All anyone is talking about this morning is Miley. Miley, Miley, Miley.
She is ridiculous. That's for sure. And as my soul friend Lady V said, she is waiting for Paula Patton to knock her the eff out, because foam fingering my husband's dick would be a dangerous game. Paula Patton looks like she doesn't take shit.
Then bitch sulked off early because she didn't win any awards. Whatever. As far as I'm concerned she needs to hit a dentist, stat, to get her tongue scraped. It was GREY. That is not the right color for a tongue.
Ok, shall we do the photo wall?
Alicia Quarles:
She's an E correspondent, or something. I don't know why I'm such a dick, that is what she does. Anyhoo, she's really pretty and I love what she's wearing. I also wish I could find a pair of nude heels that match my vampire-like skin tone.
Remember how I used to say she looked like a dude? I still feel like that. But, like a hot dude in drag. Like Cinderonce. Wouldn't you be paro wearing that dress? It's pretty crotch-tastic.
I'm sure if felt like un-muting my computer I could look up what this girl sings, but right now JT is replaying on my TV and there is so much puberty happening in my body that I can't. God I love him.
Oh, and she's cute. Whatever.
Ok, I stopped being an asshole and looked her up. I like her voice and that song she had this summer. Good for her. This dress is kind of great too..but what's with her feet? Are they massive?
Well, let's be honest, if I had her body, I would probably dress like this too. I also wish I had her bone structure so that I could wear a turban like that.
She's really hot. Its kind of annoying.
I don't know who this is either, but her voice was the worst piece of garbage I have ever heard. OMG. I hope she doesn't sing like she talks.
Also, I find her face annoying. There is something really off with the fact that her hair matches her dress that much and then her eyebrows are super weird.
God I wish pointy toed pumps weren't so effing uncomfortable. Because they look SO hot. I have to say though, I'm getting a little tired of JHud's posing game. She needs something new. Also, those bangs are getting tired.
Her skirt is amazeballs, but she's over accessorized (that comes from a jewelry addict) and I feel like she could have waited a few weeks to debut the houndstooth. I don't know. This is not a win for me.
Justin Timberlake:
I really can't with how much I love him.
The performance was so amazing and it jacked me up SO HARD for the concert I'm going to in November here in Montreal.
And *NSync? Ok, fine, it was way too short. People have been kind of slagging the performance this morning because they got only a few minutes, but to be fair, JC was the only one who could keep up. Joey Fatone looked like he gained 30 lbs, though he was killing the moves...Lance couldn't keep up and Chris looked like a lemur dressing up as a person. It's ok.
Lainey from LaineyGossip said it best when she said that JT should stop with the acting and only do this. I've been saying it for years. He's TOO good at this. No more acting JT. Please.
Bitch, what are you wearing? Jesus.
It's not an Italian wedding in Long Island, its the MTV music video awards.
What a doof.
Ok, so this isn't her best pick ever. Those sandals make her feet look really bad, look how rectangular they are. And the fabric looks really thick. Also, she has a grill? WTF is going on?
Most normal she's ever looked? Nahh, but it's pretty normal. Though everyone was saying you can see the wig tape.
To be fair during her performance she changed wigs ~4 times. And her final outfit was a mermaid-esque sea shell bikini with a thong. Which Kevin Hart couldn't stop talking about. Kept referring to her ass as 'yams'. It was pretty funny.
Oh well.
I know this is random, but all I can think of is how much I feel for her vag. It looks really trapped in that outfit. And that weave is a nightmare. This is kind of how I wished Snooki would have turned out. You'll see how she really did later.
Just stop. It's a lot. This hair...which she debuted earlier this weekend, is really effing bad. And then there is everything else she did.
There is something to say about being talented, and eve though we all love Britney and she took these awards every year, it wasn't becasue she was sensational, it was because she was amazing and the sensational was just part of the talent.
This is just spectacle and bratty effing off when she didn't win any awards. Tweeting the following:
What a brat.
If I were Paula Patton...
Crowd reaction:
Rihanna's face is killing me. She also slow clapped her at the end.
Hummingbird leggings. There. I'm done. How amazing is he?
This is a lot of dress for someone who isn't really that relevant.
Ouch. That burned to type.
Robin Thicke:
Everyone was all "Beetlejuice" today...but I've started to kind of crush on him, so I can't find fault in something that junk-tastic.
That is all.
They don't have mirrors, right? That's the thing?
My hubs and I were watching 'Modern Family' this weekend and we were talking about how big her eyes are. I feel like this dress is a little too much for her, she's so little. It also looks old.
Those shoes are amazing and super 70's. I need them.
Selena's got steeze! This is magical. It's Atelier Versace. I really hope that she doesn't date JB again. He is an embarrassment to her and what she is becoming.
I was going to keep it short, but she looks so freakshow, that I almost cant. Look at her face. The thinification plus the horsey veneers create a mask effect that will haunt my nightmares.
And another one in their mom's mother of the bride dress. Like, why? Why is this what you think is appropriate to wear?
First of all, they should only have a Taylor swift audience cam every year from now on. Her reactions are so unbelievably unfiltered and catty. I love it.
This dress and her look are super beautiful, they really are, but she ages herself so badly with this look. When I told my husband how old she was, he was flabbergasted. He thought she was way older. And it's how she dresses that does it.
Beautiful, obv. But older.
~~~~~~~~
Ok, that's it. It was pretty lame, all things said. Miley did the most interesting thing and that was really early in the night...the rest was kind of sleepy.
Oh, and needed more *NSync.
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