Beyonce:
Word is that B was very coy all evening and wouldn't speak to the press. Obviously, everyone is wondering whether she married Jay-Z a month ago. Personally, I don't care. It's a month old already! I'm bored by their silence. She ruined her wedding for me.
She looks really beautiful - the color is so lovely and soft, and I'm not a huge fan of pink. I have only one problem with her: WTF is up with her hair? It looks like how I do my hair to clean the apartment...and the roots! Yikes-a-roonie.
Blake Lively:
I'm just going to say that I really don't think it's fair that this girl gets to wear the clothes she wears. It's really, really not fair. Her wardrobe on 'Gossip Girl' is unbelievable and this dress is stunning. I can't deny that she's pretty, but I find her looks a little to generic American. Again, boring.
Christina Ricci:
Ok, so the theme of the evening was superhero's. I didn't really see that on anyone except CR. She had balls enough to put a superhero-type onesie below her curtain dress. She's much, much too thin, but there's something really stunning about her features. She's so symmetrical and lovely to look at.
I mentioned above that I don't care for pink. This is why. This is pink done wrong. Bubblegum style.
Claudia Schiffer:
Remember when she was IT? I know this is mean, but once she closes her mouth and hides those ginormous chompers, I think she still could be it. She and Cindy Crawford haven't aged at all in about 12 years. It's crazy.
The dress is kind of blah. It looks like the blue, frilly version of the pink one Gwyneth wore for the Oscars so long ago. The color does nothing for her. What superhero is she? The ice guy from 'The Incredibles'?
Diane Kruger:
Damn! Nice legs! I don't like the dress at all, I find it too contrived, but the length really sells it. The hair is much too austere for the fun hemline and shoes, but whatever. Who is she even? She went from playing Helen in 'Troy' with Brad Pitt to being Nicolas Cage's wife in 'National Treasure'. At least she's dating Pacey.
Dita von Teese:
My she is lily-white. Seriously. She is rocking a pallor not seen since the rice-flour days of the geishas. Ha ha, like I'm some historian. I find her face potato-like, is it just me? She has a puffy, rounded jawline. I'm not saying her features aren't beautiful, because she is strikingly so, but she def has potato-jaw.
I find that dress offensively over-the-top and I don't feel like she should be allowed to wear white. Just like I can't wear a white bikini because I'm too pale, it's off putting (and gross).
Emmy Rossum:
I do not know who this girl is, but I continually put her in these things because she's constantly there. Who is she? Why is she wearing a JC Penney prom dress to this event? Why didn't she do her hair or make-up? Is she a dental work model?
Eva Longoria:
As usual, totally over the top, but annoyingly gorgeous. She knows how to dress her tiny frame and her hair and make-up people know how to emphasize her beauty. That dress looks my cat got to it after a romp in the catnip, but whatever. I like purple.
Eva Mendes:
Fresh out of rehab, here is my favorite funny (not farty) girl! I've said many times that she reminds me of my best friend because she's fun, loud and curvy. Love my best friend, and Eva. Love her CK dress. She's their new spokesperson, so I'm assuming that it's Calvin, but it should be. No one cuts clean lines like that.
Elvira Fergie:
I don't even want to talk about this too much, because I feel it's giving too much attention to a horrible thing. Similar to my thinking on P Hil. It's no good. The dress is way, way too severe, her make-up is even more severe and her hair is bad. It's a not hot mess and if she didn't have such a killer bod it would be an outright disaster.
Gisele Bundchen & Tom Brady:
Could Tom Brady look more awkward? Fashion is not for a lot of jocks. Apparently really not for Tommy boy. It's really hard to say anything bad about Giselle Bundchen because she is basically a goddess walking among us. The only thing I can say about that dress is that it's a little sluttier than I would have expected for that event. That and it's wrinkly all over the skirt.
Damn she's pretty.
Hilary Duff:
Um, why is that dress so unbelievably hideous? It looks like someone bedazzled a giant feather and made it into a tube dress. Yeesh. It's too much, and it must weigh a ton too. Those earrings are a little too forced for me too, but she looks really good otherwise. She looks like she's actually eaten in the past few weeks, which is not something we can say for everyone invited *cough* Kate Bosworth.
Ivanka Trump:
Oh, what a charmed life she leads. Considering the kick-ass bod she has, that dress is really not doing anything for her...I am not sure I want to get into the diamond belly chain as forehead jewelry because I'm nervous I will get violently angry and then I turn green and rip my shirt off. I'm at work. Not really appropriate.
Jennifer Lopez:
Thanks heavens I found a pic of her without her vampire husband. He looked like death walking. It was very disturbing. Almost as disturbing as her dress. I'm sure the hotel manager of the hotel where she stole those ballroom curtains is really annoyed that la Lopez Diva'd his curtains for use as a dress. She better return them. They have one nude window now.
But seriously. That dress is doing nothing for her, it adds pounds, washes her out and oh my god can she stop wearing so much goddamn sparkly make-up and fake lashes. I'm over it.
Karolina Kurkova:
She is the least pretty of all the Victoria's Secret, but that does not take away from her kicking bod. The dress and the Wonder Woman type cuff are really rocking my world. I love it. It's sleek, it's Grecian and it's superhero all wrapped up into one look. Well done. I'm extremely impressed.
Kate "Quizno's" Bosworth:
I am suffering from a stroke from the dress, but am salivating over the shoes. Or the stroke, not fully sure. LOVE the shoes. They're stunning. I wonder though, aloud - as always, if one's feet would sweat with those clear bands...? My feet sweat if you look at them...wow. I'm hot.
Love the shoes. Hate the hair. Love the make-up. Hate the dress.
Katie Holmes:
So, thanks to Oprah, Americans like Tom Cruise again. I think. I haven't read the latest crop poll as I've been distracted by things that matter, like clothing, Myanmar and Kate Bosworth's shoes. Katie, herself, is beautiful, but this tomato red creation with the blue shoes is no good. I don't like the length, looks like it was tailored for Tom; don't like the strange eye make-up; don't like the greasy skin...don't like her husband. Ha ha. No, seriously. It's not a good look.
Liv Tyler:
People announced yesterday that Liv and her hubby have decided to call it quits after 5 years of marriage and one son. Too bad. I wonder if this was secretly her coming out party. If I were her, I think I would have worn something sluttier, but I am immoral and wrong. Also, break-ups used to make me dress trampy. Thank god my hubby-to-be has made me into a better person.
Michelle Monaghan:
I will not see 'Made of Honour', same as I didn't see, 'Serendipity' and any of those other garbage romantic "comedies" (oh, ha ha! Someone fell down! HILARIOUS and ambitious comedy!). I prefer more obvious, stupid humour like 'The Office' (BBC or NBC) or 'Arrested Development' ('her?'). I've lost my train of thought.
Oh yah, the girl: I want her hair. It's so GD shiny. I'm not nutso about the dress, but she pulls it off and her look really flows, so I like it.
Michelle Trachtenberg:
Thank god someone in my high school had that last name, or I never would have been able to spell it. My brain is running out of steam. I don't really like this girl, her hair or her outfit, I'm more in love with the shot with the other camera's flash going off in the background. She's really rocking that pose though.
Mischa Barton:
Mere days after being shown sunbathing topless and then walking away with a very, very unflattering shot of her behind, here's Mischa wearing one of the ugliest dresses I have ever seen. Seriously. This is almost as ugly as some of the fugly things Celine Dion wears. God.
Just shows what make-up (and clothes covering bums & thighs) can do for someone, because she is very pretty, but just dressed really badly. That's fug.
Molly Sims:
I don't know why I dislike this woman so much. It's totally unfounded. She's really pretty though. I really like the dress (would never be able to pull it off, love handles do not fit into dresses like that) and I love her earrings. They're perfect.
Rachel Bilson & Hayden Christensen:
I am loathe to dislike this man because he's Canadian, but he's such a terrible actor that I can't like him. Have you seen 'Jumper'? Oh my god it's terrible. I find her bangs a little heavy still (as I mentioned here) but she's so pretty, I don't care. I love her. I don't love her dress, but I'm going to pretend she's not wearing something that boring, so it's easier for me.
Sarah Michelle Gellar:
Where's Freddy? Why can't he call himself Fred? Is her dress unzipped on the side? What is the appeal of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'? I have never watched it - is it good? So many questions!
I like her, against my better judgement. She's cute and she doesn't dress like a tool, most of the time. That dress is nice except for the possible unzipping issue.
Sarah Silverman:
Oh how droll! What a clown. Seriously though, I hate what she's wearing, but she obivously doesn't care and is taking this very tongue in cheek, so good for her. Plus, she's f*$%ing Matt Damon.
Scarlet Johansen & Dolce & Gabbana:
The day of this event ScarJo and Ryan Reynolds announced their engagement. Imagine the sexy babies that would come out of those two? Wowee.
If you look closely you can see the ring. Although she wouldn't talk to the press that night, she did make sure her left hand was visible.
She's also releasing an album soon...I heard one track and fell asleep during it. It was fantastic. Maybe the rest of the album rocks.
Thandie Newton:
WOW! She's so gorgeous! Dress is hot (although I could do without the brooch at the belt), shoes are incredibly fantastic (and I want to steal them). Wow. Am stunned quiet.
Zhang Ziyi:
This woman is unbelievably beautiful. So totally stunning. Love her. She's so graceful and beautiful and the best part is that she's also a total marial arts bad-ass. I wish I was a bad-ass. I'm more of a lazy-ass. Or a bitch. Well, both. Let's be honest.
She tends to favor the more formal ball-gowns for events, and although I'm not crazy about it, I'm not going to say that because I'm scared she'll break my arm.
[Pic source: Egotastic]
2 comments:
your blog is fucking awesome. this is the first time my obsession with the word skank has brought something new and good into my life.
I love you and all your skanky wisdom
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