This is why I hate Nicolas Cage

Need I comment? Ok, fine, here's a list of easily understandable reasons why I hate him:

- His face
- His ugly hair
- His nose
- His voice
- His creepy body

I could go on and on, but I think you get the gist. I just have an unnatural violent hate for him. That's all.

Hell Couple: John Mayer and Jessica Simpson

I used to have so much respect for Jessica Simpson (hair and body-wise). She was hot. Now she's dating John Mayer, who happens to resemble a homeless woman in downtown Montreal. I also used to like him. Before I saw him.

Also, have you seen his stand-up? He's a racist, biggot bastard.

These two are the Donnie and Marie of the 21st century...and it's really gross. Yuck.

Mary Kate Olsen sucks. Period.

I'm sorry, but I don't care if she spent $45,000 on this picnic blanket, it's fucking hideous. I want people to stop calling her fashionable.

What the shit is with the Kurt Cobain dye job?

Fuck me! I just saw her shoes!!! Where the hell did she get those? Did she steal them from an Oompa Loompa?

Hey Zeus!

Lord Lindsay Lohan in rehab

It's a sad day for all of us when our Lord (ok, just mine, I know) goes into rehab. Apparently our lady checked herself and a glass of Jamba juice into rehab (Wonderland) last week. Since then, she's left many times (supposedly to go film - see photo) and has had manicurists, masseurs, etc come in to pamper her.

According to the rags, she's pissing off the other people staying at Wonderland, who don't like that she has been coming in and out as she pleases. Oh well. Are YOU Lindsay Lohan? Oh, no you aren't. So shut up.

I love that she's in rehab. She's so edgy. Ha ha. She's really not. I'm getting tired of all these ridiculou antics.

Don't you love that the pic makes her look like she's actually running away?

Where's Kate Beckinsale when you need her?

Jared Leto is a tool

To further validate the fact that I think Jared Leto is a tool, a story recently came out about him attacking Elijah Wood. The reason why? Because Elijah Wood came out and admitted that he thought Jared's band (whose name I can't remember right now) sucked.

Just to clarify, MANY people think uh, that band sucks. Fuck. Why can't I remember the name? Oh right, because I ALSO think it sucks. Elijah wood is only little. That's really not a fair fight. Although, if I was Frodo, I would have pulled Jordan Catalano's hair, because that wouldn't be out of character with the mood of the fight.

What a fucking moron.

Ooh really?!?! Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake?

Rumour has it Jessica has broken up with Derek Jeter (who was seen getting dirty with Gabriel Union at a club last weekend) and is now getting sexy with JT! Oh, praise the fucking Lord Lohan!

I love this crappily Photoshopped pic of the 2 of them. Seriously, that is MUCH better than Cam "the man" Diaz.

Way to go Justin.

Britney's not so hot

Sometimes I think Britney might be undervaluing the investment of dark curtains. Seriously.

This girl is a mess.

Apparently, her former stylist said that she used to dress her, then Britney would take it all off and do it herself.

That explains a lot.

Hot pics Brit. Hot.

Katie Holmes upskirt? Ew. Alien crotch

It's not really an upskirt, but still. I can't remember the last time I wore an ankle-length gown and needed to pull it up to my hips to get out of a car...she was trying to provoke something. Maybe the anger of Xenu...

Super Giganto Golden Globes post!!!

Ok y'all, this is record. This is officially the biggest post I've ever tried to post. Woo. I'm not actually that excited. You?

Golden Globes were this past week, as usual, I have an opinion about everything anyone wore. Goddess gowns were prominent, further fueling my delusion that people want to be my goddess and care what I think...It makes me excited just thinking about it. Plus, I love goddess gowns.

Shall we?


Ali Larter:
What did I say? She's hot! I was silly to be jealous, but look at me, I am again. My hubby-to-be is no longer allowed to watch 'Heroes.' Just kidding. He can, but only if I am unable to watch it and I need a recap. Again, kidding.

For someone with an unconventionally good-looking face, she really has done well for herself. Not to mention the fact that her dress and hair look amazing. Wow. 10 points missy.

America Ferrera:
So, here she is. I have to admit, I don't watch 'Ugly Betty'. I feel like it's a rip off of 'The Devil Wears Prada'...am I wrong? Do tell.

The dress is just ok, but the girl could light up a room with that grin. Wow.


Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt:
Wow! They're just so attractive. I heard that Angie was unhappy with the selection of gowns offered to her for the Globes. Looks like she made due. While it wouldn't be my first choice, it certainly isn't ugly. And that gold jewelry! Wow!

Is it just me, or is Brad looking a little botoxed?


Beyoncé:
Wow! That is some sparkly-ass dress! I love it, for what it is, but I think she could have done without the shimmery skin. It's a bit much. Girl really rocks her shit though ("girl"? Who am I? Oprah? Sorry)

I'm a big fan of that neckline, she looks really great!


Cameron Diaz:
As you all know, I hate this bitch like I hate station wagons (severely and violently). I cannot approve of this dress, and I swear to you that it wouldn't matter if it was on Kate Beckinsale. It's fucking ridiculous. Reasons? Sure:
1) One strap? Um, no. Wrong.
2) The fucked up glued together Barbie tutu's that form her skirt. BOOO!

She does however, and I will admit it - painfully, look much better with dark hair, and is really pulling off that red lipstick. It's just a fucking stupid dress.


Cate Blanchett:
I love this woman. I don't know why really, maybe it's because she was one of the only women in 'Lord of the Rings'...I don't know. My only explanation is because she's so goddam fabulous. Look at this gorgeous hi-low hem and those shoes! Good lord in heaven! The top of the dress could use a make-over, but from the waist down, I'm in love.

Courtney Cox-Arquette:
In the last season of Friends, I started to have the sneaking suspicion that missy here had some kind of plastic surgery performed on her upper lip. If you were/are a fan of 'Friends' and remember the early seasons, you will totally agree with me. That upper lip wasn't always there.

That said, I quite like this dress. I'm not always a fan of the nude/black combo, but this is done well, and the combination of the dress, the skin and her hair are great. Kudos lippy, kudos.

Drew Barrymore & Hugh Grant:
I heard that she and her boyfriend (Fabrizio or something) are on a break right now. So I guess she decided to hang with Hugh. Can you blame her? Who doesn't love a bumbling Brit? He was so fab in 'Love Actually'!

She looks fucking great. Wow. That is a really nice dress for her body and her make-up is great. She's glowing!

Ellen Pompeo:
Apparently the cast of 'Grey's Anatomy' was tied up in controversy on the red carpet due to their co-star, Isiah Washington's un-shuttable mouth. Ellen doesn't look stressed here, and she also doesn't look like she needs an IV of Olive Garden anymore either. Yay Ellen! I can resume my love for you, which developped in 'Old School.' Very nice. Although, I must say, that gross bateau neckline is, well, gross.


Emilie de Ravin:
I love 'Lost'. I LOVE IT. I do not love this girl's character though. In fact, she makes me want to claw my eyes out. But, I realized today, as much as her character makes me want to do that, this dress makes me want to do it more! I fucking hate this dress! The colour, the neckline, the bust, every part of it is wretched! Oh god. At least she kept it consistent with terrible hair and make-up.

Seriously. Bad. Very, very bad.

Emily Blunt:
I am not really sure who this girl is, but from what my assistant tells me, she was in 'The Devil Wears Prada'. Whatever. I only posted this pic because the top of that dress, with it's horizontal sections is EXACTLY what I used to want for a grad dress, when I was ~15. Remember, I was 15. What's her excuse?
Eva Longoria:
This woman has never done anything to me, but I detest her. It's really strong too. It's unfortunate, because I find her quite lovely to look at, and I would probably like her, but I don't. Why must she always spackle on so much fucking make-up? It's really not nice! I like the dress though, it probably does wonders for one's bust.

Evangeline Lilly:
Like I said, I love 'Lost.' I like Kate. She rocks. She has the best hair and body on the island. This dress looks like an art-deco sunset. I don't like it. God, it must be so difficult to dres oneself for awards shows. Oh, not, wait, it wouldn't be, because they cannot only afford any dress I would love, but they also get them for free. She should have done better than this. At least her hair looks good.
Hayden Pannetiere:
All I can say is PRAISE ALLAH! This is a huge improvement from the bulky mess that was her dress at the People's Choice awards (scroll down). I also love her hair. I want mine to grow that long and curl that loosely.
Helen Mirren:
I think we all need to give this woman props for being as hot as she is at her age. We can only pray we'll look this hot in a low-cut Donna Karan at her age. Wow.

Hilary Swank:
YAWN. Spaghetti straps and a flower in your hair? Who do you think you are? Drew Barrymore ~1993? COME ON WOMAN. You have a killer body. Rock it in something interesting. Christ almighty...mutter, grumble, etc.


Isla Fisher:
She must have been so proud of her hubby-to-be, Sacha Baron Cohen! He won! She looks really cute, because her dimples don't allow for anything else, but if this dress was going to rock, it should have been more shaped below the waist. That billowy shit is old and tired.

PS - I love that name, 'Isla'. Wow. Love it.

Jenna Fischer and John Krasinski:
How cute?!?!? Pam and Jim! I think they both look really cute, and that hairstyle is fab on her. The dress is boring, but safe, and you can't slam a newcomer for that.

Jennifer Garner & some guy (aka Ben Affleck):
TERRIBLE all over the place. I hate it. I hate the zig-zag stripes on the dress, I hate his lame, boring suit, I hate her stupid hair, etc, etc, etc.

Boo. Hate it. Needs improvement. Again, killer bod, can we at least try?

Jennifer Lopez:
As if in response to her ex boyfriend (above) she looks amazing. She has a slight lolly-head going on, but I think it's her posture in the photo. I love the dress, I love her make-up and most of all, I love that she didn't bring her corpse of a vampire husband with her.

Jessica Biel:
I'm sure this is vintage. For that reason, I will let it pass, but I really don't like it. For the 3rd time, this is a woman with an incredible body who is making it look terrible. Why the square neckline? It's not nice. She should wear something that's glued to her hot bod. Ick.

Julie Louis-Dreyfuss:
Um, no. Body good, dress, terrible.

Kate Winslet:
I love this woman. Except for 'Titanic', I think she is fabulous. Oh yah, and also except that stupid romantic comedy she did with Cameron Diaz. Anyhoo, love her. Dress is a bit bland, but I still like it. She always looks amazing.

Kyra Sedgewick:
Remember 'Phenomenon'? That was a pretty terrible movie, but I really liked it. I bet she dresses up as a witch every halloween. If she doesn't, she should.

To be honest, the only reason I saved this pic, is beacuse I think it could make a pretty nice wedding dress...with some adjustments (for instance, use the her left sleeve w/out the jewels...).

Naomi Watts:
I plain and simple LOVE IT. It's different, it's coloured, it's unique. Wow. It fits perfectly, it's not too big or too tight, it's great.

What a dress. Wow.

Penelope Cruz:
I feel like she always wears this flamenco-themed type dress. Enough already. Wear something winter white and clingy. It will look good. I'm sure of it.

Rachel Weisz:
You know what? It's simple, but it's really nice. It's a beautiful tone of red, a very nice column shape and she kept it simple. I really like it. Good for her.

Reese Witherspoon:
To be perfectly honest, I'm blown away! She looks so different! I feel she's a little too thin, but I can take it, because she looks fit, at least. The yellow is very unexpected and great, and the short length is another pleasant surprise. Very impressed. Divorce looks good on her.

Salma Hayek:
No surprise that this woman would be in a goddess gown. She is practically super human in her beauty. I love this dress. I would look absolutely terrible, but she is a womanly, curvy woman and she looks incredible. Amazing.

Sarah Paulson:
It took me a bit to place her, but as soon as I got 'Studio 60', I was happy. Her hair sucks, it looks like it was in hot rollers all night, but she has a great body and she looks good. Even if the bodice does look tiny compared to the skirt...

Sacha Baron Cohen (and guy whose balls we almost saw. A lot):
Love him. Love. Have been watching him for years (thanks to my brilliant sister and best friend) and have loved him forever. Although Borat isn't my favourite character of his, I love that he speaks Polish. Congrats!

Sienna Miller:
You know, for someone who is often touted as a fashion maven, this high-school musical hair-do and 'I'm-trying-too-hard' gown is not excusable. She could have done a lot better than this wanna-be goddes mess. Boo. Boo, I say. Boo.

Teri Hatcher:
Despite the fact that this woman's face gives me nightmares, I love this dress. I could totally see this dress as a wedding dress (minus the belt, of course)...perfect for a Jamaican beach ceremony. What do you think? I love me a deep V

Hmmm...

[Thanks to EGOTASTIC for the amazing pics!!!]

People's Choice Awards

Alright people! It's time to Mock'n'Talk, People's Choice style!



Ali Larter:
I was always so jealous of this girl. It made me so annoyed that guys liked her so much for that whipped cream bikini in 'Varsity Blues.' Just because I am unwilling to smear myself with milk products doesn't mean I'm not hot.

In hindsight, she is ridiculously hot sometimes. I should not have been such a tool.

Christina Applegate:
I don't think anyone gives this woman enough credit. She's really funny, she's very pretty and she has AWESOME hair. Also, how funny was she in 'Anchorman'? She was hilarious. And she was up against some pretty stiff competish with Will Ferrel, Steve Carrell, Paul Rudd (hideously underrated), etc.

Aww, now I want to watch Anchorman...

Halle Berry:
Apparently there have been rumours for months that she's preggo. Um, people, no one preggo can pull off a skin-tight metallic mini dress. No one. She looks really goddam great! Good for her.

Carmen Electra:
Speaking of great...this look is not. I don't know what she's going for lately, but she has looked pretty silly at the past couple of events. This high-waisted tie is doing nothing for her figure, except making her look like she has an extra-long vagina. And no one wants that!

Hayden Pannetiere:
I like this girl. She's cute. We had a little scare a while back, when she was seen with Paris Hilton over a week's span, but obviously some parent or agent took care of that disaster in waiting. I like her because she seems all-American (and no, not just because she's the cheerleader in Texas on 'Heroes'). She seems like she would be wholesome and not gross.

I also like that she's not super-skinny like everyone else.

In principle, I like this dress. But considering she's not super-skinny, it's not really flattering. It's making her look thick because of all the excess fabric. It's pretty, but poorly executed.

Love the hair though. God, I love her hair.

Kate Moss - Sausage Nips alert!

Seriously, who knew these puppies were hiding in her top?

Yuck.

They extend further than her actual breasts!

Click on the image for a NSFW view.

Mr & Mrs Fug - OVER!!!!

I am the happiest bitch ever!!! Finally, he has unlatched himself from the horrifying ug that is Cameron Diaz? I mean, what the shit was this guy waiting for? The Federline-Spears divorce to become final?

Hmm, that could be hot.

Apparently he was seen out many times since the break-up with ladies. Justin likes va-jay-jay! Hooray!

Now let's hope he gets hot again and she hasn't sucked it all out of him. GOOD RIDDANCE witch woman!!!

I know you've heard it but, so what? The Beckham edition

Anyone who loves gossip is not at all surprised by this move. His supposed "real" fans, the soccer people were a bit surprised, but not us savvy bitches.

They've been floating around here looking for US notoriety for years. They want US fame, and they're coming to get it. A rumoured $250 million worth!

Holy Christ.

They are going to kill LA! It's going to be fabulous.

~

Does anyone else find him a little too pretty?