I didn't really watch it...just the song with Jack Black and Will Ferrell (classic awesome) and the end, because I couldn't fall asleep...is it just me, or is Jack Nicholson looking more and more like a pumpkin?
Anyhoo, let's get to it...
Thank you so much to Egotastic for the wonderful pics, as usual!
Commence mocking 'n' talking:
Anne Hathaway:
I'm a little upset with the site MyHeritage.com because when I did a celebrity recognition scan, it told me that I looked like Anne Hathaway, and I thought that was mean. I mean, my mouth is not that big, or my eyes, nor would I ever wear this disaster of a dress. Ew. Really insulted.
Beyonce:
I chose this picture because I wanted to illustrate how much she was struggling with this gown all night, making it the worst dress of the night. She obviously wasn't comfortable with it and that means she shouldn't have worn it. Period.
I have to say, I was getting a little annoyed at the fact that I almost saw her vee gee every time the camera panned across the front row. Also, she loaned some of the beading to Katie Holmes for her hair-do, so it's extra dumb just for the association to Scientology.
Cameron Diaz:As much as I don't want to say it, she looks good. Boo! Her feet look like boats though. Hee hee. A welcome improvement to her dress from the Globes. That was a toilet paper massacre.
Cate Blanchett:
I think this woman should get an award for being most consistently gorgeous. Wow. Love her.
Elizabeth Shue:
Not to be an asshole, but who invited her? When was the last time she even made a movie?
I hope she's UN invited next year for this atrocious dress she's wearing. A shift? A SHORT shift? Gahh!!
Emily Blunt & Michael Buble:
I hope she knows that he cheats on her ass. A lot. Was he always so round?
Love her dress though. Lovely. Great colour, great lines. Very nice.
Gwyneth Paltrow:
Oh Gwyneth, how I hate thee. Also, how I hate your wretched dress. Gross. That is really not doing anything for her. God, that smarmy smile. I want to wipe that pompous smirk off her haughty face. Frosty bitch.
Isla Fischer & Sacha Baron Cohen:
I love them as a couple. I would invite them over for fondue with my hubby-to-be and I. It would be all laughs. Wow. I am sad.
I love that colour on her, and that bustline! Is she preggo? My goodness!
What a cute family. The kid's hair was a bit much, but how cute were Will & Jada when he was presenting with 'Bo' and flubbed his lines a bit? They were such parents. I'm surprised they didn't have camcorders with them.
Jennifer Hudson:
I think very highly of Andre Leon Tally, I think he is something else and, if nothing, a name to be reckoned with in fashion. I am a little disappointed to learn that it was at his insistence that JH wore this vile metallic python bolero. Gah. Congrats to her though. I haven't seen the movie, but I will now.
Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony:
Aww, how nice! Dracula and his bride made it to the Oscar's! I wish they hadn't. She looks gross and he, as usual, looks like he might die any minute. Is he constantly auditioning for the stage version of 'Philadelphia' or something? Get the man a Whopper for Christ's sakes.
Jessica Biel:
Wow. She continues to blow me away this year. I declare this the year of Jessica Biel. Go girl!
Joy Bryant:
So Joy, you're too fancy for a bra? I think I'd reconsider that next year. Although we all know that nipples are the new black, I still think that you look whorey.
Kate Winslet:
I'm surprised by this pick. I normally love her dresses, but this mint green is really puke-a-tronic. Mind you, good thinking standing next to Celine Dion! She is so goddam ugly! Aww, it really annoys me that she's from my province. It's so embarrassing.
Kelly Preston & John Travolta:
TRAMPY. That's all.
Kerry Washington:
In theory, this was probably a nice dress...then I'm sure that train/cape was slapped on it and now it's just a joke on ms. Washington. Ew. Me no likey.
Kirsten Dunst:
Where do I start? Ok, top-down because there's a sequence at least. Although, I can't promise I won't black out from rage and just start typing in tongues.
The hair is terrible. It's so "oh crap I forgot to set the alarm and I should be at work in 14 minutes." What is that? A bun? The collar is so hideous that I don't even know what to say. Sheer? Shirt collar? Beaded?
The body makes me want to vomit and as I scroll down the nausea slaps me so hard in the face that I don't know if I can hold it in. Then I get to the feathers. I want to take them, and jam the pointy, picky parts of them into her brain so that she can never offend us like this again.
I hate her. She is HORRIBLE.
Maggie Gyllenhall & Peter Sarsgard:
I just watched 'Stranger Than Fiction' so I get why people like her now...although she could have used a more supportive bra in that movie. Hiyah! I think they're cute in a young-Hollywood, we're quirky kind of way. And I just enjoy saying his name. Makes me feel piratey.
Nicole Kidman & Naomi Watts:
This picture kind of makes me laugh because I feel like giant Nicole is going to eat Naomi. Maybe she's put so much toxic crap into her face and tightened it up so much that she wants to suck some natural beauty out of Naomi...wouldn't be surprised. She was, after all, married to Tom Cruise for just short of a decade.
Oh yah, their dresses: I don't care for that bumble-bee gown. At all. And that red column is BORING.
It looks like her dress is that garbage monster from 'Fraggle Rock'. It's totally going to eat us! It's a beautiful piece of workmanship though, but whatever. I'm over it. Especially in that drab colour.
Portia De Rossi:
She's so perty...I love that she went simple to cheer on her lady. Cute. Still too thin, but acceptable now. God, just seeing her makes me want to eat chips.
Rachel Weisz:
She's so lovely. And goodness is she voluptuous! That's a very nice, classic gown, and I think she pulls it off well. she didn't go gimmick-y, she just wore it and looked beautiful. Very nicely done.
Reese Witherspoon:
I can confidently say that this was the absolute, number one, best dress of the night. The dip-dye, the movement. God. I was watching it in bed when she walked across the stage to present the Oscar and I went "OH MY GOD" loud enough that it made my hubby-to-be stir. Incredible.
My apologies for being so late. Please know that I never meant for this :(
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