MTV Movie Awards

So, unfortunately, JT didn't show up and there was no cat fight between Jessica Biel and Cameron 'the man' Diaz. It's really a pity, because I was really hoping Biel would mess her up. We can, however, say that Diaz wore the shortest skirt of all time to try to beat out Biel on hotness, but lots 'o' leg doesn't make up for a fug-ass face.

Do you like how I was calling them by their last names as if I was some kind of sportscaster?

Let's make fun of people's clothes, because, really, that's what we do best:

Jessica Alba:
Yawn. Honestly. It bores me. I know she's trying to class up her image and become an actress, but lady, stick with what you got: a hot bod. This weird drapey dress and those old lady looking shoes aren't doing anything for you. Also, I'm getting mad tired of that wispy hair look.


Jessica Biel:
This kind of looks like she forgot to wear pants. It's not really a dress and it's not really a top, so it's just kind of stupid. I like those ball thingys though...at least it's something different. I still am sad a cat fight didn't happen though...I think she would have torn Cammie to shreds.


Amanda Bynes:
Due to the lack of REAL celebrities, I had to put up a picture of this wank. I do not like the shoes, too austere for such a fun event. And that faux tan is brutal. She looks like someone should plop a dollop of sour cream on her and serve her up with a steak. Boo. That necklace is a little much too. COME ON.


Cameron Diaz:
Wow, Cam, why don't you try harder next time? 'I must outshine Jessica Biel, I just have to. Oooh, look at this pillow sham! Wouldn't that make an enchanting mini-dress?' No. No, it wouldn't. Granted she has fantastic stems, but that is the fugliest face seen in ages. Did she even put any make-up on? Gahhhhh!


Fergie:
Ok, we get it, mini-dresses are hot. Bla bla bla, leg. I'm over it. Can she do something different with her hair? It always looks as if she's just come off a 3-day meth bender. That purse is stupid too. I'm sure she lost it 18 times that night.


Eva Mendes:
This woman reminds me of my gorge best friend. Ethnic, gorgeous, buxom and funny. I like her for that reason only. And although I'm not crazy about the maxi dress, I can live with it, because she did it right. She wore it for a casual event and she's added height with a crazy wedge sandal. The yellow bag goes with nothing and looks more like a weekend bag than a purse, but she's still cute.


Mandy Moore:
You are the poor man's version of Jessica Alba. And your dress is very formal-Christmas-party. Also, stupid shoes.


Posh Spice / Victoria Beckham:
Yes, she's the tackiest person alive, but she does it with FLAIR! Most would have just left it at the zebra dress, but she adds a hideous fluorescent pink bra and horrible silver pumps. Of course, this is all atop her ridiculous tan and extremely blond hair. Not to mention the mega-implants. You gotta love her. Ok, only I do, but I do. I really, really do.



Rhianna:
This girl is really beautiful, but she has gone and messed herself up! That bob is disgusting, I hate it so much that I wish it was a Jessica Simpson wig instead...and that dress! Oh the horror! Someone please save me from that over-patterned, cut too-low in too many places mess! It's really bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. She will learn though. She has too. She's too young to sink this fast.