For your viewing horror: Tara Reid

I have only one word to say: AHHHHHHHH!

No wait. 4 more. I'm scared. Hold me.

Ok a few more: I am so scared. So scared. She looks so frightening and horrible and I am sure I am going to have nightmares about this shit.

Oh my god. The horrors.

American Idol, bla, bla, bla

This is the new American Idol, Lee Dewyze. He's cute and a bit vanilla. I think there's a 50/50 chance we'll see him again.

Oh Jessica. Oh (2)

Oh god.

She's gorgeous. There's no doubt. But everyone's all over her for not being skinny here.

I think she looks great.

But she didn't have to look great in a column gown. she could have looked great in something sleek and black.

Oh Jessica. Please get some girlfriends.

Please! Girls in LA - HELP JESSICA.

Kate Hudson's Shiny New Boobies

I'm sure you've heard the rumours...Kate had implants. Not big ones, but little ones. Certainly looks like it here.

Those are definitely...ampler than her previous chesticles. Go ahead, stare. No one will know.

Britney Spears = Tyler Durden?

It never clicked with me that Britney's lips tattoo on her inside wrist could be a reference to Tyler Durden / Fight Club.

Think about it.

Also, make a huge effort never to look like this.

The Hills is addictive

Though I'm ashamed to admit it, I've been watching this season of The Hills. It's like watching a car accident, especially the Heidi and Spencer stuff.

I'm kind of sad the accusations of drug use didn't continue after the 2nd episode, but Kristen is fun to watch too.

Anyhoo, I made this screen cap last week because Stephanie Pratt's legs freaked me out so much. They are SO GODDAM SKINNY.

I don't get how people get like that. Can someone please tell me?

Downward Spiral Update: Lindsay Lohan

So Lindsay Lohan is a total disaster. Duh.

Last week she went to Cannes to 'promote' the movie she's in where she stars as Linda Lovelace (the porn star). Nice.

She's been in trouble with the courts lately because she hasn't attended any of her alcohol education courses and the judge is having none of that. She's been bitch slapping La Lohan all over the place.

Here is she is rocking the drug bloat right before she left for Cannes (after begging everyone in Hollywood for the money to pay for a flight)



Here she is in Cannes looking like a hot mess. At an earlier event she wore what looked like a self hemmed dress. So ghetto. She was never seen with any real celebrities or money makers, only Euro-trash. So sad.


Then the below photo came out of her partying in Cannes. Note the lines of coke on the table in front of them. Not that anyone is shocked, but Lindsay's reaction was "Oh my god! It's a total set-up!"

This, of course, came a day or so after she was supposed to show up in court and didn't, so a warrant was issued for her arrest. She claimed her passport had been stolen, but that story fell apart when it was revealed that she A) never reported it stolen, B) never applied for another one (even though her celebrity status would have gotten her another one VERY quickly). Just lies and lies and lies.


Don't those people look gross and like she should be hanging out with better people? I mean, that woman's hair is atrocious!


So she finally showed up in court today to be sentenced to wear a SCRAM bracelet at all times, starting tomorrow. To be subjected to random drug testing at least weekly...and some other stuff. Fantastic.

And if she fails to comply with any of these terms - JAIL. No questions asked. She got the toughest judge in LA and then treated the court with no respect and the judge is having none of it. This is going to be fun to watch.

A Day in Montreal - May 24th (Also known as the 'DOUCHE ATTACK 2010')

First, we went for breakfast (gin & tonics) and saw this apparition walking across the street. Lindsay (a contributor here on Skankopolis) saw him from a far and said, "Oh my god, is that a man wearing gladiator sandals???" To which I responded by shrieking and saying, "It's like Christmas! Where?!?" and then before we could get our cameras out he had disappeared around a corner.

I sat sadly thinking we had lost him forever, but he returned!! Here he is below in 2 photos carrying garment bags and wearing gladiator mandals and what I can only assume was a deep scoop women's t-shirt.

Then we went forward with our original plan, having seen the angel of Douchiness already. Or so we thought.

This rooftop hotel pool opened at 11:30am, by 11:33am all the loungers were taken and we had 2. Fantastic.

Here is is a mere hour later when all the douchebags have woken up from their nights out. Take a close look and see if you can count them all!!!

Please, take a look at this guy's hair. It was like a skunk made love with an early 90's Halloween punk wig. So bad.

So that was Montreal on May 24th...or, Douche Attack 2010. Enjoy!

Oh Jessica. Oh.

Holy Man Hands Batman! Jessica Simpson looks horrible! Shocking (actually not at all)!

Please, come someone get her a girlfriend. Someone who will go shopping with her and tell her, "um, Jess, yah, it's a little tight. No, you really shouldn't need pliers to get your zipper closed."

Ashlee Simpson - WHAT IS YOUR ROLE?! We know you're not on Melrose Place anymore, so how 'bout you hook a sister up with some help. Christ.

Justin Bieber walks into a revolving door

Ha ha ha. I love this.

He really milks it though, so if you don't want to barf, don't watch the whole thing.

Old Spice Commercials Make me Laugh

I don't know if I'm the only one who finds the 'Old Spice' commercials brilliant lately.

They kill me.

For instance, this one:



"Look up, look down"

COME ON!

Open Letter to Michael Lohan

Open Letter to Michael Lohan

Dearest Michael “Big Mike” Lohan,

No wonder your daughter is such a hot mess. If photos of my father showed up on the Internet in a see-thru mesh shirt, I too would drown my sorrows in Grey Goose. I couldn’t help but notice you have approximately three chins and a turkey gobble in your photo. Perhaps this is an unfortunate side effect caused when you use all your might to strategically flex that bicep of yours? Didn’t your mother tell you that exerting effort like that can cause hemorrhoids? You should really be more careful. Regarding the heinous flammable mesh shirt you’re sporting – that is so circa 1996. Please give that shirt a proper burial along with your glow sticks and Vicks vapor rub inhaler. Oh, one more thing. Please act your age and cover up those nips. They remind me of rotten candy corn soaked in battery acid and butter.

Shalom and God bless,

Anna (Skankopolis contributor)

Lindsay Lohan's delusional interview

It's kind of frightening actually, how f'd up this girl is.

The worst part is, though, the interviewer kissing her ass. Christ. It's gross.

Beyonce's tattoo has everyone in a snit

Or panties in a knot, whatever rings your bell.

While I do understand the point people are making that she isn't from Brooklyn, she did marry Jay-Z who is the New York-iest of anyone. Possibly even the Brooklyn-est. Who knows for sure? Really?
I am more concerned by her hair. WTF is going on there? Is that a double flip back? Is she trying to be Lily Tomlin as Ernestine? Or Aunt Hetty? You Canadians know who I mean. Aunt Hetty kicked some ass in Avonlea.

Seriously. WHAT UP WIT DAT?

Rihanna likes wedgies

I was young once. A while back. But I NEVER wore anything like this. I would wear a lot of things. Denim mini skirts, tube tops (ugh), but never high cut latex bodysuits. Granted, I was never an international music sensation, but still, this can't be comfortable.

I will attempt to break this down logically: Rihanna wears this -> Rihanna likes wedgies -> Rihanna takes it in the bum.

And DONE. Scienced!

Gary Busey *might* eat babies

2 things, I really can't believe that anyone would sleep with a man who has teeth like that. It's like making love to a human Chiclet. Anyhoo, someone did, against my better judgment and they had a baby.

The baby is cute, or something, it has character in it's face...but the eyes are like his Chiclet toothed papa.

But seriously, doesn't it look like the Bu is getting ready to eat the poor baby.

I'm frightened.

Really?!

Really?! (I'm on a "Really?!" kick from last night's awesome SNL) Aren't you like 14? You haven't even graduated high school yet. Your last episode of "Hanna Montana" hasn't aired yet and you "can't be tamed"? Really?! You can't even vote! Really?! Please.

Know who else I hate?

Denise Richards. How I hate this woman. What have you done for us? The only amusing role she ever played was the evil white chick in "Undercover Brother", and even then she just played her own ridiculous stereotype of slutty white bitch that can't go back after she goes black. But seriously, her rise to fame is all due to her marriage to Charlie Sheen, and nothing more. Without him, she'd just be another white girl with an annoying baby face and that looks like she rode the short bus to school. Fortunately for her, people rarely see her face, since they never make it past her funbags.

Kim Kardashian on The Shopping Channel

So I sometimes like to watch The Shopping Channel. It's fun to laugh at the ugly clothes. I also look for good deals on crap I don't need.
Anyway....I was watching this week and guess who's face happened to be there? That's right friends, Kim Kardashian! Kim was on The Shopping Channel trying to sell her new fragrance, Kim Kardashian. (great name by the way) I love when celebrities try to sell their crap on this station. They look so awkward and embarrassed. It's magical. I like how it's described as " the voluptuous new fragrance". Who says that? I also love that they list all the ingredients and add the tag line, "this fragrance captures the many facets of Kim's personality". Hahahaahahahahahahaaaa!

Nice.....very nice

This is Lindsay Lohan stumbling out of a club the same day she went to some booze awareness class. Hey Linds, thanks for putting on some clean boy short......way to class it up.

The Ick Factor

Anywhere else other than Hollywood, this kind of a story would probably put someone in jail. And yet, when it comes to celebrities, this is considered to be exciting news? Why is it acceptable for someone like Justin Bieber to claim that he is dating Kim Kardashian? The kid can probably count his pubes on one hand. Its gross, I know, but let's be honest here. It makes me uncomfortable that she even humors his sickly, puppy dog love. She's in for a big disappointment if she thinks its a good idea to go from Reggie to Justin...her upside down smile is about to frown.

Remember When?

Remember when the Kentucky Derby was for the elite and socially respected? Remember when men used to dress like men? Remember when we didn't have to look at F list celebrities all the time? these are just two of the many pictures floating around the web from this weekend's Kentucky Derby. I'm so tired of seeing these dummies all over my computer and TV. Please go away!

The Real Queen Bitch

For those of you who don't know, this is Joanna Lumley. She is from the iconic show Absolutely Fabulous. Yesterday was her birthday. She is the original Mayor of Skankopolis. She hates politically correct, smokes as often as Betty from Mad Men and drinks as much as, well, me. May a statue be built in her honor! Cheers!

Skankopolis updates - NEW SKANKS!

As loyal readers, you may know that I sometimes get a little overwhelmed with my super jerkish day-to-day activities and don't post for a while...

Well, I came up with a solution to that. I asked 3 of my most fabulous, hilarious friends to join Skankopolis and help me post more often!

The girls will debut this week so give them love and I know you'll love them. They're all fantastic, witty and have very strong opinions about celebrities, fashion, make-up and life overall.

Welcome new Skanks: Anna, Lindsay and Zara!

Britney Spears looks like someone's mom from the early 90's

She IS 2 little people's mom, but still, she's young! She doesn't need to look like this!

Apparently her father (and her conservator for the last couple of years) laid down the law and said she was no longer allowed to leave the house without a bra and was firing the bodyguards who let her.

She's wearing one here but they're not quite...containing her. Those nips are uber powerful.

I'm most disappointed by her constant desire to wear chokers. WHY? And it's like a lace elastic. It's awful.

Almost as awful as that mom haircut...it's got a flip. I'm sure that's all there is of her natural hair, but does it need to be styled like Mary Tyler Moore's was in the 70's?

Bottom half approved.

Gahh

Lindsay Lohan's Tyler Shield's Shoot

This is the tamest of all the photos...it looks like some kind of low budget porn in the rest of them...

Her life is starting to make me sad.

Boo to real life and sadness.

The Super Whore Show - Christina Aguilera's - Not Myself Tonight (Official Unedited)

Um, I will say, her body looks mad tight. Good for her. But, this is a major rip off of many of Madonna's looks and reinventions. Also, wouldn't you be a little ashamed to film that video when you have a toddler at home?