The 2013 SAG Awards - Part 2!

YOU missed some.

Ok, no, I did. DEAL WITH IT. Hope you enjoy!

Busy Phillips:
How many children does she have? I feel like she's either always pregnant or always recovering from childbirth. All that to say, she looks pretty amazing. I love this dress. I love her necklace.

Edie Falco:
What an idiot I am. I wrote "Nurse Jackie" at first. But for real, do you watch that show? OMG! Is that a napkin with a drawing of a spider on the velvet rope stand behind her? EEEK!

No, but seriously, her dress is lovely. I really like her in this color. I also really like this color. And her hair color looks great. Really pops her eyes. I feel like it kind of doesn't fit though...no? Too big?

Ellie Kemper:
This dress gives me horror shivers. Why so ugly? So lacy and there are far too many things going on on this dress. Lace, mesh, train, sparkle, super pale skin against super pale skin.

No. No. I hate it.

Freida Pinto & Dev Patel:
Ugh. Is this made of the same discount rack fabric that Lea Michele's dress was? Also, for such a stunningly beautiful woman, why does she look SO terrible? WTF is going on with her hair?

Also, does it bother you that his leg is thinner than yours? DON'T LIE. It is.

Giuliana Rancic:
Color: amazing. Belt: amazing. Train: amazing. Her hair: asymmetric and bothersome. Her face: TOO THIN. TOO THIN!

I don't love that shoulder thingy either.

Jane Krakowski:
I just bought a nail polish color exactly like this, and I'm really excited about it now. I love this for the color, I love it for the subtle sparkle and I love it for the perfect length. I hate it for the poorly fitting top and that garbagey looking bracelet. The tailoring under her arms is terrible. It's TERRIBLE Doug! (Name the show)

Jenna Elfman:
I wanted to like this really badly, but I just can't. Why does it close in the middle like curtains? Why are her shoes those? Is she wearing those tiny ballet slipper socks? There is something so interesting about the fabric but then it ends up ugly.

Jenna Fischer:
What is WRONG with her? Why does she have to be so BLAH? I find that her character on 'The Office' is so roomy blouse and cardigan, and then she kind of embodies that in life...like who chooses this for an awards show? HELEN MIRREN. That's who. But SHE looks better in this.

Julia Stiles:
You! You with the forehead! Ah ha! Tricked you! You looked!

Oh, just wanted to tell you, you look doughy and old. Also, your dress is tailored incorrectly. It's too low and wide around your boobs, and it's too short at the bottom. Oh, and it looks like you're growing a fungus on your midsection.

You're done.

Juliana Marguiles:
Another one...I want to like it. And I kind of do, from the top of her head down to her natural waist and then again from her ankle down...but the middle is really bad. It's like a fancy satin dressing gown gone wrong. And don't get it near a candle. It will set on fire. I can guarantee it.

Justin Timberlake:
Where's your lady friend, music boy?
Why did you straighten your hair? It's weird.

Kaley Cuoco:
DOES SHE HAVE FRIENDS?
This is NOT OK.
Why does her hair look like an egg? Why is she wearing velvet pointed toe pumps? Why is her dress very similar to a tablecloth?

Too many "why's", not enough answers. Or at least no good ones.

Katrina Bowden:
Hi, I'm young and I look good in everything.

Ugh. You're the worst.

In truth though, aside from the tulle vomiting happening at the the bottom, I really like this. Imagine it was cocktail length?

Kelly Osbourne:
I like black. She has found my formula. She has not, however, found my (or Beauty Writer's) hair formula. I can tell you right now, dusty purple is not it.

NOT IT.

Kerry Washington:
The bottom says 'handkerchief' and the top says 'structural fantasticness'. Shoulder/head area say she's too thin and is rocking a lollipop body, which is not good. Didn't she watch the season 2 premiere of 'Girls' where a creepy looking Rita Wilson told Marnie that being too thin makes us look weird?

I get what she's saying now. It's not good.

Mayim Bialik:

Best she's ever looked? Maybe. The color is great on her, and while the blue is a little too Smurf-like in tone, it's doing such good things to her hair/eyes/skin that I can't say no.

How great is her hair? The first asymmetric hair look I've actually liked.

Nancy O'Dell:
First of all, why can't I stand like that still? I just can't figure it out.

Secondly, that dress is terrible. WORST of the night, hands down. WTF Nance?

Nina Dobrev:
I am liking this girl more and more the more I see her in stuff. And by 'stuff', I mean clothes. She wears clothing well. And nice stuff. I really like the cut, I really like the color, I like the little strip of skin. I like her.

Rose Byrne:
OMFG no. Why is this so bad? She is so terrible at clothing her body.

Sally Field:

Too much cleavage, but you  know, otherwise ok.

The 2013 SAG Awards

I am currently living in a world that revolves around me and only me, so I kind of forgot it was the SAGs until this morning.

Err. Sorry guys. I'm a little out of it.

Anyhoo, a lot of people showed up...maybe a few too many TV people. Like, people who don't deserve awards, therefore should not have close proximity to them. You know who I'm talking about...Glee cast members. Ahem. Except Jane Lynch. She's always invited everywhere. Especially if I'm there. 

Amy Poehler:
Part of me kind of wishes she had worn this at the Golden Globes. It's really good. The patent piping is so nice on her and her curvier form.

I also really love her hair. So soft and pretty. WIN!

Amanda Seyfried:
The color is soooooooooooooo good. Like, so good. And the necklace is so unexpected but so right. I mean, she's so young and this necklace is cooler than it is classic, and it's a great choice for her.

Her hair really grinds my gears, but I'll live with it for the rest of this. OMG, that color. I'm glad so many other people liked it too.

Anne Hathaway:

This young man looked very nice. 

Ugh, whatever. Give me a break. She looks like one of the cast of 'Mad Men' with that hair. Come on. 

Rumours have been swirling that she is pregnant, and I could agree with this dress after her strangely unfitted Golden Globes. I'm not 100% sure why her bottom half is so blurred though. I feel like she should maybe see a doctor for that.

Also, when she gets to the up-tempo part of her program, does she whip of the tulle and do the triple salchow? Boom! Elvis Stoiko. Just saying. Whatever.

Ariel Winter:
Now I want to steal guardianship from her sister, for letting her wear this. Ew. SLEEVES? Come on.
PEACH?! Come on.

Ugh.

Claire Danes:
As I mentioned, I was borderline unaware of this award show occuring (I was watching 'Taken 2' and remarking upon Liam Neeson's tallness - back off!), so I have heard nothing about what people thought of this dress.

I will tell you this. I desperately want to wear this and hold a fondue party.

Also, she looks exactly like Angela Chase with that lipstick.

Elisabeth Moss:
I feel like I've said this a lot. And, like, over and over. I don't get what people find attractive about this woman. On 'Mad Men', I find myself trying so hard to understand what could possibly be attractive about her. And then she looked like this.

This dress is a REVELATION for her figure, her height and her shoulders. She looks amazing. Also, her eye make-up is epic. So good.

Heather Morris:

Came as...the backdrop for 'Finding Nemo ON ICE!' where she will play the shimmery sea background?

I don't like this. It's not good.

Helen Hunt:

Oh look! A choker. 

Ew.

Otherwise, magical. Though, I would have liked different hair. Maybe a bun. I mean, not with her face. But still. Oh, also not with a choker, but really, I feel like that's an easy life rule, "No Chokers." That's it. Super easy ladies. 

NO!

Jane Lynch:
Remember how earlier I was talking about how amazing Jane Lynch was? Need I say anything else?

I am responding to myself by saying, "No. She looks amazing."

January Jones:
I find it really nice that she let blind people do her make-up and hair and then let her infant son choose her dress. I mean, come on guys, that's nice.

This is awful. She looks like a cocktail waitress from The Eyebrow Joint who has had 4 kids and is no longer too solid in the midsection.

Ugh. I just barfed in my mouth.

Jennifer Garner:
I have no words. I feel like she has never looked better. Why doesn't she wear her hair around her face more? She looks so much better. So much friendlier.

Also, I need this dress.

Oh! Also, I need some reason to wear this dress. Is laundry a reason? I do, like, 4 loads a week, Sometimes it's only towels. I feel like these would really make the towels pop. No?

Jayma Mays:
I don't understand what's happening here and I don't care to.

For someone who is so incorrigibly cute, I don't understand why she feels the need to dress like Twiggy on her wedding day. This is terrible. Also, that change around her waist makes it look like the bottom is sheer. No one likes a sheer bottom. Well, ok, except creepy guys who only look at pictures of women on the internet  but really, do we want to be that person?

Jennifer Lawrence:
Hooray!!!! The color again. This dress didn't fare nearly as well in the car on the way here, but despite it's vague wrinkles it's really quite lovely. I'll be honest. I don't think it's possible to hate anything on her. Unless she wore January Jones' dress. But even then, I might give her a pass because she's so cute.

Jessica Pare:
Is this ho a Kardashian? Ew. Also, what is she hiding in that bun? I guarantee you it's some kit for shooting heroin. Ok, I don't guarantee that, but it's what I went with and now pressing backspace seems really hard. So I won't do it.

I like this in theory, but I don't like that the straps make it look like a plus size bra with really supportive straps. That's a big no in my world.

Color = great though.

Jessica Chastain:
You knowwwww, I don't know what's going on at her stylist's house, but it's not cool. She is far too beautiful and amazing to be wearing something that looks like she has the most awkwardly placed belly button in gynecological science history. Also, her hair stylist should be shot. That's 2 fails in less than a month. Uncool. A gorgeous, talented woman like JC (hee hee) should not be subjected to subpar talent like this.

Beauty Writer and I to the rescue!!!!

Johnny Galecki and his gross date Kelli Warner:
Um, did they have sex in the limo? Because that is the only excuse to look like this. Also, is she related to Courtney Love?

Julie Bowen:
My husband and I just decided she is either pregnant or has a gas baby.
Either way, I should probably take this dress off her hands and turn it into leather pants and a new leather top for myself. No?

I love this dress. It should be mine.

Julianne Moore:
Speaking of Twiggy's wedding...is this the Mother of the Bride's outfit? Is this also her breasts' funeral outfit? You know, for someone who looks super amazing for their age, she kind of doesn't look super amazing in this. I'm quite certain I could have tailored that better with those iron on drape thingies from Ikea.

Lea Michele:
For real? This is the fabric they use to make the fake dress before they make the real dress. Did no one tell her that? Also, did no one tell her she looks like she's from New Jersey with that hair? Oy.

Snooki is not a fashion icon.

Michelle Dockery:
Side boob. That is all.

Marion Cotillard:
Does she ever not look amazing?
I feel like it's almost a moot point to talk about what she's wearing.

Her hair though, we can talk about how great her hair looks, right? If Beauty Writer did that to my hair, it would look like that for the time I was in the salon, and immediately after balloon into a frizzy puff of nast. So jealous.

Naya Rivera:
This dress was not made for her man-made breasts.

It may have been made for Poison Ivy in mourning though. I'm not sure.

Naomi Watts:
This is very pretty.
Those shoes are horrific, but the dress is very pretty. It's Marchesa. As a rule I hate Marchesa. She's pulling it off. But she has the ultimate accessory, Sabretooth.

Nicole Kidman:
Ahh, yes, granny panties. That's what we all needed.
Except not.

Speaking of not, also, your hair.

Sarah Hyland:
I have very little to say aside from 'yuck'. Seriously. This is gross. And her boobs are trying to kill her.

Sigourney Weaver:
Aww, look how flat her sandals are. They're elderly lady flat.

Cute.

Less cute are her asymmetric boobies.

Sofia Vergara:
Oh. I...uh. No.
The fabric is so cheap looking and shiny, and her hair is so fluffy...and did she cut it? And WTF is going on with her eyebrows lately? All of a sudden on 'Modern Family' she has these crazy caterpillar brows and they've traveled into her real life. I hate them.

Tina Fey:
Um. Could she be more perfect? The answer is no. DON'T EVEN TRY TO FIGHT ME ON IT.

I need her belt.

Random Photos - A Selection

This week, I feel a little disconnected from the world...it's pre-awards shows and there's not a ton going on...

So here are some rando photos and some comments to accompany them...

First of all, super weave.
Second of all, PUT ON A BRA or wear something that won't be see through when a picture is taken. Ugh. What a slag.

This week Alicia Keys turned 32. To celebrate, she aged herself 20 years.

WTF is going on with her hair?

I read the reviews for 'Parker'. She should continue to dress with nude panels on her clothing, because it's going to be the only thing people are going to want to pay attention to.

And finally, this is what nightmares are made of. Jesus.