Skankopolis Update: We Need a New Skank Extraordinaire!

You guys, I think I'm over Lindsay Lohan, seriously. I think we might need another Skank Extraordinaire. I am just so irritated by her that I no longer find her fun.

So I'm reaching out to YOU, my peeps to pick a new one, or to help me admit that there is no equal to her idiocy/skank, etc.

Please vote!

poll by twiigs.com

Fashion Round-Up

Ok, I happened to fall upon a few of things things at once, so let's take a look:

Kim Kardashian:

As my nephew said this weekend, "dumps like truck, truck, truck." Seriously, he said that. And he wasn't referring to any terrible songs. He is just brilliant.

Anyhoo, Kim has dumps like a truck and she does not need a high-waisted skirt or a crop top. Ever. These are things that are not made for her type of body. AS we see above. Yikes. The color combo is not helping her at all either. BAD MOVE KIM.

Sasha Baron Cohen:

Much better. That man is PULLING OFF those paper bag waist shorts. When I first saw this picture I thought Adam Sandler was really ill, then I realized who it was. It makes me like it more.

Lady Gaga:

I have a lot of respect for this woman, even sartorially because she takes a lot of interesting chances and gives some brilliant, under repsected people a chance. HOWEVER, I draw the line at this horrible outfit. Those pants were never meant to exist and that top should be burned. Possibly at a stake.

And to top it all off, I do not like all this crap I've been hearing about the Japanese charity. Someone tell me what's going on there. Well, I guess I'll let her defend herself.

JLo:

I realize this probably took quite a few people several hours to achieve, but all I can say is it was worth it. She looks AMAZING. So good. Crazy good. And the back light and the hair and the legs, it's really something else. Good for her.
Angelina Jolie:

I almost bought a one shouldered maxi dress like this recently. Now I wont, because it will remind me of this super frightening photo. I get that some people are naturally thin and that's just how it is, but she is so gross looking. I really can't condone. It's icky.

Have You Ever Seen Katie Holmes Look Better?

Most of us have been aware of Katie Holmes since 'Dawson's Creek' times (1998-2003) and even though she was super young then she seriously has never looked better than she looks right now.

Her hair, her make-up, even her dress was beautiful the other night. I'm so, so impressed with her.

And so sad for her that she is married to such a dork.

Captain America Looks Awesome

So...Captain America looks awesome. Check out this amazing trailer below.

I'm by no means saying that Chris Evans as a 90 lb asthmatic is hot, and it makes me giggle every time I see anything like it, but the rest of it looks pretty good. Plus, nazi killing is always acceptable.

Check it out.

RIP Peter Falk

Peter Falk passed away today.

He is survived by his wife of 38 years.

He starred most notably as Columbo and my personal fave, the grandpa and narrator in 'The Princess Bride'.

Sads.

Jersey Shore Season 5 Will Be The End

Well everyone, I hope you have a fresh box of Kleenex nearby...

MTV has announced that after season 5 is done filming in New Jersey (it starts Monday), MTV will be recasting for Jersey Shore.

Can you believe we may not have these kooks in our lives? I don't want new idiots, I like these ones.

I'm offish depressed.

But not really.

I can't believe Italy went by and all we got was Snooki rear-ending her police escort and Vinnie stripping down in the street. LAME.

They better be more exciting in Jersey for the FINAL SEASON.

Ugh. Wait, I just remembered that Sammi and Ronnie are back together. Great.

Lindsay Lohan is SO stupid

Ok, I know I JUST posted the below article, but I just went and read an interview she did with Life & Style. OMG.

Seriously, read these quotes (and my comments):

"I've been having a lot of work-related meetings. Sometimes my friends come over. And I get to see my sister, Ali, which is nice,"

Plus, she brings over the vodka, so...

She insists, there is no booze, no matter what. "When my friends come over, they're not drinking," she notes. "Alcohol is not in my house, so it's just not a part of my life."

Hmm, the urine test performed June 13th begs to differ. Oh yah, AND you're in court right now because of that breach of your probation conditions...idiot.

When Lindsay is released on June 29, it won't necessarily mean the end of nightclubs for her. "I don't think you should ever say never," she explains.

Translation: She will be at the Chateau Marmont the first night of her freedom

"I've grown up -- and I'm willing to do what I have to do to prove that." And she plans to start out on the right track. "This may come as a shock, but I mean it: I want to start my community service. I want to finish that so I can work in August and September,"

Yes, all grown ups I know lie constantly and have giant paintings of themselves in their living room. Actually most people I know are liars, so I'll give her that one. But not to the point that they're dumb enough to get thrown in jail repeatedly.

Most important, she says, she loves acting and hopes that someday she can be taken seriously again. "You go through experiences. I do understand that I need to gain some of the respect back, but I'm willing to work hard for that. I understand the situations I've put myself in, and I don't want to go back to that"

Is part of that working hard thing the part when you go to jail? Because they really need you to make those license plates HARD.

Is anyone else nauseous about that picture? Ugh.

Tom Cruise Is Really Trying To Be Tall

REALLY?

OMG, he is a disaster. What is that hat he's wearing? It's for sure so his plastic surgery doesn't melt, but it's so dorky.

And the socks and the shoes with the shorts. Oh my god.

He is such a dork.

Lindsay Lohan - Official Idiot (Again/More/Duh)

UPDATED (2:51pm):

The judge did not put Lindsay in jail because the official terms of the probation only allowed the testing until end of February.

Lindsay was reprimanded and told she can only have one guest at a time, including family members.

Seriously LA legal system - SERIOUSLY?

Seriously though, if anyone doesn't think this girl is an idiot now, they're the stupid ones. Or her mother.

Lack-Of-Brains Lohan was subjected to a urine test while under house arrest to ensure she was adhering to her probation and despite swearing that she's sober and that her house was alcohol free, there are photos of an open bottle of wine inside her place and now she's tested positive for alcohol.

Remember back in the day when Lindsay had the SCRAM ankle monitor and when it went off she and her mother claimed someone had spilled a drink on it? Uh huh. I wonder what the excuse is going to be this time.

Anyhoo, bitch is BACK in court for the millionth time so we'll see what happens...

Blake Lively Is Just Hot, Can You Blame Leo?

So, rumour has it that Leo has been following Blakey back and forth across the country on this press tour she's been on for Green Lantern. He's smitten. It's cute.

But really, can you blame him? Look at her! she's so pretty.

I kind of hate her voice, but she's very lovely to look at. And that body, damn!

I don't love the sheer skirt and floral nipple pasties above...or how covered it is for her, but she's still pretty, so I'm ok with it. As if she cares.

Here she is wearing a dress I feel like I've seen her wear in other permutations...like in white and/or black or something. Very pretty, but nothing exciting.

Here, she has swathed her legs in nothing but a really short fluffy skirt or shorts. It's really not fair. And she makes that really ugly blouse work even though it's gross.

Cameron Diaz is REALLY Gross

I don't care how nice her body is or how pretty she looks when she's fully made up, she is GROSS. Look at her here.

I mean, come on. That is your hair??? So embarrassing.

Ugh, I really have a strong, almost violent dislike for this woman. Not like Kat von D though. I HATE her.

So, Katie Holmes is Ripped

To be perfectly honest, I'd probably be ripped too if that was my life. If I even win the lottery, I will most likely work part time (ehhh, we'll see) and work out the rest of the time.

But really, there go all those rumours from a while back that she is pregnant.

No baby in that 6-pack.

OMG, imagine you were married to Tom Cruise? I'd live at the gym. Anything to avoid that maniac.

Amy Winehouse Is a DISASTER

Oh my god, this girl. What a mess.

About a month ago, she was papped in England running into a hair salon and vomiting all over their bathroom, only to leave and go straight into a liquor store, coming out with a bottle of vodka which she had already started drinking.

She went into rehab the next week...she lasted 2 weeks.

Last night in Belgrade Amy took the stage only to reveal that rehab did nothing (for the umpteenth time) and that she was clearly on at least a few substances. She didn't know the lyrics to her songs, could barely stand and didn't really seem to have any idea where she was.

From the video below, it seems she was snorting something, because she was all wipey around her nose, but she seemed too down to be on coke...she previously had an affinity for heroin, and her clutching at her inner arms could indicate she is back under that horse...

Just very sad to see. Honestly. You can jump around, no need to watch all of it.

Yikes.

Um, I NEED To See This Movie

This trailer is SUPER NSFW, there is talk of taint, so you know, don't turn it on when your boss is in the hall outside your office.

You Guys! Lindsay Lohan's Life Is Really Hard, Ok?

For those of you who don't know, Lindsay Lohan is on house arrest as her punishment for blatantly stealing a super overpriced necklace a while back.

She has to wear an ankle monitor during her 'arrest' (aka month-long house party) but the ankle monitor doesn't monitor levels of alcohol or drugs in her system. She's supposed to be sober as a condition of her previous arrest for drunk driving and cocaine possession. So they locked her IN her house with an ankle monitor that doesn't check anything like that.

Seriously, whomever is in charge of the LA legal system should get a swift kick in the crotch. Why are they so dumb? You're telling me that during these 2 bbq's shes had over the past week there was no booze or drugs involved and she's not doing any of it?

COME ON.

In other news, I wish she would wear a more supportive bra.

Tobey Maguire Was Chosen For Prada?

Seriously, someone has to explain this to me...'hmm, you know who is stylish? That guy who starred in Spiderman. Yah, he was stylish in those movies...'

Clearly there is something I don't know.

Anyhoo, here is a shot from the campaign.

Doesn't fit to me.

Why not choose Ryan Gosling or a man with steeze?

Nicole Kidman Takes The Sheer Trend To An Ugly Place

Maybe it's because I watch 'Futurama' but I hate velour. No, it's more deep seeded than that. It's from my youth, when crushed velour bodysuits were cool. Yah, you heard me and/or you remember it.

Anyhoo, considering the season (late spring), I find it a bit heavy handed to be wearing velour, no?

And this sheer trend is really tricky...let this be a warning to all you non-Nicole Kidman shaped people out there. You could just look like you forgot your bottoms.

I'm just saying.

Remember Fran Drescher?

She looks damn good for her age (YOU Google it, I'm lazy).

But her chompers could use a little bleaching...trust me, I saw the actual size. It's a bit weird, like peaches and cream corn. One is yellow, one is white...

Oh the 90's, you were silly.

For those of you who are too young, watch this. It will both horrify you AND make you nostalgic for "good" television like this. Yes, that's how bad it is now.

Apocalypse now!

The Happy Hot Dog Man Makes Me Want To Be a Vegetarian

Those who know me well know I like meat. I am a Pollack tried and true. I have deeply ingrained desire for disgusting Eastern European food. And hot dogs. Don't ask. Maybe it's a sibling of sausages? That's what I'm going with.

That or I'm a total dirty perv.

Anyhoo, I saw this video a few times last week, but it's becoming too frightening to ignore and I think you should take a look. It disgusts me. Why do we want food to be fun?

Rita Wilson Looks Scary

Remember Rita Wilson at the Emmy's last year (scroll down, it's a long one)? She was quite thick looking, and she wore a blousy dress...it totally made me think that she was carrying John Travolta and Kelly Preston's baby. I don't know why, but this is how an unhinged mind functions.

Anyhoo...she also showed up at other awards shows looking quite juicy, as I put it.

Here she is last week looking emaciated and freakish, further adding ammo to my theory that she carried someone's baby and is now back down to her regular weight. Or too thin, in my opinion.

Anyway, I find the whole thing creepy, especially with the story I've created behind it.

Cee-Lo Green and Rihanna Disappoint In Montreal (UPDATED)

UPDATED June 14

Even more annoying to the Montreal fans, Rihanna and Drake were seen hanging out on Friday night at a local hot spot... despite Drake not showing for Friday's show.

Saturday's late add-on show sounded a lot better...I say complain and get a refund!

I chose this picture because Cee-Lo Green should evidently be looking for himself here...

He never showed up last night for his show in Montreal, and they only announced it once he was already supposed to be on stage!

He tweeted (which has since been deleted from his page - but my lady friend caught it)

"CeeLoGreen: Now they got us delayed at customs...and we flew private! So inconvenient"

No apology to his fans, nothing. Just that he's cranky he was inconvenient. Not cool buddy.

Fans weren't super impressed with Rihanna's performance either, many walked out early and were annoyed that it was all glitz and glam, no substance.

I have a lot of respect and love for Rihanna, but here's hoping that her 2nd show in Montreal tonight is better...and that Cee-Lo tweets an apology to his fans. I'm sure it was impossible for his flight to have left a couple of hours before in order to make sure he got through customs on time to get to his event for his fans.

Booo.

Olivia Wilde - Hollywood's Most Eligible Bachelorette

Olivia Wilde got divorced earlier this year after an 8 year marriage. She's 27. She got married at 19!

So, since she got divorced she has been seen with Ryan Gosling, Jake Gyllenhall, and Bradley Cooper most recently. There are more, I can't remember the rest.

Anyhoo, she seems to be sowing the wild oats she wasn't able to sow since she got married so young.

She's a very pretty girl, and I always thought she was stick thing, but she has some weird thigh thing going on here. What is that?

Is it just a really unflattering color/wash? Or does she have weirdly thick thighs? I'm so surprised.

It's awkward.

Some Marketing People Should be Shot

Some companies have terrible marketing. One of them is that terrible orange juice company that has Jane Krawkowski in the commercials.

They make me want to stab myself in the throat with a gardening trowel (seasonal!). They're here and here if you haven't seen them. Warning though, see above gardening trowel comment.

ANyhoo, the other day I happened to fall upon this online catalog for Pier1. Um. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? This is the COVER of your catalog? To whom does this appeal? I don't think anyone wants that person in their store.

It's horrible.

PARTY-O ON THE PATIO?

I am going to murder someone.

Ugh Award: Suri Cruise's Shoe Collection

You know, if there wasn't enough reason already to hate Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, now I read this drivel:

"Suri has so many designer shoes. She’s a massive fan of Marc Jacobs and she’s had several shoes custom-made, so if they didn’t come with a heel, Katie had them redesigned for Suri. She commissioned a pair of Louboutins for her a while back. She cries if Katie reaches for anything but a little pair of sandals with some sort of heel.

It’s hard keeping up with a growing girl. Suri sometimes picks out the shoes her mum should wear, and then picks out shoes for her dad. They genuinely seem to value her opinion and want her to make her own decisions.”

The only part that makes me at all not bitter is the part where it says that she picks out shoes for Tom Cruise...immediately after saying she only likes heels. Eeeee heeee heeee. Further confirmation that Tom Cruise wears lifts. "No daddy! Wear THESE heels."

In other news, don't only idiots wear heels at the beach?

Jessica Biel and Gerard Butler Go for a Drive

No coincidence that their exes (Jennifer Aniston and Justin Timberlake) just HAPPEN to be all over the press the past few weeks. Right?

COME ON.

In other news, I hope they shared lip gloss.

Jersey Shore Season 4 Looks Like It's Going Be A Mess

Wow, so far it doesn't look like MTV or the Jersey Shore cast are following the rules that the mayor of Florence laid out for them. It looks like maximum stupidity (as usual). Let's make up a story based on these pics:

Coming home from the club, a gigantic group of groupies/wannabes/hos in tow. MASSIVE. Also, WTF is Deena wearing? Like, come on!

As I've mentioned before, Sammi and Ronnie are back together, much to our dismay. Looks like being a sedentary, lazy bitch is finally catching up to Sammi though. She's looking a little thicker than usual. Unless...Shore baby?

Drunken stumbling and Vinnie disrobing, yikes. It resulted in a mild kerfuffle.

Ok, here it looks like Ronnie and Pauly are trying to get Vinnie to keep his pants on. Um. Ok, the girls in the background are the same hos who are below and clearly going home with them. Ugh. Society is doomed.

The 2011 MTV Movie Awards

Ok, so sorry for the delay! I have been spending time exercising. I know, lame. Ha ha. Just kidding. It's fantastic. And the less love handles I have the more I can blog. That is the actual equation everyone.

So the MTV Movie Awards were the other night. Not much exciting happened, Reese Witherspoon told some young fools to stop being fools and they probably thought it was about the other girl, not them!

Here's her (fantastic) quote:

"I get it, girls, that it’s cool to be a bad girl. But it is possible to make it in Hollywood without doing a reality show. When I came up in this business, if you made a sex tape, you were embarrassed and you hid it under your bed. And if you took naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone, you hide your face, people! Hide your face!"

She's won an Oscar twats. Listen up. June Cash just schooled your ass.

Amanda Bynes:

Stop existing. Please. It's too much for me to handle. Also, if you're going to insist on sticking around, please change something about you, because it's getting STALE.

Blake Lively:

She showed up without Leo, but met up with him afterward. If it was me, I think I would have avoided making one of the exact same poses that we saw a naked girl (denial) make last week, but it's Blake. This dress must have been a last minute change, b/c I've never seen her wear anything so conservative in my life. Boobs Legsley no more?

Brooklyn Decker:

I find this dress grossly inappropriate. It's not slutty or anything, it's just so fall. It's summer. Wear a floral or something. Geez. Also, that neckline is doing no favors for anyone. All that weird boob pleating. Ew.

Bryce Dallas Howard:

Really? This is your dress? Wait. Is she pregnant? If she's pregnant it's ok. But really, just ok. If she's not, then she is blind, like her character in whatever that really disappointing movie was.

Cameron Diaz & Jason Segel:

Mere days after Cammie was supposedly dumped by jerkwad extraordinaire Alex Rodriguez she's up there looking terrible. But no implants. There was a blind item suggesting that ARod wanted her to get implants and her refusal could be a reason for the break-up. Gross. What a douche.

In other news, I'm really looking forward to 'Bad Teacher' even though she's in it and can supposedly afford Louboutins on a teacher's salary and Justin Timberlake's terrible acting is in it also. Also, depsite his recent grossification, I love me some Jason Segel. He loves Muppets = I love him. Duh. Math.

Chelsea Handler:

I just read a book "Lies Chelsea Handler Told Me"...it was interesting. Super fast read, and it consists only of stories from her friends/employees/family explaining how she screws with them. It's kind of horrible. And makes me feel bad for all of them. And her, because she supposedly has a bladder control problem related to her laughing.

She looks really good in this photo though. Her hair is a little over blonde, but she's pulling it off because she's kind of scraggly as a human too. Seriously, my spell check doesn't catch scraggly?

Emma Stone:

So pretty. I'm SO glad she's back to redhead after that disgusting time as a blonde for Spiderman. It was really bad.

This dress is wonderful. I'm loving the black lace over color thing. Must go out and buy several new dresses I will never have the occasion to wear. What? You DON'T do that?

Emma Watson:

2nd Emma! So hot. I love this hair on her. It's such a funky/pretty length. I don't like the dress a lot, I mean, she's the face of Burberry, she couldn't have pulled off something a little funkier? Like this? The above is a little too dressy and white, no?

Hailee Steinfeld:

I don't know why these pictures keep coming out like this. ANNOYING. I'm also too lazy to correct it, so let's move on, shall we?

She looks like a junior ad exec, no? Or, like, a burgeoning legal secretary? Either way, it's much too old and not enough fun for someone this young and cute.

Jessica Szohr:

THIS on the other hand, is swinging the pendulum far too aggressively in the other direction. This is a fugly mess. So much so that I kept trying to write fugly before it fit in the sentence because it is so damn gross. Really? WTF is wrong with this girl?

Jim Carrey:

Oh my god, tone it down. God. This is like if someone invited their dad to a school dance. SO embarrassing. But, more so for him, if not solely because of that hairdo.

Kristen Stewart:

I wish this dress was my mother. I would love it and take it for walks in the park and to all it's doctor's appointments. And then at night I would snuggle with it. Hmm, maybe I wish the dress was my lover. I might be slightly too old to be cuddling with my mother. For, like, 25 years. Yikes.

Anyhoo, she looks great. But her legs are too skinny, no?

Leighton Meester:

Are these heels too low? What's wrong here? Why does she look so awkward? In other news, I like her ombrey hair. Like Brooklyn Decker, while I understand what she's trying for here, I think it's a little too long sleeved for this weather. It's hot out. Trust me, I have the air conditioning in my car blowing between my thighs, and I'm from a northern climate. I can't imagine what it's like there.

Nina Dobrev:

Sometimes the alphabet is so great. I mean, look, the two dresses that look pretty similar ended up pretty close to one another! Easy scroll up. Ok, they're not THAT similar. But they're both red, so...there. I still like Kristen's better. Also, I need to get this girl on my radar, because I have no clue who she is.

Peter Facinelli:

I took this picture solely due to his horrible posture and what it's doing to his outfit. Offensive. Hee hee.

Reese Witherspoon:

She was in top form. Looked great, said sassy things, this si the Reese of old. The Reese who is freshly in love. Not bitter being-a-beard-for-Jake-Gyllenhall Reese. Love it. Ok, fine, she was in Legally Blonde. A few times, but she's been around a long time and she has credibility. Dumb twats of Hollywood, listen to her!

Rosie Hutington-Whitely:

I love the hair. That one horn that's blowing up is fantastic. This dress is less fantastic. But whatever. She's hot or something, right? I HATE LONG SLEEVES IN SUMMER.

Selena Gomez:

JUSTIN RAPER! Ew. That sounds so gross. This girl is getting mad death threats, but I can't fault anyone who went to Swiss Chalet. She has been frequenting Canada meeting Justin's family, and I bet she drank the Swiss Chalet gravy. Yum. So good. God I'm disgusting.

In other news, her dress bores me.