentioned the other day, TV's Dexter, Michael C. (ugh) Hall and his wife Jennifer Carpenter (who plays his sister Deb on the show) have filed for divorce after less than 2 years.

As they always do, little details have started to come out...the first being that Julia Stiles had much to do with the break-up...with blind items and witnesses coming forward speaking to the relationship.

Well, Julia has released a statement:

"I have absolutely nothing to do with the split between Michael and Jennifer. We are good friends and enjoyed working together. This is a personal matter between them, and we should respect their privacy. Although I too prefer to keep my private life private, I felt compelled to dispel the rumors I was somehow the cause for this matter."

Uh. I don't know why, but that makes me feel like it's even more true. Call me a skeptic...but really? People saw you at parties together this fall. TOGETHER.

Hmmm...drama!

Weekly Fashion Round Up - Gwyneth Paltrow, Kristen Bell, Christina Ricci & Olivia Wilde

Clearly someone is giving me early Christmas gifts by jam packing December with so much fashion and so many parties that I can barely keep up.

Some are good, some are bad, let's take a look...

Kristen Bell:

As a rule, this girl struggles to dress herself. She's petite and she clearly has challenges with it. Often wearing things that swallow her alive..

This doesn't do that, but it's not exactly, well, nice. I loathe that collar/necklace detail. I can already tell that it's probably the most irritating thing on earth. Imagine how often it probably goes to one side, and then the other, and then it gets tangled, and the it slips off again, and then it falls forward. FORGET IT.

The dress is blech, that kind of gathering is only flattering on someone as tiny as her, so I give her points for that. I guess.

Olivia Wilde:

This girl is well known as a sex symbol, especially in the blogosphere. In said blogosphere, the horny guys who write the nudie pages did NOT like this dress. I'm assuming it was too much coverage.

But from a sophisticated (ahem, try not to laugh) person who is not concerned with the amount of T&A, I LOVE it. Ok, also someone who deeply loves anything disco. And if allover gold lamé/sequins is not disco, then what is?? I LOVE it.

I also love her hair. That kind of side-swept bang is not easy to pull off. You can look bald on one side, but she' got it.

I think she looks elegant and sophisticated. Nice play Olivia.

Christina Ricci:

Uh, since when does she look like this? She looks AMAZING. That hair color is great, the bangs, while they used to be a bit strong, look fantastic and that dress! Oh that dress. I LOVE it. The ombre, the color blocking, the layering and the cuts. It's quite fantastic.

And I love that she paired it with a black pump, not a nude one. It makes it so much better, and someone with inferior taste would have jumped on the nude pump boat and put on a pair. This is much more seasonally appropriate.

And last, but DEFINITELY not least...this:
Gwyneth Paltrow:

Wow. Just wow. It's not that she's not pulling it off. Because she is. She really, really is. But oh my heavens is it hideous. So tacky. I honestly don't understand how someone like her would wear something like that.

She's normally so elegant and quite classy, but this is awful. This looks like something an escort would wear to a formal evening at the gentleman's club. Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Scarlett Johansson Singles It Up

Looks like Scarlett is getting ready to be single. Looking tight, miss.

It's rare that someone can pull off this color yellow in December, but hot damn, she did it.

And I actually like her hair like this.

Rumor has it that it was Scarlett that decided it was time for divorce, and from the looks of her at an event the other night, she' got the post break-up skinnies and is ready to go on the prowl.

Candidates for her?

• Justin Timberlake (really, it's enough with the other one)
• Jake Gyllenhall (because how long can he really date a 20 year old?)
• Tom Hardy (Inception, etc)

Any other ideas?

Angelina Jolie is a Fashion Terrorist

No, for REAL.

Who on earth is styling this woman? The ghost of Christmas Velvet (I made that up, but only because I could not think of a single person, dead or alive, who has as terrible fashion sense as her).

And may I ask you a question? Is Brad wearing leather boot pants? Bonts? Should I copyright that immediately?

He's been wearing the hell out of those leather pants lately, and he looks nice in them.

His wife needs to borrow some of his fashion sense, because he seems to pass it on the children, but not her.

OH MY GOD, I just saw the velvet wrap. I hate her. It's official.

Mariah Carey is PREGNANT.

If you haven't heard, Mariah Carey is pregnant.

And she talks about it A LOT. And rests her feet A LOT.

And she dresses like an overweight opera singer.

WTF is going on with that dress?

If you want a laugh, watch this video, where Mariah explains AGAIN and AGAIN that she's pregnant.

Fashion Atrocities - December is a BAD Month

I don't know what's going on this month, but here are some more fashion atrocities selected from this world wide web thingy we have here.

I don't know what in the sweet hell is going on in this photo shoot, but I do see some Teva high heeled sandals, and they make me want to peel my eyeballs like a potato. As if those heinous sandals weren't enough on dirty stoners with backpacks and beards, now we have to see women with nice legs doing yard work in them? In 5" heel versions of them?

Ugh, this hurts me.
At least there is a grippy soul for yard work safety. I would like to write to ask them to take off the Canadian flag though, I find it embarrassing.

Then there's Selena Gomez, who has cute shoes, but the worst pants of all time. From the front, they looked all innocently ugly, like 'oh, those are some hideous cuffed harem pants. Why would that girl wear those?'

And then BAM! THERE ARE SLITS DOWN THE SIDES. Not just slits, but full length slits. Those are worse than the slits that people have on their long sleeve dresses that go from shoulder to wrist with a tiny bartack at the elbow. Blech. At least the shirt version has the sensibility to have a bartack halfway.

Mind you, if my thighs were still 17, I would probably wear these too. 17 year old thighs are great.

WTF is Angelina Jolie Wearing?

Woman needs some ASSISTANCE.

I have several comments:

1. Um, what is going on with her hair? Did she stick her head out the window on the way there to connect with the animal being who lives inside her? That sounds a bit like her...
2. Are those hideous velvet gloves ATTACHED to that hideous velvet dress? Is that a sleeve treatment? I am dying a little inside right now.
3. I can't help but think that Brad is looking into the crowd of onlookers for someone who outshines his wife in terrible clothing choices...what kind of supportive spouse (with style!) let's their spouse leave the house looking like Winter-Elvira?

Good god, someone get Zahara on the case, because Ange is having some trouble dressing herself.

Celebrity Break-Ups: Scarlet Johansson & Ryan Reynolds, etc

Well, there have been 3 celeb break-ups this week...some surprising, some less...

Scarlet Johansson & Ryan Reynolds:

I'm not super surprising considering we so rarely saw them together. Seems a bit quick though, no? Didn't really give it a chance? I would have preferred to hear about some fights or escapades. Men everywhere are drooling now, and some women some places are drooling. Though I don't know what over, a fart face?

Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Efron:

Only in the movies - or in the 60's - do people actually stay together who met in high school. That goes exponentially if they starred in movies with the title 'High School Musical'. I must say though, I am concerned for the teens of today. Whose hair are they going to worship now?

Jennifer Carpenter & Michael C. Hall:

Though initially, this one creeped me out, it now makes me sad. He just beat CANCER. Apparently they've been a hot mess on the set of 'Dexter', fighting non-stop and not being shy about their problems. Hmmm, maybe next season Deb will die...

BTW, if you don't watch Dexter, DO. It's amazing. Consistently good, better, best. Michael C. Hall is a genius.

Weird Photo Alert: Willow Smith & Katy Perry

This picture is just weird.

I don't know why these 2 are together, but Willow's Justin Bieber hair and Katy Perry's shiny white skin are freaking me out.

Katy's nutcracker outfit is a bit creepy, no?

The hair is worse tough. That is the worst bowl cut wig I've ever seen.

Shudder.

Lara Flynn Boyle Looks Freaky

Below is photo of Lara Flynn Boyle 20 years ago with Dermott Mulroney. Fresh, thin, pretty.

Now look at this picture. LOADED with chemicals and fillers. Whereas Dermott looks pretty much the same, Lara looks FREAK SHOW scary.

What responsible doctor would allow someone to do that to themselves?

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden got married

Call me old fashioned. That's it, just call me old fashioned. Thank you.

I could drink an old fashioned now. Actually, I don't even know what that is.

Neither of those sentences were the point. Nicole Richie and Joel Madden got married last night at Lionel Richie's house in front of 130 guests, not including Parasite Hilton. ha ha.

Their little girl Harlow was the flower girl. Cute.

Princess Leia outs Danny Zucko (Carrie Fisher outs John Travolta)

Carrie Fisher was recently interviewed and out of nowhere was asked about John Travolta and the whole lawsuit/gay thing....

Here's what she said, pretty revelatory, no?

"Wow! I mean, my feeling about John has always been that we know and we don’t care. Look, I’m sorry that he’s uncomfortable with it, and that’s all I can say. It only draws more attention to it when you make that kind of legal fuss. Just leave it be."

How long until Randy Quaid's 'whackers' kill Carrie Fisher for outing Travolta?

Xenu will be on her ass...

Beyonce Revives the 90's

Ugh, does anyone remember this?

Remember in the 90's when suits were SO popular that we had to make many variations of the suits?

It was awful.

I hoped that it would never return, because if I'm honest, it's one of the most hideous looks I've ever seen. Ever.

But here is Beyonce, wearing a LEMON F-ING YELLOW SLEEVELESS SHORT SUIT.

What in Melrose Place is going on here???

Ugh, this is painful to my eyes.

Wasn't that bitch alive when these things first appeared? Hideous.

And Now Christina Aguilera is Showing Her Lady Parts - Kind Of

I find Christina Aguilera kind of sad. And since her divorce I find her especially depression. And kind of grotesque looking.

Anyhoo, her reps confirmed this week that some photos (below) were leaked of her in various states of undress...or dressed, but not a lot.

Nipple tweaking was extra, but I thought you'd all enjoy it, so I invested.