Lindsay Lohan Makes Good Decisions

A classic logical thinker, Lindsay Lohan is see here hiding under a table at a club in Brazil because she didn't want to take photos with fans...or really for fans to take photos of her sitting at a table covered in booze.

I mean, if I were scheduled for 90 days in rehab in a very short while, I wouldn't want to be seen in clubs drinking either. Especially if I was vehemently denying I had any kind of drinking and drug problem.

Especially if I had exited the courthouse after my sentencing and THAT NIGHT been seen pulling up to a club. And then the next night at another club. And the next at another. Oh, and also been rumored to have climbed out a window at a house party because the cops showed up.

You know. Because that is how someone completely sane, clean AND sober thinks.

And all of this is not even mentioning the fact that her lawyer negotiated a plea deal for lock down rehab in New York...and then everyone found out there is no such thing as lock down rehab in New York. No such thing.

No, but, you guys: THERE IS NO SUCH THING.

The prosecuters are scrambling now to figure out if she needs to do rehab in Cali or go to jail. Oy.

This girl...

Amanda Bynes Looks and IS Elegant

So this is what Amanda Bynes looks like now.

I know we've shown pictures of her since her escape to New York, but this one is pretty great.

At least she's not wearing the fake nails anymore. Or, actually, she might be. Maybe they just fell off the fingers we can see. Gross.

Do you think she's trying to score the role as Smurfette in the Smurfs movie not realizing that Katy Perry already got and played that role?

I mean, that would explain her hat, right?

She looks really stable and normal, right?

Riiiiight.

Speaking of stable and normal, last night she posted a really elegant statement on Twitter...

I'd rather let it speak for itself, so I'll let you enjoy it below:

Oy.

Jessica Pare Is The Scariest Person Ever

Or so this picture would have you believe. Because it is the worst photo of anyone. Ever.

Its origin is this InStyle Article and as a mean person, I can only suggest to Jessica's publicist that she rid the world of this photo before other people see it. Mean people will RAPE this opportunity.

Her make-up is atrocious. Her teeth look horrible. She has weird yellow streaks on her neck...I don't know what is going on here, but a seemingly REALLY pretty woman, now looks like a demon from my nightmares.

I hate this. A lot.

Bradley Cooper is not as Good Looking as You Think

As a hairstylist I get a lot of clients who bring in pictures of celebrities. Bradley Cooper is enemy number 1 for a lot of my male clients. I'll admit, he has great hair. Especially when it's longer. But this guy is not that hot. Ya, ya, he has a good smile and blue eyes, but that dude has the most asymmetrical face in Hollywood, next to Shannen Doherty of course.


Exhibit A:

Ok, ok, ok, that's not him. That's his brother Carl.

So it's not nearly as bad as I would have you believe, but he's tricked all of you! So ladies, pick another dreamboat and guys, you can stop being jealous because no one wants to have Sloth's babies.

Mess Alert! Lindsay Lohan

Everyone's favourite mess went to court yesterday to finally face charges for drunkenly rear-ending an 18-wheeler on the PCH last year.

She's been avoiding this charge forever, continually denying any wrong doing, but yesterday finally had to go to court for it.

She was only 2 hours late, after getting off a commercial flight to LA (from NY) at the very last minute, abandoning her luggage at JFK. She then spent hours trying to find a private Jet, which was eventually provided to her by Mr Pink, the energy drink company.

She landed at a small airport 20 minutes away from the courthouse, but because the plane took off late from NY, she was still late, apparently changing into that glamorous outfit in the car.

I guess that explains why she looks like this:

Anyhoo, after rejecting deal after deal, she finally accepted to plead 'no contest' which means she'll go to 90 days of rehab. That's it.

She insists she has no drug or alcohol problem and that she is deathy afraid of jail, so this is the best option.

We shall see....

Jimmy Fallon's 'Jacob's Patience'

As a Canadian, I cannot deny that our television is sub par. Well, not all of it, but, like 99%. Only Degrassi and Catwalk weren't terrible. Except for when they were.

As an example, check out YouTube clips of the following terrible shows:

• Neon Rider
• North of 60
• Beachcombers

I could keep going for a while. Ugh.

Anyhoo, Jimmy Fallon has a running sketch about a mock Canadian soap opera called 'Jacob's Patience'. First of all, that is the best name for a soap opera ever. Secondly, this week's edition, starring Justin Timberlake and Steve Carell was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. EVER.

Like, to the point where tears were streaming down my face, neck and chest and I couldn't breathe. 

I really hope you enjoy as much as I do.

Tom Hardy Saves Tuesday!

Tom Hardy? Yes please.

Tom Hardy AND a puppy? Double yes please.

While I do kind of wish he didn't have that dental issue in front there, I still love him.

And the puppy.

Amanda Bynes Surfaced Again...Looks Full Crazy

This is not the look of a stable woman.

Like, a sane person wouldn't do that to their hair. To their make-up.

TO THEIR NAILS.

Wow.

Michael Douglas as Liberace Made My Day

I almost want to present it without comment, but I can't.

I love this picture.

Welcome Back Beauty Writer! This Little Pink Egg is Awesome

Soooo, I'm sure all you loyal readers have noticed my absence. Well you can stop eating your emotions and rejoice in the fact that I'm back!
One of the reasons I've ignored all of you lovely people is I've been incredibly busy at work. I also have a new job teaching makeup at a very prestigious technical college. (I'm kind of a big deal, I know) Luckily, I have cosmetics companies throwing themselves at me now. One of which is a wonderful local company called MUSST that sells all kinds of cool tools and products for professionals. The Original Beauty Blender is one of them. This cute bright pink egg is a non latex makeup sponge that transforms any foundation (powder too) into an airbrush effect product. Basically, you soak the egg in water until it swells to about double the size. Then you apply your fav makeup with it and voila! It seriously looks flawless and sheer at the same time. It blew my mind! You can also do your makeup first (whatever way you usually work) and then just roll the damp sponge over your face and somehow it blends everything together to give another kind of effect. This thing is magical! It retails for about $26 and is worth every penny. You all need it.

Sarah Jessica Parker Is Super Scary

Um, you know I love you guys, right?

So, I want to start by apologizing for this image.

But, like, how do you NOT post this?

The only way I have been able to describe it (to myself) is to say it looks like she sneezed with her eyes open.

No?

Good god.

I really apologize if you have nightmares tonight.