Ugh Alert! Kim Kardashian Pregnant with Kanye West's baby

Well, I've had enough. I'm moving to the family cottage. There's no internet there, barely any people around and I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to be scorned by the love child of the two most self important people North Americans have ever seen.

This is going to be so gross.

Last night during a concert, Kanye asked the crowd to salute his baby mama. Sources say she's 12 weeks pregnant, and right after he announced both Kourtney and Khloe tweeted phrases that pretty much confirmed the news.

Seriously, I think we should all run and hide.

 

Mariah Carey in Aspen = GOLD

 My favourite thing about Mariah Carey is how ridiculous she is.

Most of the time she talks about herself. How wonderful she is. How hard she's worked to get where she is. How she broke ground doing what she has done. How she was a waitress..

They way she speaks it's as if she was the first woman on earth and the first in the music industry.

And then there is how she dresses. Always jammed into clothes a few sizes too small. Always waddling around in super high heels that she can barely walk in.

And one thing I want to make you all aware of, is she is always, always accompanied by a staff member who is holding her up.

HOLDING HER UP.

Because she is too amazing to walk by herself, you guys.

Look carefully that the 2 below photos.

Not only is she being held up by a staff member in both pictures, but she is also super jammed into both outfits to the point that she's tugging on them to keep them where they should be.

I remember years ago, there was a blind item about a diva who made her staff replace all the sizes in her apparel with vanity sizing.

I never had a doubt it was her.

This year, I'm thankful for Mariah Carey.

Ugh Alert: Rihanna Publicly With Chris Brown

I know I've written what seems like a lot of posts about Rihanna being a dumb slag lately, but really. She's a dumb slag.

Like, be a worse example for young women.

These two MORONS were at a Laker's game this week. Yah. He doesn't look psychotic or anything. LOOK AT HIM. He looks like a hillbilly murderer.

Proud To Be A Montrealer: No Babies Snatched By Eagles Here

We'll leave that Eagle-loving stuff to you Americans.

Ha ha. Obviously I'm kidding. No one loves baby snatching eagles, no matter how patriotic they are. Babies trump eagles, right?

Anyhoo, if you haven't seen it, there's a video going around the net which has gone viral. It shows a baby being picked off by an eagle and then dropped when it's too heavy/bulky for the eagle. God baby, go on a diet. Plane tickets aren't cheap. You could have had a free trip.

I am ONLY making light of this because it has come out that the thing is fake. Turns out it was someone's video project from university. And, suddenly I'm bored with it.

Check it out here if you'd like.

Anne Hathaway's Pubes Premiered Last Night

There are SO many different kinds of underwear. SO many. I don't understand why these women get themselves into these stupid situations. Just put on panties. Ugh.

And Anne Hathaway...you're supposed to be above this. You hosted the Oscars last year. Like, really? Ugh.

Bitches be DUMB.

The real pic is after the jump, if you want to see her grooming preference.

Why Is Rihanna The Worst?

Like, why?

For what purpose would you tweet yourself wearing a fur hat and a bra AND NO UNDERWEAR. Who do you think you are?

Also, it's gross because who took this photo? Obviously Chris Brown.

Apparently she got 'Breezy' tatooed on her neck...it's his nickname. Ugh.

I want to like her, but I can't. She's the worst.

Ohhhhh, Demi Moore. Please Don't.

Sooo, Demi Moore was in Miami this week at the Art Basel exhibit.

Rumor has it that she's dating a very young art dealer...who doesn't like being seen with her, because he doesn't want anyone to know that he's dating an old lady who behaves like this.

I mean, look at Lenny's face. He's pretty embarrassed to be seen next to the old lady in the romper.

There are some more embarrassing photos after the jump.

Oh my god.

I just got down to this level and WHY IS SHE SITTING WITH HER LEGS OPEN LIKE THAT?

Jesus.

John Travolta is Just No.

This video is SO bad. There are so many reasons why.

1. It looks like a 6th grade end of year project
2. Olivia's clown face is freakshow frightening
3. Johnny's painted on hairline is so false...I mean, we all saw this picture. Who do you think you're fooling Ron Popeil?
4. Just turned the screen toward my husband who exclaimed (he's not normally big on loud exclamations), "OH MY GOD. They both look like monsters." He's not wrong.
5. It makes me kind of pity-sad - I don't like being pity sad for gazillionaires.

Just watch it. You'll understand.

Oh my god. It's so bad.

Just When I Thought I Hated Adam Levine...

He comes out and says something totally agreeable.

As you may or may not know, I am totally frightened for the outcome of society. More often than not I'm concerned that we are all doomed and that I should invest in an island or something to escape most people. Not you guys, duhbviously, but most people.

I hate Honey Boo Boo. I hate that those jerks are being paid that much money to act like ignorant, disgusting pigs. I hate more that people think it's ok to find it entertaining.

Anyhoo, apparently Adam Levine and I agree. On that one thing:

"Seriously, Honey Boo Boo is the DECAY of Western civilization. Just because so many people watch the show doesn't mean it's good. So many people witness atrocities and can't take their eyes away from them, but that doesn't mean they're good. That show is literally The. Worst. Thing. That's. Ever. Happened. It's complete fucking ignorance and the most despicable way to treat your kids. Fuck those people. You can put that in the magazine: Fuck those idiots. They're just the worst. Sorry, I'm so sensitive to that—like, I don't know, man, it's upsetting. Just to clarify, I said, "FUCK THOSE PEOPLE."

Well said, sir. WELL SAID.