Britney Appears in Will.I.Am's Latest Video, Makes Me Stabby

Awww, poor Britney.

This is not good. She even fakes a British accent.

Also, I thought we all agreed that Will.I.Am should go away? He's just so punchable. Ugh.

Lindsay Lohan Arrested

Look who is in handcuffs

Update: so TMZ got a video of her in cuffs being lead into the police station. You can visit their site to watch it.

The updates have allwed me to put together the following story:

• LL went to the Justin Bieber concert last night because she's crushing on some dude from Bieber's opening act, The Wanted, Max
• She tried to get backstage but was not allowed, so she and a friend followed them to their hotel, then they all went to Avenue together
• In trying to get Max's attention LL got bombed and acted like Dina, all slobbery and wasted. This turned Max off, so he started ignoring her and started hanging out with another girl
• This girl is the one LL eventually punched.
• Additionally, California prosecuters have filed 3 charges against Lindsay today, totalling 4 criminal charges in one day, making her the least like Elizabeth Taylor than anyone, ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LL out last night.

The elegant fawn that is Lindsay Lohan was arrested just a couple of hours ago for fighting in a club in New York. The club is called 'Avenue' and is in Chelsea.

It's not really clear what happened, only that there was some kind of fight and the police were called. 

Before they could get there, Lindsay left and they ended up finding her out on the roads and arresting her for assault.

At this time she's still at the police station, but none of this is good. On top of this arrest, she's about to be charged in California for lying to police and considering she's still on probation for that necklace theft a couple of years back.

Just like Elizabeth Taylor, right?

Avenue Nightclub

Liz & Dick: A Skankopolis Review

UPDATE: Posted after the jump. Seriously. I'm going to die this was so bad.

You guys, I PVR'd it. And I won't have time to watch it all tonight because I chose to work out instead of watch it.

I know. You're ashamed of me.

But I have some thoughts.

I've started it, and within 20 seconds I knew it was going to be so epic that I had to rearrange my plans.

You see, I thought that I would be able to watch it and chop vegetables. Not a thing. Not possible.

Already, the credits are SO bad, that I can't even. And I've just made it to the 1:46 mark and I am already laughing. Not to mention drinking.

Omg. I'm going to watch some tonight, and then I'm going to watch all of it and we're going to talk about it a lot.

So much.

I read Liz & Dick, it was an AMAZING book. So beautiful, so intense and romantic. If you get the chance, read it, because it's amazing. Not even 3 minutes in to this movie and I know that it's been ruined.

• 1:58 - Grant Bowler's wig is so crazy amazing. 
• 2:38 - WTF? Why is there the weirdest, most echo-y voice over of all time? Oh because Richard Burton is going to die and they're announcing it by WRITING it on the screen. Like, really? I can't figure it out by the grey clay they smeared on Grant Bowler's face to make him look older? Ugh. 
• AHHHHH 3:03 - What is this? Oh my god. So many previews talked about them breaking the 4th wall and this weird black outfit/black background thing, but it's terrible. So bad. Not to mention LL's acting/voice. Like, she couldn't have even TRIED to do Liz's voice? UGh.
• I'm going to to have a stroke.
• She's not acting. She just has more eyeliner on than normal.
• Oh my god. This is so bad.
• His wig. It's so terrible.
• WHAT IS THIS WEIRD BLACK BACKGROUND THING? It's SO weird.
• 5:03 - I literally just yelped. Her acting so SO awful.

OMG!

Ok, I'm going to keep watching, but I can't do the whole thing. I keep having to pause to refill my beverage.

• 7:30 - Aaaaand, they said "spilling, white-hot bosom." Wow.
• 9:41 - This is like watching a high school play. But, like, a bad one.
• 10:39 - She was lying with cucumbers on her eyes OVER her Cleopatra eyeliner. Ummmm, what? And she's all surprised that she has a love scene with Richard Burton...I have a couple of issues with this scene:
• Did she READ the script? I don't understand how she could possibly be surprised.
• And really, she put CUCUMBERS ON her eyeliner and it's fine now? Um, it was 1963, it's not like they had good waterproof eyeliner then. Ugh.
• 14:30 - Her lips are unbelievable. So stupidly big.
• The music is SO terrible.

Ok, I'm going to finish it up and come back to you once I'm done with an update.

If I don't die from vomiting.

Courtney Cox - Part Stegasaurus

So, remember during the last seasons of 'Friends' when Courtney Cox's face started getting weird? Like, her upper lip stopped moving and it got way bigger than it had ever been, and her eyes always looked buggy? Yah, that was a bad time.

I am a fan of 'Cougar Town', thanks to Beauty Writer's persistence (read: harassment) and my hilarious (read: obnoxious) habit of refusing to believe anything she likes is good...she talked about it for a year before I would watch it. And then I really liked it. I did the same thing to her with 'Florence & the Machine' and with a bunch of other things. Sometimes it's really hard, because like Flo, the people are genuinely good and I'm just being a dick. It's kind of my thing.

Holy tangent.

Anyhoo, Cougar town is great, but she AND Krista Miller have majorly disturbed faces. They're like the ones you try to avoid looking like. Some people do it really well (Jennifer Aniston, Diane Lane, Michelle Pfeiffer, etc) and others look like monsters. Like Court here.

So these pictures surfaced recently of her in a bikini and I was suddenly relieved to see that her face problems are not due to her being overly enthusiastic about putting needles in her face, but because she is an ACTUAL MONSTER.

WTF is going on with her spine?! Holy shit.

I think she needs surgery. Or, like, a cape to cover that.

Lindsay Lohan Manages To Look Worse Than Ever

Soo, this mess happened last night.

Look at this dress. It's such a disaster.

All of it is so depressing.

The dress looks like it's from one of those random ethnic stores that every mall has in a very random corner, often bordered by the food court...there are CUT OUTS AND BEADS. BEADS.

And then there's her hair...and the fact that the color looks incredibly fake and then there is so much hairspray that it looks like it might snap if anyone touched it.

Then the make-up. OMG. It's so much, and so cheap looking. Terribly applied, heavy handed. So bad.

Who is looking out for her? Who is pulling her nose away from the white, powdery mirror so that she can pay attention to how she looks?

Jesus Christ. She's so hopped up on whatever she's on that she thinks she looks good like this?

It's HORRIFIC.

The lipstick is bleeding, the blush is overly aggressive and then the eye make-up. Oh my god.

Fiona Apple Cancels Her Tour - Warning - SUPER SAD

This morning, as I was getting reading to go to work, I fell upon the news that Fiona Apple has cancelled her South American tour. And it's because her dog, Janet is terminally ill and she doesn't want to leave her alone.

It's sad news for her fans, but I have to tell you that I think I would make the same decision she made in her situation.

For anyone who has a pet or has had a pet who has passed away, this is going to be SUPER sad for you. It's not a joke. I literally just burst into tears 3 times while reading this and I'm dead inside.

The 2012 American Music Awards

Ok, so the American Music Awards were Sunday night. Because Justin and Selena just broke up, everyone was prepared for drama, and instead Justin wore drop crotch pants and brought his mom. Oh, and he called people haters.

Seriously, that was the most exciting part of the night. Ok, let's do this, because there's a lot to do:

Brandi:
I just downloaded 'The Boy Is Mine' onto my iPod. Classic. Not as classic is this messed up look. WTF?! Also, really, what is she doing here? When was the last time she did anything?

Oh. Those boots. They hurt my feelings.

Carly Rae Jepsin:
Isn't she young? Why do all these young girls insist on dressing old? There's a very limited time during which you can dress fun and crazy and out there, embrace it. Afterwards you're all worried about whether things are appropriate and if your back is too saggy and stuff.

It's pretty, I just wish it was more youthful.

Carrie Underwood:
See? This is a little more fun. The color is exciting. But then she did her country music helmet hair and ruined it. For someone SO pretty, she's SO irritating. 

Christina Aguilera:
Oy. While I appreciate that the hair looks healthier and fresher, this dress is a bit of a reach. It looks like something Queen Latifa would wear, and I really can't with QL. I find it very mature. I expect something a little trashier out of her and now I'm disappointed.

Cyndi Lauper:
Think about how good 'Time After Time' is and then look at this outfit. It's awful and great at the same time. Is anyone else surprised that her legs can actually hold up her body? They look a little spindly and weak to me. Also, what's going on with those pants/tights? I'm confused.

Elisha Cuthbert:
A few questions: Why is she holding her breath so hard? Why did this photo agency have the WORST photo spot ever? And why is she there? Most important, obviously, is why is she holding her breath so aggressively? Do people  not think we notice when they do that?

Also, what is going on with that fabric? It's like she just unfolded a tent and threw it on or something. Oy.

Ginnifer Goodwin:
Always with the pretty and the cute? Enough now. Also, why did you borrow Jennifer Aniston's shoes?

I'm over this girl. She needs to be gone.

Gloria Estefan:
When I'm old, don't let me do this. It's not good.

Hayden Panettiere:
Why does she look so skinny? She's normally so athletic and healthy looking? There's something about her fresh make-up and basic hair that is bothering me...it's making her look sickly. Also, I know I say this a lot...but what is she doing there?

Also, this dress would have been amazing on Carly Rae

Heidi Klum:
I'm not loving this at all. I find the neck a little severe. Also, I find it emphasizes how wide she sometimes appears. The gold is great on her though. Like, fantastic. 

Jenny McCarthy:
Did she do her lip again? Something on her face looks different. Also, I'm kind of (read: SUPER) embarrassed to admit that I kind of love what she's wearing. That skirt is kind of epic. I hate the tube top, because - really??? - but imagine if it was a tank?

No, but for real, what's going on with her face?

Justin 'Drop Crotch' Bieber:
I'm just going to say 'ugh'.

I can't with this guy.

Ke$ha:
It honestly took me a bit to figure out who looked this soft and feminine. I hope she stays like this, even though she looks like a Forever 21 threw up on her. It's still way better than she looked before: like a bath salts addict threw up on her.

Kerry Washington:
As a shower curtain? I don't understand what is going on here. I find it offensive. And the Big Bird Yellow color is a lot for the eyes, though it looks glorious on her skin. I don't know. Imagine it was a mini? So much more tolerable, no?

Nicki Minaj:
I'm refreshingly surprised at how great she looks. Seriously. I'm normally a huge hater of taffeta, but she's pulling this off.

No Doubt:
Um, what is Gwen Stefani wearing? Is that a cardigan over a bra? I am not sure I can handle that.

Pink:
Glorious. Beautiful. Amazing.
She has never looked better. Seriously. I'm in love with this. It's the right amount of pretty vs edgy. It suits her extremely well.

Stacey Kiebler:
Good god, her legs. I am in love with this dress. Not so much her hair, but I have a history of not liking her hair. I am not sure if she even has good hair. Beauty writer - speak up!

 

Taylor Swift:

This mini dress is really cute. It's a little bit of a departure from her normal look, but not enough to reduce my ire. That's right, I said 'ire'. Deal with it.

Jared Leto as a Woman is SCARY.

This is not for children.

Seriously.

I'm so disturbed.

He's on the set of something called 'The Dallas Buyers Club'

I really hate it.

Ugh. Twilight.

So there is ANOTHER Twilight movie and it premiered in Hollywood last night. Ugh. This is the last one, right?

Anyhoo, here are some dumb twits in clothes.

Christine Perri:

Um. Who? Further to that point. WTF is she wearing? It looks like she sat for those tattoos all at the same time so that she could have an edgy look.

No!

Dakota Fanning:

Why doesn't she age? It's creepy. She still looks eleven years old. And her posture. It makes me upset. Also, this dress is the worst. The color is ok...though I feel it's off in tone...like a little too light. And then that sheer part looks too 'try'. Like she was attempting to age herself a bit. She looks 12. I'm creeped out.

Julianne Hough:

This one's really enjoying her short hair, isn't she? Maybe it makes Ryan Seacrest like her a bit more, you know, since the rumor around Hollywood is that he is actually sleeping with her brother Derek and that she's just his beard. Poor girl. She's cute.

I wish that skirt was cut better, no?

Kristen Stewart:

So...this is really see through. I mean. I get sheer. But this is not sheer. This is underwear with a slip cover. I have a problem with these dresses with the defined cups. Mostly because they'll never fit me because I'm not so chesty, but also because I don't find they're flattering to boobs at all. 

She's had a pretty strange press tour, style-wise. I don't love this. Oh, and I would have taken off those death slippers too. Look at the heel! Jesus.

Maggie Grace:

I will never be able to mentally remove 'Lost' from my feelings about this girl. How whats-his-face fell in love with her, I will never understand. It was so faux. This dress is weird. And it looks wrinkly. Ugh. She's the worst. But satin is even worse than she is.

Mayim Bialik:

This is the best I've ever seen her face look. The dress, as usual, is really matronly, but her make-up is great.

Nancy O'Dell:

Um. WTF? Those shoes are HORRENDOUS. The cut, the color, the fabric, Ew. Her dress and hair are pretty terrible too. This is a rare misstep for Nance, I feel like she's generally so pretty that she avoids scorn, but this is bad. Bad.

I Can't With Christina Aguilera. I Can't.

She really needs to stop.

It's not good.

No part of her is good.

The make-up.

The hair.

The jeans.

The leather vest.

OMG.

THE HORROR.

Adventures In Clothing: Kristen Stewart & Miley Cyrus

 Apparently everyone feels the need to reinvent baring their stomachs. It's not really necessary. It's ugly, and often unflattering, and not a look for sitting down. That is further evidenced below.

Oh KStew. Why. These pants are too straight, the shoes are too pointy and the top is all sorts of wrong. There are too many angles going on and it's a lot of stuff going on in one place. 

And then there is her make-up.Ugh. I will leave that one to Beauty Writer. 

Someone please kill her. Now.

Or now. God damn.
See what I mean about them not being for sitting? Even she looks fat. And she looks like the above.

The Rock Won at Halloween

Just saying.