Hilary Duff: Not looking great in a bandage dress

Further validating my theory that bandage dresses do not flatter most bodies...here is Hilary Duff, who is super cute, not fat and lovely looking terrible in a bandage dress.

Sure, it COULD be the color, but it's also the hair and the fact that she looks like she can't breathe.

I don't get how some people leave their houses in some outfits. Do they not have mirrors? In her case - no stylist?!?! Personal assitant?!

"Um, excuse me miss Duff? You really pulled off that other dress so fiercely. I think that's the one...I mean, not to say that you look like Miss Piggy or anything but...um, you kind of do."

Other icky bikini bodies: Kelly Ripa

Um, sometimes, you can workout too much.

Exhibit A:
Dear Kelly Ripa,
Please add a tiny bit of fat into your diet because you are really scary,

Love,
Skanky S

Oh the horror! Tori Spelling's anorexic implant cleavage

OH MY GOD! I NEED THIS GIRL TO GET A SANDWICH DELIVERY STAT!

So gross that you can see implant wrinkles.

Not to mention her face.

Andy Samberg - MTV Movie Awards 2009 Best Fight Slaughter Shack

Hee hee!

I haven't been around in a bit, super busy, but I miss it...

The Met's Costume Institute Gala - Ohh the fashion

I am totally aware of the fact that I suck lately and that this was weeks ago.

Sorry.

Let's do it, old-school though.

Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham):
For once she wasn't trying so hard to impress and she looks great. That dress is the mullet of gowns, party in the front, business in the back. Loves it. She wears Marc Jacobs like it's meant to be worn - by someone who hasn't eaten in weeks.

Vera Wang & Rachel Weisz:
Both wearing Vera Wang Lavender Label - I'm so happy to see Vera Wang in something other than leggings that I have nothing bad to say. About her. Rachel's dress leaves something to be desired. I don't like the color combo, I don't like the dark lipstick and I hate the choker. It makes me shudder in fear that chokers might come back while I'm buying jewelry (at my office) and I'll have to put one in my store under my name. Uhhhhhh.

Selma Blair:
She could wear a garbage bag and look good, and incidentally is wearing something similar. I actually quite like it, and I like how she's given her hair a severe punky vibe. It's quite cool.

Rosario Dawson:
For a woman with such a stunning body, she is really not doing it justice in this geranium coloured column. It makes her look like she has no waist and the colour is so flashy. So unnecessarily flashy. I'm disappointed, she could do better.

Rihanna:
I have no words. If I wore that I might also post nude photos of myself online...just to erase people's memories. Yeesh. It's just so douche-y.

Renee Zellwegger:
Ugh. She's just so gross. Her only redeeming quality is that she's wearing Carolina Herrerra, but still. It's not enough. That necklace is so puke! Ahhh, I hate her. She could wear something I love out of my closet and I'd still hate it, just because it's her. I hate her like Kat von D.

Rachel Bilson:
With some dude, not her fiancé (worst actor of all time), Hayden Christensen. Seriously. How can you marry that dude? Ew.

On another note, I love her hair, dress and shoes and want everything she's wearing. Boo. No fair. However, due to the fact that my husband is awesome, I win.

Tom Ford:
Literally drooling. So hot.

Molly Sims:
Dear Molly,
You are a tool.
Sincerely,
Sara

Elizabeth Banks:
I went a long time being annoyed with this girl because she always seems so breathless. Now I don't mind her, because she seems genuinely cool.

Not sure about those supremely pale Barbie legs she has there though...

Mary-Kate Olsen:
Errr, you look nice. Like you've gained weight to a human proportion. Too bad your dress Hulked off you...

Marisa Tomei:
Way to wear exactly what you wore at the Oscars. I love your shoes though. They are the best.

John Galliano & Marion Cotillard:
She is gorgeous. STUNNING. Oh my god. And almost no one looks good in peach, so that is a feat on its own. John Galliano is a total freak, but you have to love him for it. Oh my god, I think I have a crush on her.

Madonna:
Uhhh. What is wrong with her? And this is one of the more normal poses I found pictures of her in. Geez Louise. Ahh, that was a good expression back in the day. Ha ha. That hairpiece needs to be burned.

Liv Tyler, Kate Hudson, Stella McCartney and Kate Bosworth - all in Stella McCartney:
Is it just me, or do you want to be their friend? It seems like they must wear fabulous things, do fabulous things and giggle a lot. I want to giggle more.

Leighton Meester in Louis Vuitton:
It's like every 3rd photo that I want to pull out my hair! OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? Further proof that it doesn't matter how famous the designer or whatever, it can still be totally, hideously, fug.

Am I the only one who hates her hair lighter like this? I find her so much more striking as a brunette.

Kirsten Dunst:
As many of you already know, I loathe this person. And ALTHOUGH it appears that she has taken a bath (which is a rarity), she has managed to drape herself in some hideous costume from Pride and Prejudice which just makes me want to throw her down some stairs even more than normal. Ew.

Katy Perry:
Best picture of Katy Perry EVER. EVER. Best outfit of Katy Perry's EVER. It may be the shadows...but she looks gorge. Love this dress. Love it. Wish she wore more full length, interesting neckline items instead of constantly wearing bathing suits from the 50's.

Marc Jacobs & Kate Moss:
Gotta love them. I bet they are great friends and have a fab time together. Makes me jealous. Love that she's wearing that crazy headdress that looks oddly like my hair towel for the shower. Although, mine is slightly less glitzy.

I seriously should have been born so I could have enjoyed disco. I missed out. Not so much the garbagey music, but the dancing and the clothes and the hair! Oh my!

Kate Beckinsale:
So beautiful in a drop waist ballerina-style gown. She always overdresses and should have had on something short so she could show off her legs, but I'll give this to her. She looks really good, and her hair isn't in a chignon for once.

Amber Rose and Kanye West:
I'm actually disappointed she didn't dress like more of a fool. She could have done such wonderful things. The dress is gorge though. I wish I could pull off a hair cut like that. So fab.

Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake:
I don't know why everyone hates this girl. I like her. Maybe it's because she's super buff and I wish I had the discipline to look like that. Maybe it's her lips - they are really nice. She is sometimes douchey in real life - like recently she complained no one offers her any roles because she's too beautiful. To be honest, she's a pretty bad actress, but she's so pretty and worse people have gotten roles...PLUS she's attached like a leech to JT. Is that why people hate her? She has to have something for him to like her...no?

Do you like his glasses lately? I'm not sure.

Claire Danes & Hugh Dancy:
Beard needs trimming Hugh. Oh, and Claire is going to flash her nipple later in the night. Trust. See it here.

Gisele Bundchen & Tom Brady:
Ugh. They're so perfect. Mostly her. I find he has some kind of mongoloid look about him. but that body! That dress! Her legs! I want all of them. I'll even take her strong nose. Because really, the rest makes the nose so much better.

Ugh. I reek of jealousy. And pity for Bridget Moynahan.

Eva Mendes:
She's so gorge. I think she could have done better than this icky dress. I hope it was really slinky and felt good because it looks like that horrific fabric Jem's skirt was made of on the Rock'n'Curl Jem. Itchy. Trust me. I was that for Halloween a while back. Plus, I totally had that Jem. God, I miss Barbies.

Emmy Rossum:
Is it just me or do you want to slap this girl? She looks like the personification of a little lost foal. Like, oh poor human version of Bambi! Did your mother get shot by a mean hunter? Blech. She's lucky she's wearing Carolina Herrerra to redeem herself.

Donatella Versace & Cindy Crawford:
Survey - if you looked anything like Donatella Versace, would you EVER stand anywhere near someone who looks like Cindy Crawford?

Yah. Me neither.

PS - Hot dresses.

Diane Kruger & Joshua Jackson:
Why do I always want to call this guy Pacey? I'll never get over him being on Dawson's Creek. God that show was awful. I remember my dad used to mock me for watching it. He was smart on that front.

Diane Kruger always looks fab and she always take a little risk, which I really admire. It's so easy to just be cookie-cutter pretty and she tries harder than that. And not in an obnoxious way. Yay for her.

Coco de la Rocha & Isaac Mizrahi:
Love that dress. See? That's why I should have been alive during Disco. I could have had a jumpsuit like that! And feathered hair. I like this girl because I think she's Canadian. and I love Isaac Mizrahi because he invented Cheap & Chic. Hurray!

I do, not, however, hurray his bandana. Blech.

Claudia Schiffer:
She always knows how to bring some 90's into something. Man, she needs to let it go.

Ciara:
I am still somewhat convinced that Ciara is a man...but I love 'Love, Sex, Magic' so I will let it go for now. Also, I'm super impressed she wore that dress. It's hot. It takes a nice back and ass to pull that off. Good for her.

Blake Lively:
This girl looks SO hot in this. It's great. I love her hair like that. I've always wanted to put my hair like that, but I don't trust my skull.

I love the color of the dress, the cut (although, it's a little high in the vag region) and shoes. Also, I will take her legs and boobs. Because those are nice too.

Other Olsen:
Not impressed. Don't like the bare back on her as much as I like the bare back on Ciara. And that's really not complimentary.

Anne Hathaway:
This is actually one of the best pictures of her this night...because she's not smiling she looks a lot less like a maniacal squirrel. The rest are not awesome. I love this dress, I love her shoes, but her hair is out of control stupid. A little less volume would have been worlds better. Oh well. Can't win 'em all (or any), right Anne?

Anna Wintour - Goddess of Vogue:
I love that this picture makes her look hunched over like Gollum. It's great. I love that she is so quietly bitchy and horrible, yet wonderful all at once. I actually quite dislike the dress, but I'm sure it's some kind of wonderful in Vogue-speak, so pooh to me.

FINALLY - I got it out!