Duh of the Century: Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes Are Getting Divorced

DUH.

Everyone has been waiting for this for a long time.

According to TMZ, Tom Cruise was blindsided by this move. Katie filed from NYC and requested full custody of Suri.

SAVAGES Premiere Photos

The premiere for 'Savages' was last night and people where there.

I don't want to talk about John Travolta and his ultra awkward wig or his ultra awkward kissing of Kelly Preston, so let's look at pretty girls.

Blake Lively:
Pardon my French, but HOLY SHIT. How gorgeous is she? How amazing is this photo? Ugh. I am a boy when compared to her. I'm the worst.

Good god. I would marry her.

Mary Louise Parker:
This reminds me, when is 'Weeds' back on?

She has a bit of a facial expression going on here, no? And this outfit, it's very her character in 'Weeds'. I'm not impressed.

Salma Hayek:
GOOD GOD.
She and Blake are KILLING it tonight.

That dress is magnificent.

Stop While You're Ahead Blake

Remember when Megan Fox was super, mega hot? Like during Transformers?

And then she started listening to stylists and jammed all kinds of garbage in her face and started doing her hair like Meryl Streep in Death Becomes Her?

Blake Lively, take note! You are extremely hot and on the verge of becoming a major star. Stop making yourself look so old.........you are young and spry! Keep your look fresh, or you'll end up looking like ol' plastic face here.

The dress is amazing, the hair and lipstick are not. They make you look way older than you are. Keep the hair loose and wavy and the lips pale. 

This Week's Edition of 'These People Used to Be Attractive': Britney Spears & Macaulay Culkin

Britney Spears:
I realize this is just bad lighting, make-up and a bad moment in her pose, but JESUS! This is like when Jerry is with the girl who is hot in some lights and hideous in others.

Macaulay Culkin:
WTF happened to this guy? Does he have friends who can help him? This is scary shit.

If that's not a drug problem, I don't know what is. How can someone look 20 and 80 at the same time? I'm so weirded out.

The 2012 MMVA's Were Not Exciting

Nor were they star studded. They were kind of star gleeked (you know when you accidentally spit when bending your tongue?). Yah. Random spittle starred.

Anyhoo, shall we?
 

Carly Rae Jepsen:
Or the young Ms Bieber. Or the Bieber discovery...whatever. She's a hit. And she's quite good. And so is this dress, and her hair, and her eye makeup. Yup, it's all good. I don't love those shoes, but whatever, Isn't she, like, 11? She's entitled to make some mistakes.

Katy Perry:
This is really nice. Part of me is really loving it. I didn't love that she was touting around inappropriately dressed mini me's, but I'm an asshole like that. This dress is hot. I wish I had it and then had an occasion to wear it.

Beauty Writer: Her hair is effing amazing! It's the kind of color you can only get after you've bleached it and made it look like a mop, but whatever. I'm mega jealous.

Kelly Clarkson:
Kelly Clarkson has been regular, American-sized forever. EVER. And she always defended that, saying that it was her body's way, bla bla bla. Anyhoo, now it seems she's lost 35 lbs or something and is becoming just as annoying as Jennifer Hudson.

The dress gives the illusion that she's much thinner, but it's the hair I find super terrible. Who told her that color blonde looked good on her? It's fucking terrible. I just hope she's healthy and happy, and not losing weight just to be another lolly headed twat like the rest of society.

Beauty Writer: I totally agree. Her hair is really not good. Stop trying to be a blond...it's not for everyone. Believe me, I know. Also, I love her, so she gets a pass no matter what she does.

Nelly Furtado:
For someone SO beautiful, she sure has a knack for wearing hidesously unflattering apparel. I mean, WTF? You're pear-shaped...how about you don't wear accordion pleated ruffles at your hips/thighs?

In other news, I covet those shoes.
 

Selena Gomez:
Ugh, Just stop with this. Look at her facial expression. She is laughing at us.

Lindsay Lohan Continues To Be a Tool

 I like waiting a bit before reporting on Lindsay Lohan drama because there are always developing aspects and other dumb shit happens.

As you know, this bitch is a drama queen. Where she goes, drama arises and problems. It all started a week or so ago when Lindsay got into a serious car accident (pic below) on the PCH despite an explicit insurance policy saying she shouldn't be driving during the filming of Liz & Dick.

There were many sordid details, but basically, bitch crashed into the back of an 18 wheeler and blamed it on the trucker (because she can't be responsible for something). Then witnesses poo-poo'd that, so she blamed it on the brakes...the rental company poo-poo'd that..

During the crash, there was a lot of shizz going on...first she tried to hide the fact that she was driving, then her team tried to pay off the trucker (who had already called the cops, so refused) to keep him quiet, then they cleaned out the car and tried to conceal some items in a notorious 'pink bag'. All in all, a total shit show.

Then Friday, an ambulance rushed to her hotel room because she was unresponsive. Read: ASLEEP.

As an aside, I was found to be "unresponsive" (passed out because of being wasted )when Beauty Writer and I went to the Dominican Republic. You know what Beauty Writer did? She didn't call the ambulance. She went across the hall and left nasty voice mails for me then when she did finally get another key she whipped 2 cans of Pringles chips at me. This drama queen's assistant calls a fucking ambulance...

Sooo, apparently she was treated for exhaustion because of her long days working. Uh huh, You know what happens on sets, right? The only people who actually work hard are the crew. Actresses get their hair done and then sit in their trailer while lights are adjusted

Mmm hmm.

And then Saturday night she was at the Chateau Marmont...and closed the place. Because she was SO exhausted the day before. In fact, these pics are of her leaving the hotel the next day. And many say she was clearly partying. As in PARTYING. As in doing coke. Nice.

COME ON! When are people going to smarten up and stop hiring her?

Ryan Gosling Is the Shit - the (early) 90's Edition

So not only did Ryan Gosling rock this beautiful hair in the later 90's, but he also did this. Enjoy.

Is This Ok To You? The Katy Perry Edition

Really? This little girl with the cupcakes on her chest? Ew.

Celine Dion Covers Adele's 'Rolling in the Deep'

As a Canadian, hell, as a Montrealer, I'm supposed to like Celine Dion.

But I don't. 

Like, a lot.

She drives me f-ing batty.

So I wanted to hate this cover of 'Rolling in the Deep' really badly. But I can't. As much as I hate Celine and find her to be ridiculous, bitch has pipes. 

She sings it really well, but I can't get rid of that thought that I feel like she sounds French. Am I crazy?

Product Review: Fake Bake Shimmer

If there is one thing I love, it's being tanned. Everything about tanning is the ecstasy of my existence, except the cancer of course. I don't really love cancer.
Over the years I've found instant tan products that I've loved......of course they've all been discontinued. I love these kind of creams because they even out patchy skin and give you instant color without that "wet dog" smell that you get from self tanners.

I've recently discovered Shimmer by Fake Bake. It retails for about $25.00 and is amazing. Gives really great color, smells fantastic, doesn't streak and does not transfer. It comes with gloves, I recommend you use them. (don't be a dope like me.....I tossed them and I have to scrub my hands with a dish sponge to get it off). You can also mix it into your regular body cream or face cream, for an easier application and less dramatic tan.

Ashley Tisdales's Top Knot



This is not a thing. People don't really wear their hair like this.

2012 MTV Movie Awards

Andy Samberg:
This is an interesting look. Has he always been so pear shaped? I am not against the tux jacket with running shoes lok, but it would have been nice if the black of his pants matched his jacket...and I'm really not sure about the polo under it. His face is pretty hilarious though.

Brie Larson:
This girl is clearly very weird. She's one of those quirkensteins who walks to the beat of their own drum and doesn't really care. I am also assuming from her facial expression that she throroughly enjoys the marijuana. It's not that this outfit is bad, it's just shes weird.

Brooke Hogan:
Ugh. Why? It's too much.

Channing Tatum:
Have you seen '21 Jump Street'? It is surprisingly hilarious. I don't have much to say about his outfit except that I don't love the cuffed jeans. It really breaks up the line of his outfit and makes me believe his legs are short.

Charlize Theron:
File this under things I'm currently obsessed with: peplums.
She's so gorgeous. I havce nothing to say about this except that her shoes are a little bridesmaid-y.

Chris Hemsworth:
Very nice.
Reminder for self: get tailor for husband so he can look this yummy.

Ciara:

She looks hot. Even with those crazy ombre roots. Very nice, and holy shit, look at her calves!

Cristina Ricci:

I'm glad she doesn't have that overly skinny bobble head look anymore. She is still very thin, but she looks more fit than disgusting. Speaking of disgusting, I don't like that dress. Ha ha. It's not disgusting, but it's not great. I am not in love with that wrap effect at the chest...and the fabric.

Ok, I hate it.

 

Desi Lydic:
I don't know who this is, but I thought it was worth posting because we can see her nipples and that's gross.

Elizabeth Banks:
Oh wow. This is something. I love the top half of her body, but I kind of wish that it was a skirt instead of these wholly unflattering pants. Like, how much would a solid black skirt look better? Ugh. she should call me. Also, she should give me those shoes.

Ellie Kemper:
This dress is something...especially with those shoes. I like it on her because I don't remember ever seeing her look this fun. It's hideous, but whatever.

Emma Stone:
This looks like a diaper. And I don't like the top. This is a rare misstep for her, I really don't like. I feel like those shoes have potential...I want to see more from them.

Also, I know blonde is her natural color, but can she go back to red? I don't like this :(

Emma Stone:
LOVE this. LOVE IT. Love the dress, love the shoes, love her awkward smile. Her hair is a bit unwieldly, but I mean, the rest is so good that I can't complain. I love it.

Eva Amurri:
Good god she has a hot body. Like, abnormal. Like, I'm insanely jealous. I know matching your purse and shoes is a no no, but I feel like she could have done it and it would have looked good here. Either way, this is a win.

Holland Roden:
Again, because I'm old, I don't know who this is, but her shoe is great and that dress is kind of fascinatingly tacky, so I think I might love it. She is like the new millenium's Topanga. Yah. You know what I'm talking about. Look it up if you don't.

Janelle Monae:
Oh my. This is very Boy George and the Culture Club.
I don't care for it and she shouldn't look so smug.
In other news, that lipstick looks AMAZING on her.

Jenna Dewan:
I believe this is Mrs Channing Tatum, is it not? (Again, excuse me, I'm old!) I like this outfit, it is right up my alley. I have small boobs, so this would fit on my alley.

don't love the shoes, but I'm currently obsessed with sandals.

Jessica Biel:
While I disagree with Beauty Writer's description of this lady as 'plain Jane', I do hate her dress, so let's call it a tie. The shoes are to die for and I want them. The bangs are, decidely, too blunt, strong and angular for someone with a really chiseled face.

Those sleeves deserve to die.

Julia Jones:
Old, don't know. Get used to it.
Love this dress. It's spectacular.

Julianne Hough:
I find this cut awkward. Like, I feel like she almost has it on backwards. I don't know how I feel about this. I like it otherwise, but that cut is weirdo. Also, her hair looks fried, no?

Kate Beckinsale:
She's perfect. YOU SHUT UP.
I love those shoes. Fine, the dress is weird, but look at her body. And her hair. Who cares? Ugh I need to go to the gym.

Kat Graham:

Bitch went for some DRAma. I respect that.

I don't particularly like it, but I respect it.

Kristen Stewart:
Or, as I like to call her: CAPTAIN POSTURE! Or, RUINER OF FAIRY TALE I ADORED AS A CHILD!

That said, she has a great body and that dress would be nice if she could manage to stand up straight.

Lauren McKnight:
Old, don't know. Why is she naked? It's really ugly.

Leighton Meester:
I like this, oddly. It's not entirely lovely, but I like the drapey top and shorts thing. There is probably too much volume in it though. I need Beauty Writer to coment on her brutal make-up, because it's NO GOOD.

Lucy Hale:
Old, don't know. Deal with it.
Why don't stylists have travel steamers? This limo wrinkle situation is awful.

Martha MacIsaac:
For such a young thing this is kind of a dowdy dress. Like, unless she's pregnant or carrying an innertube, is there a reason for that to look like that or fit like that. Ew.

Mila Kunis:
There has been chatter all over the pervy blogs this past week that Mila Kunis is suddenly much heavier than she was. She looks a little thicker here, but she is still stunningly gorgeous. I think people should shut their traps. I don't love the orange color on that....I think it's too dark for spring or too light for fall...but it's not quite the right tone.

Nikki Deloach:
I don't know who this is, but I wanted to post it because of how ugly it is. Like, seriously. So fug. She has a very Tiffani Amber Thiessen vibe.

Russel Brand:
Wow. Someone's hair is long.
I super disagree with his outfit, but this is his look and he has managed to attract some pretty hot women with it, so I guess it's working for him. He is also wearing a few of the most popular jewelry trends right now:

• Arm cuff
• Slave rings (rings attached to each other)
• Body jewelry

Shailene Woodley:
Um. What is?
I don't like this.
The pants are flawless and her hair is beautiful, but that vest is atrocious and reminds me of Miley Cyrus last week. Ew! I don't want this girl to remind me of Miley.

Victoria Justice:
This is cute and she is cute and that is all.

Wiz Khalifa & Amber Rose:

They look like I want to punch them. Ha ha. Like, imagine the hot box they live in? Gross.