Random Skankopolis Judgements

I'm doing that thing that I do where I clean out my folder of pics...let's take a look.

Oh my god. Has she ever looked better? She looks amazing. I wish I could wear my hair like this and not look like I had fallen seriously ill.

I also want those sunglasses. I have been coveting them for months.

Uhhh, she posted this pic to her Instagram. While her abs are commendable, that shirt is ridiculous.

This one is kind of old, but still. Meagan Good is so beautiful. Even with purple hair.

I just really enjoy Justin's face in the above pic. I also really wish that Jessica had not worn that dowdy blouse. Would have been so much better with just boobs...a la Olivia Wilde.

I really can't with this woman. A RAT TAIL?
 

People are saying Gwen might be pregnant. She's 42. I hope she is, because their kids are REALLY cute. Also, I love her pregnancy outfits, they're always amazing.

This could BE one.

Lindsay Lohan Almost Lost her Oprah Ticket

Apparently Lindsay Lohan has been "Lohaning" again and was not doing what she promised Oprah she'd do - work hard.

So Oprah paid a visit to Dina (0.2 BAC) Lohan's house to tell LL if she doesn't get her ass to "work" that she would cut her off...

She chose the right venue, considering Dina is about to lose her home for the 2nd time in less than a year...guess who will work really hard to convince her meal ticket to go to work now?

Here is Lohan in NYC yesterday filming her "reality" show.

She looks the best I have seen her in years. I'm really impressed.

Also, I want those pants.

The 2013 Emmy's Red Carpet (it's a BIG one people!)

This was a mother of a red carpet.

I watched part of the show, but as soon as Breaking Bad and Dexter started, they won. The opening was really weak, except for Tina and Amy and I couldn't possibly miss the finale of Dexter or the 2nd to last Breaking Bad, the internet is just too much of a jerk.

Those who watched said it was mostly depressing. There was a conscious decision by producers to make sure they honored those who had passed over the past year, but they may have swung the pendulum too far in that direction, because people said the broadcast was mostly a bummer.

Anyhoo, clothes are always fun, let's do this.

Alison Janney:

While I feel that Alison Janney can do no wrong, this dress is testing my tolerance. The color is kind of horrendous, and it looks really wrinkly. She looks happy though, and really pretty. God I love her.

Alison Williams:
She is alarmingly thin, but THIS is how you do satin that doesn't wrinkle. I find her jewelry too simple for the simplicity of this dress. It was like a blank canvas for really fun jewelry and she missed the chance. Her shoes were amazing. I saw them on the insufferable Eonline pre-show.

Alyson Hannigan:
Meh.
She is wearing the color combo of the night, jewel with jewel, but I don't know. This dress is doing very little for me.

Amanda Peet:
WHAT IN THE BLIND HELL IS GOING ON HERE? First of all, her ponytail is giving me a stroke. Why so messy? And then it was combined with this mess of a dress? A RUFFLED TURTLENECK?

Jesus Christ.

Amy Poehler:
Why does she always disappoint me? She is so great and then she looks awful. Thank god she heckled all the previous hosts with Tina, then fell up the stairs. It's a half save

Anna Chlumsky:
Both JewelryJudge and I were hoping the 'Lean on Me' bees would come out to save this dress. It's a little too snug, but satin has a tendency to do that. She hit the color of the night though...She's so pretty. And she played it so well when Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and Tony Hale won with the Blackberry. It was awesome.

Anna Faris:
What in the holy hell? Her hair is really bad. Like my mother's. Like that weird yellow blonde that no one should have. The canary yellow dress doesn't help at all..it's tinting every part of my view.

Anna Gunn:

Well, someone is very thin. I noticed on last week's episode, when she was running down the street that she was getting thinner, but this is a little more extreme than I was expecting to see. She looks good and I'm glad she won the Emmy because she kicked ass this year.

Ariel Winter:
I will say only 'huzzah' because this poor girl has had an awful year and she's really cute and very funny on 'Modern Family'. Also, this is entirely age appropriate.

Aubrey Plaza:
When JJ and I saw this, we both were very unhappy. I mean. Are those sequined suspenders?? She is a little too strange. Funny as hell, but just a little bit of an oddball.

Betsy Brandt:
Meh. It's dip dyed. And it makes her look really flat chested. And the hair makes her look really vertical. No, I don't like it.

Carla Gugino:
I'm going to split this into parts:
Parts 1 & 2 - Her body and face: AMAZING. To die for.
Part 3 - Her dress: Awful. Trashy, skanky and really not appropriate. Jesus. Stop being so beautiful and then ruining it with really tacky clothes.

Carrie Preston:
I did not realize that she was on anything else aside from 'True Blood'. Hmm. This looks lovely on her and fits her super well. The color is very pretty too.

Carrie Underwood:

I call her bitch face because she is the only person who is so bitchy that she can't even have a laugh when Amy Poehler takes the mic from Ryan Seacrest and starts interviewing her. What a cow. Like, take yourself less seriously. This isn't Disney's princess castle, and you are not the princess of the Emmy's. Ugh.

Cat Deely:
What a lovely garbage bag top. During the live chat I mentioned that her face looks weird...like it's melting or something. She used to be so beautiful...what's going on with her?

Christine Baranski:
She can't do wrong in my mind. She is brilliant. That is all.

Claire Danes:
I do not care for this bob. Her make-up also leaves something to be desired. Like a lot to be desired. Like, eyeliner. It looks like she skipped a step on the make-up.

Cobie Smulders:

She looks really pretty, but I can't get over the boob shelf. It's so odd, and never a good idea. She doesn't look crazing skinny for once, but that's ok. Um, what is happening at the hem there? The weird texture...what is that?

Connie Britton:
Velvet? Oy. Aside from the velvet portion I love it, but velvet was so unflattering. Her tan and hair and jewelry and everything was amazing, but the velvet gave her a gunt. It was also 80° out...wasn't she hot?

Constance Zimmer:
This is not great. It has potential, but it's wrong in several spots: the bust, the skirt that becomes another skirt...She's so pretty and fresh though, so I really do what to like it. But I don't.

Edie Falco:
Honestly, she can do no wrong in my eyes. This dress is amazing and I'm pretty sad that I didn't get to see her in person. She's trendy, she is youthful and this color is amazing. Is it seasonally on point? No, not really, but it fits her SO well and she is glowing. I love it. I love her.

Elizabeth Moss:
This is actually the best she's ever looked in my eyes. The funky blonde is very refreshing compared to the very matronly look she normally rocks at awards shows. She actually looks her age and her star level. The dress is acceptable. I don't love it at all, but she is wearing it well, even with the bulk of that skirt.

Emilia Clarke:
Is she dressed as the Queen of Dragons? I love this a lot, but I wish it was grey instead of this weird off green. Or, like, oxblood, or plum.

Emily Deschanel:

If you were Zooey's older sister, would you ever dress is this matronly way? Like, Hellen Mirren wouldn't wear this dress. I don't understand her thinking here. Look how lumpy it makes her abdomen look. And the hair. Jesus.

Giuliana Rancic:
I can't with this woman. And her hair. It's SO unflattering on her. She should try a Halle Berry cut or something, it might make her look less like a lollipop.

Heidi Klum:
During the e! pre-show they projected that January Jones would wear this. If they were to ever get anything right, I think I would have a heart attack. Obviously Heidi is the only weirdo who would ever wear this. It gets worse and worse the more you look at it. That neckline is really severe and scary.

Ireland Baldwin:
ALL I SEE ARE TOES. WHERE IS HER FOOTWEAR? Someone got Dad's double chin, hmm?

Jane Krakowski:
Sublime. This looks great. The structure is amazing, the color is rich, her hair is perfect. This is very lovely. Please note that I have not seen it from the front yet. IT could be horrible from that angle.

Jane Lynch:
The only reason I took this pic is because of her neck. I love it. I also love her. Didn't see the Cory Monteith tribute, Breaking Bad and Dexter won out last night.

January Jones:
I'm not sure about this. The tone of it is very...make-up colored. Which was a big thing a couple of years ago, but not really now. And that hem. I mean, everything about it fits impeccably and I really love her hair, even though I feel like she's done it before, but it's just really meh.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson:
He wore a lace tux. That is all.

Jessica Lange:
Her face should be a billboard for people who feel like abusing plastic surgery can have no negative effects. Her dress should be signed by Dr Seuss, because he obviously designed that pattern on the top.

Jessica Pare:
I am really trying to say something nice here, because I really can't stand this woman. Her shoes are amazing. I really can't with the rest of her, she is just SO punchable.

Jewel:
Why? I really wish I could see this closer up, it looks really interesting, but you can't really tell. The only thing I can see is her ring which looks like she bought it at Limited Too!. Oy.

Jon Hamm:
Beard. So cool.
What wife? Who cares?

Julia Louis-Dreyfuss:
Merrit Wever set a really high bar with her speech which was delightfully honest, fresh and short as hell. JLD rocked a great speech too, leveraging Tony Hale as her bag man. She can do no wrong in my eyes. I love her like I love...Seinfeld. She has never done anything I don't like.

Juliana Marguiles:
I saw her hike that bed sheet up about 45 times in the preshow. If it doesn't fit, get it tailored. She has done way better. This looks like she arrived post-sex romp and wore someone's curtains.

Julianne Hough:
Her ex basically RUNS this red carpet, so I was really curious as to what she was going to do, and if she was even going to to show. And she showed, in one of the most beautiful dresses of the night. The silvery grey color with the beading is so beautiful. In an ideal world I wouldn't be looking at underwear and she wouldn't have those drippy sleeves, but this one ranks very high for last night.

Her hair is another (Cocker Spaniel) story. I feel like she needed more volume at the crown, because it looks too wide at the bottom.

Julie Bowen:
I boldly predicted that she would wear something annoyingly structured and overpowering for her tiny body.
Boom.
One of the very few times in my life where I don't like being right.

Kaley Cuoco:
I made a really snarky (shocking, I know) comment about Kaley Cuoco making too much money to have as bad a PR team and look as bad as she normally looks. Then she showed up like this. Sooooo, part of me assumes that her new PR-perfect Tennis player boyfriend is probably her new gay stylist who needs a beard.

She looks better than she ever has.

Kate Mara:
She's just so pretty. I mean, I super hate this, but she is so adorable that I can't hate on it too hard.

Katrina Bowden:
Well, I guess we know who selected her tacky-ass wardrobe on '30 Rock' now. This is heinous. She's too young for this.

Kelly Osbourne:
She tops my list of punchable people. STOP HAVING PURPLE HAIR.

Kerry Washington:
I waited and waited for her to show up, and then she wore this and I got a little sad. It looks like the decor on the cake table at a really awful fairy themed wedding. I'm kind of sad she didn't pull this out in a much more amazing way.

Kiernan Shipka:
Adorable and perfect.

Kristen Connolly:
Really not my fave. Too neutral, too chevron and too blah with her flat hair. Also, who is she? I'm too lazy to Google.

Laura Dern:
Her face really grinds my gears. It's so pinchy. And her character is SO hateable on 'Enlightened' but I did watch the entire first season on the plane, so it's probably engaging still. Luke Wilson is almost always great, so that's a thing.

This dress is really lovely, but she should have worn it in March. It's wrong for now.

Lena Dunham:

At first glance, seeing her get out of the limo, I really loved this. I love the color, I love the bold black contrast on the dress and the neckline is good on her. When I finally saw it up close, I liked it less. I can't put my finger on it, but it's like the skirt is too full or something. Then there is the make-up. My husband actually said "Ugh!" when he saw her. And it was only that eyeliner that grossed him out. 

Lena Heady:
I have so few words. This would have been a total knock out but for those ill chosen shoes.

Leslie Mann:
I want to tell whats-her-name Connolly that this is how you do Chevron. Missoni-style. Plus the cuts on the bust, they're great. This is well done.

Lily Rabe:

WHAT IN THE WORLD?
That lipstick would have been so much better with something else. This dress is awful.

Linda Cardellini:
I adore LC. She is so pretty and talented and funny. Great voice too. I also love this look. I think she's rocking it. And, since I've been holding off on Mad Men, I am now very excited to learn that she is on it.

Malin Ackerman:
That is not the best call for a hair do for this girl. Seriously. It's a lot of forehead. I feel like this dress is a touch too much try for this event, but I don't hate it. It kind of falls in the middle of my meh-meter.

Maria Menounos:
I wish I could see the front. From this angle, I like what she's wearing and I love her hair, but what if the front has an applique of drama masks or something? It could be horrible.

Mayim Bialik:
I sometimes trip out when I write her name, because she is forever Blossom to me. This is very lovely. She likes her vintage-y, older looking styling and she looks nice in it. She's also looking really good in the color of the night, Emerald.

Melissa Rauch:
This is lovely. I love the deep purple with the bright turquoise. As I mentioned in the live blog, it reminds me of  Cameron Diaz's fuchsia/turq combo of years ago, and it's still great because CD did that in such a way that it made a new template.

Michelle Dockery:

I like this for what it isn't: the same as everyone else's dresses. I don't like it for the autumn leaves palette and for her hair. But really, it's quite lovely.

Mindy Kaling:
I like the vintagey Gatsby-ness of this neckline. I think she looks really pretty and she's brought attention away from her hips with a detail at the neck. It's smart and it's very pretty.

Morena Baccarin:
She will forever be Pumpkin Spice Latte /Crazy Eyes girl from HIMYM for me. And this dress feels done. Like, how many women have we seen wear this? Too many. I feel like Penelope Cruz has the trademark on this look.

Nancy O'Dell:
This is another one that I liked at first glance, but hated once I saw it. For one, it fits her really well and makes her figure look amazing. I love that she's not stick thin and I love this color on her. BUT, those leather pieces make it look cheap, and that is depressing.

Padma Lakshmi:
Just stunning. It fits her so well, the color is really lovely, and the jewelry is great. not to mention her face. That beautiful, amazing face.

Paula Abdul:
SWEET JESUS.  Who dropped the ball on medicating her?

Robin Wright:
I am kind of in a love/hate relationship with this dress. I want so badly to like it, but it's a mock turrtleneck and I have a life-long feud with those.

Rocsi Diaz:
I feel like the slit in the front is totally useless and it bothers me for some reason. Like the rest looks so good and fits so well and then there is a vagina on her dress. Boo!
Love the color. Die for the color.

Rose Byrne:

This is really beautiful and she looks great.

I don't love her as a blonder version of her, but she really does look great in this. Actually, I kind of hate the color of her dress too. God, I wish this picture was in black and white.

Sarah Hyland:
I really want this one to dress her age and stop trying to be Mila Kunis. It's not working.

Sarah Silverman:
Best she's ever looked? Yes.
Confirmed.

Shaun Robinson:
It's a pity her hair is so tragic because that dress is kind of great.

Sofia Vergara:
She has worn this dress 7 million times before. Yah, it looks good, but, like, we get it. You have big boobs. AND she claimed she was wearing KMart undergarments and Cover Girl make up. As if.

Taylor Schilling:
I found it very funny that she thought it was so hilarious that she was cut out of Argo. Like, she could not get over it. Jewelry Judge called her dress 'Sack Lunch', which immediately had me laughing, but I don't know, I think I don't hate it. It has a Tom Ford/Gwyneth Paltrow thing about it.

Thea Andrews:
This also reminded us of Cameron Diaz and we were ok with it. Mostly because that necklace is to DIE for. It's so beautiful. And the purple is really beautiful.

Tina Fey:
Her hair really upset me. Almost to the point where I forgot about her dress. Then I saw her teeny tiny waist and freaked. She looks so great. Seriously. Except the hair.

Vera Farmiga:
Someone is ready for Halloween. Why so scary?

Zoeey Deschanel:
This looked a smidge too tight at her hips, but otherwise was perfectly vintage and very her. Her hair gives me anger tremors.

Zosia Mamet:

SOMEONE HELP THIS GIRL GET DRESSED. PLEASE.

My winners: Julianne Hough and Edie Falco

My losers: Zosia Mamet and Morena Penelope Cruz