Monday, May 31, 2010
I have only one word to say: AHHHHHHHH!
No wait. 4 more. I'm scared. Hold me.
Ok a few more: I am so scared. So scared. She looks so frightening and horrible and I am sure I am going to have nightmares about this shit.
Oh my god. The horrors.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
She's gorgeous. There's no doubt. But everyone's all over her for not being skinny here.
I think she looks great.
But she didn't have to look great in a column gown. she could have looked great in something sleek and black.
Oh Jessica. Please get some girlfriends.
Please! Girls in LA - HELP JESSICA.
Those are definitely...ampler than her previous chesticles. Go ahead, stare. No one will know.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Though I'm ashamed to admit it, I've been watching this season of The Hills. It's like watching a car accident, especially the Heidi and Spencer stuff.
I'm kind of sad the accusations of drug use didn't continue after the 2nd episode, but Kristen is fun to watch too.
Anyhoo, I made this screen cap last week because Stephanie Pratt's legs freaked me out so much. They are SO GODDAM SKINNY.
I don't get how people get like that. Can someone please tell me?
Last week she went to Cannes to 'promote' the movie she's in where she stars as Linda Lovelace (the porn star). Nice.
She's been in trouble with the courts lately because she hasn't attended any of her alcohol education courses and the judge is having none of that. She's been bitch slapping La Lohan all over the place.
Here is she is rocking the drug bloat right before she left for Cannes (after begging everyone in Hollywood for the money to pay for a flight)
Here she is in Cannes looking like a hot mess. At an earlier event she wore what looked like a self hemmed dress. So ghetto. She was never seen with any real celebrities or money makers, only Euro-trash. So sad.
Then the below photo came out of her partying in Cannes. Note the lines of coke on the table in front of them. Not that anyone is shocked, but Lindsay's reaction was "Oh my god! It's a total set-up!"
This, of course, came a day or so after she was supposed to show up in court and didn't, so a warrant was issued for her arrest. She claimed her passport had been stolen, but that story fell apart when it was revealed that she A) never reported it stolen, B) never applied for another one (even though her celebrity status would have gotten her another one VERY quickly). Just lies and lies and lies.
Don't those people look gross and like she should be hanging out with better people? I mean, that woman's hair is atrocious!
So she finally showed up in court today to be sentenced to wear a SCRAM bracelet at all times, starting tomorrow. To be subjected to random drug testing at least weekly...and some other stuff. Fantastic.
And if she fails to comply with any of these terms - JAIL. No questions asked. She got the toughest judge in LA and then treated the court with no respect and the judge is having none of it. This is going to be fun to watch.
I sat sadly thinking we had lost him forever, but he returned!! Here he is below in 2 photos carrying garment bags and wearing gladiator mandals and what I can only assume was a deep scoop women's t-shirt.
Then we went forward with our original plan, having seen the angel of Douchiness already. Or so we thought.
This rooftop hotel pool opened at 11:30am, by 11:33am all the loungers were taken and we had 2. Fantastic.
Here is is a mere hour later when all the douchebags have woken up from their nights out. Take a close look and see if you can count them all!!!
Please, take a look at this guy's hair. It was like a skunk made love with an early 90's Halloween punk wig. So bad.
So that was Montreal on May 24th...or, Douche Attack 2010. Enjoy!
Please, come someone get her a girlfriend. Someone who will go shopping with her and tell her, "um, Jess, yah, it's a little tight. No, you really shouldn't need pliers to get your zipper closed."
Ashlee Simpson - WHAT IS YOUR ROLE?! We know you're not on Melrose Place anymore, so how 'bout you hook a sister up with some help. Christ.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Open Letter to Michael Lohan
Dearest Michael “Big Mike” Lohan,
No wonder your daughter is such a hot mess. If photos of my father showed up on the Internet in a see-thru mesh shirt, I too would drown my sorrows in Grey Goose. I couldn’t help but notice you have approximately three chins and a turkey gobble in your photo. Perhaps this is an unfortunate side effect caused when you use all your might to strategically flex that bicep of yours? Didn’t your mother tell you that exerting effort like that can cause hemorrhoids? You should really be more careful. Regarding the heinous flammable mesh shirt you’re sporting – that is so circa 1996. Please give that shirt a proper burial along with your glow sticks and Vicks vapor rub inhaler. Oh, one more thing. Please act your age and cover up those nips. They remind me of rotten candy corn soaked in battery acid and butter.
Shalom and God bless,
Anna (Skankopolis contributor)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Or panties in a knot, whatever rings your bell.
While I do understand the point people are making that she isn't from Brooklyn, she did marry Jay-Z who is the New York-iest of anyone. Possibly even the Brooklyn-est. Who knows for sure? Really?
I am more concerned by her hair. WTF is going on there? Is that a double flip back? Is she trying to be Lily Tomlin as Ernestine? Or Aunt Hetty? You Canadians know who I mean. Aunt Hetty kicked some ass in Avonlea.
Seriously. WHAT UP WIT DAT?
I will attempt to break this down logically: Rihanna wears this -> Rihanna likes wedgies -> Rihanna takes it in the bum.
And DONE. Scienced!
2 things, I really can't believe that anyone would sleep with a man who has teeth like that. It's like making love to a human Chiclet. Anyhoo, someone did, against my better judgment and they had a baby.
The baby is cute, or something, it has character in it's face...but the eyes are like his Chiclet toothed papa.
But seriously, doesn't it look like the Bu is getting ready to eat the poor baby.
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Denise Richards. How I hate this woman. What have you done for us? The only amusing role she ever played was the evil white chick in "Undercover Brother", and even then she just played her own ridiculous stereotype of slutty white bitch that can't go back after she goes black. But seriously, her rise to fame is all due to her marriage to Charlie Sheen, and nothing more. Without him, she'd just be another white girl with an annoying baby face and that looks like she rode the short bus to school. Fortunately for her, people rarely see her face, since they never make it past her funbags.
Friday, May 07, 2010
Anyway....I was watching this week and guess who's face happened to be there? That's right friends, Kim Kardashian! Kim was on The Shopping Channel trying to sell her new fragrance, Kim Kardashian. (great name by the way) I love when celebrities try to sell their crap on this station. They look so awkward and embarrassed. It's magical. I like how it's described as " the voluptuous new fragrance". Who says that? I also love that they list all the ingredients and add the tag line, "this fragrance captures the many facets of Kim's personality". Hahahaahahahahahahaaaa!
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Anywhere else other than Hollywood, this kind of a story would probably put someone in jail. And yet, when it comes to celebrities, this is considered to be exciting news? Why is it acceptable for someone like Justin Bieber to claim that he is dating Kim Kardashian? The kid can probably count his pubes on one hand. Its gross, I know, but let's be honest here. It makes me uncomfortable that she even humors his sickly, puppy dog love. She's in for a big disappointment if she thinks its a good idea to go from Reggie to Justin...her upside down smile is about to frown.
Monday, May 03, 2010
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Saturday, May 01, 2010
As loyal readers, you may know that I sometimes get a little overwhelmed with my super jerkish day-to-day activities and don't post for a while...
Well, I came up with a solution to that. I asked 3 of my most fabulous, hilarious friends to join Skankopolis and help me post more often!
The girls will debut this week so give them love and I know you'll love them. They're all fantastic, witty and have very strong opinions about celebrities, fashion, make-up and life overall.
Welcome new Skanks: Anna, Lindsay and Zara!
She IS 2 little people's mom, but still, she's young! She doesn't need to look like this!
Apparently her father (and her conservator for the last couple of years) laid down the law and said she was no longer allowed to leave the house without a bra and was firing the bodyguards who let her.
She's wearing one here but they're not quite...containing her. Those nips are uber powerful.
I'm most disappointed by her constant desire to wear chokers. WHY? And it's like a lace elastic. It's awful.
Almost as awful as that mom haircut...it's got a flip. I'm sure that's all there is of her natural hair, but does it need to be styled like Mary Tyler Moore's was in the 70's?
Bottom half approved.