Open Letter to Michael Lohan
Dearest Michael “Big Mike” Lohan,
No wonder your daughter is such a hot mess. If photos of my father showed up on the Internet in a see-thru mesh shirt, I too would drown my sorrows in Grey Goose. I couldn’t help but notice you have approximately three chins and a turkey gobble in your photo. Perhaps this is an unfortunate side effect caused when you use all your might to strategically flex that bicep of yours? Didn’t your mother tell you that exerting effort like that can cause hemorrhoids? You should really be more careful. Regarding the heinous flammable mesh shirt you’re sporting – that is so circa 1996. Please give that shirt a proper burial along with your glow sticks and Vicks vapor rub inhaler. Oh, one more thing. Please act your age and cover up those nips. They remind me of rotten candy corn soaked in battery acid and butter.
Shalom and God bless,
Anna (Skankopolis contributor)
1 comment:
Not a huge fan of the new voices of Skankopolis. :(
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