Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year!


I know I'm early, but I'm planning to get sauced later, so I have to send this before I lose the ability to form sentences! Woo!

I wish all of you a happy and healthy new year with lots of ham cookies! Gross. I hope that doesn't really exist.

Does Zahara have a five-head or what???


She's a baby, I know, but I'm pretty sure she has a five-head. I know it's mean, but I really want to laugh.

Hee hee, five head! Oh, and Angie makes me want to barf.

Josh Duhamel Proposed to Fergie's Abs


Well, I'm sure that's the only part of her he can look at. It's not like he's looking into her meth face while he's doing it. Give me a break.

Either way, those 2 dillholes got engaged. I would have shown a picture of her ring, but then it's a close-up near her smiling meth face, so I instead opted for a far away picture of her wearing a dress I like.

It's slightly muu-muu ish, but I like it. Definitely more than I like her face.

Britney's year

I really feel like it was Britney's year this year. Unless she ups the antics quite a bit there's no way she's going to top last year. Here are some suggestions from me to top last year:
  • Chop off a limb
  • Bestiality porn
  • Become a nun
  • Sex change!
If she wanted to go against the grain she could just show up to her deposition scheduled in early January, stop driving like a tard, stop drinking so many frappucino's, wear pants, and be a good mother. Also, hiring me as an image consultant would be a good move.

Anyhoo, here's a pic of Britney this past weekend buying up her CD from the Virgin Megastore. Enjoy y'all and have a Cheeto 2008 (that's from her)

X-tina's pregnancy


I don't really care about Christina Aguilera being preggo but it gives me something to write about because her make-up is so heinous.

What color is that lipstick? It's vile. Also, I'm so fucking over people wearing baby pink. It drives me insane. Anyway, I hope she learns that she's a beautiful girl and stops wearing so much face spackle...it's annoying to me. I'm sure she cares if she annoys me. Right?

Mischa Barton is apparently stupider than she looks


As I'm sure you all know, I hate Mischa Barton. She is on my bane list. I hate her like I hate asparagus. Did you know I didn't like asparagus? Well, you do now.

This is why I was able to delight in the news that Mischa was arrested for DUI (I'm seeing a trend here) this past weekend. To my utter excitement she was also found with weed and prescription pills not meant for her! Bwa ha ha! Brilliant.

Bitch has done shit all since being on the OC and I'm loving that her chosen publicity stunt is this. Brilliant. For me, I mean.

Was 2007 the year of the DUI? It looks to me like it might have been, although I maintain that the Skank Extraordinaire Lindsay Lohan's was the best one. The tree really topped it all.

Anyway, enjoy a photo of Mischa smoking a joint for your new year's gift. FanTAStic.

Oh Topenga! Danielle Fishel gets in trouble!


Remember 'Boy Meets World'? I loved that show. I had such a crush on the guy who played Shawn...his name was RIDER STRONG! Ha ha ha ha. Oh my god. I feel like more of an idiot than when I found out that my boyfriend in grade 6 wore his mother's shoes because they fit. God.

Anyhoo, Topenga (actual name Danielle Fishel) got arrested last week for a DUI! How could she! I don't want to type-cast her - actually I don't care -but I totally pictured her as a little prude, like she was on the show.

If this photo is any indication, she may actually be a linebacker. Holy crap. Look at that upper body!

DUI's are funny. To me, the celebrities deserve to get arrested and put in jail because they can totally afford to either take a cab or hire a driver. While saving for a wedding I may have some problems paying for a cab, but I still do it, because A) cab drivers are generally hilarious conversationalists and B) I'm not a total moron.

Chuck & Georges - My guys!

So this is super random, but I happen to enjoy watching UFC and there was an amazing Pay Per View on Saturday night.

My two very favorite fighters won their fights:

Chuck Liddell vs Wanderlei Silva My part-time boyfriend (oh my god I wish) Chuck won this match, and it was super exciting because he had lost his last 2 matches and some people were starting to lose their faith in him. Idiots. As I knew he would, he triumphed over his long-time rival from Pride FC. He is wonderful and dead sexy, as you can see.


Georges St-Pierre vs Matt Hughes
Matt Hughes is one of those guys you know what a total stuck up jock prick in high school. He was an all American wrestler and Georges (who is from Montreal) kicked his pale white ass. Georges is an incredible athlete and he blew everyone away despite only having a month to train for this fight. I am proud to be a Montrealer this week because of him! As an added bonus, he's not too bad to look at either!

Um, excuse me but... I think Tara Reid might look acceptable


Slap me silly! Bitch looks ok! I don't know if she got her lipo job fixed or something, but she looks a hell of a lot better than she used to.

She's insanely (probably dangerously) skinny, but I don't hate it. She's pulling it off, and to be honest, I wouldn't complain if I looked like that.

I feel drunk. Did someone spike my coffee? I think I just complimented Tara Reid. Ohh, so dizzy...

Wait! I feel better - LOOK AT HER HAIR! It's straw-like and ugly!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Um, Hugh Jackman?

So, I USED to think that Hugh Jackman was the hotness, then I saw this photo.

What in the hell is this man wearing? It amazes me that he still allows himself to be seen in outfits like this when so many people say he's gay. Actually, now that I think of it, maybe this is his defense mechanism...dress like a stupid hetero to get the bloodhounds off the trail. Hmm, smart AND ripped?

Oh my god. That is rough. You may have cut off the sleeves, but that shirt is clearly from the Sears ladies section.

Oh Mariah, your cheese is so plentiful


It doesn't surprise me that I find this lovely picture of Mariah Carey sucking it in the week of Christmas...it's one of jesus' miracles that this woman isn't dead yet from one of her 'help' killing her.

Or from that too-small dress strangling her. Yikes.

GET HER!


You know I don't like to post about this whore, but I wanted so badly for the parrot to peck out her eyes and kill her that I couldn't help it.

I would also like the parrot to take that bathing suit back to hell where it belongs, but not in a way that would show us her naked body. He could take her with it.

God this woman burns my soul.

Oh Spears Family...

I don't want to waste time recapping Britney's madness over the past few months I've been gone, I will however refer you to DListed for a reading of MK's Britney posts over the past months:

I do want to talk about Jamie Lynn though. WTF? If their mother hasn't already started to drink heavily, I suggest she start now. Things are only going to get worse. Those two hillbilly daughters are going to drive that woman to the end, quickly.

Enjoy this video:

Lindsay Lohan: Skank Extraordinaire


Can we PLEASE with the leggings? I haven't seen this girl in pants since Mean Girls. Seriously, didn't she get the memo about wide leg jeans?

Faaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccck!

Pamela Anderson - the worst


I wasn't around for the wedding, where she wore shorts (I'm going to see a dressmaker today, don't worry, I won't wear formal shorts to my wedding)...or to comment on the fact that she and that douche Rick Soloman apparently live apart...or to talk about the fact that she filed for divorce last week, only to snatch the filing back because of some apparently love triangle with Criss Angel.

If I may, I LOATHE Criss Angel. I hate that he spells his name 'Criss', I hate that he calls himself 'Mindfreak' and I hate his flat-ironed hair. It blows my mind that this man has been in the middle of so many Hollywood relationships...well, really that he's reportedly slept with so many not-so-ugly startlets (Cam the man, Britney, etc).

WHO FINDS HIM ATTRACTIVE? Is this one of his illusions? Does he trick the person into picturing someone hot? Gahh!

PS Pammy - marriage doesn't mean living in separate houses...and AS USZH (short for usual) you look like you just got rode hard by an entire football team. Hot.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Merry Christmas Bitches!



So I'm a day late. Shoot me. I believe being late for everything was part of my charm, wasn't it?

I was drinking up a storm the other day and I thought of something. I miss you bitches!

I think that I need you to survive. So in the spirit of Christmas, I'm going to start posting again. It might not be plentiful at the beginning, but I'll get back into it...

Merry Christmas y'all, let's kick it!