The White House Correspondents' Dinner 2012 (aka Yikes)

I don't actually understand why all these people were there...but they were, so let's look

Charlize Theron:
The only thing I could possibly say about this is that it doesn't look like it fits her super well. Like, it's half a size too big, so it's making it look very matronly and unflattering.

It would have been beautiful if it was really fitted down to her hips.

Kate Hudson:

The first thing I thought when I saw this was "ears". Like, oh my god. The dress is lovely, but that hairdo is not doing her ears any favors. It looks like she's trying to pick up signals for a satellite.

Claire Danes:
Since when has her hair looked like this? It looks so trashy and bleached out. That, combined with the wrinkly, satin  dress is really not doing it for me. Not to mention her sullen attitude. You're at the White House, bitch. Smile.

Goldie Hawn:
She just looks like she's fun. No? Like everything is an inside joke. The dress is good, because it's black and it's hard to go wrong with that. The fur stole is a little dated, but let's be honest, so is she.

I don't get why she's with Piers Morgan...where is Kurt Russel?

Dakota Fanning:
Um. Is it just me or could you picture Diane Keaton in this? This can't be an easy event to dress for, because you have to be conservative, but you don't want to be bland.

Dakota failed here.

Rosario Dawson:
See? I think this is more how you do conservative, but with breasts. The dress is kinda frumpy until you get to her boob area. But let's be honest, her body makes everything look a little more exciting. It's like putting Sofia Vergara in a potato sack...

Ginnifer Goodwin:
Why do I want to punch her so much?
I don't like this dress. The skirt is so much, and it looks messy and asymmetrical...but in a bad way.

Also, I really want to punch her in the face.

Zooey Deschanel:
Ok, here is another conservative outfit done well. It's not anywhere near sexy, but it's very pretty and appropriate for her age.

Reese Witherspoon:
Oy. It's not that the dress isn't good. It's that the hair is terrible.She did this once already...remember, for the Oscars years ago. Then it was cute because she had that amazing beaded dress that gave us something else to look at. This dress, that kind of looks like she was confused when putting on the straps, is not distracting enough for me not to look at her hair.

Yikes.

Elizabeth Banks:

Is that a peplum causing that effect? If not, it looks like she has a giant ass, which I don't think she does...I'm not in love with the matching lipstick to dress look, but again, here's conservative done well. 

And then there are the 2 who EVERYONE wanted to see..

Lindsay Lohan:

This dress does not fit. No designer has ever cut a dress so that it cuts a breast in half the way that halter top does. The fabric looks stiff and cheap and that cut is so unbelievably distracting. We all have a girl like this in our life, who goes out of her element and has no clue. 

Lilo was out of her element, and even though her injections have relaxed and her hair looks good in that color, she did not belong.

Poor Lindsay. Cough. Not really.

Kim & Kris Kardashian:
I feel like Kim could have done better. Velvet in April? Yikes. Her mother looks better than she does. It's too matronly and you can tell she's really uncomfortable in it. Look how miserable she is.

Kris, on the other hand, looks great. I like that her hair looks like flames jumping off her head.

Idiot Alert: Amanda Bynes Is Stupider Than We Thought

Turns out this dumbass refused a blood test on the night of her arrest back at the beginning of the month...

The breathalyzer registered a 0.0 on the night she was arrested and she refused a blood test on the spot. This could mean very bad things for our fave unemployed idiot.

She will face charges in the following weeks...she has refused rehab but is apparently willing to lay low. It's Friday morning, so I'm sure we'll find out if that's true any minute.

Ugh. I hate her more now.

Winners in the White House

Between trips to the drug store to stock up on Just For Men Color 45, brushing his mustache and admitting that I'm his favorite daughter...my father really loves to stand on his invisible soapbox and talk about the downfall of society and today's pop culture.  

Most of the time his rants go like this:

"Expiration dates are a marketing ploy."

OR

"These people can't act.  They're pumped full of toxic chemicals and they're spoiled, talent-less little brats with too much money...back in my day you had to WORK for money.  I bet you Burt Reynolds never bought in to any of this crap." 

Most of the time his rants are met with a roll of the eyes or suddenly empty room...but you guys, he might have a point. 

Until today I was blissfully unaware that I had to have a sex tape, a felony record and/or a drug problem to get an invite to the White House.  But guess what?  The puffy-faced Lilo and puffy-assed Kim Kardashian are official attendees of the White House Correspondents' Dinner! 

How great is that!?  After all these two maroons have contributed to society I believe they truly deserved the invites from Greta Van Susteren and Fox News to be their respective +1.  

Really? You're totally embarrassing my dad.  

Fame Whoring Alert: Kim Kardashian & Kanye West Are Dating

So, this has been going on for a while, but because I haven't posted about it, one of my friends ripped me a new one recently.

It's gross. Let's be honest.

It somehow started around the same time the lyrics to Kanye's single, "Theraflu" were leaked where he says:

"I'll admit I fell in love with Kim around the same time she had fell in love with him/ Well, that's cool, baby girl, do you thing / Lucky I ain't have Jay drop him from the team."

Their relationship conveniently popped up at the same time, providing both of them with some publicity.

I don't know. I'm having trouble believing this is real. I mean, when they're together, how do they decide who stares at themself in the mirror when?

I guess it's conceivable they have more than one mirror, but wouldn't the other one always be the better one? I mean, really.

Anyhoo, initials are a huge trend in jewelry right now and look at Kim wearing Kanye's initials on her ear recently.  Been having trouble getting traction with customers, maybe this will be the catalyst.

Oh Mila Kunis, Why?

Oh Mila. Why?

Of all the men you could be with, Ashton is the one you choose?

I really do not understand the appeal of Ashton Kutcher. I find him creepy. He's better now that he's cut his hair, but still, the pubey beard, the douchetastic wardrobe, I don't know.

And Mila Kunis is so gorge, and so adorable...I feel like she could do so much better.

After denying that she and Ashton were anything more than friends, papps caught them cavorting around a small northern Cali town where they were staying.
They bought sunflowers out of a vendor's van. Ew.

Uma's New Face

On a somewhat regular basis I have been forced to watch Smash under great duress/boredom. It's because of this grown-up version of Glee that Uma Thurman has recently re-entered my consciousness.

I'd like to preface this with the fact that I didn't grow up with Uma. In my mind, her most memorable role was as my sexy-time idol, Poison Ivy.

Guys, you know what else is memorable? That one time she skinned her cream Birkin bag and stretched it across her face. Her presence on Smash is really giving me Texas Chainsaw Massacre-related PTSD. I don't appreciate this assault on my eyes.

Am I crazy or is she permanently winking at me? Also can we please agree that the stylist on this horribly addictive show needs to be fired? How many flowy sweaters, scarves and bandanas do you think they have ready to go on set? BECAUSE IT SEEMS ENDLESS. Gross.

Amanda Bynes is the Worst

Those who read this blog, know that I don't care for Amanda Bynes. I find her to be extraneous. I have only ever registered her as the human version of a mole that someone would have removed. See my posts "about" her here.

2 weeks ago she was at the Standard hotel (almost stayed there when I was in LA, glad I didn't now, sounds douchey) and got into her car after drinking and ended up side swiping a police car...which led to her arrest.

Many sordid news items have surfaced since: So many things about what a misbehaving little princess she is and what a drunk she is even more. There was even a woman who went to LAPD claiming Lindsay Lohan had roughed her up at the Standard hotel. Lindsay wasn't even there and many are saying the lady confused Amanda for Lindsay...

Other things:

1. This was not Mandy's first time driving on the nectar...she has ben caught by TMZ photos before
2. Her dad has come out and said that she doesn't drink, despite many people refuting that claim loudly and proudly
3. Apparently she tried to go BACK to the Standard hotel to get another drink immediately after being released from jail
4. Then bitch was getting into her car last Friday morning at the Chateau Marmont and while driving away (probably dead sober - ahem) and texting, she reversed up a curb. Yah. Looking good Mandy.

Amanda has declined comment, but word has it in Hollywood that she's been difficult to work with for a while due to alcohol...and that her "retirement" from acting was not so voluntary as it was that no one wanted to work with her anymore.

And it's very interesting that her erratic behavior seems to be concentrated after this blind item came out which many were saying is about her...

What an epic loser.