We don't like Carrie Underwood. Ok. I'm pretending like Skankopolis is some kind of group or something. It's not. It's me. And I hate Carrie Underwood.
She is awful. Really awful. Like, such a sourpuss and seems like a real bitch.
Anyhoo, it was the CMA's this week and she wore 9 annoying outfits. Shall we?
Ugh, the red carpet one. Complete with drapes from my grandmother's fancy guest bathroom, with the colored toilet paper. Wait. Are those shorts? I don't know what is going on right now.
I do know that her bangs are quite something.
Oh, the mullet dress. I honestly have no complaint about them, if they're done right. But this is not done right. This looks like she ate an unfortunate amount of bubble gum and had an equally unfortunate gas issue afterward. During the process she was so ashamed of her gum flatulence that she fashioned a garment out of it in order to rush as quickly as possible to the hospital to attend to her new bubble butt.
There are just too many things going on here and none of them work.
Just. No.
What in the hunting shack hell is going on here? WHAT IS THIS ATROCITY? It looks like a weird middle aged single man's apartment vomited on her. And then added a zipper. No. This is wrong.
Ok, but really, who designed this? They should have their sewing machine taken away.
This horrible thing made her legs look fat. Her legs are NOT fat.
And those booties with the shorts? Trunk legs. On someone with AMAZING legs.
This outfit is sponsored by Glenda the Good Witch's closet, where she obviously stole this frock from.
Who is her stylist? They need to be arrested. By the Lollipop Guild.
I'm not smart at everything, but I am pretty smart at not wearing two peplums at once. When in doubt, always one or fewer peplums. Mostly because I'm over peplums. But also because that's a lot of your body looking like a flower in bloom. Oh, and those sheer parts are the worst.
The expression on her face is correct. Mine would reflect a good deal more horror, but hers is good enough. It seems like she just saw herself in the monitors and she is thinking, "omg. I am wearing this on TV."
But it wasn't over. Then she wore these pants, also from my grandmother's decor. I believe this was the upholstery on her patio chairs. You know, for fanciness.
For someone with such a great figure, she really has no idea how to dress. She is making herself look big and frumpy.
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