Skankopolis

Kelly Osbourne DID NOT Listen

2012-01-29T22:31:00.000-05:00

Dear Kelly,

Last week you were advised to stop matching your dress to your hair. Cease and desist.

Thanks,

L & S at Skankopolis

Skankopolis Product Review: Rimmel Vinyl Max Lip Gloss

2012-01-29T22:22:00.001-05:00

Because it's January and work is almost at a stand still, I have nothing else to do but feed my lip product addiction. Rimmel has introduced a new gloss to their line called, Vinyl Max. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......this stuff is magical. Super glossy, not sticky, light taste and only $7.99! At that price you can buy every color. It also features an extra large applicator that I'm in love with. Go and get it now.

Cameron Diaz 2.0 - Plastic Surgery and Still Gross

2012-01-25T20:08:00.003-05:00

As many of you know, I find Cameron Diaz disgusting. REPULSIVE. Like, I find her so gross that I would probably throw something at her if I saw her in public.

Last month, there was much talk about her bosom seeming larger than before...then she went into hiding for a bit. Then this week she came out for some events in Europe and lo and behold she has some kind of new skin situation going on.

What was previously testicle-like in texture (you love it), is now smooth and almost crease-free. I'm not sure if that's a chemical peel, or injections, but she's definitely done something and everyone is talking about it today.

See below for a side by side comparison of her in 2009 and today.

It's somewhat amusing that even though her face looks smoother, she is not at all more attractive. Still pukeatronic.

Demi Moore Going Into Rehab

2012-01-25T05:51:00.001-05:00

Update: TMZ reported today that several tanks of nitrous oxide were found at Demi's home and she had huffed a little too much, had a seizure and then passed out, which is why an ambulance was called.

Woah. Whip-its?!

Monday night an ambulance was called to Demi Moore's home for a "drug related issue" and she was brought to the hospital.

Not long after, Demi's team announced that she was going to rehab:

"Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends."

No talk of the drugs.

Drugs would explain a lot. She's sad because of her divorce, she goes a little too far, she gets rushed to the hospital for an OD and then goes to rehab.

Poor her. It's a bit sad.

I hope Bruce Willis goes on some type of Die Hard rampage now to protect her.

Kristin Cavallari is Pregnant. Yawn.

2012-01-23T19:26:00.002-05:00

Perhaps spawning is how she thought she'd remain relevant now that 'the Hills' is over and people aren't constantly gossiping about her coke addiction.

Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler announced they're expecting a child today. Yipee!

Considering they got engaged, then broke up...I'm guessing this might have been someone's get-back-together-with-the-pro-athlete strategy.

Whatever.

I legitimately lost interest before I started typing.

Last Week's Leftovers: The Kelly Osbourne Edition

2012-01-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

We here at Skankopolis called an emergency staff meeting, (we ate salty chicken and drank wine while giggling at nothing) to discuss this situation. This is a SITUATION. Everything about these two pictures hurts me. Here are my concerns:

Why is your hair that color?
Why does it match your dress?
Who is your hairstylist?
Why do you look like an orange corpse?
Who is your makeup artist?
Aren't you one of those bitchy red carpet/reality show "fashion experts"?

Oy. Change everything about your makeup and hair. Please.

What? Heidi Klum & Seal Are Getting Divorced?

2012-01-21T15:02:00.003-05:00

Update 2: They finally released a statement:

"While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy years of marriage, after much soul-searching we have decided to separate.

We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart.

This is an amicable process and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition."

Update: This'll learn me (deal with it) to not trust TMZ as a source sometimes.

Apparently they've been fighting a lot lately because they've been working a lot. This happens with normal couples too, so let's be sad for them

Halloween is my favourite "holiday". I love it. LOVE it. It's fun and I enjoy watching people attempt to be serious while dressed as cops or gypsies or smurfs. I just like it.

I have always had a lot of respect for Heidi Klum because she also seems REALLY into Halloween. To be honest, if I had that much money, I'd likely be really into Halloween too. I mean, costumes are fun when you can go crazy. You either have to be young with a lot of energy so you can take weeks to make it / sew it / paint it or be really rich so you can send out you assistant Eva to go get it.

Anyhoo, news came out today that Heidi and Seal are splitting up after 6ish years of marriage (I'm too lazy to look it up, leave me alone).

So sad!

Who is going to be Halloween's greatest ambassador now?

Here are some photos of them over the past few years for nostalgia...

Ugh, Ashton Kutcher Cut His Hair

2012-01-19T20:00:00.001-05:00

Dear Ashton,

This haircut does not make us forget that you had disgusting skanky hacky sack hair for years prior to this.

It also does not make '2 and a Half Men' less terrible.

It does, however, make your cheekbones look fantastic.

Still, you're gross,

S

2012 Golden Globes Fail: Piper Perabo...or was it?

2012-01-18T06:04:00.002-05:00

At first, I was like, this is awful. She's essentially naked in a shower curtain. And then I hallucinated what I think could have happened for her to arrive wearing this.

Publicist: That dress lining is really ugly, what does the actual dress look like?

Piper: This is the dress.

Publicist: Piper. I can count your freckles.

Piper: Ugh. WTF! They have nothing here that's Golden Globes appropriate!

Publicist: Piper, we're at Bed Bath and Beyond...

Piper: Still! I'm so irrelevant that no one is sending me anything anymore and it's not like I can afford an actual gown...WTF am I going to do?

Publcist: Oh. My. God. I just had the most brilliant idea of my career!

Piper: Coyote Ugly 2?

Publicist: No, no. God no. WEAR that. Wear THAT. No one has cared about anything you've done in years. Trust me. I can't sell a story about you unless I throw in a gum job too.

Wear that dress and everyone will be talking about you. EVERYONE. They'll have no choice, you're going to expose yourself to them.

Piper: I refuse. I am an actress with talent.

*LAUGHING*

Piper: Ok, ok, sometimes I'm hilarious. Ok, I'll wear it. But I'm going to have to sell this Sharon Stone-style.

Publicist: You mean be sexy?

Piper: No, not Sharon Stone 90's, Sharon Stone 00's. Crazy. I'm going to have to pull off crazy.

Publicist: You need to pay me more after this.

The 2012 Golden Globes...Skankopolis Beauty Edition

2012-01-17T20:54:00.001-05:00

The Golden Globes are usually the best award show of the season, personally I found this year's to be a bit boring. So here's the beauty rundown of the night:

Hair Trend #1 Headbands:

I usually only wear headbands to workout or when I'm hungover and don't have time to do my hair. But after many glasses of wine and a lengthily conversation with my television, I say "yes" to the headband. It works especially well in short hair. The big disadvantage to short hair is it always looks the same. Adding a headband gives some versatility to how you look and how you style your hair. Bravo ladies! You all look great.

Hair Trend #2 Retro:

These were the most dramatic retro looks of the night, and to be fair I think Zooey's wearing a wig, but I love retro hair. I have massive respect for stylist who can actually do these looks well. It takes a lot of practice and finishing skills. It also take s a lot of confidence to wear these looks, I think Julie and Zooey pulled it off. Congratulations.

Most Beautiful Lady of the Night: Salma Hayek:

Everything about this lady is sexy. EVERYTHING. From head to toe; hair, makeup, jewelry, boobs, dress, shoes...all of it. I'd actually disfigure someone to look like this.

Best Hair: Tilda Swinton:

I totally respect this woman's sense of style. She misses the mark about 50% of the time and she doesn't give a shit. I absolutely love her hair. I've been bitching for the last 6 months about how hard it is to grow out an undercut like this, (mine never looked this good) and I'm ready to cut and bleach my hair tomorrow. Fantastic.

The 2012 Golden Globe Awards

2012-01-16T20:38:00.000-05:00

2 Awards shows in 1 week, which means fashion fun and blunders to catch.

First, here are the trends I'm calling out:

Glitz/Shine/Beading: Even if the dress was simple, it sparkled in some way or another. The sleek jerseys of last year are gone.
White/Off-White/Cream: So much of it! If you're a bride-to-be, keep your eyes peeled for options because we all know ABS will be all over these red carpet gowns at a fraction of the price
Colorful jewelry: Bright pops of color were visible all over the carpet

Ok, now let's do what we're good at!

Amanda Peet:
I hate this dress. I also really hate her posture. It's like she thought the dress was big and floaty enough so that she didn't have to pose or attempt to look interested. She looks like she's waiting for a bus, not standing on the carpet at the Globes. Oh, and it's 3 inches too short. COME ON!

Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt:
Wow, someone looks severe. I got 3 texts after she passed on the carpet from people saying how insanely thin she looks. It's a little gross actually.

While I can't say I hate the dress, I don't love it. It's kind of boring and I feel like her hair kind of ruins it. If it was just a little looser I think it would make the whole look less severe and frightening. It would help if she didn't look miserable too.

Brad looks hot, even despite the gross hair.

Ariel Winter:
What the hell size are her feet? Those shoes are massive! Wow. Poor her. Maybe she has giant feet like me. Puberty is the worst, isn't it?

Despite all that, the dress is really cute. I find the purple a little too deep and fall/winter for this show, but she's adorable and it's very cute, so I like it.

Busy Phillips:
My friend keeps telling me I need to watch 'Cougar Town'. I feel like I won't be able to reduce the amount of shock I have for Courtney Cox's freakshow face and get into it. I also deeply hate this woman's voice and open-mouthed quality.

I will, however, say that she looks great in this. This dress is very 70's Halston glam, so I'm in love with it. I even love the fringe because I feel like that dress would have been amazing at Studio 54. Ugh. I was so born in the wrong era.

Well done Busy. Now please get a new voice and close your mouth.

Charlize Theron:
Hot damn. She looks stunning. I don't know how she does it every time. A few women could pull off this gown and she is doing it. I'm in love with her a little (a lot).

The shoes may be too modern for the dress, considering their exposure, but I feel like she can do no wrong.

Claire Danes:
This dress is fantastic. I was watching a segment with her on the carpet and it occurred to me I much prefer looking at photos of celebrities and not hearing their super dumb on the spot interviews. I really like this dress. It's gorge.

Debra Messing:
See? Colorful jewelry. To be fair though, that's kind of her signature move. Either way, she looks happy to be there. Her new show is supposed to be really good. I'm not sure I need another show about musicals/singing/dancing though. Oh well, we'll see.

Notice how I said she looks happy to be there and didn't comment on her super bland, been-seen-already-8-million-times black poufy gown? Yah.

Dianna Agron:
I don't get why this photo is so on an angle. Was the photographer drunk? Or maybe hallucinating because of the amount of gorge detail on this dress. I can't decide whether I love it or whether it is obnoxiously too much. I'm really on the fence.

What do you think?

Elle MacPherson:
Like, seriously? With Elle and Charlize there why does anyone else even attend? These women are incredible to look at.

She's so perty.

Emma Stone:
I'm mesmerized by that footwear. It looks so ugly but I can't really tell.

There is something very beautiful about the colors in her gown, but they're dark and kind of sombre next to everyone else on the carpet...and then there's that belt, which is a bit strange, no? Like, it looks like a men's belt. I don't know. I want to love this because of her but I can't decide.

Evan Rachel Wood:
I saw her being interviewed and she said she was leaving a trail of feathers behind her where ever she went. I can sympathize. Last year, for the holidays I had the brilliant idea to decorate using feather boas. We were finding feathers in our apartment for the next 6 months. And even now there are still some.

She looks great in this, but I feel like he hair could have been more interesting. It may be in a weird growing out stage though...

Freida Pinto:
No honey. No.

This is awful.

George Clooney & Stacy Keibler:
How come we haven't come up with a couple name for these two? Like Stoerge or something? Oh, because that's terrible, that's why.

I have yet to see what she's wearing, though it looks like Georgie upped her dress budget. She looks less WWE and more Hollywood.

He looks cute here, no?

Heidi Klum:
While I love the idea, I feel like the nude is kind of bland. I love the necklace, but the dress lacks interest. I feel like that detail that's going on under her arm means there's an interesting back, but I can't SEE IT. Grrr.

Helen Mirren:
GORGEOUS.
Stunningly beautiful, great dress, great jewelry, great hair. She can do no wrong in my eyes.

Jenna Dewan:
The word I had when I saw this dress was "meh". It doesn't fit he spectacularly well and her skin tone is so warm and brown that I feel like she would have been an ideal candidate to pull off the white/off-white look. And then she wore these weird colored accessories with it.

Jessica Alba:
She looks very beautiful, but I feel like this dress is standard fare for her and therefore I feel it's boring.
I do need her tan though. That's not normal or fair.

Jessica Biel:
There was much talk about this look yesterday. For several reasons:

The dress is something else
The dress gives her a 3rd boob in the middle
Madonna stepped on her dress, which is hilarious in itself
She was NOT wearing an engagement ring, despite rumours/confirmation that they're engaged

Jessica Chastain:
That's some hair.
There was talk that her dress was very beautiful close up. Tiny, tiny beads, very shimmery. I don't love a sleeveless turtleneck ever, but this isn't horrible. It just looks tight. no?

Jodie Foster:
OY.
This doesn't fit, the color is heinous and it's just generally ugly. NO GOOD. BAD JODIE!

Juliana Marguiles:
This is kind of like last year's jersey dresses mixed with this year's shimmery trend. I can't even compute how many pairs of Spanx I would need to be wearing to be comfortable in this. Good for her.

Julianne Moore:
She looks lovely, she does. But I find it hard to wow in a black dress. Unless it's crazy beaded or sparkly or really sluttily cut. You know?

Julie Bowen:
Ugh. Blush. Really? I don't dislike this, but I don't love it. She looks very pretty, I'm just not really on board with dresses that match your skin tone exactly. I dunno.

Kate Beckinsale:
Just, like, when isn't she stunning? I mean, yes, she wears gowns ALL THE TIME, so she knows how to wear then and how to pose in them, but still.

That neckline is stunning. STUNNING.

Kate Winslet:
I've never been more annoyed than when I read someone else saying she was "full figured" this morning. Like, really? GIVE ME A BREAK. She's not full figured. She's just not a waif. And she's GORGEOUS. Her hair, her make-up (though her super dark brows still peeve me slightly) and the dress are lovely. I am not loving the clutch, mostly because it looks like a faux LV off Canal street in New York, but whatever. She can do no wrong in my eyes.

Katharine McPhee:
Why do I care?

Ok, that was mean. The dress is actually very pretty, but I'm suffering from that Julie Bowen effect where the color is almost the exact same as her skin. If you cross your eyes a bit it's just a tall skin colored thing with a brown wig one. Sounds phallic, no?

Kelly Osbourne:
Ugh.
That hair needs to go.
That dress is annoying because of the hair.

Lea Michele:
Is it just me or does she look like she's about to break something from posing that hard? Like, she must be in pain, it's not normal. The dress is lovely, though it's a little ice skater so I'm going to guess it's Marchesa (aaaaaand, Google check and I'm right. Niiiice).

It's a little severe considering she's so young. Why don't you people want to have fun anymore? She should have built her outfit around her ring. That would have been fun.

Madonna:
No secret to anyone you have scary hands. Stop wearing those fingerless gloves Karl Lagerfeld/Madonna. Ew.

The bodice looks a little tight but the rest is quite magnificent. Quite something. Not that I like it, but I can respect workmanship. That's kind of the thing about loving fashion. Sometimes something isn't necessarily attractive but you have to respect it.

Case, and point.

Melissa McCarthy:
I want to go to whatever fondue party she is hosting wearing this dress. Amazing.

Michelle Williams:
She's so weird.

Not that this isn't pretty, but this is what you pick? It's pretty and it fits well, and it is seasonal and all, but I hate that headband and I think she could have done better. But I almost always think she could have done better...she's just quirky. I need to get over it.

Mila Kunis:
Her face reflects exactly how I feel about this dress. Actually. it would be more accurate if her mouth was open, drooling and her eyes were closed. Because then she would be sleeping, and that is what this dress made me do.

Oooh, let's pretend she's wearing this because she's mourning the fact that Justin Timberlake apparently proposed to Jessica Biel. Except really not.

Missi Pyle:
She should have gotten back in her car and gone home. This is a hot mess. Is her hair crimped?

This makes my eyes hurt against that red carpet.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Natalie Portman:
Very lovely. Or whatever. Nice bustle. But not really.

If I had to choose a red foldover panel, I'd choose this one, but it's not my choice for a dress. I could picture Helen Mirren in this. That's not a good thing.

Is this what she's going to be now? A mother of the bride? Ugh.

Nicole Kidman:
If you don't look at her face, this is great.

The dress is incredibly beautiful. Unfortunately, her face is a total freakshow.

Nicole Richie:
Is she holding her breath? It looks like she's holding her breath. However, she looks AMAZING. So, she can hold her breath all she wants. I love it.

Reese Witherspoon:
Um, what the hell is going on here?

Firstly, brush your hair. What is this? Wal-Mart? Also, that bodice doesn't appear to fit her at all. This is not good.

I don't care for this Reese. I don't care for it AT ALL.

Rooney Mara:
You know what? Stop sulking you brat.

You're the star of a huge book adaptation movie and you come from money. Don't be such a whiny little baby.

I picture "woe is me" coming out of her mouth daily.

Salma Hayek:
GORGEOUS.

She looks amazing. Her hair is perfect, her ombre is great, her dress is stunning and spot on these trends. I love this. I love her and she looks amazing. I love her.

OMG! I LOVE HER!

Sarah Hyland:
Yet another young woman stricken by the "I want to look mature but ended up looking old" spell. Oh well.

Sarah Michelle Gellar:
What in sweet Jesus is this thing?

Not that I'm not a fan of prints like this. I really feel like someone like Zoe Saldana would have pulled the HELL out of this off. That's not a thing, but you get what I mean. But SMG does not have the fashion credibility to wear this. It's an overly ballsy move from someone who doesn't deserve to wear this. It's like when the weird accountant at your office tries out over the knee boots and it just makes you feel sad.

Sofia Vergara:
Mmmmm, I'm kind of over seeing her in fishtail/mermaid gowns. She looks amazing though. As always.

This teal color is fantastic. Teal? Peacock? Maybe peacock.

Tilda Swinton:
Unbeatable.

Also, how can I get my hair to look like this?

Tina Fey:
She looks amazing. And she pulled an amazing video bomb last night. Like, how good is this?

God I love this woman.

Viola Davis:
Meh. She's stunning though.

I'm just bored by this dress. We should give her a break though. First time.

Zooey Deschanel:
This dress had so much potential and then there was a matchy-matchy purse and her weird era-right hairdo. Like, did you need that hair with that? No. But she's Zooey and this is kind of her thing. So I can't fault her for this. The dress is too stuntastic.

The 2012 People's Choice Awards

2012-01-15T17:31:00.000-05:00

Soooo, this happened the other night. Weird timing kind of, mid week, but whatever. It's never a bad time to talk about what celebrities are wearing.

Alyson Hannigan:
She's pregnant again. Ugh. She always looks pregnant since she did whatever that thing is with her lip. But at least she's also pregnant on HIMYM. Dress is whatever. It's nice, but I'm not in love with how cottony it looks. I am, however, in love with those shoes.

Ashley Greene:
Everything about this girl yells "please love me". She tries to be so cool and loved. And I just want to do the opposite. I just want to hate her. So, I don't try hard not to.

Ugh.

Like, I feel like this dress could have been cute on Charlize Theron or Kelly Osbourne, but on her it looks annoying. Why can't she just go away?

Cheryl Burke:
I saw this girl in real life once, I was extremely drunk. Like, just before I obnoxiously introduced myself to her, Vanessa Minillo and Nick and Drew Lachay, I had to start closing one eye so that I could see properly. That's how drunk I was.

In my drunken view she was kind of pretty. Now that I look at her, I understand how drunk I really was. I also assume she must have been drunk when she took these drapes from an old Georgian mansion and wrapped them around her body. Also, when she did her make-up with her feet and then left the house.

Demi Lovato:
This girl grates on my last Disney star nerve. I have no room for her in my life, yet I'm forced over and over to watch her compete with her better known co-stars who are thinner, less annoying and dress better. AND who weren't just dumped by Wilmer Valderama. Like, how embarrassing. Mind you, he likes 'em young and fresh, so I guess she's too old for him now...

Faith Hill:
I've been waiting a long time for this woman to age and it has finally happened. I don't know what fountain of youth she was drinking from but she appears to have been barred access from it's eternal springs...God, why am I so mean right now?

Ok, it might actually be her make-up, and she might be much too thin. I can't tell. I will say this, her hairdo is not helping her at all. It's a weird marm hairdo. I like the dress, I think. but again, it's making her look VERY thin and kind of ill and old.

Ginnifer Goodwin:
Wow, awkward growing out hair phase. It's a weird awkward length. Speaking of awkward, let's discuss those sleeves and those weird shoes. The whole thing is bad, and he sexy/sultry look is not doing it for me. I do that look as a joke when people are annoying about taking my photo. It doesn't happen that often, I should actually be flattered people are willing to have photographic evidence of them hanging out with me...

Blurg. Now I'm sad.

Jennifer Lawrence:
I do not care for this. On this month's Lucky magazine there is a much better iteration of this dress, it's less literal and much simpler. The color is amazing, but the cut outs are weird. And her hair isn't great, I mean, I kind of wish she was wearing a voluminous straight ponytail, no?

Jennifer Morrison:

Oh wow. Ok, I'll give her this much, those tassles are very hot right now. We have necklaces like that in all different kinds all over the office.

I think the suede shoe is the wrong pick, it's too matte, too fluffy looking. I'd have sooner gone with a leather platform or a black pump...then there is her hair. And her ghost-like make-up. I feel like she could use some blush or something...I don't know. Not her best look ever.

Julianne Hough:
Yee haw. This is sexy. Her body looks amazing, that hair length is great on her and she's not standing with Ryan Seacrest, so that's a win. Her shoes are a little Jennifer Aniston for me, but the outfit overall is a big win.

Kaley Cuoco:

I think she got a stylist finally! Look how good she looks! I'm so happy. I don't want to say anything else because I'm scared to jinx it.

Kathy Griffin:
Oh Kathy Griffin, you are all sorts of magical. That is all.,

Kelly Osbourne:
What in the good graces of hell is going on with her hair color right here? The dress is great, it's fresh, it's pretty and it's young. But this grey hair thing is not good. It's really, really bad.

Kristen Bell:
Ohhhh, I don't like this. Red leather...um. Is it the 80's or something? Or a Whitesnake video? What's going on with the stringy hair? And I'm telling you right now I had flats in grade 4 which had metal tips on them (because I wore adult shoes due to my extremely large canoe feet) and I'm a little sad they're back...mainly because I kicked a boy in the crotch with them and I still feel guilty about it. I'm also not sure I'm digging the color combo...the nude and gold is a bit icky.

Lea Michelle:
There are a lot of things going on here...there is a fringe dress, which I'm going to let her have because she started on Broadway and this is kind of Broadway tastic...I mean, can you not picture Bernadette Peters or Liza Minelli wearing this? Yah. There it is.

Then there is her lipstick. Nope. Hate it.

I keep trying to like this girl...

Miley Cyrus:
WEIRD. That's all.

Nina Dobrev:
This girl won lots of awards indicating her as the most popular star of Vampire Diaries. She's cute. Super cute. And she's pulling off this weird easter mint colored dress So props.

Tracey Gold:
Does anyone remember when Tracey Gold suffered from major anorexia after her stint on TV? Now she's looking great, very healthy and she's aged really well.

I find it ironic that the girl behind her (left side of the photo) is clearly suffering from some kind of eating disorder, I mean, she looks SICK. I want Tracey to go save her.

Vanessa Hudgens:
Ok, so VHudge is the face of Candie's. Um, does anyone else not really see the connect? I LOVE this dress, I love her look when she cleans up. Her street style is a little too disgusting for me. See here for an example recently.

But Candie's? VHudge is so Boho and Candie's is very pretty, girlie. It's weird. Totally weird.

Ok, that's it. The Golden Globes are tonight. I'm so excited to hear what Ricky Gervais has to say! And duhbiously what everyone wears!

Have a great night!

Um, if you were in a cave...Beyonce & Jay-Z Had a Baby

2012-01-10T20:52:00.000-05:00

I rarely do anything Sundays. Normally they're fantastic days where I either clean my house or watch a movie with my husband.

But not this Sunday. Nooooo, I was working. I flew into NYC on Sunday morning and was in stores all day Sunday so I had NO CLUE that Beyonce and Jay-Z had their baby until Monday morning.

I am a terrible gossip.

However, I now know all the juicy bits. I hate when my real job gets in the way of my gossiping. However, I did manage to purchase a Diane Von Furstenberg dress for $80, so it was a good trip.

Ok, so Saturday night Beyonce gave birth to Blue Ivy, a little girl. Much has been said about the name...some say spelled backward it translates to child of Lucifer. Other say more reasonable things, like Blue is because of Blueprint records (Jay-Z's label) and Ivy = IV = roman numeral four. Her birthday is September 4th, his is December 4th, they were married on April 4th, and her last album was '4'.

There has been a lot of gossip about them taking over a full floor of the Lenox Hill hospital in NYC and being general pains in the asses. Apparently some parents weren't able to access their babies in the NICU because the security was so tough. That's gross. Let's be honest.

So, all that to say, I went to http://www.makemebabies.com/ to make a composite of what I think Blue Ivy would look like and the stupid app doesn't work. Or maybe it's just on Google Chrome. I'm not changing my browser for this baby. If I start letting it boss me around now, who knows where we'll end up.

Babies are really bossy.

Skankopolis Product Review: Revlon Colorburst Lip Butter

2012-01-09T18:19:00.001-05:00

Firstly, may I just say how much I love Emma Stone? I feel like we could be friends. We'd drink margaritas on a terrace and talk about cool/dorky things like how Star Trek The Next Generation is the best in the Star Trek franchise and how we love being blond but red looks better on us.......and how great this new Revlon product is!
I really, really, really love lip product.....balm, gloss, lipstick, chap stick, whatever is going to make my lips feel and look good. I have 10-15 different lip products in my bag right now. All this to say, I'm always looking for new stuff to waste my money on. This is a good one.....super creamy, has a slight vanilla flavor, available in many colors and it doesn't dry your lips out. Best of all, it's under $10. Go get this now, before they're all sold out!

Toddlers & Tiaras Is a Horror Show

2012-01-05T20:08:00.002-05:00

This child legitimately makes me fear for my life. I know I'm being dramatic, but seriously, she is FREAKING ME OUT!

Her mother is only mildly less frightening to me.

Their pronounciation of the word 'coupon' might just be the worst part. KEWPON? Ugh. I want to slap someone.

This show needs to be stopped.

I'm so scared. Someone hold me.

Tom Cruise's Face

2012-01-04T21:11:00.001-05:00

As many of you know, I am kind of obsessed with Tom Cruise. Mostly because he's a crazy new genre of freakshow, but also because he's just really fun to mock, and that's kind of my thing. Bullies like easy targets.

I mean, for example, look hwo small he looks next to David Letterman. Now that is just funny. He's so little and silly.

There has been much talk lately of Tom Cruise's strangely youthful appearance. MUCH talk. Especially considering he's friends with one of Brazil's most renound plastic surgeons, Dr. Ivo Pitanguy. He is not shy discussing it and that's what kind of makes it intruiging.

Katie Holmes is apparently a fan of the Dr's line of creams for the face, and if her skin is any reflection of that, I would like to sign up for a case. She is my age, or a year younger and she looks AMAZING.

Tom has also reverse-aged recently and no one is quite sure whether it is due to a recent visit to Brazil or due to a recent shipment from Brazil.

What do you think?

Check out this very interesting article about Tom's skin care regimen...I think it's some kind of filler. No one's skin evens out like that without some chemical peels and some filler pushed in. But it's not Botox like his ex wife, Scary Face Kidman, because he is still able to pull off mildly psychotic. Definitely fillers.

Interesting...very interesting.

Ugh. I want plastic surgery.

Olivia Wilde's Dating Roulette: Next - Jason Sudeikis

2012-01-03T06:30:00.002-05:00

This girl dates everyone.

Like, she needs to be stopped.

If there is some kind of disease outbreak in Hollywood (aside from her movies' performances at the box office - BADUM CHING!) I will point my finger in her direction.

Almost every industry insider says Jason here is a bit of a dick. But I have trouble believing anyone who can make themselves look like this on a regular basis can be a jerk.

Anyway, I feel like she is more of a jerk right now considering she's wearing that outfit.

Come on.

Katy Perry and Russell Brand are Divorcing

2011-12-30T19:25:00.001-05:00

Soooo, I dont want to be a jerk but...who else saw this coming?

She's really young. She basically fell in love, thought she'd never love anyone else and went for it. Dumb.

That's like marrying your high school boyfriend (sorry moms of North America).

Anyway, its sad, because no one likes a divorce, but I'm not shocked.

Last week they were seen at opposite ends of the world celebrating Christmas apart after supposedly cancelling a trip for her whole family to go spend Christmas with his family in England. Well, it's sad.

Vanessa Hudgens Wears Really Ugly Stuff

2011-12-28T18:50:00.000-05:00

This girl is CUTE. And she has a really good body, from what I remember.

I mean, she should. That's pretty much all she has to do in life.

These pants are HORRENDOUS.

Anything that can make a cute 20-something girl look that thick and homeless should immediately be burned. Possibly at the stake.

I get the hippie thing, I really do. I like a boho look. I am a very casual person, but for the love of all things holy are those pants a nightmare...and then you pair them with that digusting fringed bag and that homely cardigan. Ew.

She needs a stylist to pull her out of whatever Woodstock-ian nightmare she has fallen into.

Oh, and to make matters worse, I wore a pair of pants like that to my high school graduation under my gown. They were formal black though. Gross.

Obviously, I feel shame. Shouldn't she?

SHAME!

See below.

Fake Taylor Lautner People Cover is Out. Hee hee.

2011-12-27T19:53:00.003-05:00

This is fake, but I love it.

I was going to say that I don't understand why people who are gay don't just come out, but that's not fair, because it's duhbvious why they don't.

Because some people out there (ahem, Tea Party) are ignorant and won't let people be who they are, or won't let people be attracted to whom they're attracted (fancy English).

So this is fake, but if he is gay he should be allowed to do this without worrying about the reaction.

Open your minds people.

Or you know, mind your own business and let people do what they want. It's not up to you.

Except mouth breathers. Don't do that. It's a rule. No mouth breathing allowed unless you have sinus problems or a serious cold.

JWoww's Bathing Suits Are Demure. But Not Really.

2011-12-27T12:26:00.001-05:00

As if we didn't already know this, the cast of Jersey Shore are not exactly the epitome of class or elegance.

JWoww came out with a line of bathing suits this week that look like the one on the left.

I'm not sure what string she is holding...maybe the straps to her bikini, though I'm pretty sure those are folded into the cups.

I don't understand why this is one of the promo shots. That is clearly not a strapless bikini, I mean, it's not even staying up on her concrete faux boobs that don't move. How on earth would it stay up on a regular woman?

Dear lord.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T08:15:00.000-05:00

Best Christmas movie ever? Not 'Love Actually' but it's pretty damn good. One of the best parts of that movie is Bill Nighy...who is actually the best part of any movie he's in, if we're honest. Think about it...

So what's your favourite Christmas movie?

I'm going to do a poll, but I'm sure I'll miss one that you love, so leave it in the comments.

All this to say, I want to wish all my Skanks a very Merry Christmas or whichever holiday you celebrate. Writing this blog makes me happy and I'm so glad that there are actually people on the other side who read it and appreciate it (hopefully).

Merry Christmas!

poll by twiigs.com

George Michael is Better!

2011-12-24T12:02:00.001-05:00

I love George Michael. LOVE him.

Recently, he was hospitalized in Europe for a serious bout of pneumonia. He was in hospital for a month and many say he was on the brink of death for a while, He himself even confirmed that the doctors and nurses saved his life.

Though it's never been confirmed that he's HIV positive, this is a common issue for people with HIV and AIDS. It destroys your immune system and illnesses that would be difficult for a very healthy person are almost insurmountable for those who suffer from those diseases. It is quite possible he is HIV positive or has AIDS considering the timing of his rise to fame and some of the activities he's been caught doing in the past.

Anyway, all that to say. He's back in England for Christmas and he says he's better. He was very short of breath and looks thinner than we've seen him in a long time, but he's back.

Here's the video:

Merry Christmas to George and his loved ones...

You didn't think I forgot you Skanks, did you? Here's a little prezzie from me:

Skankopolis Musings: Ombre Hair

2011-12-20T17:57:00.001-05:00

I like ombre hair. I really do. As a hairstylist, it's fun to do. It allows me to be creative with sectioning and color blocking. It's also pretty low maintenance, which is great for people who want to try a new look.
Ombre hair can be really subtle or have a big contrast like this:

This works on our girl Drew cause she has lots of texture in her hair. There's frizz and curls and waves and some braids. It's all very bohemian. It's good.
Then there's this:

This lady is effing stunning. She's funny and talented and beautiful, but this is NOT how you pull off ombre. Like, not at all. If she can't pull it off, all you ladies with straight hair are screwed.

Britney Spears Got Engaged (Again)

2011-12-18T16:45:00.000-05:00

And applied her make-up with a used candle, apparently.

No, seriously, what is going on with her eye make-up?

Ok, it's really nice she is engaged because it seems like this guy has a head on his shoulders and won't treat her like garbage.

I hope her life is normal soon. Poor thing.

Madonna Wore a Leather Dress That Makes Fart Noises

2011-12-17T15:28:00.003-05:00

This dress makes fart noises.

Observe:

So, Hilary Duff Looks Really Pregnant All of a Sudden

2011-12-17T14:58:00.001-05:00

For a while, Hilary Duff wasn't looking preggo at all. She was just mini-bumped...for the longest time. And now all of a suddent she's super pregnant...

I get that women pop after a while...but I would like a complete timeline on her pregnancy because it seems like she has been pregnant FOREVER.

In other news, mustard colored turtlenecks are never good, and they're especially un-good when they're sausaging a pregnant woman.

Oy.

Why do I hate her so much?

Skankopolis Musings: Mouth Breathers

2011-12-15T14:56:00.000-05:00

This has forever been one of those things that drives me a little bit crazy, but it peaked for me last night when I was in the grocery store attempting to navigate the aisles efficiently when I ran across a man standing in front of the child's fruit flavoured jelly treat section with his mouth gaping open.

He was completely blocking the aisle with his shopping cart, because he was -I assume- engrossed in the Dora the Explorer snack packs or some sh-t.

My anger toward mouth breathing was intensified due to his white cotton 1x1 rib turtleneck. Like, really? Are you a 7-year old boy going to his hockey tournament?

Ugh.

In short, please try to close your mouth, and I apologize very deeply if you have a sinus problem and I've offended you. This is mostly intended toward stupid, lazy people who for some reason cannot muster up the energy to close their mouths.

See Hugh Laurie above as good example of who I'm talking about.

Barf Alert! Cameron Diaz & PDiddy are Dating

2011-12-14T20:34:00.001-05:00

Just in time to make you regurgitate all the delicious holiday meals your mother made you jam down your throat, news has come out that Cam and Diddy are sticking things into each other.

Ugh. Just dry heaved a whole lot.

They were seen out last weekend making out and being generally puketastic together at a club in NYC. They also left together at the end of the night.

This 'confirmation' comes after speculation a short while back that they might be bumping really, really, really uglies.

Seriously. They're both SO gross. I can't even.

Can't he do better?

Product Review: Bourjois Healthy Mix Serum Foundation and Mineral Radiance Powder

2011-12-12T13:01:00.000-05:00

I'm very picky when it comes to makeup, I don't like putting cheap crap on my face. This foundations is great. It's called Healthy Mix Serum Foundation by Bourjois Cosmetics. For those of you who don't know Bourjois, they've been around for about 150 years. Based in France, they invented powder blush. They sell more than 3.5 million pots of blush per year. They are also the sister company to Chanel. It took me a couple of days to figure out why I like it so much, so here we go:

It's matte
It's stays matte all day ( I have oily skin, so this is important to me)
It has a fresh, light smell
It covers very well, but I can still see my skin (doesn't look like a mask)
It doesn't sink into lines and wrinkles (a lot of full coverage foundations do)

I always finish my makeup with a powder. I feel it's very important to do that. It sets your makeup and helps keep it on all day. So I used the Mineral Radiance Powder.

This powder is light weight and has a light to medium coverage. Best of all, it's baked so it doesn't look to powdery on and doesn't fly all over the place when you use it. These two products retail in Canada for under $30 each, for the quality that is amazing.

Skankopolis Musings: The Ever Changing Hairline of Jeremy Piven

2011-12-12T12:35:00.000-05:00

This is a photo of Jeremy Piven. He was on Conan last week plugging (pun intended) his new movie. This guy has GREAT hair plugs. Like, GREAT! He has a full, luscious head of hair. This looks almost too good. How many operations has he had? I'd just like to remind you all how we first met Mr. Piven:

This is also Jeremy Piven. This is when he played George in "The Pilot" episode of Seinfeld. He played George people! A character made famous for being bald!

This is also Jeremy Piven (second from the left) from the short lived Ellen sitcom. Still bald.

This is Jeremy Piven as we all know him now, the awesome and sexy Ari Gold. This man can rock a suit. Too bad it took spending thousands of dollars on hair plugs to make this guy famous and hot, cause bald can be sexy. Men and women have been pulling it off for years now. All that to say, I love Jeremy Piven.

Jennifer Lopez Wrongs Us

2011-12-11T14:26:00.001-05:00

Jennifer Lopez is glamorous. She's supposed to be like those girls from the block who never leave their houses without full make-up and those gelled curls all over their head.

But here, Jennifer Lopez is clearly dickmatized. She is getting her f-ck on with a 20 year old and she's loving it. LOOK AT HER.

The eye contact we see below is not the eye contact of someone who is just in it for the sex. She is going to marry this guy. Same way she married the first one and then almost married Diddy and Ben. She is in love with being in love...so no matter who it is, she goes hard.

I am ashamed. She is letting me down.

Keanu Reeves Is a Subway Gentleman

2011-12-11T11:17:00.001-05:00

And I don't mean that in the way that Jared was a Subway gentleman. I mean, he gives up his seat to women with bags.

You know, people don't do stuff like this anymore. I am very endeared to him by this action. I would hope if my mother came on a bus with her 3 bags (I think they're all full of crumpled up Kleenexes and Chiclets) that someone would get up for her.

Lindsay Lohan's Entire Playboy Spread Was Leaked...

2011-12-10T15:51:00.001-05:00

Ok, so, it's, you know, okay.

It looks seriously low budget and she's wearing SO much make-up...to the point that her lips look so much huger than she's made them by injecting sh-t into them.

The thing that kind of get me is the lack of any muscle tone on her body. She's very...soft. Like, she's skinny fat.

Anyway, the whole spread is available after the jump. It's all yours.

Enjoy, and comment (duh)!

(Ohm and readers, read the comments, you guys are hilarious)

Update: I totally forgot to mention how totally skeeved out I am that she's wearing the same shoes in the Playboy shoot AND in the most recent papp shot. GROSS. As I told my friends, "EW! There's VAG JUICE on those shoes!"

A commenter pointed out that they airbrushed her so much that they fused her thighs together in this one.
Amazing. Good eyes!

So Lindsay Lohan's PlayBoy Cover Was Leaked

2011-12-08T19:06:00.001-05:00

Sometimes there are benefits to having a smaller site...your pics don't get ripped down:

We'll see.

Let's see what the inside pics look like. Ew. I'm a perv.

Amazing List: Things White Girls Do on Facebook

2011-12-08T09:58:00.001-05:00

Fell upon this super amazing list (thanks to an equally amazing brown haired girl).
You know who you are, bitch.

Hope you enjoy.

Check it out in it's original home if you like, here. She's quite funny, but obviously not as funny as this blog. Duh.

1. Take pictures of their feet

We called it 'friendicure'

2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work day today and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK.

3. Thank their hubby for being the best hubby in the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them

4. Complain about bad service at restaurants. “Never eating at Applebee’s AGAIN!”

5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Brintney, Whitney, and Sarah!!! Love YOU GIRLS!!

6. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: ‘Straight thuggin’

7. Take pictures of undeserving food.

8. Make their status the song lyrics of any Kings of Leon Song.

9. Take a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?

10. Write angry letters to companies (Dear EZ PARK, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants..), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?!)

(Sara: I do 9 + 10 all the time. Must kill self now)

11. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. “Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.”

12. Document exceedingly mundane activites for the day. “Getting my oil changed today. Then getting much needed groceries. Then it’s off to the post office to mail some bills. Then stopping by the gyno. Will probably need some gas by the end, so I may stop at the gas station. But I might be tired so I’ll probably just get it in the morning on my way to pick up a prescription. But if I’m not very tired I’ll probably just get the gas on the way home. Again, unless I am tired.”

13. Express their distaste for facebook on facebook and threaten to leave facebook to their facebook friends.

14. Ask seemingly rhetorical questions. “It’s cool to do a bunch of meth and babysit 20 six year olds, right?”

15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!

Um, Billy Idol Raps.

2011-12-07T20:18:00.001-05:00

This screen cap is amazing.

I need to understand more about what is going on here. Does he have a rap album coming out? Is this a joke? Can I pre-order this album from iTunes?

Part of my is dying inside trying to handle this. Another part of that might be extreme hunger.

Lindsay Lohan Appears!

2011-12-07T20:12:00.001-05:00

Bitch is sure sticking to that palette. Yikes.

She was photographed leaving the hair stylist (Ken Paves) and she puts on a hat? Come on.

Her hair looks good, very Jessica Simpson. I'll give her that.

My god she's been laying low. It's crazy. I kind of forgot she existed.

She's not capable of living without attention though...she'll do something dumb soon. Won't she?

Please tell me she will. I really want her to. Maybe it can be karma's Christmas gift to me.

Yikes. That outfit. So many nude tones on such a pale person.

I don't like it.

Christina Aguilera Proves The Leggings Are NOT Pants

2011-12-05T21:46:00.001-05:00

Christina Aguilera is a generous celebrity. I mean, she's a hot mess since her divorce getting wasted and arrested all the time...plus she proves points for me.

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS.

Thank you. That will be all.

Uma Thurman is Looking Hot Like Hot

2011-12-04T17:16:00.001-05:00

I'm going to be frank (you be Shirley) and say that Uma Thurman's breasts are blowing my mind here.

They are sitting there really high and interesting. Um. Wow.

In other news, she looks super amazing.

Ugh, have you watched 'Kill Bill' lately? So f-ing good. SO good.

But really, what is going on with her boobs? Because that is super natural.

Wow.

Prince: Part 1 of Musical Acts You MUST See

2011-12-04T17:02:00.001-05:00

This past Friday I had the opportunity to see Prince live at the Bell Centre (that's how we spell it here in Canada, ok!?!?) in Montreal.

It was HANDS DOWN the best show I have ever seen. The best.

For 2½ hours this tiny, little, 53 year old man rocked the audience to death. My husband and I were soaked with sweat after the show because we danced our asses off for 2+ hours.

Here's a little YouTube clip from the first song of the show. It was mind blowing. If you have the chance to see him as he tours and before he stops putting on shows.

Amazeballs.

Nicki Manaj Thinks She's on Broadway

2011-12-04T13:12:00.001-05:00

Wednesday night while watching the boring Grammy Nominations Concert and nursing my latest back injury, I noticed that Nicki Minaj looked a little plastic-y in the face, especially around the nose area.

But she likes this Barbie Doll meets Katy Perry meets circus performer look, so I didn't think too much of it. I had also taken a shoe-full of medication, so it could have been my glassy eyes playing tricks on me. Until this picture surfaced yesterday to confirm my suspicions:

What tha?!

She was at some Billboard Women's something or other sporting the same look. Ummmmmm, this is NOT ok. This is never ok unless you're performing in 'Caberet' or you're a Cirque du Soleil acrobat. Shame on Nick's makeup artist for doing this and shame on Nicki Minaj for walking around with a doll's nose. You want to know how to contour, check out this:

This is Lisa Marie Presley. Kevyn Aucoin's book Making Faces is genius. Take note "makeup artists". If you can't make it look flawless, don't do it.

Sara: Just want to add that I totally agree Kevyn Aucoin's book is amazing. Before I knew the genius who was Lindsay I followed that book. He writes an amazing section on contouring that will change how you do your make-up.

Skankopolis Musings: Sequins

2011-11-30T13:17:00.001-05:00

Hey, everyone, it's SEQUINS not SEQUENCE.

Thank you,

Sara

Skankopolis Musings: Sweatpants & Leggings

2011-11-29T20:32:00.001-05:00

I thought we might start a new feature, since we're branching out here at Skankopolis and I thought musings might be something we could try out...and by we I mean myself and the Beauty Writer...but also you guys, the readers!

So, I'm going to inaugurate this new feature with the below musing/rant but send us an email at skankopolis@gmail.com and we'll post yours too!

So, today my thing is about sweatpants.

I have a thing about sweatpants in public. They bother me. I don't understand why people cannot put the effort into slipping on a pair of jeans. It's not like we're in the 80's when there was no spandex in denim, it's the year 2011 and jeans are quite comfortable.

All I'm asking is that people put a little more effort into getting dressed in the morning. I get it, you're comfy in your sweats, but um, you're also in society and I can see the outline of your vaginal lips, so, you know, please put that away.

And while we're on the subject, leggings need to go. When they came back years ago, I said that I knew it was going to go back to the problem we had in the late 90's where people did not want to get rid of their leggings and wore them all the time. This is happening again. Except it might actually be worse this time because there are no roomy t-shirt and cat-painted sweatshirts to cover what we don't want to see.

Now we have slutty young women flouncing around acting as if leggings are pants.

And I don't know how many times I have to say this, LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS.

Thank you!

Send your musings/rants to skankopolis@gmail.com and give the world a piece of your mind!

Lady Gaga: Hair and Makeup Genius

2011-11-29T18:33:00.001-05:00

Let me just begin by stating, I'm a really big Gaga fan. Like, really big. I follow everything she does, I've seen her live 3 times, I get and appreciate everything she does. I feel sorry for people who don't get her. They must have sad lives.
This girl is a genius. Not only musically, and not only as an artist and performer, but really knows how to use makeup and hair to sell herself to all types of people from many walks of life. The most recent example of this is from Lady Gaga: A Very Gaga Thanksgiving. This special aired on a network during prime time! She sang a Christmas song, did a duet with Tony Bennett, cooked with a world famous chef and did arts and crafts with school children, and looked like this:

She looks like a debutant from the 50's. That makeup! So beautiful! So soft and sophisticated, and her hair.......my God! She has fantastic people working for her and clearly knows how to manipulate fashion, makeup and hair.

All you haters take note: She does not need to wear a meat dress to get attention. She has mad skills and you're falling in love with her as you read this.

Product Review: Herbal Essences Body Envy Hairspray

2011-11-29T18:15:00.001-05:00

So I'm a bit of a product snob........and when I say "bit" I mean really massive, huge, skank-faced, "get that cheap shit away form me!" kinda snob. However, every now and then I find pharmacy brand products that I really like. This hair spray being one of them.

I was in a bit of a bind and really needed hair spray, so I picked this up at my local drug store. It was on sale for $2.79, so if it was crap I could easily throw it out with no regrets. Now, I love hairspray......LOVE. My hair absorbs everything so I use more product than the average person. This stuff really did the job. Not only does it smell fantastic, it has great hold which is usually my big beef with non-professional products. Final verdict: Herbal Essences Body Envy Hairspray is awesome. Really good hold, shine and smell. Great for doing curls and chignons. However if you want something light and brushable, it may not be for you.

Sara: I can attest to her using a lot of product. Before leaving my home on Friday night she emptied a can of hairspray on her head. The only product I've ever been able to suggest to her was one that I'm pretty sure is part made of cement and traumatized my hair into a corner for 4 days.

Reese Witherspoon Had Various Crotch Errors This Week

2011-11-27T11:07:00.001-05:00

You guys, Reese's crotch had a really bad week. It was ALL over the place.

First, she left her fly open and we all got a glimpse of how tight she likes to wear her jeans and then, she appeared not to have worn panties and gone for a workout. I don't think this is the kind of photo Adidas will be using in their company newsletter to show celebs wearing their stuff.

"Look! Our workout pants give camel toe!"

That's more of a Reebok thing, no?

This Bitch Is Dumb - Also, Happy US Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T20:38:00.001-05:00

I Thought you guys might like to watch a 3 minute long video of some very shocked woman finding her kids have dumped a 5 lb bag of flour all over her house. While she had diarrhea or something, per her comment.

http://youtu.be/bPNyK7XTy6o

She says "oh my gosh" about 16 million times. She also loses it at one point, claiming that she's gonig to throw up.

Bitch obviously doesn't own a Dyson. I think she's overreacting. I think the kids did her a favor, that house is fugly. There's Ikea stuff, old grandma's rocking chair and a really impractically small carpet in that room. All of them deserved to be floured off the face of this Earth. Those kids are just interior designers to be.

Ha ha, I'm an ass.

I hope you are spending lots of time shopping and/or with your families this US Thanksgiving. I'm very thankful that there are people out there who are actually interested in reading my maniac ramblings.

Thank you Skanks. You make me happier than a 3 year old in a 5lb bag of flour/Lindsay Lohan with an 8-ball.

Olivia Wilde Never Takes a Break From Being Pretty

2011-11-23T20:46:00.001-05:00

She looks f-ing divine here. I love it.

The kitten liner (beauty writer - comment!: she clearly has good people working for her. Really nice, even application of the liner. Tip: this look only works on the under 40 crowd, otherwise, you look like a housewife from the 60's trying to be "hip". Also, when you apply a liquid liner start from the inside corner and draw a "smile" to the outside of your eye. Don't follow the shape of your eye...you'll end up looking like Cleopatra), the cut-out which would look vulgar on anyone else, the little side swept bangs.

Very cute.

My only complaint would be that her foundation is a little too pale compared to her neck down. It's very pale and smooth and then she's a little bronzed.

Still. She looks great.

Who What Wear - REALLY??

2011-11-23T08:26:00.001-05:00

I work in fashion/jewelry so I subscribe to a lot of fashion updates and trend services that talk about the latest trends. Some are dumb. Like, really dumb.

For instance, today I woke up to find this trend sitting in my inbox. Like, really?

Without a word of a lie, if I EVER see any bitch in Montreal walking around with that hat in the 2nd runway photo, I will stab her. OUTRIGHT. And I think I'm justified. No?

Here's another one that drove me crazy because I don't think looking like you just woke up should be considered fashion. I hate topknots. HATE THEM. And that picture below is WAY too high. Ugh. It's so Whitney Port.

Maybe our beauty writer has comments on the below hairdo....

The AMA's Red Carpet

2011-11-21T12:35:00.001-05:00

As I mentioned in the below post, the AMA's kind of suck. They are the kind of award show where pretty much anyone can get in...so the pictures worth posting are kind of few and far between. Hence:

Heidi Klum:
Spot on trends with a metallic leather laser cut out dress. I mean, she's friends with Tim Gunn, how can she go wrong?

Jennifer Hudson:
Did she get breast implants after that last awards show dress appearance? Because her boobs have never looked so round and plump...

I want to like this girl, but there are so many blind items about her weight loss being fake and due to lap band surgery, and that makes me bitter.

Jennifer Lopez:
Her first nearly nude outfit.

This is the kind of dress that only a few women could pull off. She can. Kate Hudson could. I'm thinking Keira Knightly too. That doesn't make it good though.

Ugh, she's in my awareness too much lately. I need her to go away.

Katy Perry:
This outfit makes me stabby. It's too themey. And those shoes. With the pink hair. I feel like everything she does is an attempt to prove or be something. Am I too mean?

Taylor Swift:
I don't even have words.

WEAR SOMETHING ELSE.

Oh, there they are.

Jennifer Lopez Wore This Last Night. Yikes.

2011-11-21T12:20:00.001-05:00

Jennifer Lopez wants everyone to know that she is single, so she strapped on a Band-Aid colored glitter body stocking last night at the AMA's.

I mean, the AMA's? It's the most budget of all the music award shows.

I guess that's why she wore the costume that didn't quite match her skintone and had a fringe beard on the front. She looks like one of those talking trees from 'Lord of the Rings' with that beard/fringe.

The behind shot is interesting too...not sure why they felt a need to leave that crack seam nude...

Kind of emphasizes some stuff.

Oh my.

Joe Manganiello Looks Nice. Real Nice.

2011-11-20T15:17:00.001-05:00

I do not get excited when this guy drops trou on 'True Blood' because I think I'm becoming immune to the nudity on that show.

But this guy is wearing the hell out of these clothes.

Like, I'm a little faint.

I NEVER look this good when I'm in the airport. I am always rushing and thirsty and shoeless. Well, ok, I'm only shoeless through the security line, but you get what I'm saying.

He looks dead sexy in these photos and I've never really found him attractive because I remember the terrible character he played on 'How I Met Your Mother'.

No seriously. The lower photo is bordering on romance novel cover.

Woah.

Oh Paz, Part Two

2011-11-20T11:03:00.001-05:00

Ya...this girl is a hot mess.......all the time! Now, I do watch Boardwalk Empire (religiously) and she's even a hot mess on that show, which is very challenging considering it takes place in the 20's and they have incredible stylists who go out of their way to make everyone look super classy. This doesn't look like concealer or self-tanner, to me this looks more like eye shadow. Paz tried to be creative or something and it did not work. I don't get this girl.....why don't you ever wear eye makeup? Why do you want to look like a pair of floating lips? I do agree, it's a great color, but how 'bout some mascara? As for her hair, she's been doing this look for a lifetime:

Exhibit B, C and D:

She clearly has never heard of the following: shampoo, conditioner, a blow dryer, flat iron, curling iron, mousse, hairspray or a round brush. I also think she cuts her own hair with craft scissors, but whatever.....to each their own I guess.

Oh Paz de la Huerta

2011-11-19T17:50:00.001-05:00

Oh Paz.

You are so delightfully weird.

And I am saying this as purely a photo spectator, I've never even watched 'Boardwalk Empire'.

What I'm curious about is her undereye concealer. Is that self tanner by accident?

And what is going on with her hair. Oh my god!

Beauty Writer! Get on this!

I will say this though...I love her lipstick. So natural and her lips look great.

Thems some low lookin' boobies though. Yick.

Demi Moore Finally Announced She's Divorcing Ashton Kutcher

2011-11-18T06:17:00.001-05:00

FINALLY.

Seriously. Took her long enough.

Here's her statement:

"It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation."

How do you like this photo I found? Amazing, right?

This marriage never made sense to me, and it seems like it never made sense to him either. Thank god it's over.

Another Snow White Movie - Mirror Mirror...Oh But This One Looks Like It's Gonna Suck

2011-11-16T19:57:00.001-05:00

I mean, watch it if you feel you have to, but you can pretty much take my word that this one is going to suck.

After Charlize and the trailer from 'Snow White and the Huntsman' last week this just looks so campy and bad.

Ugh.

Julia Roberts looks awful. Also, Snow White's eyebrows are a little too Brooke Shields for me.

Wow. I'm actually shocked at how bad this looks.

Um, BTW, is the bottom left dwarf (I'm allowed to use that term in this instance, it's Snow White and the 7 Dwarves) Mickey from 'Seinfeld'?

Ashley Greene's Dress is Tragically Ugly

2011-11-16T06:07:00.001-05:00

OMG. This dress is so hideous. WTF?

This girl drives me mildly crazy. She is not that famous, yet she constantly speaks of being so famous and so burdened by her life plagued by paparazzi

And then she has this totally insane body and she wears this hot mess of a dress.

This dress is so gross.

Whoever is responsible for this should just go hide in a cave somewhere and linger in their shame.

Ugh.

Elizabeth Hasselback is a Meany to Bill Maher

2011-11-15T19:50:00.001-05:00

I love this picture.

Bill looks so bored and intolerant of her being a total idiot and loudmouth.

Bill is so much smarter than this stupid bitch and she's so annoying and persistent about being annoying.

I mean she's SO annoying that even Barbara Walters, who signs her cheques cannot stand to listen to her attack Bill over something completely dumb.

Bill made a joke. Bill is a comedian. It was about this dumb ho, and she was offended. Instead of admitting that she was offended that he joked to trade her for POW's in the middle East, she pretended it was a women's issue.

Like, really? Just say you're mad that he made a joke about sending you overseas because you're so annoying.

And then she just keeps nagging at him the whole time...and everyone else on the panel just wants her to shut the hell up.

Watch it. He's so smart and so controlled that it makes her look even stupider.

Ke$ha: Exhibit A in my New Series: Famous for Bad Decisions, The Beauty Edition

2011-11-15T19:43:00.001-05:00

This chick drives me crazy. I can't even listen to her knife-on-a-chalkboard voice, let alone, look at her. Maybe I'm old, (I'm not) or out of touch (not a chance) or lame (hahahahahaha) but I don't get her. I don't understand wanting to look ugly.....all the time. Take this troll hair-caterpillar brow combo. There's not even a theme! There looks to be some ill placed glitter on her cheekbone....I dunno.

And this? I think this is suppose to be her interpretation of "tribal meets spacelord" makeup. I like the sparkle, that's it. The eyebrows, the crazy liner, the football paint on her cheeks. It's also not even. If you're going to do this kind of look at least get a makeup artist to do it and not your 3 year old niece.

More tribal lines!? We get it! You're trying to be "creative". Now she's added feathers (which are really hot for hair, but not done like this). I'm sure I've seen this in a nightmare.

Gah. More face paint.......she looks like a ghetto Lady Gaga meets the Statue of Liberty.

Ya know, the thing is, she's not that good looking. I mean it's nice to see someone who isn't a classic Hollywood beauty make it big. If she looked more like this, beach-y hair and soft makeup she would get a lot more respect from her peers and the public. It goes to show you that most of the time, less is more.

I Find Robert Pattinson Ugly

2011-11-15T13:59:00.001-05:00

You guys know me, I don't tend to shy away from controversy. Hee hee.

This is one subject I've been avoiding for a while though.

I legit find this guy ugly.

He does not fit into what I consider to be attractive. hi find his eyebrows overly full and the facial hair gives me a George Michael / Wham vibe I am unable to shake.

When I read the Twilight books it was after the movies were cast and I was REALLY disappointed at this choice. I mean. WTF?

Ugh, I wonder if my house is going to get firebombed because of this post...

Nicole Kidman Looks Like the Joker

2011-11-14T13:07:00.001-05:00

If this is not an advertisement for NOT jamming injectables in your face, I don't know what is.

For a beautiful woman who was iconic in her look (seriously, click here, it will freak you out), to a generic LA Face'd mess with inflated, freakish features.

I mean, she just looks so scary here.

Imagine this tucking you in at night? No thanks.

Anyhoo, this is what she looked like and wore at the Country Music Awards last week.

How frightening.

Does she have no friends who could do an intervention?

Hunger Games Trailer Is Out

2011-11-14T09:53:00.001-05:00

The trailer is out.

EEEEEEEK! So far I'm very happy with how they've put the book into real life. It's not exactly what I pictured, but it's not a bad version of what I saw. Yay!

Also, I'm already sad about Lenny/Cinna after seeing that scene.

Chelsea Handler Shouldn't Stand Next to Jennifer Aniston in This Outfit

2011-11-13T15:28:00.001-05:00

So for a while now we've heard that Chelsea Handler and Jennifer Aniston are the bestest of friends.

This has brought up a few rumours since they've emerged as besties...several of those involving cocaine use.

Anyhoo, that was just gossipy...duh.

This post is really about Chelsea Handler wearing a severely unflattering jumpsuit around her best friend who will be eternally hot and could probably pull that jumpsuit off.

I mean, look at it. It's so lumpy. It's really bad. Aren't cokeheads supposed to be thin?

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Demi Lovato Tries to JLo

2011-11-11T18:36:00.001-05:00

Soooo, someone tried to be provocative while still rocking the baby fat.

It's ok, we were all there, in the 90's.

Beauty Writer insert:
I just don't feel like her lipstick matches her dress. Nothing is working here. MAKE IT GO AWAY!

That's legit what she just said.

And she's not wrong.

The hair color, the lipstick and the dress are all clashing in a major way.

And then there's the fit of the dress. As in, it doesn't fit. As in, it's bunching at her waist, it's wrinkly at her groin and the sleeves are too long.

And then there's the subject of her chest. And her (shut up!) penis chin.

It's all quite bad. I don't care for it. This girl needs to stop pushing the boundaries of her Disney upbringing. It's not cool.

This dress IS NOT COOL. This look is NOT COOL.

Snow White & The Huntsman Looks AWESOME

2011-11-11T12:16:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I forget that Charlize is not just beautiful, but also a talented actress.

The trailer for the new live action (1 of 2) movie based on the fairy tale of Snow White called "Snow White and the Huntsmen" came out this week and OH MY GOD.

I cannot wait to see this movie. It looks amazing.

Snow White was my very fave movie as a child and I'm so excited to see it turn into real people cool-ass battle stuff! Yay!

Kate Hudson Takes a Perfect Facebook Profile Pic

2011-11-11T06:08:00.001-05:00

You know what I mean. Every once in a while that photo is taken of you where you look so frigging fabulous that it's one you'll put and keep as your Facebook pic.

This is one of those photos.

I mean, look at her. Her hair is stunning, there's a little casual piece in her face making it less perfect and posed. She's not actually looking at the camera so it seems candid, and not like it was posed for.

Her skin looks amazing, her make-up is perfect and the rest of her is glowing.

Amazing. I need this photo. Can someone please take this photo of me? I need a new profile pic.

Brad Pitt Is Rocking That Look, But That Doesn't Make it Ok

2011-11-10T14:05:00.000-05:00

Soooo, if anyone is going to look good in this hairdo / glasses / facial hair combo, it's him. And he does.

But that doesn't make it ok.

I don't want to see any men thinking that they can grow their hair to this length.

It's not ok men, NOT OK.

Think about it seriously. Because if your hair is this long it means you're going to be poking it behind your ears all the time and that's creepy and very 'the-kid-from-3rd-Rock-From-The-Sun'. Ew.

And Angie is pulling off some Joan Collins shit that I'm loving. She looks a little healthier than normal and less drawn and gross.

I approve.

Though, now that I'm typing lower down because of all my heavy ranting above, what's going on with the thighs of his jeans? Weird, no?

Ugh. AND I saw her shoes.

Gross.

Um, Jonathan Lipnicki is Super Creepy Now

2011-11-09T20:51:00.003-05:00

You know, I was getting all ready to rant about how creepy this guy is and then I remembered that he starred in a major motion picture with Tom Cruise.

As a child.

So...we already think Tom Cruise is secretly gay...could this be his boy toy on the side? That would explain the creeptastically (TM) ripped physique and the douchey hair.

I'm getting really creeped out by this post. I'm weirding myself out. I didn't think that I was capable of that.

I just find this photo shoot so weird. So strangely timed, so weird with all the breath holding and flexing and hard posing...though that could easily be explained by the fact that Renee Zellwegger played his mother... no one poses harder than her.

Ugh. I'm freaked out. Great. Guarateed I'm going to have nightmares about Tom Cruise chasing around Jonathan Lipnicki in a sauna in West Hollywood while Renee screams at him from the corner to flex harder! I mean, she's there to eat. One can't survive on coffee alone. She has to have some steam soup!

CREEPY!

Oh, and my nightmare will be something like this...Tom being the giggling fool, duh.

Guess Who Didn't Use Doll Lashes.....

2011-11-09T20:18:00.002-05:00

Ick. Gross. What's with this clown? She needs to cool it on the airbrush. Seriously, this is all wrong. ALL WRONG.

My New Favorite: Lancome Hypnose Doll Lashes

2011-11-09T20:03:00.004-05:00

I hate spending money on mascara. HATE. I remember years ago a friend told me she only used Definicils from Lancome. I bought it, used it and tossed in the garbage 2 weeks later. It made my lashes stick together, it was hard to get off and it cost me $31! Not cool. So since then I have stayed away from Lancome makeup. All that to say, I recently did my makeup (entire face) with Lancome and was pleasantly surprised. The shadows were nice, (although I didn't use any bright or deep colors), the foundation was light and covered very well, but most of all I fell in love with their new mascara, Hypnose Doll Lashes. It seriously gave that false lash look; tons of volume, super long and curly and feathery. It also has a great brush that comes to a point at one end so you can get at those little, baby lashes. Best of all, it never got hard. It stayed soft and fluffy all day and I easily removed it with my face wash. I highly recommend it, even though it will set you back $31. Just think, that's about 4 sets of false lashes. I definitely think it's money well spent.

Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake Back Together

2011-11-06T11:23:00.002-05:00

I am in love with the expression on Justin Timberlake's face right now: There is fear, happiness, elderly bewilderment, and I'm pretty sure teary eyes, no?

I mean, if anyone should be sad it's Jessica Biel because she looks like a doormat now that they've confirmed by being seen in public together that they're back together.

I mean, it's kind of shameful, no?

However, if that was my face and I had her body (and bank account), I don't think I'd be super sad either.

LOOK AT HER CHEEKBONES! RIDONC!

RIP Andy Rooney

2011-11-06T11:18:00.002-05:00

Only 6 weeks after retiring his whining from 60 Minutes, Andy Rooney passed away yesterday from complications after a minor surgery.

I spent many a Sunday night in my grandparents' basement listening to him rail about things that were genuinely annoying. And he was often the only one who had the stones to talk about it.

Andy Rooney was 92.

RIP.

Lindsay Lohan Going to Jail for 30 Days...Mmmm hmm

2011-11-02T13:44:00.000-04:00

Seriously, why do they expect us to believe she's actually going to go to jail.

Because TMZ is so on top of it, here is what they have to say:

Lindsay Lohan will serve 30 days in jail, and the judge is holding her on a tight leash to make sure she completes her probation.

Lindsay admitted she violated her probation by not attending therapy sessions as required by the court and by getting kicked out of the Downtown Women's Center.

The judge now says ALL of Lindsay's community service must now be served at the L.A. County Morgue. And the judge gave Lindsay a tight structure on how she must complete the rest of her probation, and if she doesn't the judge will put a warrant out for her arrest and sentence her to an additional 270 days in jail.

As for the 30 days Lindsay is getting now -- the judge made it clear ... NO HOUSE ARREST.

The Sheriff's Dept. tells us Lindsay will serve 20% of the 30 days -- 6 days in jail.
Judge Stephanie Sautner gave Lindsay a strict schedule on completing the rest of her probation -- by December 14, she must have completed 12 days at the morge and 4 psychotherapy sessions. By January 17, another 12 days at morgue and 4 psychotherapy sessions. And so on. Everything must be completed by March 29 -- or she goes directly to jail for 270 days.

The judge clearly thinks Lindsay needs a rigid structure to complete her sentence, and as the judge put it, Lindsay is holding the keys to the jail cell.

And the judge strongly suggested Lindsay stop tweeting about her experiences at the morgue.

At the end, Lindsay seemed happy, walking out of court saying, "Thank God," under her breath.

Six days? SIX DAYS? Why the fuck do they bother?

Oh, and I'm going to LA and going on a coke binge and crime spree because apparently you can do anything there.

If they were really serious about forcing her to serve time, they would send her somewhere where they don't have to worry about overcrowding to serve a FULL sentence.

This is actually how I feel. Well put ladies:

Speaking of Kim Kardashian's Marriage/Divorce...

2011-11-01T08:25:00.000-04:00

Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while know I'm not a fan of talentless people. Unless it's Lindsay Lohan. She gets a pass because of how fantastically train-wrecky she is.

Kim Kardashian on the other hand, I can't stand. She is not talented and she's famous for being rich and generally being annoying.

And now this 72-day marriage thing.

It's being whispered that this was Kim's strategy from the beginning. Apparently her aspiration is to be like Elizabeth Taylor and to be married more times than her to many rich suitors...

That's basically her career plan.Or, that's what SHE calls a career. You know, the rest of us have jobs and we work hard and we call that a career. This twat wants to get married a bunch of times and she's calling that her career.

Ugh.

Speaking of The Duchess.....

2011-10-31T22:38:00.004-04:00

Is that what Kate is, a Duchess? Who cares. So in the wake of Kim Kardashian announcing she's leaving her husband, (I don't know his name cause I hate basketball) or cancelling it or whatever you do after 72 days of marriage, I'd like to focus on Kate vs Kim, the makeup edition.

I really don't like Kim K. In fact I think her and her whole family are fame whores and I don't know why everything she does is breaking news. That being said, I find her to be absolutely beautiful. She has great features and clearly has a great team of stylists because even in sweatpants, from the neck up she's always so polished. Look at that contouring, so subtle, so well done. And her eyes, a light smoky eye in great earth tones with a false lash. Now that's how you do it!

Now for Kate. Oh Kate. You know, I get it. She's the girl next door that married the handsome Prince. They represent a new page in the Monarchy. She's nice and sweet and pretty and athletic and a commoner. I get it. Hope and promise and ,snnnooooooorrrrrrrrrrrr. Sorry! I fell asleep! Can someone explain to me why she didn't hire a makeup artist for the event LITERALLY seen around the world by over a billion people?! I was free, she could have called me, I even have a friend in London I could have stayed with. This style of makeup is what I call "80's esthetician makeup". Lots of black liner to accentuate the eyes, rosy pink blush in truck loads and pink lipstick. Gahhh. I felt like it ruined her whole look. Imagine if she had Kim's people for her wedding? SO STUNNING!

Kate, I have a message for you: I know you're trying to be a Princess on a budget but please spend some money on a makeup artist for special events and appearances, it's worth it.

Royal Wedding Costume Overload

2011-10-31T22:30:00.003-04:00

So, because I work 37 jobs, I only seem to be off during the week so today I have the "privilege" of watching daytime TV. The Today Show did a Royal Wedding. The best part was Meredith losing her wig and Big Al dressed like Prince Harry. Live with Regis and Kelly also did a Royal Wedding, (you'd think they would have coordinated better, they're on the same network). For costumes I find them pretty safe. No blood or guts, no crazy hair, not even a smoky eye. Just uncomfortable clothes. Yuck.

Halloween: a Makeup Artist's Dream

2011-10-31T22:13:00.011-04:00

Happy Halloween Skanks! Ohhh this time of year is a delight for makeup artists and hairstylists everywhere! Even if you hate wearing costumes, or have no money or are last minute, makeup can BE the costume!

Example: Something elaborate like a sugar skull, or something gross with lots of detail and gore, or lame like a mime (I went as that one year) or cute like Hello Kitty. Whatever you pick, it always makes a big impact, so good luck and have fun!

Celebrity Halloween Costumes

2011-10-31T14:34:00.000-04:00

So Halloween is today, and in the spirit of one of my favorite days of the year, I'm posting some great, expensive Halloween costumes that only celebrities or annoying people can afford. Enjoy!

David Spade:
So gross, but well done. He went as the human centipede. If you don't know what it is already, don't traumatize yourself by looking at this trailer. It's pretty gross.

Gwen Stefani:
I know she only has boys, but how awesome would it be if this was your mom? As a girl, I am pretty sure I would have died.

Heidi Klum:
What a nut. I'm pretty sure if I was a celebrity this is how I would be for Halloween. Totally into it and really extravagant. I don't think I would wear those shoes though, they a bit ridiculous. Also, she has a much better body than I do. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a back fat section on that bodysuit.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's Illegitimate Son:
Oy. He went as Conan. And not Jason Mamoa Conan. His dad Conan.

I wonder how much they sold these pictures for. Also, isn't he a bit old to be dressing up for Halloween?

JWoww & Roger:
Does anyone else smell burnt hair when they look at this picture? Ugh, they're so gross.

Katherine Heigl:
I get it, you're not dressing up, your kid is. But if you're going to put in some effort, why not put a lot. This is just embarrassing. And super half-assed.

Kim Kardashian:
Ugh. Really?
And those nylons. How many pairs of Spanx tights is that? She looks like a figure skater. They're awful.

You know what? On ANY other human being I would love this costume, because I love me some Poison Ivy...but on her it's just so much.

Snooki:
Ugh. This is even worse than Kim K.

Can you imagine being in a club trying to dance in that sweat robe? Imagine how much it would smell and look after you danced even just for one song?

Also, can we please discuss her crooked ass contacts below? How budget is that? You have to check those things all the time.

Courtney Stodden's Claims of Being Natural Seem Unnatural

2011-10-28T14:11:00.000-04:00

Courtney Stodden claims she is 17. She married Doug Hutchison, 51, earlier this year with her mother's permission after they met in an acting class Doug taught. Ahem.

Courtney has been seen around Hollywood in recent months in various whorey situations and poses that rival the above photo of she and Doug in a pumpkin patch this past weekend (one they got kicked out of based on complaints due to her behavior/whoriness).

Many have questioned the age claim of this young girl, considering how rough she looks and how f-ing creepy she is. If you haven't already, please watch the video at this link...it's mad creepy and will explain a lot of what I'm saying here.

She's also come under fire because she claims to be completely real and 100% natural, when it's quite evident that half her face was carved out in a plastic surgeon's office and her tits look more concrete than the sidewalk outside the door.

Principally, I don't like to promote people like this by giving them publicity. That's all she wants. But Wednesday pictures came out that someone claims is Courtney as a youngster. I'm no expert, but that looks like it could be the same person. DEFINITELY.

And that would also imply that her '100% natural' body and face are not so natural. Honestly, if I found out that she was 26 and had plastic surgery, i'd be much happier than her current story of being 16 and her messed up mother letting her marry some old-ass creep.

No?

Hunger Games Posters: Things That Make Me Excited

2011-10-27T21:10:00.002-04:00

Have you read the Hunger Games trilogy?

If you haven't, go read it, because in 5 months, there are going to be people out there lining up to see the movie.

I have never lined up to see a movie...but this is one of those ones where I would consider going on opening weekend because I adored the book so much. Check out the posters.

Love them.

Though Gale looks a little cro-magnon, no?

WTF is With Megan Fox's Face?

2011-10-27T20:56:00.002-04:00

What is going on with her face? Seriously? She has got to stop with the fillers.

She is so beautiful and so, so young and yet she insists on sticking a syringe in her face all the time.

I really can't even say anymore to explain it. I mean, it's clear that she's thin, but that face, it's so puffy and so bloated.

It's really weird.

Me no like.

Amy Winehouse's Cause of Death: Alcohol Toxicity

2011-10-27T13:10:00.000-04:00

Today it was finally announced today how Amy Winehouse died earlier this year on July 23rd.

Amy died from a toxic level of alcohol in her bloodstream. The coroner said Amy had 416mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood. 350mg of booze is considered lethal and 80mg is the legal limit for driving in the UK.

Apparently Amy had quit drinking a couple of weeks before and then went on a bender that eventually resulted in her death.

Several empty bottles were found in her room at the time her body was discovered.

Sad stuff. Someone should have helped her.

Lindsay Lohan Predictably Poses for Playboy

2011-10-26T13:31:00.000-04:00

I don't even know what to say anymore. How does she not see how depressing she is?

Anyhoo, news surfaced that Lindsay posed nude (full frontal) for Playboy this past weekend for a pay of nearly $1 million.

I mean, who of us didn't see this coming?

Meanwhile, her father got arrested for trying to beat up his on and off girlfriend because she didn't want to blow him. Hot. And we wonder why she's such a mess?

Nicole Richie Looks Amazing

2011-10-26T12:51:00.000-04:00

I think Nicole Richie looks amazing lately.

She's not as disgustingly thin as she once was, she seems to have found a really confident groove in her life as a successful working designer/mom and she has definitely found her groove style-wise.

I covet this outfit.

Covet.

And it's so simple. It's so amazing that's she's making this simple tank & skirt combo look so amazing just with the accessories that she's added.

I am quite certain I could never pull off those sunglasses, but it doesn't make me love them less.

And the boots. Sigh. I love them.

They're part of her House of Harlow collection of shoes she's doing for either QVC or HSN. I don't know which, but I want them.

Love her. So glad she's not friends with Parasite anymore and that she's away from Rachel Zoe. As brilliant as Zoe is, sartorially, she is scary thin and rumor had it Nicole Richie ran away from her because she was pushing drugs to get people model/rail thin.

Love her. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Bronzer Emergency

2011-10-25T21:29:00.003-04:00

Ohhhhhh.....what a wonderful intro! Hello Skanks! I am the beauty writer and as previously stated, I am very opinionated about all things beauty. I'll be blogging once a week so don't miss out on everything I have to say about products I love (there are many), products I hate (there are many more), celebrity hits and misses, beauty tips and tricks and whatever else I decide to blather on about!

So, I had a great post all ready to go but there have been some true crimes against makeup in the past week that NEED to be addressed.

Ummmmm, what tha? It's hard to even find words for this. Now, you'll come to find out, I love a good cheek. I think blush and bronzer add a lot. they can make you look fresh, younger, thinner, more tanned and modern and add polish to any look. This however is rancid! This looks like a maroon blush a la 1980's applied with a heavy hand in the wrong place. THIS IS NOT WHERE BLUSH GOES! It's also way to dark for her skin tone. I feel like she wanted to look sophisticated and older (Sara: Or didn't have the motor skills to apply because she's too tweaked) but missed the mark completely. Remember that bronzer should be a natural tone (gold for fair skin, brown for dark). Not red, not orange and not maroon. You can lightly dust a bronzer all over and use it to contour under the cheek bone. Blush goes on the apple of the cheek and NO WHERE else. I highly recommend Smashbox bronzers. They are very easy to use and give a beautiful glow to any skin color.

Sara: Isn't she fabulous? Remember, you can send questions to skankopolis@gmail.com

The Beauty Writer is Here!

2011-10-25T09:16:00.001-04:00

I've been alluding to it for a while, but the time has finally come!

Our beauty writer is ready for her first post!

She has been a beauty professional for over 10 years here in Montreal. She is a highly skilled hair stylist and make-up artist who performs miracles on a daily basis. If I take me for example she has done the following:

- Made my thin hair looks full and healthy

- Made my dry skin look dewy and young again

- Alsways makes me look tan and healthy despite my fear of ageing and the sun

She is also sharply witty and a fantastic friend and I know you will all enjoy her writing style. Please send any questions you might have for her for beauty and hair to skankopolis@gmail.com. You can also send me emails there if you have any fashion queries...but you know that.

Love you guys and I know you will love her as much as I do!

So Jessica Simpson is Obviously Pregnant

2011-10-25T08:35:00.001-04:00

It was rumored last week that Jessica Simpson hasn't announced her pretty obvious pregnancy yet because her father is shopping a deal out to different magazines and websites.

Because Papa Joe is a douche he was asking for something like half a million dollars for this deal, which is ridiculous...ridiculous because it has been so obvious for so long.

And then Jessica was seen like this this past weekend.

If she isn't pregnant then she has some serious disease where her stomach is distended uniquely.

So obviously she's pregnant.

Yay for Jessica. But bigger yay for her douche of a fiance who now has a security deposit inserted into her uterus...so he'll never be poor again considering she has a billion dollar clothing/shoe/purse empire. Smart move. Male golddigger win.

Evangeline Lily Is Um. OMG WHY?

2011-10-24T21:22:00.002-04:00

She's hot, I'm not denying it. But is this really the outfit she should have worn?

Jumpsuits are something, but I don't think it's ever a good thing when they're so tight that you can see your ab muscles contracting...

And then there's the pose below. It hurts my feelings as a human being. Like, WHY ON EARTH DID YOU DO THAT?

And Craig Ferguson's reaction is really making my day because he doesn't know what to do. He would rather eat his fingers off his hand entirely than pay attention to that. It's a hot, hot mess.

Look, we're all proud when we work out, but there is no reason to wear something that tight unless we are stripping. Or a stripper on a night out. Or something.

Mind you, those shoes are kind of stripper-y. Is she trying to tell us something?

Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds are Spending Sexy Times Together

2011-10-22T19:05:00.000-04:00

Blake and Ryan have been seen several times coming out of his apartment in Boston over the past week or so...This confirms a rumour that was around a little while back that someone saw them making out at a Boston train station.

Unfortunately, that doesn't make it really exciting. They are being extra dumb in how they keep trying to wear hats and leave at weird hours so they're not caught. The below photo, the most recent, was taken around 5am yesterday.

Riveting stuff.

Can We Discuss How Hot Salma Hayek Is?

2011-10-21T09:43:00.000-04:00

Like, it's not normal.

And I also want to bring up that she does not have an easy body to dress, at all. She's seriously curvy, she's short and those problems normally present big issues for people. Instead, she looks amazing.

I extend this challenge to you Skanks! If Salma Hayek can dress an look this good with the challenges she has, YOU can do it too. So no more complaining about how things don't fit, bla bla bla. Just try a little harder. Or, you know, ask me!

Send any fashion advice questions you have, but believe in yourself and take risks...like Salma does.

Lindsay Lohan's Bloated Mug Shot

2011-10-20T12:44:00.000-04:00

She's 25.

25!

Look at her.

Look at her lips! Look at her face.

Reports this morning say she was scheduled to show up at her new community service for 8am at the morgue and she didn't show up until 8:45. They turned her away.

It will be interesting to see how the judge feels about this.

Of course she had an excuse that the media confused her and she didn't know what entrance to use. Um, why not try to show up early then? Isn't that what normal people do? If you had, say, a job interview, wouldn't you show up early to make sure you're on time?

Her father is claiming that she's smoking crack and meth...I believe it. She's starting to get that distorted meth face...

Not to mention the busted teeth we discussed earlier this week.

Frequent reader Donna has insight into these things and she mentioned that it looks like meth.

I encourage you to visit the informative site that the police have put up showing people's faces' transformations so you can see how drugs can a affect someone:

http://www.facesofmeth.us/main.htm

For example, look at the below series. This is over a few years. It's scary.

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler Together Again...

2011-10-20T08:22:00.000-04:00

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler were together again on the red carpet.

I can't say anything about her not being beautiful, but I don't get it, do you have to be with George a while to get a proper dress budget because it looks like she bought this at one of those stores on Ocean in Miami Beach...or, like, a Dollar store. I know it's probably a big designer but it looks like it was manufactured by the same person who made this. Admit it.

That is also a lot of underboob...no? I don't know. It seems like George likes 'em cheap. OR that he doesn't even bother getting with classy chicks because he's really gay and he is in love with Brad Pitt and why invest in an expensive beard when you can get one who shops at Charlotte Russe? I like that option better. It's more scandalous.

In other "news", his ex, who has already gotten herself kicked off of DWTS, is now reduced to doing budget "photo shoots" on the beach.

Message to Elisabetta Canalis:
Um. Maybe go back to Italy and try to marry some rich fat guy. Because I don't think LA is working out for you. You're very sad and I have to use too many quotes when referring to you, so it's shameful.

Lindsay Lohan In Court

2011-10-19T13:21:00.001-04:00

Update: AH HAHAHAHA

Here's what she wore and also, her super cracked out bronzer. WTF!? Did she do it with her shoe in the car?

Update: I'm pasting TMZ's because they're so fast:

Judge Stephanie Sautner came of the box swinging, making it clear ... her sentence was SPECIFICALLY to do community service at the Downtown Women's Center. And the judge made it clear ... Lindsay blew off 9 appointments and when she showed up once she only stayed an hour -- not 4.The judge said Lindsay caused herself to get kicked out of the Center, and it constitutes a violation of her probation. Then the judge noted something very confusing -- that the Probation Dept. nevertheless gave her a glowing report.

The judge tore the Probation Dept. a new a-hole, and refused to give her any credit for serving time at the Red Cross.The judge said she wants Lindsay to work at the morgue, and told the Probation Dept. as much.The judge also scoffed at Lindsay for finishing her Shoplifter's Alternative course last night, even though she had months to complete it. The judge said sarcastically, "Are you noticing a trend?

"Then Judge Sautner raised the issue -- Did Lindsay really see a shrink every week, when she was in Europe. Judge Sautner seems to doubt the psychologist is telling the truth -- that Lindsay showed up every week in person.Miss Lohan's actions deliberately made it impossible for Lindsay Lohan to complete her probation.Shawn Holley's retort ... lots of people on probation screw up from time to time, and they don't get their probation violated. And Holley says, Lindsay did most of what she's required to do.Holley backed off what the Probation Dept. told the judge ... telling the Judge if she didn't attend a session with her shrink, it was because the Probation Dept. gave her permission to miss the session.

The judge also noted Lindsay took 6 months to do a 12 hour shoplifting course -- and she didn't complete it until last night.And there was the ultimate dis-- when talking about Lindsay's work schedule, the judge said, "She is supposed to be an actress, from what I hear."Lindsay told Probation as to why it didn't work out for her at the Women's Center, "The service was not fulfilling." Just like we said.The judge revoked Lindsay's probation and set a hearing on November 2 which could determine if Lindsay goes to jail.

Rihanna Lends Her Midas Touch to Coldplay

2011-10-18T08:40:00.002-04:00

So it turns out that Rihanna and Coldplay have collaborated on Coldplay's new album Mylo Xyloto. Here is the track (no video)...what do you think?

I have kind of hated Coldplay since Parachutes and thsi doesn't change my mind, but I also like almost anything Rihanna does so...I don't know.

Coldplay - " Princess of China " feat... par AceVideos

Newsworthy This Week: Lindsay Lohan's Busted Teeth

2011-10-17T13:04:00.001-04:00

Oh Lindsay.

I worked in bars and restaurants for many years before finally settling in on my career in fashion...and in that time I knew some people who really abused cocaine and this is what their teeth looked like.

If you Google cocaine & teeth you'll find tons of articles speaking to the link between excessive cocaine use and deterioration of tooth enamel. Not to mention if that person has graduated to crack use, which many have speculated Lindsay has.

These photos, taken at an event in LA recently, has been examined by every photo agency, celebr gossip blog and magazine out there. Even People magazine, the cleanest, most celeb-friendly, soft news magazine out there asked Lindsay's publicist what was going on here.

Prepare your barf bag for this answer:

"Lindsay is widely acknowledged as one of the most stunning actresses of her day, and we get requests every week wanting to do photo shoots with her from top photographers.She's been on the cover of Vanity Fair and the top beauty and fashion magazines. She's a beautiful and glamorous actress. With everything going on – from deteriorating public education to rampant homelessness to international unrest – there is no way I'm going to comment on Lindsay's teeth"

In other news, bitch hasn't been keeping up with the terms of her probation, once again throwing her sentence in the face of the legal system...she goes to court Wednesday where it's possible she'll be put in jail for a year and a half for violating the terms...yet again.

I sincerely doubt she'll go to jail, and if she does she'll go in for a few weeks, like normal. Hey, if that's how LA's legal system wants to show itself, then good for them, but this is starting to feel ridiculous...Again, more, etc.

A Movie About Shoes = I Love It

2011-10-16T17:10:00.000-04:00

What?! There's a documentary about women's love of shoes and the emotional connection? That could technically be my life story.

Lady Gaga Inspired by Joey?

2011-10-16T12:07:00.002-04:00

So I'm browsing through some websites and I happen to fall upon the image at the left...

I get it, she's breaking all the rules, being different.

But does it remind anyone else of the below photo?

Ichiban! Lipstick for men!

Our beauty and hair writer will be joining the ranks soon...should we ask her to comment on this? I think so!

She is also a huge Gaga fan, so I'm interested to hear her spin on this.

For today, let's just giggle at Mat Leblanc's facial expression in this photo. It's really good.

Beyonce Pregnant Looks Better Than Everyone

2011-10-15T15:15:00.001-04:00

Some people have been conjecturing that Bey is not really preggo and that it's actually one of Jay-Z's side pieces who is preg and she is covering up by faking it.

OMG. Imagine how sad?

But because that is totally untrue, it's not sad. Because as some blogs have intelligently pointed out, there are other changes going on in her body that kind of help to prove that she is, in fact, carrying a baby:

1. Um. Her boobs. Look how giant those are
2. Her face is not as slim as it normally is
3. Her normally show-tight body is not quite as tight as we're used to seeing and I think that's a layer of baby nourishment

So, for all you super annoying fools who think Beyonce is faking her pregnancy, take tot he comments. Tell me why I'm wrong, because I know you love to do that.

Can we discuss her shoes though? Like, I couldn't wear those now and I'm not pregnant. Ok, I could, but I would be bitching every 14 seconds about how my giant man feet hurt.

I do, however, LOVE that heel.

Anyone know what brand those shoes are? I want them.

I COVET them.

This Makes My Soul Cry: Deena from Jersey Shore Singing

2011-10-14T12:49:00.000-04:00

I wonder if she thinks this will make up for the fact that she dances without underwear and sleeps with men and is generally disgusting all the time on 'Jersey Shore'.

I bet she doesn't care.

Ugh, I hate society.