Speaking of The Duchess.....

Is that what Kate is, a Duchess? Who cares. So in the wake of Kim Kardashian announcing she's leaving her husband, (I don't know his name cause I hate basketball) or cancelling it or whatever you do after 72 days of marriage, I'd like to focus on Kate vs Kim, the makeup edition.

I really don't like Kim K. In fact I think her and her whole family are fame whores and I don't know why everything she does is breaking news. That being said, I find her to be absolutely beautiful. She has great features and clearly has a great team of stylists because even in sweatpants, from the neck up she's always so polished. Look at that contouring, so subtle, so well done. And her eyes, a light smoky eye in great earth tones with a false lash. Now that's how you do it!

Now for Kate. Oh Kate. You know, I get it. She's the girl next door that married the handsome Prince. They represent a new page in the Monarchy. She's nice and sweet and pretty and athletic and a commoner. I get it. Hope and promise and ,snnnooooooorrrrrrrrrrrr. Sorry! I fell asleep! Can someone explain to me why she didn't hire a makeup artist for the event LITERALLY seen around the world by over a billion people?! I was free, she could have called me, I even have a friend in London I could have stayed with. This style of makeup is what I call "80's esthetician makeup". Lots of black liner to accentuate the eyes, rosy pink blush in truck loads and pink lipstick. Gahhh. I felt like it ruined her whole look. Imagine if she had Kim's people for her wedding? SO STUNNING!

Kate, I have a message for you: I know you're trying to be a Princess on a budget but please spend some money on a makeup artist for special events and appearances, it's worth it.

Royal Wedding Costume Overload

So, because I work 37 jobs, I only seem to be off during the week so today I have the "privilege" of watching daytime TV. The Today Show did a Royal Wedding. The best part was Meredith losing her wig and Big Al dressed like Prince Harry. Live with Regis and Kelly also did a Royal Wedding, (you'd think they would have coordinated better, they're on the same network). For costumes I find them pretty safe. No blood or guts, no crazy hair, not even a smoky eye. Just uncomfortable clothes. Yuck.

Halloween: a Makeup Artist's Dream

Happy Halloween Skanks! Ohhh this time of year is a delight for makeup artists and hairstylists everywhere! Even if you hate wearing costumes, or have no money or are last minute, makeup can BE the costume!

Example: Something elaborate like a sugar skull, or something gross with lots of detail and gore, or lame like a mime (I went as that one year) or cute like Hello Kitty. Whatever you pick, it always makes a big impact, so good luck and have fun!

Celebrity Halloween Costumes

So Halloween is today, and in the spirit of one of my favorite days of the year, I'm posting some great, expensive Halloween costumes that only celebrities or annoying people can afford. Enjoy!

David Spade:
So gross, but well done. He went as the human centipede. If you don't know what it is already, don't traumatize yourself by looking at this trailer. It's pretty gross.

Gwen Stefani:
I know she only has boys, but how awesome would it be if this was your mom? As a girl, I am pretty sure I would have died.

Heidi Klum:
What a nut. I'm pretty sure if I was a celebrity this is how I would be for Halloween. Totally into it and really extravagant. I don't think I would wear those shoes though, they a bit ridiculous. Also, she has a much better body than I do. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a back fat section on that bodysuit.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's Illegitimate Son:
Oy. He went as Conan. And not Jason Mamoa Conan. His dad Conan.

I wonder how much they sold these pictures for. Also, isn't he a bit old to be dressing up for Halloween?

JWoww & Roger:
Does anyone else smell burnt hair when they look at this picture? Ugh, they're so gross.

Katherine Heigl:
I get it, you're not dressing up, your kid is. But if you're going to put in some effort, why not put a lot. This is just embarrassing. And super half-assed.

Kim Kardashian:
Ugh. Really?
And those nylons. How many pairs of Spanx tights is that? She looks like a figure skater. They're awful.

You know what? On ANY other human being I would love this costume, because I love me some Poison Ivy...but on her it's just so much.

Snooki:
Ugh. This is even worse than Kim K.

Can you imagine being in a club trying to dance in that sweat robe? Imagine how much it would smell and look after you danced even just for one song?

Also, can we please discuss her crooked ass contacts below? How budget is that? You have to check those things all the time.

Courtney Stodden's Claims of Being Natural Seem Unnatural

Courtney Stodden claims she is 17. She married Doug Hutchison, 51, earlier this year with her mother's permission after they met in an acting class Doug taught. Ahem.

Courtney has been seen around Hollywood in recent months in various whorey situations and poses that rival the above photo of she and Doug in a pumpkin patch this past weekend (one they got kicked out of based on complaints due to her behavior/whoriness).

Many have questioned the age claim of this young girl, considering how rough she looks and how f-ing creepy she is. If you haven't already, please watch the video at this link...it's mad creepy and will explain a lot of what I'm saying here.

She's also come under fire because she claims to be completely real and 100% natural, when it's quite evident that half her face was carved out in a plastic surgeon's office and her tits look more concrete than the sidewalk outside the door.

Principally, I don't like to promote people like this by giving them publicity. That's all she wants. But Wednesday pictures came out that someone claims is Courtney as a youngster. I'm no expert, but that looks like it could be the same person. DEFINITELY.

And that would also imply that her '100% natural' body and face are not so natural. Honestly, if I found out that she was 26 and had plastic surgery, i'd be much happier than her current story of being 16 and her messed up mother letting her marry some old-ass creep.

No?

Hunger Games Posters: Things That Make Me Excited

Have you read the Hunger Games trilogy?

If you haven't, go read it, because in 5 months, there are going to be people out there lining up to see the movie.

I have never lined up to see a movie...but this is one of those ones where I would consider going on opening weekend because I adored the book so much. Check out the posters. 

Love them.

Though Gale looks a little cro-magnon, no?

WTF is With Megan Fox's Face?

What is going on with her face? Seriously? She has got to stop with the fillers.

She is so beautiful and so, so young and yet she insists on sticking a syringe in her face all the time.

I really can't even say anymore to explain it. I mean, it's clear that she's thin, but that face, it's so puffy and so bloated.

It's really weird.

Me no like.

Amy Winehouse's Cause of Death: Alcohol Toxicity

Today it was finally announced today how Amy Winehouse died earlier this year on July 23rd.

Amy died from a toxic level of alcohol in her bloodstream. The coroner said Amy had 416mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood. 350mg of booze is considered lethal and 80mg is the legal limit for driving in the UK.

Apparently Amy had quit drinking a couple of weeks before and then went on a bender that eventually resulted in her death.

Several empty bottles were found in her room at the time her body was discovered.

Sad stuff. Someone should have helped her.

Lindsay Lohan Predictably Poses for Playboy

I don't even know what to say anymore. How does she not see how depressing she is?

Anyhoo, news surfaced that Lindsay posed nude (full frontal) for Playboy this past weekend for a pay of nearly $1 million.

I mean, who of us didn't see this coming?

Meanwhile, her father got arrested for trying to beat up his on and off girlfriend because she didn't want to blow him. Hot. And we wonder why she's such a mess?

Nicole Richie Looks Amazing

I think Nicole Richie looks amazing lately.

She's not as disgustingly thin as she once was, she seems to have found a really confident groove in her life as a successful working designer/mom and she has definitely found her groove style-wise.

I covet this outfit.

Covet.

And it's so simple. It's so amazing that's she's making this simple tank & skirt combo look so amazing just with the accessories that she's added.

I am quite certain I could never pull off those sunglasses, but it doesn't make me love them less.

And the boots. Sigh. I love them.

They're part of her House of Harlow collection of shoes she's doing for either QVC or HSN. I don't know which, but I want them.

Love her. So glad she's not friends with Parasite anymore and that she's away from Rachel Zoe. As brilliant as Zoe is, sartorially, she is scary thin and rumor had it Nicole Richie ran away from her because she was pushing drugs to get people model/rail thin.

Love her. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Bronzer Emergency

Ohhhhhh.....what a wonderful intro! Hello Skanks! I am the beauty writer and as previously stated, I am very opinionated about all things beauty. I'll be blogging once a week so don't miss out on everything I have to say about products I love (there are many), products I hate (there are many more), celebrity hits and misses, beauty tips and tricks and whatever else I decide to blather on about!

So, I had a great post all ready to go but there have been some true crimes against makeup in the past week that NEED to be addressed.

Ummmmm, what tha? It's hard to even find words for this. Now, you'll come to find out, I love a good cheek. I think blush and bronzer add a lot. they can make you look fresh, younger, thinner, more tanned and modern and add polish to any look. This however is rancid! This looks like a maroon blush a la 1980's applied with a heavy hand in the wrong place. THIS IS NOT WHERE BLUSH GOES! It's also way to dark for her skin tone. I feel like she wanted to look sophisticated and older (Sara: Or didn't have the motor skills to apply because she's too tweaked) but missed the mark completely. Remember that bronzer should be a natural tone (gold for fair skin, brown for dark). Not red, not orange and not maroon. You can lightly dust a bronzer all over and use it to contour under the cheek bone. Blush goes on the apple of the cheek and NO WHERE else. I highly recommend Smashbox bronzers. They are very easy to use and give a beautiful glow to any skin color.

Sara: Isn't she fabulous? Remember, you can send questions to skankopolis@gmail.com

The Beauty Writer is Here!

I've been alluding to it for a while, but the time has finally come!

Our beauty writer is ready for her first post! 

She has been a beauty professional for over 10 years here in Montreal. She is a highly skilled hair stylist and make-up artist who performs miracles on a daily basis. If I take me for example she has done the following:

- Made my thin hair looks full and healthy

- Made my dry skin look dewy and young again

- Alsways makes me look tan and healthy despite my fear of ageing and the sun

She is also sharply witty and a fantastic friend and I know you will all enjoy her writing style. Please send any questions you might have for her for beauty and hair to skankopolis@gmail.com. You can also send me emails there if you have any fashion queries...but you know that.

Love you guys and I know you will love her as much as I do!

So Jessica Simpson is Obviously Pregnant

It was rumored last week that Jessica Simpson hasn't announced her pretty obvious pregnancy yet because her father is shopping a deal out to different magazines and websites.

Because Papa Joe is a douche he was asking for something like half a million dollars for this deal, which is ridiculous...ridiculous because it has been so obvious for so long.

And then Jessica was seen like this this past weekend.

If she isn't pregnant then she has some serious disease where her stomach is distended uniquely.

So obviously she's pregnant.

Yay for Jessica. But bigger yay for her douche of a fiance who now has a security deposit inserted into her uterus...so he'll never be poor again considering she has a billion dollar clothing/shoe/purse empire. Smart move. Male golddigger win.

Evangeline Lily Is Um. OMG WHY?

She's hot, I'm not denying it. But is this really the outfit she should have worn?

Jumpsuits are something, but I don't think it's ever a good thing when they're so tight that you can see your ab muscles contracting...

And then there's the pose below. It hurts my feelings as a human being. Like, WHY ON EARTH DID YOU DO THAT?

And Craig Ferguson's reaction is really making my day because he doesn't know what to do. He would rather eat his fingers off his hand entirely than pay attention to that. It's a hot, hot mess.

Look, we're all proud when we work out, but there is no reason to wear something that tight unless we are stripping. Or a stripper on a night out. Or something.

Mind you, those shoes are kind of stripper-y. Is she trying to tell us something?

Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds are Spending Sexy Times Together

 Blake and Ryan have been seen several times coming out of his apartment in Boston over the past week or so...This confirms a rumour that was around a little while back that someone saw them making out at a Boston train station.

Unfortunately, that doesn't make it really exciting. They are being extra dumb in how they keep trying to wear hats and leave at weird hours so they're not caught. The below photo, the most recent, was taken around 5am yesterday.

Riveting stuff.

Can We Discuss How Hot Salma Hayek Is?

Like, it's not normal.

And I also want to bring up that she does not have an easy body to dress, at all. She's seriously curvy, she's short and those problems normally present big issues for people. Instead, she looks amazing.

I extend this challenge to you Skanks! If Salma Hayek can dress an look this good with the challenges she has, YOU can do it too. So no more complaining about how things don't fit, bla bla bla. Just try a little harder. Or, you know, ask me!

Send any fashion advice questions you have, but believe in yourself and take risks...like Salma does.

Lindsay Lohan's Bloated Mug Shot

 She's 25.

25!

Look at her.

Look at her lips! Look at her face.

Reports this morning say she was scheduled to show up at her new community service for 8am at the morgue and she didn't show up until 8:45. They turned her away.

It will be interesting to see how the judge feels about this.

Of course she had an excuse that the media confused her and she didn't know what entrance to use. Um, why not try to show up early then? Isn't that what normal people do? If you had, say, a job interview, wouldn't you show up early to make sure you're on time?

Her father is claiming that she's smoking crack and meth...I believe it. She's starting to get that distorted meth face...

Not to mention the busted teeth we discussed earlier this week.

Frequent reader Donna has insight into these things and she mentioned that it looks like meth.

I encourage you to visit the informative site that the police have put up showing people's faces' transformations so you can see how drugs can a affect someone:

http://www.facesofmeth.us/main.htm

For example, look at the below series. This is over a few years. It's scary.

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler Together Again...

 George Clooney and Stacy Keibler were together again on the red carpet.

I can't say anything about her not being beautiful, but I don't get it, do you have to be with George a while to get a proper dress budget because it looks like she bought this at one of those stores on Ocean in Miami Beach...or, like, a Dollar store. I know it's probably a big designer but it looks like it was manufactured by the same person who made this. Admit it.

That is also a lot of underboob...no? I don't know. It seems like George likes 'em cheap. OR that he doesn't even bother getting with classy chicks because he's really gay and he is in love with Brad Pitt and why invest in an expensive beard when you can get one who shops at Charlotte Russe? I like that option better. It's more scandalous.

In other "news", his ex, who has already gotten herself kicked off of DWTS, is now reduced to doing budget "photo shoots" on the beach.

Message to Elisabetta Canalis:
Um. Maybe go back to Italy and try to marry some rich fat guy. Because I don't think LA is working out for you. You're very sad and I have to use too many quotes when referring to you, so it's shameful.

Lindsay Lohan In Court

Update: AH HAHAHAHA

Here's what she wore and also, her super cracked out bronzer. WTF!? Did she do it with her shoe in the car?

Update: I'm pasting TMZ's because they're so fast:

Judge Stephanie Sautner came of the box swinging, making it clear ... her sentence was SPECIFICALLY to do community service at the Downtown Women's Center. And the judge made it clear ... Lindsay blew off 9 appointments and when she showed up once she only stayed an hour -- not 4.The judge said Lindsay caused herself to get kicked out of the Center, and it constitutes a violation of her probation. Then the judge noted something very confusing -- that the Probation Dept. nevertheless gave her a glowing report.


The judge tore the Probation Dept. a new a-hole, and refused to give her any credit for serving time at the Red Cross.The judge said she wants Lindsay to work at the morgue, and told the Probation Dept. as much.The judge also scoffed at Lindsay for finishing her Shoplifter's Alternative course last night, even though she had months to complete it. The judge said sarcastically, "Are you noticing a trend?


"Then Judge Sautner raised the issue -- Did Lindsay really see a shrink every week, when she was in Europe. Judge Sautner seems to doubt the psychologist is telling the truth -- that Lindsay showed up every week in person.Miss Lohan's actions deliberately made it impossible for Lindsay Lohan to complete her probation.Shawn Holley's retort ... lots of people on probation screw up from time to time, and they don't get their probation violated. And Holley says, Lindsay did most of what she's required to do.Holley backed off what the Probation Dept. told the judge ... telling the Judge if she didn't attend a session with her shrink, it was because the Probation Dept. gave her permission to miss the session.


The judge also noted Lindsay took 6 months to do a 12 hour shoplifting course -- and she didn't complete it until last night.And there was the ultimate dis-- when talking about Lindsay's work schedule, the judge said, "She is supposed to be an actress, from what I hear."Lindsay told Probation as to why it didn't work out for her at the Women's Center, "The service was not fulfilling." Just like we said.The judge revoked Lindsay's probation and set a hearing on November 2 which could determine if Lindsay goes to jail.

Rihanna Lends Her Midas Touch to Coldplay

So it turns out that Rihanna and Coldplay have collaborated on Coldplay's new album Mylo Xyloto. Here is the track (no video)...what do you think?

I have kind of hated Coldplay since Parachutes and thsi doesn't change my mind, but I also like almost anything Rihanna does so...I don't know.

Coldplay - " Princess of China " feat... par AceVideos

Newsworthy This Week: Lindsay Lohan's Busted Teeth

Oh Lindsay.

I worked in bars and restaurants for many years before finally settling in on my career in fashion...and in that time I knew some people who really abused cocaine and this is what their teeth looked like.

If you Google cocaine & teeth you'll find tons of articles speaking to the link between excessive cocaine use and deterioration of tooth enamel. Not to mention if that person has graduated to crack use, which many have speculated Lindsay has.

These photos, taken at an event in LA recently, has been examined by every photo agency, celebr gossip blog and magazine out there. Even People magazine, the cleanest, most celeb-friendly, soft news magazine out there asked Lindsay's publicist what was going on here.

Prepare your barf bag for this answer:

"Lindsay is widely acknowledged as one of the most stunning actresses of her day, and we get requests every week wanting to do photo shoots with her from top photographers.She's been on the cover of Vanity Fair and the top beauty and fashion magazines. She's a beautiful and glamorous actress. With everything going on – from deteriorating public education to rampant homelessness to international unrest – there is no way I'm going to comment on Lindsay's teeth"

In other news, bitch hasn't been keeping up with the terms of her probation, once again throwing her sentence in the face of the legal system...she goes to court Wednesday where it's possible she'll be put in jail for a year and a half for violating the terms...yet again.

I sincerely doubt she'll go to jail, and if she does she'll go in for a few weeks, like normal. Hey, if that's how LA's legal system wants to show itself, then good for them, but this is starting to feel ridiculous...Again, more, etc.

A Movie About Shoes = I Love It

What?! There's a documentary about women's love of shoes and the emotional connection? That could technically be my life story.

Lady Gaga Inspired by Joey?

So I'm browsing through some websites and I happen to fall upon the image at the left...

I get it, she's breaking all the rules, being different.

But does it remind anyone else of the below photo?

Ichiban! Lipstick for men!

Our beauty and hair writer will be joining the ranks soon...should we ask her to comment on this? I think so!

She is also a huge Gaga fan, so I'm interested to hear her spin on this.

For today, let's just giggle at Mat Leblanc's facial expression in this photo. It's really good.