Two ladies I hate: Gwyneth & Nicole

What a week! They have both been seen out in public and there are photos! Which means, as you all know, that I will make fun!

Hurray!

Gwyneth, Gwyneth, Gwyneth, you are horrid.

I will start with the jeans, because they are the most glaringly obvious part of your outfit. Although you are thin from your macrobiotic diet, you are still mildly pear-shaped and wearing such a skinny jeans is not doing anything for you. Especially with the alarmingly cropped ruffled Mozart-style top.

What are you going to do? Compose a fugue? A Greek sandal fugue? Gahh! What a terrible combo. And can you EVER do your hair? You're so lazy! It's always super straight and droopy. God woman, put in a hot roller or two.

Nicole Kidman, I hate you. I hate your girly husband and his flat-ironed hair, I hate his undone shirt and I hate your weird hands.

I hate your hair even more. I don't have a whole lot to say about the outfit because I cant' really see it, but I can talk about that crying-out-for-V-05 fried mess atop her head. What the hell?? Maybe if you didn't bleach the crap out of it trying to be blonde you wouldn't have that bird's nest atop your head.

Woman, you have gorgeous Raphaelite curls, why in the H would you brush them out into a helmet like that? Gahhhhhhhhhh!

Millions of dollars and these fools look like this. THE UNIVERSE HAS GONE WRONG!!!