Suri Cruise is actually kinda cute

I don't know why I'm being so nice to babies today, normally I kick them and point. Just kidding. That would be really evil, and I am too lazy to be that way.

Here is a picture of Tom Cruise holding onto the last strand of why America may still consider liking him. She's pretty cute. Thank god she looks more like Stroke Face than Tom.

I can't even imagine what kind of weirdo she's going to become when she's an adult.

Jayden James is revealed!

Someone finally caught a photo of JJ Spears/Federline the other day. He's pretty dumpling-esque, but I do see a clear likeliness to KFed, which disgusts me. I know, I know, ALL babies are beautiful, but SOME look like their douchebag fathers. That's not MY fault.

Ok, fine. He's cute. She looks horrible though...but surprise, surprise.

Renee Zellwegger makes me vomit. Violently.

She's just so disgusting. What is so wrong with her that her bones are trying so hard to get away from her and pierce through her skin? And what is she made of? Latex? Gahh. She's so gross.

I hate that prissy look on her face, I want to wipe it off with a brick.

Kate Beckinsale is perfection

She's back from hiding! I think hubby Len directed a couple of movies recently because she's been popping up at premieres. Thank god. I've really missed her.

Look how beautiful she is in two different looks.



Shall we?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm, Beckinsale.

Jessica Biel is hotness

I just want to chop off her head and put on mine. That's all. I would still have my brain and thoughts...just her body. I think that's ok, no?

I will also take the tan. I am now eschewing my former sun ban because I need to build up a tan for my wedding.

Why can't Mystic Tan be wider spread in Montreal!?!?!

Claire Danes is canoodling with ANOTHER co-star?

I used to really, really like Claire Danes. Not as much as one of my girlfriends did, but quite a bit.

Although most of the time I do approve of her red carpet attire, I do not care for her 'disposable men' way of thinking. Didn't Mary Louise Parker and Billy Crudup break up (when MLP was ~7 months preggo) because Claire & Billy hooked up on set?

I don't remember hearing anything about Claire and Bill breaking up...and now she's dating this new guy she's in a movie with. Hmm. If I were that guy, I'd pull a Tom Cruise and accompany her to the set of her next movie.

Wow, getting wet is really unflattering to some people.

[Thanks to JustJared for the pic]

Jessica Simpson and her time machine

Um, is it just me, or did Jessica Simpson's face go through a time warp to her teens? She looks so young and fresh here.

I don't know if it's because she's much less tanned and made-up than usual, but I'm really liking it.

I don't understand this photo of Kate Moss

Some British gossip rag put out this photo of Kate Moss jogging somewhere (in a hideous outfit if I do say so myself). It's supposed to be a really jarring display of what drugs and alcohol can do to a body.

What I don't get is how only ONE of her legs is like that. And seriously, that looks like a really gross geriatric leg, so how could it only be her left one?

Riddle me that.

What the hell is wrong with Bai Ling?

I don't get this woman!! What is with her? She's so weird. She's not even dancing to
the rhythm in this video...I'm sure she's on something.




She is so classy though...I love how you can totally see her breasts from the side view and the grinding with the little person. Hot.

Cameron & JT: Shrek premiere 1 million

Seriously, how many goddam premieres can they have? It's enough, already. I'm tired of seeing this fool's legs all over the place. And she needs to stop leaning on him all the time too, it's just sad.

Stupid face. Regrettably, those are some damn nice legs. Why the hell is she blessed with that body???

PS - Why does he dress like such a dork?

Rumor: Is Nicole preggo?

Rumor has it that Nicole is pregnant...I could say that she looks a little more bulbous than usual, but she is drinking a Jamba Juice. Those are like bloat in a glass.

Also, the new baby doll silhouettes don't help shit in that department.

People are saying that she's preggo and keeping it just to stay out of jail. Imagine explaining that one to your child in 10 years? Brutal.

Beyonce's hot ass

To be honest, I wasn't expecting her to have that good a body. She looks awesome possum.

Way to go lady.

Pam Anderson is gross

So, when I first looked at this pic, I asked myself, 'why is Owen Wilson helping Pammy blow out her birthday candles?' Then I realized that wasn't Owen Wilson. It was an honest mistake. Don't tell me you don't see it.

Pamela Anderson makes me itchy.

Posh is wearing platform sneakers

Hmph. I must admit that I thought better of her. I thought she'd throw on a hot pair of vintage Adidas or something, not these Payless platform sneakers.

These look like the kind of shoes you'd find in one of those sketchy strip malls in a bad part of town.

I can't believe I'm concentrating so much on the shoes when she's throwing like that. How embarrassing.

[Thanks to Dlisted for the pic]

Council of Fashion Designers of America Awards

I love fashion. I just love it. Ever since I was little I have been dreaming about doing something with fashion.

Last week the CFDA Awards were presented in NY. It's always fun to look at the red carpet pictures afterward because you can see everyone trying to one-up each other. And, most importantly, you see the people who fail miserably.

Speaking of which:

This is Erin Fetherston, in her own design. Um, Erin, you might want to stick to your day job. If this is the outfit you decided to wear to the CFDA awards, you might have your priorities a little messed up. The wings, the really poorly matched shoes...it's all bad.


This is Fransisco Costa from Calvin Klein and Eva Mendes, in Calvin Klein. Although I don't care for the colour of her dress, you can't deny that the lines are so beautiful and simple. It's so CK. It's as if everything they cut is with a laser. Beautiful.


Jane Krakowski of Ally McBeal fame. God. Just thinking of that show gives me a rash. I really hate Calista Flockhart. Also, what the hell kind of name is that?

Anyhoo, Jane looks quite lovely, although I'm not loving the side pony. It seems like she really likes that do.


Michael Kors with Heidi Klum and Debra Messing, both in Michael Kors. You can't see it, but Heidi's gown has only one arm. I don't care for one-armed dresses. They're so ridiculous. I shudder with horror at the fact that I had at least 2 one-armed shirts back in 2001. Yikes. Anyway, aside from that , both gowns are beautiful. I love the colour of Debra Messing's.


Mary Kate Olsen looks really good! I am expressing shock here. Normally she looks like such a transient. I love the dress, the bracelet. I'll stop there because her hair still looks wretched and her purse is totally inappropriate, but nice work on the dress, missy.


Monique L'Huillier in one of her own designs. Stunning. I didn't realize she was so young. She has so much talent and her dresses are so beautiful. Imagine how long it took just to make this dress. I love it.


Phillip Lim is a genius. He has finally gained recognition in the past 3 years with his line 3.1 Phillip Lim and I can't say anything bad about him. I'm kind of crossing my fingers and hoping he starts to design bridal, because he has this way with gathering and knots that is born for bridal.


Rachel Zoe, also known as the devil. Seriously. Look at her hideous xylophone chest. I think it's blasphemy that she was even invited to attend this shin dig (or, as my BF would say, shing ding). Skinny bitch.

Tory Burch is amazing. I am currently in love with her line of shoes. I can't say I'm so into her dress, the colours are a bit too much for me, but she can't do wrong in my eyes lately. Love her. Check out her website for loads of unaffordable, gorgeous clothing and shoes.


Vera Wang is a bit of a weirdo. She's not super dressed up, but I kind of like it. Even though I think she's wearing a boot cut legging, I'm ok. She manages to pull it off with the rest of the look. I like the necklace too...very bold.

Daily Hilarity: Paris Hilton booted BACK to jail

As you all know, I have a very strong anti-Paris Hilton stance on Skankopolis. I hate that whore and I don't want to perpetuate her popularity. However, there are some rare occasions when I will post about her, because it's good news for the rest of the world.

I'm sure you all know that PHil got sentenced to a reduced 23 days in jail, went on the 5th and got out yesterday. In court this morning she got sent back, and possibly for the original, full sentence of 45 days. I fucking LOVE it.

She reportedly got pulled from the courtroom bawling her eyes out and screaming "Mom! Mom! Mom!" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. See what happens when you try to circumvent the law by buying off the sheriff?

I love it. Love. It. The best picture ever.

The Shrek press tour: JT's horror

Is it wrong that I find this funny? It's nice to me that even rich-ass celebrities can go through social life horror like this.

The 'Shrek 3' publicity tour is like Justin Timberlake's own personal hell. And, coincidentally, his sweater is mine.

I love their facial expressions. She's all giddy because she can get that close and actually smell him again, and he's all 'I can't wait for this shit to be over. Fuck she's gross. I can't believe I dipped it into her for so long.'

And is it just me, or she totally hanging onto him?

Where the shit is Mike Myers? Can't he stand between them or something? Gahhh!

This is Canadian-Embarassment-Celine-Dion's SON

I only vaguely remember this human-humiliation being pregnant, but apparently this is her spawn with that creepy old man who looks like a character from Alladin.

That's a BOY. Um. I'm not one for sexist statements, but there's a point in a child's life when they are already SO androgynous that you NEED to define them with a smart hair-do. This is NOT a smart hair-do for a young BOY.

I hate this woman even more now. I really didn't think that was possible.

Asia Argento is an idiot

The reason I say this is not uncalled for. Who the hell in their right (non-idiot) mind would wear this?

Stupid quasi-celebrities trying to get the spotlight...what? Being in XXX with Vin Diesel wasn't enough?

Is it just me, or does Vin Diesel totally look like he would have B.O.?

MTV Movie Awards

So, unfortunately, JT didn't show up and there was no cat fight between Jessica Biel and Cameron 'the man' Diaz. It's really a pity, because I was really hoping Biel would mess her up. We can, however, say that Diaz wore the shortest skirt of all time to try to beat out Biel on hotness, but lots 'o' leg doesn't make up for a fug-ass face.

Do you like how I was calling them by their last names as if I was some kind of sportscaster?

Let's make fun of people's clothes, because, really, that's what we do best:

Jessica Alba:
Yawn. Honestly. It bores me. I know she's trying to class up her image and become an actress, but lady, stick with what you got: a hot bod. This weird drapey dress and those old lady looking shoes aren't doing anything for you. Also, I'm getting mad tired of that wispy hair look.


Jessica Biel:
This kind of looks like she forgot to wear pants. It's not really a dress and it's not really a top, so it's just kind of stupid. I like those ball thingys though...at least it's something different. I still am sad a cat fight didn't happen though...I think she would have torn Cammie to shreds.


Amanda Bynes:
Due to the lack of REAL celebrities, I had to put up a picture of this wank. I do not like the shoes, too austere for such a fun event. And that faux tan is brutal. She looks like someone should plop a dollop of sour cream on her and serve her up with a steak. Boo. That necklace is a little much too. COME ON.


Cameron Diaz:
Wow, Cam, why don't you try harder next time? 'I must outshine Jessica Biel, I just have to. Oooh, look at this pillow sham! Wouldn't that make an enchanting mini-dress?' No. No, it wouldn't. Granted she has fantastic stems, but that is the fugliest face seen in ages. Did she even put any make-up on? Gahhhhh!


Fergie:
Ok, we get it, mini-dresses are hot. Bla bla bla, leg. I'm over it. Can she do something different with her hair? It always looks as if she's just come off a 3-day meth bender. That purse is stupid too. I'm sure she lost it 18 times that night.


Eva Mendes:
This woman reminds me of my gorge best friend. Ethnic, gorgeous, buxom and funny. I like her for that reason only. And although I'm not crazy about the maxi dress, I can live with it, because she did it right. She wore it for a casual event and she's added height with a crazy wedge sandal. The yellow bag goes with nothing and looks more like a weekend bag than a purse, but she's still cute.


Mandy Moore:
You are the poor man's version of Jessica Alba. And your dress is very formal-Christmas-party. Also, stupid shoes.


Posh Spice / Victoria Beckham:
Yes, she's the tackiest person alive, but she does it with FLAIR! Most would have just left it at the zebra dress, but she adds a hideous fluorescent pink bra and horrible silver pumps. Of course, this is all atop her ridiculous tan and extremely blond hair. Not to mention the mega-implants. You gotta love her. Ok, only I do, but I do. I really, really do.



Rhianna:
This girl is really beautiful, but she has gone and messed herself up! That bob is disgusting, I hate it so much that I wish it was a Jessica Simpson wig instead...and that dress! Oh the horror! Someone please save me from that over-patterned, cut too-low in too many places mess! It's really bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. She will learn though. She has too. She's too young to sink this fast.