Katy Perry and Russell Brand are Divorcing

Soooo, I dont want to be a jerk but...who else saw this coming?

She's really young. She basically fell in love, thought she'd never love anyone else and went for it. Dumb.

That's like marrying your high school boyfriend (sorry moms of North America).

Anyway, its sad, because no one likes a divorce, but I'm not shocked.

Last week they were seen at opposite ends of the world celebrating Christmas apart after supposedly cancelling a trip for her whole family to go spend Christmas with his family in England. Well, it's sad.

Vanessa Hudgens Wears Really Ugly Stuff

This girl is CUTE. And she has a really good body, from what I remember.

I mean, she should. That's pretty much all she has to do in life.

These pants are HORRENDOUS.

Anything that can make a cute 20-something girl look that thick and homeless should immediately be burned. Possibly at the stake.

I get the hippie thing, I really do. I like a boho look. I am a very casual person, but for the love of all things holy are those pants a nightmare...and then you pair them with that digusting fringed bag and that homely cardigan. Ew.

She needs a stylist to pull her out of whatever Woodstock-ian nightmare she has fallen into.

Oh, and to make matters worse, I wore a pair of pants like that to my high school graduation under my gown. They were formal black though. Gross.

Obviously, I feel shame. Shouldn't she?

SHAME!

See below.

 

Fake Taylor Lautner People Cover is Out. Hee hee.

This is fake, but I love it.

I was going to say that I don't understand why people who are gay don't just come out, but that's not fair, because it's duhbvious why they don't.

Because some people out there (ahem, Tea Party) are ignorant and won't let people be who they are, or won't let people be attracted to whom they're attracted (fancy English).

So this is fake, but if he is gay he should be allowed to do this without worrying about the reaction.

Open your minds people.

Or you know, mind your own business and let people do what they want. It's not up to you.

Except mouth breathers. Don't do that. It's a rule. No mouth breathing allowed unless you have sinus problems or a serious cold.

JWoww's Bathing Suits Are Demure. But Not Really.

As if we didn't already know this, the cast of Jersey Shore are not exactly the epitome of class or elegance.

JWoww came out with a line of bathing suits this week that look like the one on the left.

I'm not sure what string she is holding...maybe the straps to her bikini, though I'm pretty sure those are folded into the cups.

I don't understand why this is one of the promo shots. That is clearly not a strapless bikini, I mean, it's not even staying up on her concrete faux boobs that don't move. How on earth would it stay up on a regular woman?

Dear lord.

Merry Christmas!

Best Christmas movie ever? Not 'Love Actually' but it's pretty damn good. One of the best parts of that movie is Bill Nighy...who is actually the best part of any movie he's in, if we're honest. Think about it...

So what's your favourite Christmas movie?

I'm going to do a poll, but I'm sure I'll miss one that you love, so leave it in the comments.

All this to say, I want to wish all my Skanks a very Merry Christmas or whichever holiday you celebrate. Writing this blog makes me happy and I'm so glad that there are actually people on the other side who read it and appreciate it (hopefully).

Merry Christmas!

poll by twiigs.com

George Michael is Better!

I love George Michael. LOVE him.

Recently, he was hospitalized in Europe for a serious bout of pneumonia. He was in hospital for a month and many say he was on the brink of death for a while, He himself even confirmed that the doctors and nurses saved his life.

Though it's never been confirmed that he's HIV positive, this is a common issue for people with HIV and AIDS. It destroys your immune system and illnesses that would be difficult for a very healthy person are almost insurmountable for those who suffer from those diseases. It is quite possible he is HIV positive or has AIDS considering the timing of his rise to fame and some of the activities he's been caught doing in the past.

Anyway, all that to say. He's back in England for Christmas and he says he's better. He was very short of breath and looks thinner than we've seen him in a long time, but he's back.

Here's the video:

Merry Christmas to George and his loved ones...

You didn't think I forgot you Skanks, did you? Here's a little prezzie from me:

Skankopolis Musings: Ombre Hair

I like ombre hair. I really do. As a hairstylist, it's fun to do. It allows me to be creative with sectioning and color blocking. It's also pretty low maintenance, which is great for people who want to try a new look.
Ombre hair can be really subtle or have a big contrast like this:

This works on our girl Drew cause she has lots of texture in her hair. There's frizz and curls and waves and some braids. It's all very bohemian. It's good.
Then there's this:

This lady is effing stunning. She's funny and talented and beautiful, but this is NOT how you pull off ombre. Like, not at all. If she can't pull it off, all you ladies with straight hair are screwed. 

Britney Spears Got Engaged (Again)

And applied her make-up with a used candle, apparently.

No, seriously, what is going on with her eye make-up?

Ok, it's really nice she is engaged because it seems like this guy has a head on his shoulders and won't  treat her like garbage.

I hope her life is normal soon. Poor thing.

Madonna Wore a Leather Dress That Makes Fart Noises

This dress makes fart noises.

Observe:

So, Hilary Duff Looks Really Pregnant All of a Sudden

For a while, Hilary Duff wasn't looking preggo at all. She was just mini-bumped...for the longest time. And now all of a suddent she's super pregnant...

I get that women pop after a while...but I would like a complete timeline on her pregnancy because it seems like she has been pregnant FOREVER.

In other news, mustard colored turtlenecks are never good, and they're especially un-good when they're sausaging a pregnant woman.

Oy.

Why do I hate her so much?

Skankopolis Musings: Mouth Breathers

This has forever been one of those things that drives me a little bit crazy, but it peaked for me last night when I was in the grocery store attempting to navigate the aisles efficiently when I ran across a man standing in front of the child's fruit flavoured jelly treat section with his mouth gaping open.

He was completely blocking the aisle with his shopping cart, because he was -I assume- engrossed in the Dora the Explorer snack packs or some sh-t.

My anger toward mouth breathing was intensified due to his white cotton 1x1 rib turtleneck. Like, really? Are you a 7-year old boy going to his hockey tournament?

Ugh.

In short, please try to close your mouth, and I apologize very deeply if you have a sinus problem and I've offended you. This is mostly intended toward stupid, lazy people who for some reason cannot muster up the energy to close their mouths.

See Hugh Laurie above as good example of who I'm talking about.

Barf Alert! Cameron Diaz & PDiddy are Dating

Just in time to make you regurgitate all the delicious holiday meals your mother made you jam down your throat, news has come out that Cam and Diddy are sticking things into each other.

Ugh. Just dry heaved a whole lot.

They were seen out last weekend making out and being generally puketastic together at a club in NYC. They also left together at the end of the night.

This 'confirmation' comes after speculation a short while back that they might be bumping really, really, really uglies.

Seriously. They're both SO gross. I can't even.

Can't he do better?

Product Review: Bourjois Healthy Mix Serum Foundation and Mineral Radiance Powder

I'm very picky when it comes to makeup, I don't like putting cheap crap on my face. This foundations is great. It's called Healthy Mix Serum Foundation by Bourjois Cosmetics. For those of you who don't know Bourjois, they've been around for about 150 years. Based in France, they invented powder blush. They sell more than 3.5 million pots of blush per year. They are also the sister company to Chanel. It took me a couple of days to figure out why I like it so much, so here we go:

• It's matte
• It's stays matte all day ( I have oily skin, so this is important to me)
• It has a fresh, light smell
• It covers very well, but I can still see my skin (doesn't look like a mask)
• It doesn't sink into lines and wrinkles (a lot of full coverage foundations do)

I always finish my makeup with a powder. I feel it's very important to do that. It sets your makeup and helps keep it on all day. So I used the Mineral Radiance Powder.

This powder is light weight and has a light to medium coverage. Best of all, it's baked so it doesn't look to powdery on and doesn't fly all over the place when you use it. These two products retail in Canada for under $30 each, for the quality that is amazing. 

Skankopolis Musings: The Ever Changing Hairline of Jeremy Piven

This is a photo of Jeremy Piven. He was on Conan last week plugging (pun intended) his new movie. This guy has GREAT hair plugs. Like, GREAT! He has a full, luscious head of hair. This looks almost too good. How many operations has he had? I'd just like to remind you all how we first met Mr. Piven:

This is also Jeremy Piven. This is when he played George in "The Pilot" episode of Seinfeld. He played George people! A character made famous for being bald! 

 This is also Jeremy Piven (second from the left) from the short lived Ellen sitcom. Still bald. 

 This is Jeremy Piven as we all know him now, the awesome and sexy Ari Gold. This man can rock a suit. Too bad it took spending thousands of dollars on hair plugs to make this guy famous and hot, cause bald can be sexy. Men and women have been pulling it off for years now. All that to say, I love Jeremy Piven.

Jennifer Lopez Wrongs Us

Jennifer Lopez is glamorous. She's supposed to be like those girls from the block who never leave their houses without full make-up and those gelled curls all over their head.

But here, Jennifer Lopez is clearly dickmatized. She is getting her f-ck on with a 20 year old and she's loving it. LOOK AT HER.

The eye contact we see below is not the eye contact of someone who is just in it for the sex. She is going to marry this guy. Same way she married the first one and then almost married Diddy and Ben. She is in love with being in love...so no matter who it is, she goes hard.

I am ashamed. She is letting me down.

Keanu Reeves Is a Subway Gentleman

And I don't mean that in the way that Jared was a Subway gentleman. I mean, he gives up his seat to women with bags.

You know, people don't do stuff like this anymore. I am very endeared to him by this action. I would hope if my mother came on a bus with her 3 bags (I think they're all full of crumpled up Kleenexes and Chiclets) that someone would get up for her.

Lindsay Lohan's Entire Playboy Spread Was Leaked...

Ok, so, it's, you know, okay. 

It looks seriously low budget and she's wearing SO much make-up...to the point that her lips look so much huger than she's made them by injecting sh-t into them.

The thing that kind of get me is the lack of any muscle tone on her body. She's very...soft. Like, she's skinny fat. 

Anyway, the whole spread is available after the jump. It's all yours.

Enjoy, and comment (duh)!

(Ohm and readers, read the comments, you guys are hilarious)

Update: I totally forgot to mention how totally skeeved out I am that she's wearing the same shoes in the Playboy shoot AND in the most recent papp shot. GROSS. As I told my friends, "EW! There's VAG JUICE on those shoes!"

So Lindsay Lohan's PlayBoy Cover Was Leaked

Sometimes there are benefits to having a smaller site...your pics don't get ripped down:

We'll see.

Let's see what the inside pics look like. Ew. I'm a perv.

Amazing List: Things White Girls Do on Facebook

Fell upon this super amazing list (thanks to an equally amazing brown haired girl). 
You know who you are, bitch.


Hope you enjoy.


Check it out in it's original home if you like, here. She's quite funny, but obviously not as funny as this blog. Duh.

1. Take pictures of their feet

We called it 'friendicure'

2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work day today and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK.

3. Thank their hubby for being the best hubby in the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them

4. Complain about bad service at restaurants. “Never eating at Applebee’s AGAIN!”

5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Brintney, Whitney, and Sarah!!! Love YOU GIRLS!!

6. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: ‘Straight thuggin’

7. Take pictures of undeserving food.

8. Make their status the song lyrics of any Kings of Leon Song.

9. Take a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?

10. Write angry letters to companies (Dear EZ PARK, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants..), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?!)

(Sara: I do 9 + 10 all the time. Must kill self now)

11. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. “Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.”

12. Document exceedingly mundane activites for the day. “Getting my oil changed today. Then getting much needed groceries. Then it’s off to the post office to mail some bills. Then stopping by the gyno. Will probably need some gas by the end, so I may stop at the gas station. But I might be tired so I’ll probably just get it in the morning on my way to pick up a prescription. But if I’m not very tired I’ll probably just get the gas on the way home. Again, unless I am tired.”

13. Express their distaste for facebook on facebook and threaten to leave facebook to their facebook friends.

14. Ask seemingly rhetorical questions. “It’s cool to do a bunch of meth and babysit 20 six year olds, right?”

15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!

Um, Billy Idol Raps.

This screen cap is amazing.

I need to understand more about what is going on here. Does he have a rap album coming out? Is this a joke? Can I pre-order this album from iTunes?

Part of my is dying inside trying to handle this. Another part of that might be extreme hunger.

Lindsay Lohan Appears!

Bitch is sure sticking to that palette. Yikes.

She was photographed leaving the hair stylist (Ken Paves) and she puts on a hat? Come on.

Her hair looks good, very Jessica Simpson. I'll give her that.

My god she's been laying low. It's crazy. I kind of forgot she existed.

She's not capable of living without attention though...she'll do something dumb soon. Won't she?

Please tell me she will. I really want her to. Maybe it can be karma's Christmas gift to me.

Yikes. That outfit. So many nude tones on such a pale person.

I don't like it.

Christina Aguilera Proves The Leggings Are NOT Pants

Christina Aguilera is a generous celebrity. I mean, she's a hot mess since her divorce getting wasted and arrested all the time...plus she proves points for me.

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS.

Thank you. That will be all.

Uma Thurman is Looking Hot Like Hot

I'm going to be frank (you be Shirley) and say that Uma Thurman's breasts are blowing my mind here.

They are sitting there really high and interesting. Um. Wow.

In other news, she looks super amazing.

Ugh, have you watched 'Kill Bill' lately? So f-ing good. SO good.

But really, what is going on with her boobs? Because that is super natural.

Wow.

Prince: Part 1 of Musical Acts You MUST See

This past Friday I had the opportunity to see Prince live at the Bell Centre (that's how we spell it here in Canada, ok!?!?) in Montreal.

It was HANDS DOWN the best show I have ever seen. The best.

For 2½ hours this tiny, little, 53 year old man rocked the audience to death. My husband and I were soaked with sweat after the show because we danced our asses off for 2+ hours.

Here's a little YouTube clip from the first song of the show. It was mind blowing. If you have the chance to see him as he tours and before he stops putting on shows.

Amazeballs.

Nicki Manaj Thinks She's on Broadway

Wednesday night while watching the boring Grammy Nominations Concert and nursing my latest back injury, I noticed that Nicki Minaj looked a little plastic-y in the face, especially around the nose area.

But she likes this Barbie Doll meets Katy Perry meets circus performer look, so I didn't think too much of it. I had also taken a shoe-full of medication, so it could have been my glassy eyes playing tricks on me. Until this picture surfaced yesterday to confirm my suspicions:

What tha?!

She was at some Billboard Women's something or other sporting the same look. Ummmmmm, this is NOT ok. This is never ok unless you're performing in 'Caberet' or you're a Cirque du Soleil acrobat. Shame on Nick's makeup artist for doing this and shame on Nicki Minaj for walking around with a doll's nose. You want to know how to contour, check out this:

This is Lisa Marie Presley. Kevyn Aucoin's book Making Faces is genius. Take note "makeup artists". If you can't make it look flawless, don't do it.

Sara: Just want to add that I totally agree Kevyn Aucoin's book is amazing. Before I knew the genius who was Lindsay I followed that book. He writes an amazing section on contouring that will change how you do your make-up.