Nicole Kidman

Um, excuse me madame, but what's with your face?

She looks like the JOKER! Holy canoli!

NO MORE BOTOX NICKI! NO MORE!

Shia LeBoeuf is cute

He's cute.

That's all.

I like him, he reminds me of my husband in the t-shirt and jeans kind of way.

Hohan needs to eat a sandwich

Seriously, this girl needs to munch on a sandwich. Quizno it up m'lady.

Here she is with Samantha Ronson in NYC yesterday, pretending to be normal. She took the subway. COME ON.

Also, can we discuss the super raggedy extensions? They're gross.

Marc Jacobs baffles me

Oddly, it's not because of the kilt. I don't mind the kilt. He definitely pulls it off. Ok, it's weird. I totally lied in an effort to seem like I am so open minded. But really. A kilt? you can't just wear manpris? Dang. I didn't lie about him pulling it off though...but that doesn't make it less weird.

Anyhoo, here's Marc with his new civil husband. They had a ceremony in Brazil (or somewhere else far) that married them. They're so cute.

But really. A kilt?

Holy Canoli! Michael Phelps looks good.

This guy should have had hair ALL the time. I realize it's not water/aero-dynamic and he probably shaved it just so he could win a bajillion Olympic medals, but hair does an MP good.

Also, a little bit that his face is turned away. I know, I know. I'm a bitch. But let's be honest.

And is it just me or does he look a little like Sylar from 'Heroes' here?

Um, what? Carrot Top has a girlfriend?

What woman wants to date this man?

She's got some serious commitment to gold digging because that guy is a giant sac of hideous.

Gahh.

Also, pink, yellow and green tie-dye? Really?

The British Princes shun Parasite

The princes were in LA last week and went out to a club. I am too lazy to look up which one, so there. Anyhoo, they were at the same place as Parasite and Xtina and both went over to visit them. Apparently, they let Xtina spend some time, but when the Parasite tried to get with them they both brushed her off. Fantastic.

BUT - can we discuss Will's hair? I'm not saying he's not still cute, but he should maybe look into some of that hair color spray for men...yeesh.


And Harry is hot. Hot. Look how he wears that outfit. Dang.

Sasha Baron Cohen - filming the Bruno movie

I can't wait to see the Bruno movie. Sasha Baron Cohen is a genius and I love how he makes everyone look retarded. It's great.

Check this out:



Speaking of making people look retarded, here he is sneaking onto a runway during Milan's fashion week:

Mathilda Ledger is super cute

I am sure that I've said it many times before, but 'Dark Knight' was a fantastic movie. And a fantastic version of Reese's Peanut Butter cups. Mmm, they were so thick. What was I talking about? My love handles? No, but that's pretty much the same subject. Damn post-wedding laziness.

Oh, right. Anyhoo, Heath Ledger passed away and that is ultra sad. Here is a picture of his daughter on the street with Michelle Williams (who will forever be her character from 'Dawson's Creek' to me) looking unbelievably adorable.

I'm really happy that Heath Ledger's family decided not to be pigs and just to give all Heath's trust over to her. How can you not? She's so adorable.

Also, I love MW's boots. Mmm. Those are nice. I want them in black, chocolate brown and that lovely cognac-y color brown.

Angie's out and about

Angelina Jolie revealed herself to start promoting her latest film, 'Changeling' in New York last week. I have to say, she looked totally, unbelievably gorgeous. Like, unfair gorgeous.

Look at her tata's! They look like they did in Tombraider! Twins. Dang.

Anyway, here's another picture of her, and I know it could be that split second from the picture, but doesn't she look different?

What do you think? I feel like her lips are plumper or something...

One more reason Andy Samberg rocks my world...

I love Andy Samberg. He's kinda ugly and reallly funny. Fantastic.

I loved Mark Wahlberg (as you know only at the time of the CK ads, current Mark Wahlberg is kind of douchey). Recently, Andy Samberg did an impression of MW on SNL and it was really funny. Please see here 'Barky Bark and the Donkey Bunch':



That impression is DEAD ON. And hilarious. I mean, it's one of the better impressions I've ever seen on that show, plus, the skit is short enough to be classically hilarious.

Earlier this week Mark was on Jimmy Kimmel promoting 'Max Payne' (which I have heard is not worth the price of admission) and this is how the baby acted:



And the Mark went to SNL:



It just makes me love Andy Samberg SO much more and dislike MW for being such a baby about it. I mean, I hope he was faking, but he seemed to be really offended on Jimmy Kimmel. I love Andy Samberg. Fantastic.

Baby Wee Wee (Pi Pi)

Can we please discuss this ultra-frightening doll? It is really appropriate that his penis is just there like that?

Whassup there?

What's going on on the back of Heidi Montag's leg there?

Looks like a normal person's leg! OH THE HORRORS.

Kidding, of course. I think I might actually like her now.

Megan Fox: Then & Now

Someone posted this picture of Megan Fox from years ago and I was looking at it and thinking, ok, that's definitely her...but there's something different. Clearly, she lost weight, because she's got a little bit of baby fat-face going on there... But her nose...there's something about her nose...


Can you please look at her nose and tell me that's the same facial appendage? I dunno. I'm sorry I couldn't find a better picture, but you get the point.

Kate Beckinsale's shoes

So a few years back, on my last foray into dressing up for Halloween, I dressed up as Smurfette. It was a truly wonderful costume with months of planning and lots of effort. I bought a full bodysuit in smurf blue with matching socks and gloves (so I wouldn't have to paint my whole body). My face was blue and I sprayed all my hair yellow so I would look like her. It was well done. Unfortunately, the party had pretty much only black light so barely anyone could tell I was covered in blue, but that's besides the point.

Where I'm going with this is, I bought this super cheap pair of white pumps to wear with the costume because I felt they were Smurfette-ish.

Kate Beckinsale seems to have raided my closet to wear them with her destroyed skinny jeans and knit cap (isn't it like 100° in LA right now?)...and I'm not pleased. Can someone please call her to tell her A) she stole them and B) they're ugly and were meant only for a Halloween costume?

Yeesh.

A knit cap! It's HOT there. It's not even Smurf shaped...

Chris Klein is gross

Is that even that guy's name? I'm totally drawing a blank (and a lazy - cannot Google).

Anyhoo, whatever his name is, he has bad hair and totally looks like a greasy club owner from 1987 Miami beach. Yeesh.

That better be for one of this douche's meatier roles. You know, as in meatier than 'American Pie'. Ha ha. What a loser.

Who did Catherine Zeta-Jones' make-up?

Uh. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I can do better make-up with my feet! WTF is going on here?

That's a bronzed hot mess going on! Wow.

It just goes to show what a good make-up job vs a bad make-up job can do for (or against) someone.

Damn.

Damn Hugh Jackman! Damn him straight to hell!

I didn't mean to put the word 'straight' into that title, but it worked nicely for me. Because, this is one of those instances where I feel Hugh Jackman could be straight, despite his affinity for Broadway.

But then, alas, I realize no straight man can look that good or stylish. He must be gay. Does anyone know?

Gahh. He's so foxy here.

I'm so happy we just bought my hubby his first suit. He will pull this off. Now, if I could find a gay man to style him...

Astro turf shoes...um. Ok.

Can someone please put this poor girl out of her misery? Poor Solange Knowles really dresses poorly. I missed this one on my red carpet recap and I felt it really needed to go up.

Is she clad in 'House of Dereon'? Because this is real crap.

The most horrifying part for me is the astro-turf shoes. Vile. Oh holy hell it's vile.

Um, Pantene pushes hair...

So I'm jauntily going through the ol' interweb (thank you mom) and I fall upon this supposed ad for Pantene hair products. It's definitely a scroll-down, because at first you're like, 'Ooh, she has good volume in her hair and I wish I had a personal fan person so that my hair could look that good all the time. Or, you know, lived in a windier climate or something.'

Then you scroll down and you're slapped in the face by her giant breasts. I mean, are those really necessary to sell hair products?

They're, in fact, so offensive that part of me feels this isn't real, but OH MY GOD.

Sometimes I'm boring

It's been a while, I realize.

I'm not going to give excuses, because I feel that's like burping in your face...Just sorry. I'll make an effort to be better.

Blech.

Welcome my friends.