My favourite Pics: 4th edition

Some people might still remember David Guest, who Liza Minelli married and then beat down. Hil-ARIOUS!

Anyhoo, I thought I'd add this lovely photo of him to My Favourite Pics, because his face is just so gross, and his expression here so ridiculous. Not to mention, I have no clue what he's doing, but I'm sure it would gross us all out if we knew.

How does someone's face GET like that?

Welcome, David, to My Favourite Pics.

Ellen & Portia: Cute Couple

How cute are they with their matching zip-accented pants?

I like them.

Britney: Yikes!

Brit went out last week looking like quite a mess. Although I've always been a fan of her dark hair and furry animals, I don't really like this outfit.

I have no words...it's just too bad.

Please, someone tell her that I will dress her for a very slight fee. Tell her to call me.

Jennifer Tilly, the worst Tilly

What is wrong with this woman? Why would she think a dress like this is ok for ANY occasion?

Fashion Tip: when your Saran-Wrap clothing shows off less than flattering rolls on your torso, TAKE IT OFF AND DON'T WEAR SOMETHING YOU COULD STORE LUNCH MEAT IN!

She has a hot body, but that doesn't mean you need little, sticky windows to see it through.

Good lord in heaven. What's next?

Why I hate Mischa Barton: reason 1,247,835

These highwaisted, blouson, pleated, short shorts! Not to mention the nude coloured suede boots. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I can't look at this picture anymore, it's burning a hole in my brain.

Oh my god, that facial expression makes me want to punch her face.

Teri Hatcher: not real or spectacular

I would just like to go on record to say that I have seen Teri Hatcher's breasts, in some really bad movie from the mid 90's, and her breasts are not spectacular at all.

Let's move onto her face, because I fear the nausea will overcome me if we don't.

What is wrong with her? I realize this was a White House party, and Sanjaya was invited, but does that mean she needs to look like a 95 year-old woman? What is with that hair? That sequin stole? Yikes!

For someone who has had extensive plastic surgery, she should look better.

I mean, there are ways to look conservative without looking like someone's Nana. Look at Jennifer Aniston, she looks classy but young all the time.

Teri Hatcher is gross.

Is Suri cross-eyed?

I'm not going to deny that she is cute, but the large, ball-shaped head and the cross-eyes are telling me that she may not be the sharpest crayon in the box.

What do you think?

I think someone got some of mommy Stroke-face's characteristics and daddy's brain power.

Cat Massage

This is funny shit. Enjoy!

My sister has never seen DICK IN A BOX!

I cannot believe my sister hasn't seen this! I have made it my pledge in life to make it available to her in any way she needs!

Allure Magazine features nude celebrities

Ok, not totally nude, and not many celebrities that I care about, but here are two.

Vanessa Williams, whom everyone saw nude in the 80's and Carla Gugino, whom everyone saw nude in 'Sin City' are featured in the article.

Let's make fun of the nude pictures...I was just wondering if Carla had been fishing lately, because there is really no other explanation for the nets, otherwise.

Vanessa Williams is obviously a very hot lady, but her facial expression here frightens me more than anything. She looks very shocked to have mounted a log like that.

The Landlord

Will Ferrell is really fantastic. I love the landlord. I wish mine was that coherent and attentive.

Amy Winehouse sounds nice, but looks gross

I like Amy Winehouse's music. I find it interesting.

I do not, however, find her face interesting. I find it icky. I am also EXTREMELY annoyed by her eyeliner, and I feel that I must put it on the BANE LIST. We'll see though, because that seems really frivolous.

This pic of her comes from a series where the pappies actually took so many pics that you can see her inhaling her gum and choking. It's great. Hee hee.

I decided not to show the choking though...I wanted to concentrate on the eyeliner. Lord that is gross.

Nicole Richie healthy again?

This woman see-saws back and forth so much I want to slap her silly. Here she is walking with Joel Madden, Hilary Duff's cast-off, and look how quasi healthy she looks! Her thighs are almost touching!!

What a disgusting fat pig.

Ha ha, totally kidding of course, but I got you for a sec, didn't I?

I like her dress.

Asslee Simpson - homeless?

I'm all for doing dressed-down. But Asslee Simpson and her gross boyfriend Pete Wentz look like they should be fishing through a dumpster behind the A&P. What the hell?

Is Mugatu's vision of Derelicte finally coming true?

Seriously, they make too much money to be excused walking around like that. At least throw some gold trim on it.

And considering how thin she is, she really looks rotten in those skinny jeans.

Posh's breasts are definitely real

Ha ha! That's a joke.

I do not care for her Minnie Mouse birthday outfit.

My lord those breasts are bad. I hope she gets new ones when they move to LA.

Ali Larter nearly shows her nether-regions

The thing that grosses me out the most about these photos is the fact that she realizes her short dress/no undies combination could be a bad sitch for the car seats, so SHE'S SITTING ON HER JACKET. That is really nasty.

She looks really out of it though. Yikes.

Kudos to her for keeping it a close one and not a full blown flash.

[Pic Source: The wonderful Socialite's Life]

Jessica Simpson's having a bad week

I never thought that I would say this, but I think Jessica Simpson may actually be better off with John Mayer than Ken Paves. I mean, John goes on tour and she starts dressing like a whore, then a clown...it's really not a good thing. Let's take a look.

First she went out with her areolas hanging out of her top. This is obviously one of those 'girls' night out let's dress like whores' outfits. Well, at least we haven't seen her nether region. We can't say that for a lot of the gals out there.


Then she went out wearing these insanely fug high-waisted jeans. I am fully aware that high-waisted jeans are back, but this is really done the wrong way! They should be dark, because that's more slimming and less diaper-esque. They should not have gathered bellow pockets at the hips, further increasing the diaper-esque-ness, and they should not be worn with a turtleneck and no bra!

Ahhh! Bad week Jess, bad week! I can't believe she used to hold a spot on the goddess list. I dare say I am ashamed.

Tara Reid looks slightly less trashy than normal

Tara Reid showed up at the GLAAD awards (also the place of the below boob stare-age) looking like less of a mess than usual.

Hope she can keep it up. She should know that the entire celebrity gossip world is waiting for her to screw up again.

How cute are they?

I know that there have been rumours about Jake Gyllenhall and Jennifer Aniston floating around for a while, but I'm loving seeing it manifested physically.

Very nice. They would have cute, dimply babies.

I love that he's looking down her top. It's sexalicious.

Taco Town - this is pukalicious

Wow. I was so into this until the pizza step.

Mmmm. Tacos. I want a tote bag filled with vegetarian chilli

Hurray! Victoria's Secret truths!

Sometimes, when I look at Victoria's Secret models I feel like less of a woman. Now that I have seen that they too must wear chicken cutlets in order to have ample bosoms, I am happy.


Here are some pics of Karolina Kurkova at a recent VS photo shoot. I don't really understand the nude thong under the lace undies, but I'm sure there's a good reason.


Hurray for real women without airbrushes!

My Favourite Pics: 3rd edition

There is something so hilarious about this photo that I felt it must be added to this list. They are so joyous, but it also looks like they could be watching a plane fall from the sky.

Knowing Jake Gyllenhall he's probably looking up some tall basketball player's shorts.

Steven Tyler's Chiquita Banana

I didn't think there was much to add to the list of things that I wished I'd never seen. Apparently there are.

I never, ever wanted to see Steven Tyler's penis. In fact, I wasn't sure if I even wanted to post this...but then again, how can you not post celebrity genitals? Unless, of course, they are Paris Hilton's and you fear getting herpes just from seeing them.

Take a look. Click on the pic for the uncensored (NSFW) version

Jack Black is hilarious

How funny is Jack Black? He is the kind of celebrity that I wish would come over and be my friend.

Ok, I don't know why I'm lying. I want all celebrities (NOT YOU TOM CRUISE) to come over and be my friend.

JUST NOT TOM CRUISE!

Jessica returns to her gay!

I'm so happy! It is so nice to finally see Jess back with the man she should be with. John Mayer is ok and stuff, but no one beats Ken Paves. He is a genius hairdresser.

Is this a weird picture, or what? He's all grabbing at her and looking gaunt.

Why is she such a slob? It really pisses me off.

Christina Aguilera needs to wear less make-up

Oh my god, someone needs to wrestle this girl down and steal her powder, because she wears too much f-ing make-up!!! Look at her face! It's so even and dull.

She's so cute keeping her pipes warm with that scarf. What the hell does she need them warm for? I heard that the New York crowd was super pissed because she lip-synced half the show.

I heard she was awesome here in Montreal.

Tiffani Amber Thiessen looks reallly scared

She looks alarmed, but I really can't blame her. I am alarmed by those stripey things and I'm not even there!

Is it just me or did the one on the left totally model her cheek bones on Tiffani A T's? Coincidence? I think not...

Seriously, it's nice to see this girl out and about. She was awesome on 90210. Damn, I miss that show. That was some excellent, crappy drama.

Rosario Dawson is pretty hot

I can kind of see why my hubby-to-be loves Rosario Dawson now. She's hot! She kind of has a strange face, but she's wrapped in bullets! That's hot!

Oh, and Rose McGowan's no slouch either.

Nice cover RS. Very nice.

I can't wait to see this movie!!!

GRINDHOUSE!!!

Reality TV sucks: proof

As most of you know by now, I won't post pictures of the Parasite because I feel that she is only in the public eye because people insist on validating her existence.

If all bloggers would take one week off of posting about her, she would probably be forgotten.

Anyhoo - Gallery of the Absurd has made another genius artwork. This time a mock poster of the upcoming Simple Life season. I think my favourite part is Brandon Davis. I love his Elvis tits.

Lindsay Lohan - I still don't like her

How did I not ever notice her double-chin? Was I blinded by my obsession with her?

Oh my lord. Where did she get those boots? They're so vile. Oooh! She's so hardcore with her all-black outfit.

Kate Beckinsale ???

I don't want to depress anyone, but I found some horrible pictures of Kate Beckinsale...dyed blonde!

I have been sitting on them for days because I couldn't post them, but I can't ignore it any longer.

She has only done it for a role, so lets hope that she goes back immediately after, but I don't think that I want to watch this movie, 'Winged Creatures'...mind you, she is still really beautiful.

Can we forgive her? Take a look and let me know what you think...

Courtney Cox's Lips - FINALLY

You have got to love the inter-web, or whatever we're calling this business. It's fantastic. Kidding, of course. Not in the loving, but the mis-naming.

A lovely website, goodplasticsurgery.com has brought attention to Courtney Cox's faux-lips. Finally!

Although the website lacks in aesthetic properties, it does validate my point, which I find to be fabulous.

Seriously, look at it. Tell me what you think!

Chloe Sevigny: Fashion Icon my ass

I don't want to hear it one more time. 'It Girl', 'Fashion Icon', whatever people want to call her. Those of you who know me, and Skankopolis, know that Chloe Sevigny sends chills down my spine.Going to the local Trading Post (props to Valois) and picking up a ruched gown is not fashion. Not matching does not equal fashion sense. It's visual impairment.

If anyone of you runs into her, please tell her that I think she's an idiot. With ugly clothes. Yah! That'll tell her.

Should we add her to the Bane List? I'm leaning toward yes...

Bad Cleavage: A photo essay

So, Hilary Duff pretty much has the worst case of ass-cleavage I have ever seen here. I mean, I am not gifted in the bustal region, but I don't wear outfits like this. Go with what you have, woman! Don't try to show off a rusty old truck with flat tires, show your...I can't figure out a matching analogy for skinny legs.

Whatever. Ew.

Courtney Love is really gross

Just when you thought it couldn't get more nauseating, some photographer has made enough money from the 1st round of pics to sit there and take more, so we have to see her in a bikini more.

That's some abdominal area.

Seriously. Is anyone else going to throw up and/or go buy a bulldog?

American Idol...Sanjaya?

Say what you will, but I refuse to watch 'American Idol.' The premise alone gives me a migraine. How is it possible to find more than one IDOL a year? That's retarded.

Anyhoo, since he's the talk of the net (I am attempting to bring back some old sayings, what do you think?), I decided I must talk about him.

Mostly I would like to discuss the fact that he sucks and I want to punch him in the face. There. The ball is in your court now.

Is Violet Affleck a mutant?

I had to ask my hubby-to-be, the (handsome) comic geek, but it turns out that neither Daredevil or Electra were mutants, so I am not 100% clear on why Violet Affleck is growing so fast.

Look at those legs!!! What is Jennifer Garner feeding her? What is with Ben Affleck's genes? I know he looks lanky, but this baby is, like, 4 feet tall.

Wow.

Also, is that a giant booger hanging from her nose?

My Humps - The Angst Version

This is the most ridiculous thing. I hope that Ryan Reynolds feels bad for dumping her. Look how much her life has gone downhill...

Two ladies I hate: Gwyneth & Nicole

What a week! They have both been seen out in public and there are photos! Which means, as you all know, that I will make fun!

Hurray!

Gwyneth, Gwyneth, Gwyneth, you are horrid.

I will start with the jeans, because they are the most glaringly obvious part of your outfit. Although you are thin from your macrobiotic diet, you are still mildly pear-shaped and wearing such a skinny jeans is not doing anything for you. Especially with the alarmingly cropped ruffled Mozart-style top.

What are you going to do? Compose a fugue? A Greek sandal fugue? Gahh! What a terrible combo. And can you EVER do your hair? You're so lazy! It's always super straight and droopy. God woman, put in a hot roller or two.

Nicole Kidman, I hate you. I hate your girly husband and his flat-ironed hair, I hate his undone shirt and I hate your weird hands.

I hate your hair even more. I don't have a whole lot to say about the outfit because I cant' really see it, but I can talk about that crying-out-for-V-05 fried mess atop her head. What the hell?? Maybe if you didn't bleach the crap out of it trying to be blonde you wouldn't have that bird's nest atop your head.

Woman, you have gorgeous Raphaelite curls, why in the H would you brush them out into a helmet like that? Gahhhhhhhhhh!

Millions of dollars and these fools look like this. THE UNIVERSE HAS GONE WRONG!!!

Dirt - Courteney and Jennifer kiss!

Can we please discuss what is happening to Courtney Cox's upper lip? I don't know how no one else has ever talked about this, but I noticed it on the last season of Friends, and I think it's impossible to ignore here. Tell me what you think...

Matthew McConaughey is kinda gross but still hot

It's been a while since I posted about MM. He has been keeping a low profile, and apparently not showering, but I still have a not-at-all-secret love for him.

Sure, he looks like he needs to be showered with scalding hot water and lye, but he's just so cute about it. I really wish he would cut that mop top though. Ick.

I don't know who that bitch is with him but I'm going to cut her.

Petra & James: Over

Ok, I don't have a whole lot to say about this, because I don't really care, but I was thinking that maybe she finally listened to his intensely crappy music...

If I had to lie in bed next to the man that sang in that horrifying voice I would jam a screwdriver into my ears until I could no longer hear his high-pitched squeak.

Also, I would wear one of those sleeping masks, because he's not exactly the hottest.

There is one man who can pull off a falsetto right now, and that is Justin Timberlake.

Congratulations Petra.

Let's not talk about the fact that he's been seen around Hollywood with Lohan...that's just terrible.

Hayden Pannetiere, I want to love you

Ok, I used to joke that I had no idea who this girl was, but I do, I really do. My hubby-to-be and I love Heroes. Maybe she's not my favourite character, but the show seems to based on her, so I'll suck it up.

Either way. I love her hair. I covet her hair. But oh my god, who is dressing this girl?

That glittery dish towel is really not doing anything for her, the extra square neckline, the backlessness...oh my. And to pair it with almost the exact shade of blue denim and then BLACK boots? Ahhhh! Tears in my eyes!

I want so much to love this girl, but she is trying to push me away with her terrible fashion.