Mischa Mouse

Seriously, is this a preview of her seriously lame Halloween costume? All she needs is those furry ears you buy at Disney and she's Minnie Mouse!

Come on! Why do people keep inviting her places?!?!

Brendan Fraser needs to come to grips with his loss

It sounds like a serious subject with concern and stuff about death or so something. Instead, it's concern about his hairline and the density of his hair. It's something else! So sparse and weird...like when you first start growing grass with seeds.

Let's all pray that he either shaves it, or uses some Ron Popeil hair spray for men to fill in the sparse areas. Hee hee. Paint head.

Odd couple (Not the original one)

So David Cross (Arrested Development, Kung Fu Panda), 44, and Amber Tamblyn (General Hospital, Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants), 25, are dating. Wow.

Here's a picture of them getting ready to go camping, and if you've seen 'Brokeback Mountain' then you know what happens in a tent! Kidding, of course, but still! That's a serious age difference and it makes me feel a little dirty. I don't like when people get together who could be parents/siblings because of the age difference (*cough* Michael Douglas!).

I have always loved David Cross. He is unbelievably funny (buy his stand-up albums, they're great) and so weird. If you'd like a taste of it, watch 'Arrested Development' - he's brilliant in that. Amber Tamblyn has always kind of gotten on my nerves because she has one of those permanently open mouths. Yes, I'm aware I'm insane.

Anyway, I find this creepy and I wish they weren't dating.

Daily 'Ha Ha'

I hate Pete Wentz. I hate him like I hate Kat von D. There's something about their looks that seems false to me...like it's more marketing than actual style. That really bothers me. If you're going to have style, have it, but don't look like a 'Hot Topic' mannequin.

Anyhoo, Petey was walking around last week and fell. Ha ha. I know, it's mean, but I can't help it. Here's a picture of him falling, because it made my day.

Hee hee.

Blake Lively - like a virgin

I don't watch 'Gossip Girl'. I saw some last year while doing cardio at the gym and I found it a little juvenile and overly dramatic. Many of my girlfriends have told me I need to watch it. The same ones have told me to watch 'The Hills' so I'm having trouble trusting them.

One of the stars, Blake Lively, is really cute and has GREAT hair. I love her hair. I need mine to be like that, but that would require extensions and wigs of some kind. Boo. Also, I have no money, so there.

Anyhoo, I bring this all up because BL was recently seen in the Hamptons wearing this outfit. For someone who is in such incredible shape, this is a terrible and very unflattering outfit.

The jeans just make her look dumpy, the shoes look like they came from my mother's shoe archive and that blouse is doing no favours for anyone.

Good hair though, no?

Britney Spears Sticky and Sweet Tour Cameo - 'Human Nature'

Maybe I'm crazy, but I LIKE this. A lot. I love that song and I think it's really well placed. I don't really get the point of it, but I love that Madonna is supportive of Britney...

Kirsten Dunst: When things go wrong

I just mean her, generally, not her in only this outfit. She's the worst. Hate her.

I don't even know where to start with these painter's overalls. COME ON.

God she's a moron. And people actually compliment her style!

OH MY GOD.

Painters wouldn't even compliment this jaunty short-sleeved version of a painter's suit.

For the love of all things holy.

Lindsay looks lovely as a lesbian

I tried to keep that as 'L'-y as I could. Did it work?

I just think this is a cute, fashion forward outfit and that her hair looks much better with this strawberry blonde tint to it.

I like her lately. She's redeeming herself.

Madonna is uber hot, and 50!

I literally cannot believe this woman is 50. She is a testament to what a lot of working out, a lot of subtle plastic surgery* and a lot of money can do to the ageing process. Retard it. Notice how I slipped in that plastic surgery thing? I'm good. Smooooooth. Well, not so much anymore, now that I've pointed it out.

Anyhoo, the point I wanted to make was that she looks awesome. HOWEVER, that does not excuse constantly wearing a leotard. Partially because it's just so crotchy as a trend, and mostly because she seems to believe it's a substitute for pants. I mean, she's wearing a sheer tunic top, a leotard and over-the-knee boots. Would a mini skirt have killed her?

I'm by no means saying she looks bad, in fact, she's pulling it off, but it's a little risky for 50.

Oh well. She's hot. She can do what she wants. Plus I want those boots, so she can do no wrong. Imagine what a tard I'd look like in those boots? Oh my god.

*There is a very interesting, but quite long, article here about the new plastic surgery going on around the world from New York magazine. It's quite wonderful and hopefully, in 15 years when I want to start putting stuff in my face, it will be more affordable.

Um, Tori Spelling...

You've got a little something there in your cavernous chestal region.

OH MY GOD. WHAT IS GOING ON THERE?

Remember when she first got her implants when she was on 90210 (I wish I could pretend I didn't love that show...) and she had that weird teardrop shaped hole in between? Well, it seems to have blossomed into a glacier-like defect on her chest due to the recent pregnancies and child births...yucka.

And she doesn't have daddy's money anymore to fix it. Yeesh.

Amy Winehouse & Jamaican Tank Top

I would love to say that Amy Winehouse was wearing this mesh tank top to celebrate the Jamaican olympian, Usain Bolt's double world record breaking wins in the 100m and 200m races...but alas this tank top was worn days before.

Maybe Usain Bolt used this as an inspiration for winning. Or maybe he's just the best in the world. I'm going to go with that.

Anyhoo, for some reason these mesh tank tops are EXTREMELY popular in Jamaica. I assume, most obviously, because of the heat. This guy I used to work with, who is from Jamaica, claimed that they were definitely the sexiest article of clothing ever. He had something like 9 children with 5 women, so I kind of believe him. Because he wasn't so hot...

Maybe the tank top was a magic hotness-maker on him. Just like it is on Amy here. Um. Ahem. Cough. It's really not, is it? God she's freaky.

Rumour has it today that she's (finally) checking herself into rehab...but the centre right next to her husband Blake's jail. That was the condition...

We'll see how long that lasts.

Ellen & Portia got married!

You know what? Some things just deserve to be good with no jokes and no silliness. I think it's a really nice thing they're married and even nicer thing that the world is going to right way.

I will say this though (you didn't think I could hold it in, did you?)...Ellen's outfit kind of makes her look like a guest at a Lord of The Rings wedding...

My friend has a question...

I need you guys! My friend Helga (identities changed for privacy - imagine I had a friend named Helga?) called me yesterday to ask my opinion on something that happened to her earlier that day. She was riding the train to her job and noticed she had a jagged edge on her nail.

She whipped out her nail file and started to clean the edge, just so it wouldn't get caught on stuff, etc on her way to the office. She had her iPod on, but heard quite clearly the girl across from her say, "Excuse me? EX-CUSE ME?!" So she removed her earphones and asked what was up.

The girl asked her if she could please stop doing that, which she obliged. My question to you is what would you do if someone was filing their nails on public transit?

poll by twiigs.com

What's It Gonna Be? by Million Dollar Strong

I went to a show at our city's comedy fest "Just For Laughs" a while back and one of the acts was Million Dollar Strong. They were unbelievably funny. Like, out of control. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did (I was smacking the table and crying). I think it helped that the blonde guy wasn't wearing glasses, had no beard and was wearing a thong and a shortie robe. It was really gross. Hee hee. Yoshito was wearing that. Exactly.

Poor Madonna

Poor her, she did something to her ankle right before the tour for this mediocre album. Ok, I feel bad about that, but can we please discuss her outfit?!?!

First and foremost, those shoes should be burned in the pits of hell. They should never have existed and therefore should be put out of their misery.

Secondly. What a lovely lace-trimmed skirt and sheer sweater combo. Oh wait, it's over a sports bra and t-shirt and topped off with a motherf^%)ing trucker hat! WTF woman?

That whole un-hot mess combined with the shoes makes me doubt everything she's ever done. It's all horrible

Booo! Boooooo!

How come no one can dress today?!?

Um, Ashanti, please get help

For heaven's sake woman! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING? Oh sweet holy hell this is probably one of the worst outfits I've ever seen.

It's so...VAGINAL.

What is wrong with everyone lately?

Where does one even buy this? Don't answer. American Apparel. I know.

She's got a few too many curves to be trying that look. No, wait, I take that back. She is gorgeous and the outfit is terrible. No one would look good in that. No one.

Oh my god the horrors. I will have nightmares now.

Ok, it's enough now Hayden

I don't know what this girl's problem is, but she is really starting to annoy me with her terrible fashion looks lately. Please someone tell me what is going on with Hayden Pannetière?

The lipstick? Ew.

I am really starting to dislike her more than I thought I ever would. It's like a movie. In the end we'd end up as best friends, or I would push her in front of a bus, like 'Mean Girls'. Loved that movie.

Jokes on me though, because this is the millionth time I've written about her recently. Whore.

Jake Gyllenhall in 'Encino Man 2'

Obviously a joke, but he's looking a little cro-magnon here, no?

It's a little too 'prehistoric times' for me. I'm not saying no to the physique, just the amounts of hair matted all over it.

And the terrible head hair. Yeesh.

Also, is he covered in dirt?

Jessica Simpson is a fool

No particular reason for that statement, just went there. Whatevs.

What's with her way too balloony blouse and way too short shorts with those creepy-ass toes? Yeeesh!

Katie Holmes tries to make it up to me...

Katie and I had a long talk the other day. We talked about how stupid her jeans looked and then I told her to get her ass into a high-waisted pair of wide legs and that all would be forgiven. Well, it looks as if our talk hit home. She listened.

She, and most people, should listen to me more often. Seriously.

Doesn't she look a million times better than she has recently?

Somebody's back in my good graces! Good girl! We'll see how long she goes before pissing me off again...for now I'm going to savour this moment.

Britney! You look GOOOOD.

I'm so pleasantly delighted to see Brit Brit looking plain ol' lovely!

She really looks great. That weave is FANTASTIC. The slight wave is very nice. Her outfit is very cute. Her tan is good...wow. I'm so happy!

I could use a gladiator sandal and no shark tooth necklace (or whatever that is) but I'll settle with this.

So pleased!

Marissa Miller is just so hot!

Seriously. I would chop up a baby to look like this! Oh my god. I think that's the most offensive thing I've ever said. Actually, maybe not, but it's pretty gross, and untrue. I would never do that! Vehicular manslaughter maybe, but no baby killing. What did a baby ever do? Gurgle? Big whoop.

Ok, I am having problems concentrating lately. Geez.

Ok, so Marissa Miller is really frigging hot. I'm not sure that's the most flattering dress, because that gathering seems to be sucking into her vajayjay, but she's still unbelievably hot.

God. I'm so gay for her. She's going on my list.

Fashion thing: Bootie-sandals...

Jessica Alba...

I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but for those who don't know, I work in the clothing industry...I see a lot of stupid trends before they hit the streets and I've been dreading this one for months...

I just don't really get it. I feel like it's one designer's joke on society and now people are copy-catting and wearing it! The top picture is Jessica Alba over the weekend. I don't get the appeal. If I want a boot I'll wear one...if I want a sandal I'll wear one. But I've never been inclined to wear a combination of both and I don't think that I ever will.

Will you?

Neil Patrick Harris rocks my world

So last year someone suggested to my hubby and I that we watch the CBS sitcom 'How I Met Your Mother'...we were reluctant, considering it's on CBS...but we watched. The main character, Ted, is really annoying, but two supporting men make the show. The show is pretty hilarious and is going into it's 4th season this fall. I suggest you watch it.

Today I'm going to concentrate on Neil Patrick Harris' character, Barney Stinson, because he is just so frigging hilarious. He is so classic on that show...NPH really rocks my world, and I have trouble explaining how much. He started being hilarious in Harold & Kumar and he has continued to be fantastic since.

On their new year's eve episode Barney brought a CD into their limo and played his 'Get Psyched Mix'...fantastic. You can find the song list here. Personally, I would reverse tracks 1 & 2 because I feel like 2 is a better starter.

Anyway, I think I'm in love with a fictional character played by a gay man. Such is my luck. Love me some Barney/NPH though...

Here's how I retooled the Get Psyched Mix (the TV & Barney's Blog versions combined) to really get me psyched. You cannot avoid fist pumping.

1. You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi
2. Rock You Like a Hurricane - Scorpion
3. Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
4. Thunderstruck - AC/DC
5. I Wanna Rock - Twisted Sister
6. Paradise City - Guns 'n' Roses
7. Hip Hop Hooray - Naughty By Nature
8. Panama - Van Halen
9. Dancin' With Myself - Billy Idol
10. Lick It Up - Kiss
11. Come Sail Away - Styx
12. Dr. Feelgood - Motley Crue
13. Round & Round - Ratt
14. The Humpty Dance - Digital Underground
15. Jessie's Girl - Rick Springfield
16. Run Runaway - Slade
17. Talk Dirty To Me - Poison
18. Heavy Metal Theme Song - Transformers
19. You're The Best Around - Joe Esposito (from Karate Kid)
20. Change of Heart - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
    
21. High Enough - Damn Yankees
    

Skank Extraordinaire Lindsay Lohan & Sam Ronson

So even though Lindsay & Sam haven't confirmed it, it is assumed they are a lesbian couple. People confirm this to themselves by saying that they hold hands and blow kisses to each other, they sometimes kiss each other in public too.

I don't want to burst anyone's bubble, because if I did I wouldn't have anything to talk about, but my best friend and I hold hands. I would blow her a kiss too because we like to play how ridiculously attached we are to each other...I will admit that we're not lip-lip kissing though. We do, however hug voraciously. Ha ha. Good word.

Anyhoo, if they are a couple, that's great. Here they are, together, celebrating Sam's birthday yesterday in LA.

I really hate Lindsay's dress and make-up. It's too pastel-y. The lip color is horrid, the dress is actually just plain ugly. Oh well. What are you gonna do?

I will say this: Lindsay is looking REALLY skinny and the last time she looked that skinny she was on the coca...I hope she hasn't relapsed. Although, she was more entertaining then...God. I am a horrible person. Ha ha. Not news to me.

Audrina Partridge in a pool

So this is a picture of Audrina Partridge (from 'the Hills') in a pool on the grounds of what appears to be a douche bag training centre.

This picture annoys some men because she's surrounded by guys and those men realize, by seeing this, that they will never meet her. Especially sitting at their computers all day blogging about how hot her tits are. Wow, that was some aside.

So, I am only gay for Marisa Miller, so I'm not offended by this photo for that reason, only for the guy who is apparently trying to pull off a fluorescent pink CAPTAIN'S HAT. I have a few questions about this:

1. Where does one purchase such a hat?
2. How much does this cost?
3. Why hasn't someone in his circle of friends told him that he is an idiot?
4. Why hasn't someone lit him on fire to end that?

Originally, I was torn as to what was worse - the captain's hat or Ebony & Ivory the woven fedora twins....I settled on the pink captain's hat.

Wow. Wowee wow wow.

So bad.

Rumer Willis and her undies

So, the other day I was doing laundry and my phone rang. Unfortunately, I was in my birthday suit (hee hee, haven't used that in a while) and I knew my portable was near a large window in my apartment...I grabbed a pillowcase and covered myself. No, I do not know why I was naked while doing laundry. I'm weird. As if you didn't already know that.

Anyhoo, the point being that I think Rumer Willis might have done the same thing, but used a ridiculously low thread count because I can see her underpants! And the contour of her 'V'.

That's kind of uninteresting now that I think about it. I mean, the amount of vag and boob we see, who the hell cares about a translucent pillowcase dress?

I'm more concerned about the weird roundness of her body...she's so sloped everywhere. She has no muscle definition...and bitch has good genes. She should hit the gym and work on her shoulders...those are embarrassing. Also, she should get some more supportive shoes...her arches will thank her in 10 years. Wow. When did I become a senior citizen?

I'm waiting now for someone to rip me a new one because I insulted her shoulders...

Milo Ventimiglia aka Peter Petrelli from 'Heroes'

So, I'm pretty sure I misspelled Milo's last name, but I blame him because he has chosen a character with an easier to spell name than his. Therefore, from now on in my head, he will be known as Milo Venti Latte. I like it.

What was I talking about? Oh yah, this picture. Um. Is this from the now defunct Playgirl magazine? What's with those crotchy jeans and that ladies' blouse?

Um. Seriously. Was this for a gay magazine? He looks pretty chunktastic and similar to the men in the neighbourhood where I did a pole dancing class. I dunno...

Katie Holmes continuously pisses me off

What is this ho's problemo? Why does she insist on wearing these GD jeans? Apparently the publicist has confirmed that they're Tom's jeans. Um. Yah right. Tom Cruise is 5'6" tall. Katie Holmes is 5'10" tall. Even with his weird wedge sneakers, he wouldn't need jeans so long that SHE would roll them.

They'd be bermudas on her!

Anyhoo, I really think that this picture would be a cute picture of a famous mom with her (damn it!) adorable young girl. But let me ask you this - I feel like Suri has been that height almost since birth...when is she going to get taller? Also, does this kid not have overalls? She looks like me going for class pictures in 1986.

Maybe they could get her some hideous denim pants from Cruz Beckham and she could roll them JUST like mommy's. Oh my god. I just vomited on my keyboard.

Pink - Um. I don't know what to say.

So, evidently, Pink is losing her mind.

Actually, I don't care enough about her to make such a statement. One thing I will say though, is this is a weird-ass photo.

What's with her? Anyone? Comments?

Pictures of Brad & Angie's babies

Why is the baby grinning (on the People cover)? Oh yah, because his/her parents are two of the richest and hottest people in the world, they'll never have to work or worry about money, they'll travel all over the world before they're 10 and they're probably going to be stunning.

Sigh.

Ok, here they are.

I'm surprised Angelina let the 'Hello!' photogs get her all sweaty like that. Look at her face. Aglow. I would say asweat, but that's just me. Hee hee, that's close to ass sweat.

Could Shiloh be cuter? She has bad hair though.

Oh great. I'm going to get struck by lightening now.

Teen Choice Awards - Let's make fun!

I say that mainly because I really have no clue who half these people are or what they do with their lives. I miss the days of 'Matlock' and 'Murder, She Wrote'. Ha ha. Imagine?

Just kidding of course. Let's look at the children and what they're wearing:


Blake Lively:
For a show that has pretty terrible ratings, it is really popular. I smell Arrested Development-style cancellation coming...a long drag-em-down, shoot-em-out war not to be cancelled.

Oh yah, we are discussing the clothes. Love it. Seriously. A lot. It's hot. If my husband didn't have this thing against one-shouldered clothing (the same 'thing' I have for mock neck anything) then I would totally buy it for the Vegas wedding I have coming up. Instead I had to buy a more lady-like silk thing from ShopBop.com. It's lovely. But it has 2 straps. On either shoulder. Boo.


David Beckham:
Mmm. He's cute and stuff. I like the intentionally tacky outfit, the quasi-ugly shirt with the vest. Love a slim, good-bodied guy in a vest. It's hot. Too bad he talks like a woman.


Fergie:
Holy hell this is fugly. The colors are terrible, the cut does nothing for her, volume-wise and neckline-wise. Oy. The hair do is weird, it gives her cocker-spaniel face...oh the horrors. Why would you were something so dreadful to a teen show? Have fun. Stupid.


Hayden Panettiere:
Speaking of stupid...No, to be fair, I actually like this dress. It's pretty. Again though, it's no fun and that sucks for such a supposed-to-be-fun event. Put on a mini and rock it! Not only are you 19, but you're supposed to be cool. I know maxi's are in, but not for midgets. Hee hee.


The Jonas Brothers:
I had to choose to say a LOT or a little about these guys. I decided to shut my trap, since I pretty much have no clue who they are, and just let the (douchey) picture speak for itself. Oh my. Oh my oh my oh my.


Kim Kardashian:
Does no one get the point of this event? This dumb ass is dressed like it's her sister's sweet 16 from 1987. And is it just me or did she powder her entire upper body and face, but not her shoulders or arms? Weird. All weird. I am glad though that she's not showing off her fat ass for once.


Kristen Bell:
Ok, whatever. This is boring. Formula: too much eye make-up, bad roots, high-waisted skirt, long beads, nude shoes. I'm too lazy to look up the occasion when Rachel Bilson did it originally, but I'm sure she did. Oy. It is not helping this girl that I loathe her character on 'Heroes'. I would prefer the irritating South American crying girl to this girl.


Lauren Conrad:
For some reason I don't hate this attempt at a maxi dress...even if it is a bit too long. At least it's not overbearing, the pattern is 'fun' and she is working it. Unlike the other two doofuses. Doofi?


Miley Cyrus:
Fresh off another leaked photo scandal, here is our oh-so-wholesome (COUGH!) hostess on the red carpet. I'm not saying that I don't want her hair or her dress, but I will say this: WHY BOOTS IN F&*#ING SUMMER? Come on!

Also, stop taking pictures of yourself in your unders on your damn phone. People keep hacking into it and taking them. Lord. Come on!

We didn't have those problems back in my day, with the morse code machines...


Rachel Bilson:
If I was able to redo my closet, for the most part I'd redo it with her clothes. Not with those fug ass boot-sandals she wore the other day, but most of it. This dress, for sure. I would brush my hair though. I think she forgot to do that...


Scarlett Johanssen:
Looking matronly, non? Again, kind of boring considering the event. So blah. Makes me sleepy. Where's her sexy-ab'd boyfriend/fiancé?


Sofia Bush:
Too elegant. FAIL. Love the dress, just really not for the occasion. It's too 'my-sister's-wedding-where-I'm-not-a-bridesmaid-and-slightly-pissed-about-it-so-I'm-going-to-look better-than-that-bitch'. Ha ha. That's funny in itself.


Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens:
So far I like her business best. Cute, fun, and age-appropriate. The shoes are very cute. He is also looking appropriate, although should be embarrassed he's wearing more make-up than his "girlfriend". Who is this guy and why do people think he's straight? My gaydar is going off mega on him...

I think the men won this round...with Miley and Vanessa right behind them...

Oy. What a nightmare.